Kat: Yeah, I don't think the Shys will give me a hug, either. ...Not that I want them to, but... I WANT A HUG FROM RUWALK!!::cries::
FireyFlames: Why thank you! I thought of it in the shower! D
Link: Well, here they are, in all their female... Um... Hilariousity!
Kag of the Sengoku Forest: Hey, tell your friends to review, too! n.n Just kidding... Sorta. n-n;; But you're Rune? Awesome. I'm listed on my friend's phone as "Thats". Hahaha... That's because of last halloween. I took her keys, her chocolate bar, her granola things, her cell phone, and her keys again! XD It was her fault... She ditched our "dress as Dragon Knights" pact at the last minute, going as some girl instead of Rath! Cesia was NOT happy...
DarkMaidenEast: "Uber-drag"? Lol! Love that term! Uber-drag... And I loved your story as well! You must write more!
Crazy-MeowMeow: I'm glad you like this sort of thing! I find them bloody hillarious, too!
JupiterLover: Thank you! It's updated, and it's longer this time, too!
Charna: Yes... This is my "let's all write shit to stop being stressed out story". So yes, it is fun. ...Oh, wait, you might have been talking about the story frm the reader's POV. ...Um. Oh, well, forget I said that, then. Pissed? Very. Namely Thats.looks at him in this chapter I don't blame him. Plug... Where did I say that? Ah! In the last chapter I hid adverts for some of my other stories and my favorite pairing!
Disclaimer: I don't own Dragon Knights, but I do own this plot bunny, although it appears to be distantly related to the plot bunny of the story "Women Aren't So Weak, Wufei". Now THAT was a bloody funny fic!
Warnings: Swearing(They say the "f-word". A lot.), violence(Not really. Just pain.), "female issues"(I asked Kat for suggestions...). Only no really major issues in this chapter. Don't worry, they've got a month.::is an evil sadist::
Note: And I will still be referring to Ra, Th, and Ru as "he", or "him", since they are technically supposed to be male(Kinda?), even though... Well...::cracks up::
"speaking; quotes(duh)"
'thinking'
dragon's cards
::n::
'Ouch.'
That was the first coherent thought that Rath was able to form in his pounding head. No, forget pounding, it was melting, falling into little vibrating chunks, and tap-dancing across his jangly pain nerve sensors in a pair of spiked black stilettos. This would be damn sexy if it weren't so painful.
'Ouch,' he thought again.
As he lay in the throbbing red-tinged darkness, a second thought slowly began to form out of the uncomfortably warm mush that seemed to be currently inhabiting his skull. He wished it would either vacate or pay him backrent.
'What the hell happened?'
And then...
'Why the hell is it so dark?'
As he slowly came to the realization that it was so dark because his eyes were closed, the next idea that came to him was that it might be good to open them. Then he might possibly find out what happened, and if it had anything to do with the cross dressing gnomes that were tap-dancing across his skull to what appeared to be music from "Annie".
Rath slowly opened his eyes, taking in briefly an image of a sort of smudgy green high above him, before shutting them tightly once more.
'All right... So the gnomes prefer the dark.'
Realizing that the green above him must be the leaves of the tree that he had been lying next to, he decided that not much time could have passed since what he could remember last; talking with Thats about the brilliantly funny practical joke they had pulled on Rune earlier that day.
His mouth twitched up into a half grin, sending a jolt of searing pain through his forehead.
Man, that had been funny.
He couldn't remember-it was the dancing gnomes, they were too distracting-which one of the two of them it had been who had come up with the idea, but he had been the one to distribute the pictures to the eagerly waiting Dragon Fighters.
After Thats had snuck into Rune's bedroom, taken them, had them altered, blown up, and made into multiples, of course.
His mischievous smile broadened, and he was pleased to note that it was not accompanied by an increase of pain this time around.
After all, how often do you get a very convincing poster-size picture of Rune as a playboy bunny?
He started to snicker at the mental image that produced, but quickly stopped, as that caused a jolt of pressure to explode behind his eyes.
Wincing, Rath attempted to open his eyes yet again, and found that he was able to do so without an unbearable amount of discomfort.
Blinking several times at the canopy above him, he strained yet again to recall exactly what had led to his current predicament.
"Let's see..." Rath eased himself slowly into a sitting position, "Thats and I were talking about Rune," he said to himself, the past events slowly becoming clearer and less dreamlike.
"Thats said that he thought he was pissed, and I said that Rune's always pissed, and then..."
Realization caused Rath to suddenly jerk forward, his hand flying to his mouth in shock. He cursed himself for doing so as the sudden movement caused the ground under him to lurch unsteadily and the pressure to return to his head in full force.
"Crap!" he swore, turning his head from side to side as he looked around frantically for Thats, "He was right for once! Rune did something, a... A curse or something!"
He lowered his hand, clenching it tightly as it fell, then stopped, stock still.
Something was very, very wrong.
Feeling his breath catch in his throat, he took a deep breath, willing himself to look down.
All remaining pain immediatly vanished and was instead replaced by a numbing lightheadedness that caused his world to shake slightly.
Rath's arm, still covered by his long black sleeve, was pressed up against his chest.
Or, to be accurate, was pressed up between two small, yet very visible, breasts protruding beneath his inexplicably-too-big shirt.
Pausing in the middle of his wide-eyed, openmouthed hyperventilation, Rath was suddenly hit by the irony of it all.
"Cesia will find this all so fucking funny."
::n::
Thats slowly eased one forest green eye open, shut it, then opened it again, wincing slightly.
"Oh, God," he muttered hoarsely, raising one hand and pressing it to his throbbing temples.
"Note to self: Never, ever, do that again."
He gave a slightly dead sounding laugh, opening his other eye, and prying himself off the branch of the tree.
"Thank God this thing was wide enough," he muttered, casting a glance at the ground below, and shivering involuntarily.
"Hate to have fallen."
The pain that had accompanied his awakening was quickly disappearing, and Thats decided to try his luck at standing.
Using the rough trunk of the tree as a guide, he slowly stood, pausing only once to shove the short sleeve of his shirt back to rest on his shoulder from where it had slid down onto his arm.
Once he was standing, albeit a bit shakily, and looking over the gardens, he began to try to locate Rath and Rune. Pausing in his search, he reached over, yanking the light material back up, as it had, yet again, fallen down.
"Guess I stretched it."
He shifted uncomfortably inside his clothing. The neck of his shirt did indeed seem to be too large, as the sleeves kept falling.
He pulled it up for the third time, starting to feel irritated.
"Stupid thing got messed up."
Now that he thought about it, his clothing did feel strange, apart from feeling too big about the shoulders.
Tighter, actually.
Noticing too that his pants legs now seemed a bit too long, he wondered what the hell kind of spell Rune had fired that caused his clothing to get so screwed up. And what the point was of using such a spell.
Grabbing the side of his pants, he hitched them up slightly, trying to get them to stop falling past his feet and lying so oddly on his hips. Not being
able to readjust them easily, he turned his eyes from scanning the castle grounds to look down at his body and figure out once and for all what was wrong with his clothing.
Thats glanced at where he could feel his hand tugging at his pants leg, and gave a startled yelp, jumping, and falling off the branch of the tree to land on the hard ground some ten feet below.
::n::
There was a loud crash, not five feet away from where Rath lay, staring in shock at his body.
The Dragon Knight of Fire managed to look up and towards the direction of the noise. What he saw, however, only contributed to his shocked state of mind.
A young woman with messy shoulder length brown hair and tanned skin was collapsed on the grassy ground next to him.
Rath blinked several times.
This newcomer actually looked a disturbingly large amount like Thats.
Well, apart from the more delicate facial features, hips, and, well...
Rath stared in unconcealed amazement.
...Obviously unbound breasts, visible through the wide neck of her loose brown shirt.
::n::
Lying flat on his back, Thats could feel his breath coming in short gasps.
"I-I just..."
Being properly awake this time, he actually registered the sound of his voice, noting that it sounded not only startled and slightly breathless, but higher. Much higher.
Still lying down, he tilted his head to take another look at his newly reproportioned body, and saw for the second time the two things had given him the shock of his life.
"Oh. God."
::n::
Rune sighed to himself.
He was royally fucked up.
The incessant pounding inside his head had finally died away, and the world had stopped lurching beneath him, but he still felt as though he was going to be sick.
Rustling sounds near him, an crash, a scream, and some hurried talking in two familiar but distinctly feminine voices brought forth another mental sigh from the half elf.
Oh, yes. He was screwed.
Two pairs of footsteps neared where he lay, and through closed eyes, he thought he could make out two angry faces glaring down at him.
"Rune," said one voice, he supposed it was Rath's, as it sounded like him, only an octave higher, and slightly more silken than was usual.
"Rune," it repeated.
Something nudged him gently in the side.
"Ruuuuuuuuune..."
Still he lay silent, desperately hoping that they would give up and go away.
The poking stopped abruptly as the second voice, slightly lower than the first, snapped harshly.
"Oh, stop that! Rune!" it nearly screamed, "Wake up you little bitch!"
The Dragon Knight of Water sat bolt upright at that comment, trying not to sway as the world spun slightly.
"What did you say?!"
He found himself looking face to face with a teenaged girl with shoulder length messy brown hair, tied back into a short pony tail, and large green eyes, currently narrowed at him, set in a clear and tanned face.
Thats, Rune presumed, actually made a rather pretty girl.
"Good, you're up," Thats seemed to make an effort at calming down, "Now would you mind telling us what the hell happened?!" he gestured rather uncomfortably, down at his new body.
Rune shifted his weight, suddenly feeling guilty.
"Well, you see... It kind of backfired," he vaguely stated.
"What do you mean? We weren't supposed to get turned into girls?" Rath asked, surprisingly calm.
Rune looked at him, slightly startled that he was taking this change so calmly. About to ask why, it suddenly hit him.
'Of course!' He thought to himself, 'Rath's performed similar spells to himself so many times, he's probably over the initial shock already. Mind,' he added in, after a short mental pause, 'When he did it to himself, he probably chose a much simpler spell, one that just caused a very minimal shift in appearance.'
The blonde spoke out loud.
"No, that actually was supposed to happen."
"Then what do you mean, 'it backfired'?" Thats asked, still highly annoyed. He crossed his arms over his chest, then quickly pulled them away as they began to press into his breasts.
Rune chuckled nervously, "Um... I wasn't supposed to get turned into a girl as well."
::n::
Dark skirts swept along cool marble floors as Cesia walked the pathways from her private room to the castle hall, where dinner was currently being served. Night was falling swiftly, and the first stars were beginning to show their glowing faces as the moon rose over the tops of the clouds spiraling upwards from a point a little above the horizon.
Cesia paused, tilting her head skywards, and taking in the glorious view. She had chosen to take the slightly lengthier route that wound through the gardens, instead of the short way through the center of the castle.
She took a deep breath, shivering slightly as the cool air, perfumed with the scent of flowers rushed through her body.
Her memory drifted back to the time that she spent among the demons of Nadil's army, of their stifling restrictions, dimly lit corridors, and dark and blindingly cold gusts of wind that swept along the cloud covered land of Kainaldia. The stars there appeared dim and faded, or a pulsating blood red. When you could see them through the dense violet shroud that surrounded the craggy land below, that is.
It was nothing compared to this sky.
"It's so--"
Her sentimental musings were cut short by a loud smack not five yards off the path, followed quickly by a feminine screech of pain and sounds of a heated argument.
Cesia turned to look to her right, in the direction of the ruckus.
"What in the world?!"
::n::
::evil laugh:: Yes, Cesia's at the castle. Kitchel and Tintlett, however, aren't. Lucky Thats and Rune.
Actually, Kitchel might make a guest appearance later. ::cackling madly::
Oh! And in case anyone wants to know, Kat and I got together and decided upon this...
Rath: 32 A, pants size 2, shoe size 8, 5' 4", Very Heavy flow
Rune: 32 B, pants size 4, shoe size 6, 5' 6", light flow
Thats: 34 C, pants size 6, shoe size 9, 5' 7", moderate flow
Yes, we have too much time on our hands.::sheepish grin::
Review, please!
Tell me what you think of my attempt at humor!
Tell me what you think of my clichéd plot!
Tell me which one of the guys you think got off the easiest!
Tell me what Tetheus would look like as a girl! I don't care! Just review!!
...Actually DON'T tell me about Tetheus. I already have a mental image of him as the leading character in a mpreg story(Don't ask. But ICK.); I don't need to see him with brea-- Oh, damn. --;