But he couldn't. Live in that world again. Ever. Especially without his power. God, he missed the feeling as the power coursed through his veins. He was absolutely terrified of the power, but the euphoria and the pure adrenalin it caused was better than any high any drug could manage.
"No."
"No what?"
"No, I'm not calling Hermione… you're not inviting Ginny anywhere. No. I don't want to go back. It was just a thought." Harry sighed.
Drake knew he couldn't argue with his friend. Harry had come so far. He had even published an amazing novel. He was getting on with his life. But maybe it was too soon to open old wounds. "Someday you'll have too, Harry, you'll have to face them."
Harry looked up at his friend. Drake was startled at the intensity and the pain that shone through Harry's emerald eyes. "I know. Drake… I know. But not today, okay?"
Chapter 6.
It seemed for the next few weeks, that they avoided the subject of Harry visiting his old friends. It made their usual easy conversation a bit strained. Drake avoided mentioning his weekly lunches with Pansy in case it would bother Harry to even mention that world and Harry just avoided talking at all. Of course, Drake had become accustomed to Harry's various periods of melancholy where he would go days, even weeks where they would go without meaningful conversation and the interesting thing about their relationship is that those silences were comfortable. However, this was not. Harry was being moody and sullen.
Drake hoped something would happen soon or all the progress Harry had been making might be lost to the depression he was allowing him to slip into. Dray had tried all he could to try to "save Harry" even going so far as to letting it slip to Pansy that Harry Potter was the muggle author, J. Potter and that he was making appearances across town. Maybe through Pansy, that information would get back to Harry's old friends and they would forget Harry's boundaries and force Harry to face his past. But knowing those damned Gryffindors, they would respect him too much to intrude like that.
It irritated Drake to no end, although he tried to be understanding, how Harry could not see that by his avoiding his past, he was limiting his future. Whatever demons he had needed to be exorcised and taken care of before he was able to move on. It was obvious to anyone. Of course, every time Drake thought this, he then would silently curse himself for sounding like one of those pop psychologists on the telly who promised to fix their guests problems in an hour minus the time taken for the advertisements. Too much television. But still it was true.
Harry too, knew that avoiding it would not make it better but it seemed better in his mind than the alternative. He was surprised at how thrown off he was about receiving Hermione's letter. It had certainly dredged up a lot of unwanted memories. He couldn't go back though, could he? No, he thought bitterly, I am nothing to them now without your powers.
You still mean something to your friends. Another thought would contradict.
Why should you? After you abandoned them?
"Great, voices in my head. That's a lovely way to be committed." He said as the internal dialogue became heated and was honestly giving him a headache. He rubbed his hand against the faint scar outline on his forehead as habit dictated and went searching for aspirin.
"What?" Drake said hearing Harry mumble something under his breath. He had been mindlessly watching television thinking about going out to get away from him. He really was a prat sometimes.
"Nothing. Where's the damn aspirin in this place? Shit, nevermind. Where are the cigarettes?"
"I thought you were quitting."
"Fuck you."
"Oh well. That's lovely." Drake sarcastically replied.
"I'm sorry! I am stressed, please. Just try to help, please. Where are they?" Harry said realizing he had taken his anger out of on his friend and had probably taken it a bit too far.
"There are some in my top dresser drawer, you can have a pack. I don't make silly promises to myself about quitting smoking. I like being a nicotine addict. Of all the vices I could have I figure smoking is one of the more tame ones." Drake quipped deciding to ignore his friend's mood.
Harry grinned at him for the first time in weeks. "Ah, but that's not your only vice."
Drake grinned back, "True."
Harry retrieved the cigarettes and went to the balcony to smoke. Drake joined him and took a cigarette as well. "Okay, Harry. Are we going to talk about what's really bothering you, now?"
"No." Harry said and then looking at his friend's disappointed face he continued, "Not now. Especially not now. I have to be at that signing thing in an hour, and I think I'm a bit wound up right now. Let's meet for drinks later, okay?"
"I can't tonight. Hot date."
Harry's eyebrow raised, "Really? Anyone I know?"
"No. I just met him at the club Roger and Glen dragged me to Friday. Actually, he is a friend of Roger and Glen's and it was shabby set up attempt. But he ended up being quite nice."
"Quite nice? Oh no, this could be serious."
Drake began to protest but couldn't. Alex had been a pleasant surprise in an otherwise shit-filled week. Instead, he smiled.
Harry groaned. "Oh, Dray, you like him!" He teased his friend.
"Maybe. We'll see, won't we?"
"When do I meet him then?"
"Um."
"Oh no. I must certainly meet my best friend's love of his life. And not in the middle of the night while going to the bathroom either. I don't need images of anymore of your boyfriends starkers." Harry continued teasing glad that the attention had be diverted to more frivolous matters.
"Oh please, first of all, 'love of my life' is a bit dramatic even for you, Harry. Secondly, Jim was just as embarrassed about that whole incident."
"Okay then, so when do I get to meet your new friend? What's his name?"
"Alex. And later. You know how difficult it is to explain us with new people."
Harry's eyebrow raised again. "Us?"
"Well yes, not many people understand why we're living together. We don't really have to you know."
"I know… you don't want to leave do you?" Harry asked softly.
"No! No, Harry, no. You're my best friend. I love you. I wish you were gay. But –"
"Which may be the reason why your friends…your lovers – have an issue with us, Dray."
"True." Drake looked into his friend's deep emerald eyes. "But I've realized, maybe for the first time ever, that I was doing the same thing you are doing."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, I was too hung up on you even though there's not much of a chance of us, right? Because I suspect, even if you did want me, you would be too hung up on Ginny to ever make a good go at a relationship. So I've given up on all that. I'm glad you're my best friend but if I ever want to have a real 'grown-up' relationship, I need to be more...open to it." Draco shrugged and continued, "Well you know, just a new theory I'm testing."
"How…astute." Harry murmured.
"I didn't want to upset you."
"No, I know. You haven't, Dray. I am still in love with her. And you're absolutely right, even if I were gay or bi or whatever, I don't think we could ever be something because there is always her. It's like that with all my relationships, isn't it? God, I am so fucked up."
"No. You're not." Drake protested. "Well maybe a little. But aren't we all? I mean I've been in love for three fucking years with my best friend who happens to be very straight and very much in love with his first girlfriend. That's a bit fucked too."
Harry laughed and then looked at the time. "Oh shit, I'm going to be late. Thanks, Dray, for the cigarettes…and everything. Good luck with the date. I am going to meet him soon!" Harry rushed off the balcony gathering his wallet and keys.
"Yes, you will. I think, I think I could really like him." Drake said as he followed his friend into the living room.
Harry stopped his frantic pace and smiled at his friend. Nodding his head he said, "Good, I'm happy for you."
"Have a fun book signing."
"Oh yes, joy." Harry sarcastically replied as he left the flat. "They're so dull."
AN: I love Harry and Draco's interaction. I think they totally "get" each other. If I hadn't already plotted this story, yes I do know where this is going, I would totally make this a Harry/Draco fic. As it stands it will be Harry/Ginny which isokay too.
Okay, kiddos, I know people are reading (I'm see that from the number of hits I receive) so how about a review too? (Thanks to those who have already done so!) :)