AN: I don't own Star Wars, everyone knows that. So, I recently watched the Lego Star Wars Holiday Special. It's freakin' hilarious like everything Lego Star Wars, but there's also an element of Fridge Horror to the special since at the end, Rey has to send everyone back to their own times and she knows their grim fates (and when she said "Goodbye Ben" when sending Kylo back, it actually hit me in the feels). And since I'm weird, an angsty fanfic came from it.
"Goodbye Ben"
By EsmeAmelia
The Life Day festivities lasted long into the night until everyone was dead tired. Poe had even fallen asleep at the game table, muttering something about tip-yip roasts in his sleep. The Wookiees offered rooms at a Kashyyykian hotel up in the trees and while most of the Resistance members took them up on the offer ("Kashyyykian hospitality is the best," Lando had said as Chewie carried Poe out), Rey declined, saying she preferred to sleep on the Falcon.
After all that had happened today, she could use some quiet and familiarity.
She sat on her bed in the captain's quarters, breathing deeply, trying to keep herself from shaking. She'd sent everyone back to their own times and places. The spacetime continuum was safe. Everything was back to normal.
Normal, where Darth Maul had murdered Qui-Gon Jinn.
Normal, where Anakin Skywalker turned to the dark side and murdered children.
Normal, where the old Jedi were wiped out.
Normal, where Anakin was burned alive in the lavas of Mustafar and then put into a life support suit.
Normal, where Padme Amidala died giving birth.
Normal, where the planet Alderaan was destroyed.
Normal, where Obi-Wan Kenobi was murdered by his best friend.
Normal, where Anakin died saving his son.
Normal, where Ben - her Ben - turned to the dark side and the new Jedi were wiped out.
Normal, where Hosnian Prime and Kijimi were destroyed.
Normal, where Han was murdered by his own son.
Normal, where Luke died saving the Resistance.
Normal, where Leia died reaching her son.
Normal, where Ben died saving Rey . . .
Suddenly her breath shortened, a lump forming in her throat. Every single one of them - she'd sent them back to their deaths. Worse still, she hadn't even thought about what she was doing - she'd just grabbed everyone and sent them back through the portals because she thought she needed to fix everything she'd done.
Except with Ben.
"Goodbye Ben" . . . yes, she did remember that Ben was dead in her time, but she'd been so focused on fixing everything that she didn't stop and think whether or not she should "fix" things.
Could she have saved them?
Could she have stopped the galaxy from falling into darkness?
Why didn't she even think about saving them?
"Hey."
Rey looked up and there was Ben's ghost seated next to her, a gentle smile on his face despite what she'd done. "Ben," she whispered, sniffling and rubbing her eyes, "I'm so sorry . . . I-I let you die again . . ."
"Technically, I only died once," said Ben in that wry voice, putting his hand on her shoulder, letting her feel the intangible, concentrated warmth of his ghostly form. "And don't apologize. You did what you had to do."
Rey sniffled again, running her sleeve over her nose. "Did I have to do it? What would have happened if I hadn't sent everyone back?"
"I don't know. Best-case scenario: you might have created a new reality where no one remembered anything of the previous reality. Worst-case scenario: reality itself might have imploded." He cocked his head at her. "And I don't know about you, but I don't think reality imploding is a desirable scenario."
Despite the circumstances, Rey found herself snickering. "No, reality imploding doesn't sound very good." She cleared her throat. "But seriously, Ben . . ."
"Rey," Ben interrupted, "I was happy to give my life for you and I'd gladly do it again." He leaned over and kissed her forehead, the warmth of his essence lingering on her skin. "And I want you to enjoy your life."
He'd said this several times before - perhaps every time he appeared to her - but that never took away the guilt. Dreams of watching his body fade away on Exegol still woke her in the middle of many nights. "Ben?"
"Yes?"
"Did you, ah, remember fighting with me and Vader and Palpatine and Luke on the second Death Star when you were alive?"
Ben shook his head. "I'm not entirely sure, but I think that cave had some sort of time bubble. Like, the changes you made to the timeline wouldn't have become permanent until you left the cave. If you had left the cave without sending everyone back, then the new timeline would have become permanent or reality would have imploded or whatever. Probably no one else remembered anything either."
"Are you sure?"
Now Ben was giving the cheeky grin that resembled his father's. "I think my dad would have told me if he remembered fighting alongside an older version of himself."
Rey snickered again. "Yes, I imagine that would be a story he'd love to tell." She cleared her throat again. "It also explains why the others were able to have the Life Day party without their reality changing every few seconds."
"It's just a theory, though," said Ben. "I can't say we ever studied time travel at the Jedi Temple."
"Maybe it's something that shouldn't be studied," said Rey. "Imagine if my grandfather had been able to keep the key."
Ben seemed to be staring into the distance. "Or imagine if the past version of himself had learned you were his granddaughter."
Rey found herself shuddering at the thought. "I guess you're right . . . I did what I had to, but . . ."
Neither one could think of anything to say after that. Even with Ben's theory, there was no proof that she couldn't have stopped the horrors he'd committed as Kylo Ren and created a better future. "Goodbye Ben" - the words still felt cruel. Suddenly she wished she could embrace him, though of course she couldn't do that with his spectral form.
"By the way," Ben suddenly said, "Mom and Dad want you to tell everyone Happy Life Day."
"I will," Rey said through a yawn, feeling her eyelids start to droop. "Sorry, I'm tired after all that's happened."
"I understand," said Ben. "I'll leave if you want."
"I don't want you to leave," she whispered. "I don't want to say goodbye again." She blinked at him. "Do you still sleep, by the way?"
"I don't need sleep anymore, but I can sleep if I want to."
"Then please, stay with me tonight. Don't make me say goodbye again."
"All right."
After Rey got ready for bed, she and Ben lay down together, his ghostly warmth wrapping around her. "Happy Life Day," he whispered, smiling at her.
"Happy Life Day," she murmured, feeling herself drifting off despite wanting to stay awake and talk with him some more, but his ethereal warmth was lulling her. Just before she completely fell asleep, she heard him whisper one more thing.
"You never have to say goodbye, Rey."
THE END