Disclaimer: Look at this story. Look at what it's a parody of. I obviously don't own Dragon Knights. I mean, if I did, I'd probably feel no need to go screwing with my own characters.

Warnings:cracks up: I... I can't say... XDDD But swearing, more swearing, sadistic author's powers... I love you, Thats. Really. I do. :is having too much fun with this: ...Same goes for you, Rune. XDDDD

A/N: All that needs to be said is in the warning... XD

:n:

"Come on," Thats urged, feeling a distinct desire to get out of possible sight of whomever it was that robbed them. "Let's go, already."

"This isn't like you," Rune remarked, handing Cesia her backpack, "Normally you'd want to hunt down the thief and personally insure that he got what was coming to him."

"It's not a 'he' that I'm worried about," The Knight of Earth muttered, impatiently scanning the crowds once again. Then, louder, "Yeah, well, how do you suggest we find anyone in this mess? Besides, any smart thief would have fled by now."

An evil glint appeared in Cesia's eyes.

"But I feel bad about losing the money. How about this: I'm the castle's fortuneteller, I could just do a quick reading..."

"No!" Thats snatched at her arm, as if fearing her seeing-crystal to materialize there. "I mean... That would be impractical. Why don't we just... Go back to the castle... And have Alfeegi post flyers, or something? You know he'd love that."

"About as much as he'd love skinning you alive," Rath pointed out, prying his hands off the Yokai girl.

Thats countered, "There are fates worse than death at the hands of a pmsing White Dragon Officer."

Cesia rolled her eyes heavenwards.

"Oh, the irony."

"Shut up."

Becoming increasingly aware that they were taking up much of the crowded town square, Rune finally spoke.

"Could we move? Please?" He gestured towards a slightly less peopled area around some nearby vendors carts. "This place is making me claustrophobic." As if to prove his point, their already small circle drew tighter together as a flood of people washed out of a nearby restaurant.

Patience wearing thin once again, Rath strode off in the direction indicated, leaving the others no choice but to follow him or lose their Dragon Knight of Fire and heir to the throne in a cramped market place.

"Oy!" Thats hurried after him, "C'mon, let's just leave. Head back, already!"

Rath was shoved roughly to the side by the moving crowds, stumbling back from the carts into another body, then pushed forward once again.

"You know," he said, rubbing his arm where someone had run into him, "That's starting to sound like a better idea every minute."

"Of course."

Thats stepped up next to him.

"So let's go." He said, almost pleadingly.

Cesia sighed as she and Rune finally caught up to Rath's dead-end escape plan.

"Look, if you want to that badly, we can leave. But on your head be it when Alfeegi finds out about the money."

"Yes. Of course," Thats said, obviously relaxing. "So we're agreed? We can go back to the castle?" When he was met with no complaints from any of the others, he spun around on his heel shoving his way back through the crowd. Finding it as densely packed as before, the Dragon Knight of Earth started to squeeze through the masses, Rath directly behind him.

"Oof. 'Scuse me..." he muttered, accidentally bumping into someone heading in the opposite direction. "Sorry."

The 'someone' stopped in her tracks, almost dropping the maroon money bag she was swinging from her fingers. Her green eyes snapped onto his, unnaturally wide.

"...Thats!"

:n:

Lykouleon looked up from his desk work.

"That's queer."

"What is, Ly... Lord Lykouleon?" Ruwalk asked distractedly, barely remembering add official dignity to his friend's name. A slightly aggravated glare from the White Dragon Officer proved he had anticipated this near slip-up.

The Lord shook his head, white-blonde hair falling into his face.

"I thought I heard someone laughing."

:n:

"Kitchel!" Cesia roughly shoved Rune to one side, sending him flying, and looked over at the other girl.

"When did you get back?"

The thief looked as though she was barely biting back a laugh as she slowly took in first Thats, then Rath and Rune, now being helped to his feet by a passerby.

"U-um... Rath, Rune... Th-Thats..."

This idea seemed to be too much for her, and she doubled over laughing hysterically, lithe form shaking with her sadistic giggles.

"...Kitchel?"

Thats shook his head, glaring at Dusis in general.

"It's useless. She's not gonna stop for a while."

His- her?- feet kicked at the ground, an idea slowly dawning upon him.

"Cesia?"

"Yes?"

"...Can we just leave her here?"

"What the..." Cesia stared at him, "No! I want to talk to her."

"Great job, shit head," Rath muttered. "You've just found her a partner in crime. And the gold. We're never gonna leave now."

"Rath..." Cesia started, giving the knight a disapproving look.

He stubbornly glared back. "What? Seems to me mighty ironic that missus 'let's leave now before we run into anybody' was the one who attracted the attention of someone we know. And further more"

A vein on Thats' forehead began to twitch slightly. Turning suddenly from his friend to Kitchel, he snapped at her insistent laughter.

"This is why I didn't want to find her! I knew she was gonna laugh at our asses!"

There was a brief lull in the sniggers as Kitchel composed herself enough to start to word her response.

"Hey... Wh-what's to laugh about...?" She began to snicker again. "Y-you've got a... VERY ni-nice... Ass..." Her shaky voice became muffled by hysterical laughter.

The others sweatdropped.

"...Right."

:n:

"You majesty, would you stop that?" an irate Alfeegi ground out, trying to hold on to his quickly ebbing away temper.

Lykouleon jerked his head back from staring searchingly around the room.

"But I can still hear it..."

"You know," Ruwalk cocked his head to one side, boredly tipping back in his chair, his feet propped up on the mountain of unfinished paperwork on his desk. Any distraction was welcome from the monotony of filling out forms and rewriting old reports. Even if it envolved his best friend acting like a lunatic. Heck. Especially then. "I don't hear anything. Maybe you should get your ears checked?"

:n:

As Kitchel slowly began to calm down, Cesia tried her luck at starting up a conversation once again.

"When did you get back?"

The other girl straightened, wiping her flowing eyes with the back of her gloved hand.

"Earlier today. I went to the castle, checked in, and mentioned something about needing to get some shopping done. One of the guards practically castrated himself at the chance to come along."

It was then that they noticed a distinct lack of one Dragon Knight of Water.

"Uh..." Rath sweatdropped, keeping his arms carefully crossed over his chest, "What did this Dragon Fighter look like?"

"Sandy brown hair, about shoulder length," Kitchel gestured, sniggering at Rath's pose and question. "Why? Now that you're a girl, you're crushing on other guys?" She paused, suddenly thoughtful. "Would that make you straight or gay?"

The other tensed, reddening significantly.

"What the...? No! It's just... There was this one Fighter that was hitting..." he trailed off, looking over her shoulder.

"Well," Cesia spoke up, "Looks like we've found Rune."

:n:

"No, my Lord, I can find nothing wrong with them, as far as I can tell."

Ruwalk was standing in the hallway, sniggering, an uncomfortable and irritated Alfeegi next to him.

"...I didn't think he'd actually take me seriously."

They were 'overhearing' a conversation between Lykouleon and Dr. Avis Laira, the castle physician through a very slightly ajar door.

"Are you certain?"

"As much as I can be, my Lord."

"Ear wax, maybe?"

"I don't believe so, my Lord."

Alfeegi glared at his companion. Ruwalk was in near fits of glee at the scene playing out before them, his clenched fist pressed against his mouth to muffle any rouge giggles.

"Raseleane will kill you."

The Yellow Dragon Officer shook his head roughly.

"This is so worth it."

:n:

It was very nearly possible to see the steam rising off the elf in a mixture of embarrassment and rage.

It seemed that the Dragon Fighter Kitchel had befriended was indeed the one who they had spoken to earlier, and it seemed that he was intent on 'befriending' Rune, as well.

At least, that was one excuse for why he was holding him from behind, and for why it was nearly impossible to tell where one of them stopped and the other began. Although it didn't really explain why he was staring in unabashed attraction down the other's shirt.

Kitchel had also turned around to stare by this point, and was dropping her face into her cupped hands.

"Santiago... Remember that little talk we had about appropriate behavior?"

There was a unanimous flinch as Rune, quite fed up with it all, spun around and slapped the young man on the cheek, pushing him off.

"Lecher!"

"Ow!" He grabbed his face, tentatively feeling the stinging welt. Then he grinned. "Feisty, eh?"

Cesia sent Kitchel a sidelong glance.

"You just had to take him with you."

"Hey," she protested, "I didn't know he liked Rune. And I sure as hell didn't know you all went and screwed with your genders!"

"He doesn't know that," Rath muttered as a warning. "So don't tell him."

"No one's supposed to know," Cesia elaborated. "Supposedly the Dragon Knights are on a mission in Kuulta, and I'm entertaining some guests from the Misty Valley."

The female thief nodded, and was about to speak when Santiago noticed the others for the first time.

"Hey! Cesia, Pyore," he nodded in their general direction, "Kitchel."

"Huh?" The 'real' Kitchel jerked her head up to stare at him, confused.

Next to her, Thats stiffened, a flush rising to his cheeks.

Her eyes darted to the guard, followed his line of vision, and landed upon the ex-con slightly behind her.

She snickered once more.

"Heh... K-Kitchel..."

:n:

"...Uh."

Ruwalk sweatdropped.

"Lykouleon? You realize that once Alfeegi gets back, he's going to have your skin. Right?"

No response.

"...Right?"

The Dragon Lord noticed his old friend speaking to him for the first time, and nodded vaguely.

"Hey, Ruwalk?" He spoke a little louder than normal, but seemed unaware of this fact. "You were right! Playing Rath's music on high really does kill the laughter!"

Ruwalk buried his head beneath a teetering pile of paperwork. "I had nothing to do with this. Remember that when Alfeegi comes back."

Lykouleon tapped the thick black headphones that were completely covering his ears, not seeming to notice their vibrating slightly with the high intensity of the volume.

"Can't hear you! Music is too loud!"

:n:

The young guard looked thoroughly perplexed.

"What's so funny?"

"Um..." Cesia searched for an excuse, one that would also explain away the oddity of both girls having the same name.

"Kitchel... Uh... Yeah. She just..." At a total lost, she snatched up Rune's hand. "Rune should be the one to explain it to you. She wanted to tell you something, anyway." There was a menacing emphasis on the last six words. "Didn't you?"

Rune flinched as his hand was squeezed painfully tight. There really should be a rule against having fingernails that long or pointed.

"I..." He sent a pleading look over his shoulder, just to meet the gazes of two very homicidal looking Knights.

"Oh, for crying out loud..." He turned back to face the Dragon Fighter, resignation drawn all over his face.

"Santiago. I like you. You are one sexy stud." He drawled so tensely that it made your teeth hurt.

"Please. Date me."

Kitchel stopped laughing abruptly at this statement, staring in what might have been wonder, but could just as easily have been shock at Rune.

The guard gaped back in amazement. Apparently he never knew getting a girlfriend could be this easy.

"...Really?"

"Yes!" Rune snapped. Gods, it was bad enough that he was being made to do this, did he really need to be interrogated as well?

The shocked Dragon Fighter stared for another moment, then seemed to realize what had just happened.

"Really!" His eyes lit up, "Fantastic! I can't wait until I tell the others all about you!"

"Uh-hum, yes. About that. Rune?" Cesia looked at the elf meaningfully. "Perhaps this would be a good time to tell your boyfriend," there was a snicker from Rath and Kitchel, "All that you have to. Right?"

Rune winced, visibly paler.

Shit.

:n:

"You did what!"

Ruwalk involuntarily flinched, scooting his chair backwards.

"Nothing! I didn't do anything!"

"You deafened our lord!" Alfeegi accused. This was not his day. He had left to see to the rumors that Kai-Stern had left the castle early, just to return to find the Dragon Lord with temporary hearing loss.

At least, he hoped it was temporary.

"Why on Dusis did you suggest for him to blast his eardrums out!"

"I didn't!" An incriminated Ruwalk wailed. "I just said that maybe he should listen to something besides the little voice in his head!"

"Great," Alfeegi glowered, "So you are implying that he has..." he struggled to find a politically correct and properly respectful term, "A... A... Disorder... A problem with telling fantasy from reality!"

The other man winced.

"No... But... He's hearing voices that no one else does!"

"Not any more," The White Dragon Officer pointed out, gesturing towards their Lord, currently watching them with a bemused and slightly lost expression, "Now he doesn't hear anything!"

:n:

"Have fun!" Cesia forced herself to smile, waving after the retreating forms of the Dragon Fighter and a very distraught Rune.

"I'm sure we will!" He beamed back at her, seemingly unaware that his "date" was most reluctant to follow him anywhere, much less enjoy herself while doing so.

The fortuneteller turned back to the other three. "Right. This is perfect. Rune'll take care of your little slip-up, and now that Kitchel is here, we can get you two some clothes!"

Kitchel grinned.

"Yeah, sorry about the money thing. I didn't realize it belonged to you."

Cesia was now back in possession of the purse, and was dividing it's contents into two equal amounts. "It's all right. Actually, now that you're here, we can split up. I'll take Rath and you can Thats and," she dumped one of the two piles of golden coins into the other girl's outstretched hands, "Half the money. You think four hours will be enough time to get everything they'll need?"

The two boys blanched. Four hours!

Kitchel pondered her friend's question. "Yeah, that should be pretty good, though we'll be a little rushed. How much stuff do they need? And what sort of stuff?"

Rath turned to Thats, a bewildered expression glued on his face.

"A little rushed? Four hours, and she says we'll be a little rushed!"

"Well, they'll need some regular outfits," Cesia explained, "Their normal clothes don't fit them, obviously, and Cernozura's agreed to have them fitted for the more formal outfits they'll need. And I already took them underwear shopping."

The thief smirked.

"That must've been fun."

Rath had been previously unaware that Cesia had been capable of such a wicked grin.

"Oh, of course."

She shook herself out of her sadistic frame of mind. "But it was also a lot of work. I mean, finding clothes for three people is difficult enough, but when none of them know what size they are, or even how the stuff is supposed to fit? It was a nightmare."

"Not able to find anything for yourself?"

"Not a black lacy thing."

She brightened up. "But now that you're here, it'll all go so much faster. Just find enough clothing to last for a month. Shoes would probably be a good idea, too."

Kitchel nodded, slipping her share of the money into her jacket pocket.

"What about Rune?"

"I'll find some things for him. Rath still fits some of his clothes, so we'll need to buy less."

"One more thing."

"Yes?"

"Why the hell is Thats in a ball gown?"

:n:

...:sweatdrop: Yes, I used my precious little Dragon Fighters in here. A lot. ...What? I needed someone for that role, and everyone else was busy, I swear! I mean, who would you suggest in his place? Unless you want me to dig up Gil, or someone... As I have sworn not to use Nohiro...

Besides, isn't he cute? XD

:n:

Charna: n-n That WOULD be good... :starts to ponder, then remembers that it's a little late to write that in: Ah, well.

crazy-meowmeow: I think Rune looks quite masculine in the more recent books. ...But that might just be all the fighting. :sweatdrop: I know what you mean, though.

ojosnegro: See? Kitchel. n-n And... Well... Rune's phrasing really didn't help any...

Kodachi1: o.o REALLY! Wow... I... I feel honored... There was more Lykouleon in there. ... And you should try make them read DK... :evil grin:

Capella: You DID get e-mail:should know by now...: Oh, Rath? Same here, actually. :sweatdrop: In my mind, Rath looks virtually the same... Only with slightly longer hair, and a little shorter, and with a more "girly" face...

Eikou: ...How far are you? You get to Books 11 and 12 yet:dreamy eyes: Those are, by far, the most -intense- ones yet...

Elven Kagome: Hehe... It's nice to convert people, isn't it? "PWRPWSYuki"? ...Uh... What does that mean?

ShadowDown: I personally think this was a decent update... But since people were complaining already, I guess it wasn't. :sweatdrop: Ah, well.

DragonessFei: ...I'm a bit sadistic in this, I know... :nervous laugh: I've been meaning to ask this for a while... You watch Gundam Wing? Because... Your name... o.O

Shadowess: XDD I would so use that... Except... Uh... And, YOU! You were the one who kept bringing this fic up. :mock anger:

Peophin-chan:sadistic grin: I know. Really, though. They were just asking for it, going in drag all those times... One would think he'd read the fine print on those pesky curses, but noooo...

:n:

Now, before you review (because I KNOW you will...) I just want to say that I'd really like it if you told me which parts of this you liked the most. Because I'd like to know what you found funny. Kinda hard for me to tell, since I'm the one writing it...

...Anyone catch the Inuyasha reference? XD