Disclaimer: I take Spanish. I can't speak a single comprehensive sentence of Japanese. I think it's safe to assume that I don't own Dragon Knights. ...Wait, wait. I can say "I like your pants". Yes! I MUST be Mineko Ohkami! XDDD
Warnings: Swearing, female issues. Hence the other warning. :nervous grin, starting to edge away from the Knights: ...And it has mutated and grown a plot:spazzes: Oh-em-gee... o-o; No offense to Kharl lovers meant. We all know he's really going commando beneath that kickass robe of his.
A/N: This chapter is, admittedly, not as funny as the last ones. This is because I actually did want to put in character development, and while there are still jokes and humorous situations at the Knights'(Rath's...) expense, I did dedicate a large portion of this to making this story a little more realistic. Or at least, as realistic as a story like this can actually be.
:n:
"This way, this way, this way!" Kitchel headed through the quickly moving crowds, tightly dragging Thats behind her. "There's this great bargain shop over here."
"How... The hell do you... Find your way... Through here?" The Knight of Earth managed to get out, dodging and weaving through the waves of shoppers. "It's a maze!"
A wicked light glimmered in the female thief's eyes. "A true shopper can smell a sale a mall away."
Thats sighed, rolling his green eyes towards the draping banners overhead. "Spare me."
"Please," Kitchel grinned, slipping between an interlocked couple, "You're just jealous."
"Jealous?" He raised an unbelieving eyebrow, choosing to walk around the two lovers, "How on Dusis could I be jealous of that?"
She stopped outside a relatively small store, signs in its polished windows blasting news of discounts and rollbacks in bolded red print. Its twin glass doors were wide open, a vast variety of clothing visible through them.
"You're jealous because shopping is just a fancier, more feminine term for thievery," she said, giving a taunting nod to a startled and slightly off-put passerby, "You're just looking for the most valuable item that's the easiest to get to. You pay a price in both activities. Only when shopping you pay with gold: Not with a night spent running from the authorities after accidentally triggering some antitheft spell. Being able to sense a bargain deal uses the same abilities as being able to sense a good gig."
He gave her another skeptical look as she led the way into the store.
"What are you talking about? There's no way those two are the same."
"Trust me. They are."
"Yeah, right."
"Look, Thats," she put on a winning smile, "It's not like you would know, is it?"
"No. I suppose not," he relented, boredly staring around the inside of the shop.
"Of course not." Her smile turned into a taunting smirk, "Because if your thieving abilities are anything to go by, you must be an utterly crap shopper."
The Knight jerked his gaze from the racks of clothing to the taunting girl standing beside him. "What?" he asked, disbelief and irritation clouding his voice.
"In short, that I am a far better thief than you can ever hope to be." Her tone was carelessly teasing, a definite note of challenge to her words.
"I rule. You don't."
"Is that so?" He turned to completely face her, smiling slightly through gritted teeth. "And what about the time the Dragon Lord caught you searching his hallways for gold?"
A nearby poorly-advised pink and yellow cardigan was singed by the sudden eruption of flames behind the two standing by the doorway.
"Is that a challenge?"
Thats merely stared back, the glare of competition flickering to life in his slightly narrowed eyes.
"Heh," Kitchel's smirk twitched, "In that case," she deftly tossed the moneybag she had received from Cesia, still containing half the gold, to Thats. "There's your money. You must buy at least ten tops; at least ten skirts or pairs of pants, both short and long; at least one dress; more than one swimsuit; at least seven pairs of socks, different types; and at least four sets of shoes. All articles of clothing must fit appropriately and be relatively in style." The girl glanced up at the clock hanging from the store's wall. "You have four hours to complete that list."
She watched him open the purse, hefting it slightly to get a feel for how much money it contained.
"Ready?" The flames leapt higher, "Go."
:n:
Cesia rifled through the row of skirts.
"Your pants still fit you, right, Rath?"
The boy glanced down at himself, then remembered he wasn't wearing his own clothing. "They're a little long. Other than that, they do."
She nodded, taking a short fluttery skirt off the rank and holding it up against him. "Hold onto this. It matches your eyes."
Rath blinked down at the material, wondering how the hell a piece of cotton and gauze could look match his eyes.
"That means we only need to buy you some skirts," Cesia continued, walking towards another rack of clothing, "Since we also need to save some of the gold to buy clothing for Rune."
She winced at the way his name rung on the air. "I do feel bad for him, though. I hope he's not having too much trouble."
"Trouble?" Rath snorted, "You sent him to swim with the metaphorical sharks, wearing naught but a hamburger-scented cleavage-revealing string bikini! Of course he's having trouble."
Cesia blinked, then raised an eyebrow at the muttering boy standing behind her.
"You feeling okay?"
He glared. "Why do you ask?"
She rolled her gaze, mouthing under her breath, "Bit-chy..." It then struck her who she was talking about, and she fought to stifle a giggle. Quickly changing the topic, she asked in turn, "So do you see anything you want to try on? What sort of things are we looking for?"
"I don't know," Rath snapped, the inquiries not doing much for his current frame of mind. "I thought you were the one who was supposed to know what we were trying to find."
Cesia began digging deeper through the clothing, "Just looking for input, Rath. I know you're upset, but don't take your issues out on me."
The black-haired boy glared, but held his tongue.
A moment later, Cesia straightened up.
"Here. I want you to try these two on along with that one. Also," she snatched two different sizes of a deep violet tank off a nearby shelf, "These. Tell me which one fits you better," she said, ushering him off in the direction of the changing rooms, "Be sure to tell me if any of the skirts are too big as well, okay?"
For the second, and that was twice too many in Rath's mind, time that day, the demon fighter found himself shoved into a dressing stall, a small heap of clothing in his arms.
"Ow!" His voice was clearly audible outside the thin door, "You pushed me into the mirror!"
"Sorry," Cesia called, her voice so sickeningly cheerful that the Knight doubted she felt the least bit of remorse, "And try on that red skirt first. Show me when you have it on," she continued, "It's cute!"
Muttering grimly to himself, Rath uncomfortably began to undo the borrowed pair of white caprice.
"Well?" The half-demon fortuneteller impatiently called, "Do you have it on yet?"
There was a moment of long silence before Rath responded.
"N-no. No..." another pause, "Cesia... H-hold on a second."
The girl blinked, totally dumbfounded at the stall.
What the hell was going on in there?
:n:
:n:
"Dam nit," Thats swore to himself, combing the narrow isles of the store.
It wasn't that he felt the task set before him was too difficult or challenging, simply that it was near impossible to navigate a crowded store in a sweeping skirt.
He groaned inwardly, disentangling the material from a grasping metal hanger for the umpteenth time.
"Why don't you just buy a pair of pants, or something?" Kitchel asked, head cocked to one side as she strolled behind, accidentally-on-purpose trodding on the black trail to reenforce her point.
"I'm trying to," Thats responded irritatedly, "But the cash register is across the room, and I keep..." he unstuck himself yet again, "Getting tangled."
The girl sighed.
"Give them here. The black ones? I told you, the orange ones were a sin to humanity." She looked approvingly at the article of clothing passed to her. "These are nice, though. The cut looks good on you."
"Okay," The Knight of Earth crossed his arms, "Are you going to discuss my ass, or are you going to do help me out?"
"Touchy," Kitchel said in a singsong voice as she easily slipped past him and made her way to the register, "You should be thanking me."
"Thank you." He grudgingly admitted as she pressed the newly bought item into his hands. "Now for a shirt..."
He snatched up a nearby green spagetti strap top. "This'll work."
Kitchel tore it from his hands. "No. Take that one."
"What the...? Why?" He asked, looking from her to the shirt. "You said I was supposed to do the shopping."
She crossed her arms. "I have that one. Get the other shade."
Sending her a look clearly reading "you've GOT to be kidding me", he dropped it pointedly back on the shelf, picking up the matching one in a brighter color.
"Are you happy now? I'm sorry for not realizing that 'in style' referred to anything you didn't already own."
She stuck her tongue out as she maneuvered past him once again to pay for the article of clothing.
"Bollocks," Thats muttered, finally sliding out of the narrow isle to wait beside the meager changing area. He sighed, running a hand through his brown hair, then shook his head.
It felt so awkward.
Well, besides the obvious. The new height and sizes were still taking some getting used to, not to mention the breasts. God, his previous thoughts on them had been along the lines of "Nice. Mm, okay. Cute. Ick, no. Hell, yeah.", and now? He shifted uncomfortably, leaning back against the wall of the changing rooms.
How would one describe it?
On the one hand it was interesting, from a purely scientific view point, of course. On the other, it was so amazingly... Uncomfortable.
Not that that was the only change. Hell, no.
The Knight of Earth grimaced at the ceiling.
It was however, as far as he was willing to contemplate in public with the not-that-unrealistic threat of mind-readers and the like lurking about in the shadows of department store dressing rooms and clothing aisles.
A strand of brown hair slipped out of his messy ponytail to dangle in his face.
Yes, that was another change. Thats briefly wondered how Rune had managed to stay so calm about it when his hair had grown by a couple feet during a power surge later attributed to Cesia that ended one of the first direct attacks on the castle. In this case, his had only grown about six inches, but it was still too confusing and different from before.
He sighed again, tucking the wayward strand behind his ear.
At least those had stayed the same.
He was shaken out of his revive by the bright material that was thrust in his face.
"C'mon, go change!" Kitchel beamed, shoving the newly bought shirt into his hands and sliding him over to the nearest empty stall.
He rolled his eyes, stepping inside and latching the door behind him. "I suppose we can't just leave the dress here?"
"No way. You know how much we could sell it for?"
Even from inside the stall, Thats could hear the glimmer in her eyes.
Ignoring her muted figurings and ramblings on where would be the best place to sell the silken item, he concentrated on instead stripping it off, fingers fumbling uncertainly over the latches and ties in the back. The last snap finally undone, The Knight felt the midnight material virtually glide off his shoulders, the top half falling in slight waves around his middle.
He loosened the waist completely, stepping out of the skirt as the dress fell with a swish to the floor.
He shook his head.
"So weird..."
:n:
"Rath?" Cesia knocked softly on the door. "What's going on?"
"Shut up!" He hissed, his voice rising in pitch. "I'm fine! Just... Hold on for one goddamned minute!"
She withdrew her hand, crossing her arms over her chest.
"Rath. Whatever it is, I'm sure you can tell me."
The fortuneteller heard the boy take a deep, slightly shaky breath, and regain his composure.
"I'm. Fine. Really. Hold on for a moment, and I'll show you the first skirt."
Sighing, Cesia nodded, although he wasn't able to see her.
"All right. You don't sound like you're dying in there, so I suppose I can wait for you."
She raised her eyebrow at the muffled "eep!", then spoke. "Look. Rath, if you're going to stay in there, I'm going to look for more things for you."
Cesia was startled at the response this elicited from the boy.
"No!" Rath yelped, and she could clearly hear the clattering of a clothes hanger to the floor.
"No, no... It won't be that long..." a muttered curse, "Really."
She dropped down in a nearby chair, crossing her legs as she resigned herself to a tedious wait.
A minute passed, and Cesia could still hear the frantic shuffling of clothing and the odd swear word. Then Rath spoke.
"Uh... Pass me your bag."
"What?"
The sweatdrop was visible just above the short door.
"Just pass it. Please."
Shrugging, the half-yokai girl slid her bag over to the door, watching as his hand groped around for it, then yanked it inside the stall with him.
Standing stiffly in the far corner of the stall, Rath hurriedly opened the bag, digging through its meager contents until he found something that he judged suitable.
Rath dropped the pack to the floor, staring nervous at the found item.
He gulped.
"Oh, hell."
:n:
Rune looked around.
"Strange."
He glanced up at the clock on the side of the open air cafe.
"Santiago was just going to ask for another menu, but," he looked at the slowly ticking second hand again, "He's been gone almost a half hour."
A puzzled expression stole its way over his face as he leaned on the small circular table, hands cupping his face.
"I wonder what's taking him so long."
"Hey, sweetie! Lemme buy you a drink!"
Rune twitched visibly.
"And I wonder what will happen to that guy when I snap and shove the silverware down his throat."
:n:
Thats stepped out of the dressing room, tugging on the slight-midrift-baring tank.
"It's cute!" Kitchel enthused, and the Knight noticed that she was slowly beginning to think of him as less of her old rival and companion and as more of, well, a barbie doll.
"It's," he paused, putting emphasis on his next word, "Weird."
She giggled. "I think it looks cute. I can almost forget I'm not supposed to be helping youIt would be so much fun to use you as a mannequin!"
He sweatdropped.
"I'm not a mannequin. I'm a Knight and expert thief."
Kitchel grinned at him. "Not now you aren't." She hesitated, thinking for a second. "I think I like you more as a girl. You aren't as irritating."
He glared at her, starting to cross his arms over his chest, then suddenly dropped them to place on his hips instead. "Shut up. I didn't want this, got it?"
Starting to wander the aisles with the hampering dress safely stowed away in a bulging shopping bag that originally intended for a thin top and pair of pants, Thats picked various items off the rack for quick inspection.
"No. No. No. No. No. No. Maybe. Hey!" Kitchel quickened her steps to catch up with him, "How did this happen, anyway?"
A flush of red crept to his cheeks as he handed her the last article of clothing, a white and red baby-tee.
"I'm not telling you."
"Fine," she snickered upon reading the phrase in bubble letters upon the shirt, "I'll just ask Cesia or Rune."
He jumped, almost crashing into a rack of plus-size jeans.
"What!"
She smirked. "Tell me, Thats. I want to know."
"...Rune cursed us," he muttered reluctantly.
Her eyebrows jumped to hide beneath light brown bangs.
"Rune?"
Thats nodded darkly, handing over a set of shorts for inspection.
"But it backfired, and he caught himself as well."
The thief giggled, shifting the shorts to the hand with the approved shirt. "And here I thought you three had just gotten drunk one night and decided to have a sex change. Silly me."
He flashed a glare at her, daggers spinning in his eyes.
"I didn't want this!"
"Aw," Kitchel smirked sadistically, "Hey, at least now you're the better of the two sexes."
He muttered something under his breath, angrily rifling through a rack of swimsuits.
"What was that?" Her eyes narrowed minutely. "It's a little late to make any male chauvinistic comments."
Thats practically flung the hanger nearest to him to the end of it's rack, sliding it along with such force that it clanged noisily off the metal poles supporting it.
"I said that it's uncomfortable. That it's awkward and off putting and weird. And that I, no offense to any females, would have preferred it never happening."
Kitchel blinked.
"Oh."
:n:
Cesia heard the crinkling of paper and the distinct tearing of a sticky object from its backing. A vague idea planted itself in the back of her mind, but she ignored it.
"Rath, what the hell is taking you?"
There was a brief shuffling of clothing, and then the door opened, and Rath stepped out.
He was wearing the skirt, its deep crimson color standing out against his fair skin and matching the lighting of his eyes.
Cesia clasped her hands together.
"It looks great!"
She pulled him further out of the stall, walking in a circle around him to see the article of clothing from all angles.
"Yes, this is a nice style on you, Ra... Ah, Pyore," The fortune teller corrected herself, finally remembering that the Knight was going by a false name.
"How does it fit? Is it too loose? Here," Cesia reached out, tugging on the gauzy trim of the skirt, "Is it sliding around?"
Rath shifted his weight, obviously uncomfortable.
"Cesia, stop that."
"But," her voice took on a definite note of pleading, "I need to know if this is too big, Rath."
"It's fine!" He snapped, tugging the material out of her grasp, and turning around as she strode past him into the stall.
"Oh, here. Try this one next," she enthused, yanking a longer deep violet skirt from the single hook attached to the wall of the dressing room.
Rath yelped, "Wait!"
Startled, her arm jerked, sending the other items crowded onto the hook clattering to the floor.
"What? Oh, damn, Rath," she sighed exasperatedly, "Great."
Cesia bent down to pick up the fallen articles of clothing, hurriedly shuffling through them. About to hang them up again, she paused.
A rather awkward silence hung in the store-bought air, then the girl spoke, a light tinge rising to her cheeks.
"Rath?" Cesia fastened a all-too-broad and shaky grin to her face.
"What is this?"
"Wh-what are you talking about?" He stuttered, a flush creeping onto his features. "Those are... Those are the pants you lent me."
She crossed her arms, "Exactly. My," the half-yokai girl put a distinct emphasis on that last word, "Pants. And what, pray tell, is this?"
He looked apprehensively at her finger, hovering a fraction of an inch off the white material.
Er. White-stained-deep-wine-red-material.
"A stain?" Rath attempted to turn his most innocent look on Cesia, but faltered as he saw her glare in return.
"Yes, Rath. A stain. On my nice pants. What the hell did you do- Spill an ink pen in your pocket?"
The demon boy nodded frantically.
"Yes."
"Gods, Rath," Cesia shook her head, "At least you admitted it, but..." she paused, looking him straight in the eye, a deadpan expression fastened on her face. "But I'm not quite that stupid. Why the hell do you think I let you steal a sanitary napkin from my bag?"
He gulped and Cesia smiled, only a touch of malice in her lips.
"Finish trying those skirts on, then we're going to buy feminine supplies." The castle's main fortuneteller almost laughed at the aghast expression on his face.
Rath groaned.
"Wouldn't it be easier for you to get your sadistic kicks by just pointing and laughing like a normal person?"
:n:
Santiago shifted uncomfortably, squinting into the harsh glaring light.
"Wouldn't you know it?" He mentally sighed, "I thought the press had made it clear that it was Kai-Stern's job to get kidnapped and hogtied by various unscrupulous demons. Not the random Dragon Fighters! We're supposed to get overlooked in situations like these!"
The languid drumming of near-metalic nails on what he assumed was a table or desk of some sort shook him out of his thoughts.
"And what," the voice was cold, taunting, and all too pleasant, "Do you have to say for yourself?"
He swallowed, forcing his shaky chords to sound bold. "What do you mean, yokai? I don't answer to you."
"Yokai?" There was a laugh, barely tinged with bitterness.
"I'm afraid you are mistaken."
Trying to keep the confusion from his words, the Fighter spoke up again.
"You gonna tell me what you want from me, demon?"
"Idiot." There was a distinct note of childish irritation to the voice, "I'm human."
In the silence that followed, Santiago strained forward, blinking into the blinding light that shone in his face.
His kidnapper spoke.
"But I believe you have some... Information that could be useful concerning the Dragon Tribe."
"Information?" He spat, the waver in his voice almost nonexistent, although his bound hands shook. Tales of what happened to reluctant captives were common in the regiments, and he did not want to find out first hand which were true. "I'm not gonna tell you a thing."
A harsh, almost delighted laugh sprung from the hidden man's lips.
"Good. I was hoping you'd say that." Santiago was caught off guard as a hand darted in from beyond the curtain of glare, grabbing his neck and tilting his head back, then forcing an icy liquid into his shocked-open mouth. "Because it is just so much fun to prove you," a smirk on the thin lips, "Wrong."
The Dragon Fighter dully noticed that the hand that had clasped his neck was small, still childlike in comparison to his own, before his mind glossed over and the world turned slate-blank.
The blinding light snapped off, and a warmer overhead lamp flickered into golden life.
Garfankcy brushed the imaginary dust from his hands, smiling at a clean accomplishment.
"Well, Lord Kharl? It's done: He's taken the truth serum. Now what do we ask him?"
The Yokai Alchemist's pale eyes lit up, and he turned them imploringly upon his servant.
"Ooh! Can we see if he's wearing woman's underwear?"
"No, Lord Kharl," Garfankcy sighed, biting back the urge to slap himself, "That would be you."
:n:
o-o And, OhMyGod, this THING actually has some semblance of a plot. :faints of shock:
:n:
Oh... Um... People have been bugging me about updating this story. A lot. So I thought that I should just explain something... Please note that I'm only going to put this once, and plan to stick by it. This story -will- be updated about once a month. It will be very rare to see two updates on this per month, and equally rare to see a month skipped. Considering the content of this fic, I'm sure you will all come to your own conclusions. n-n; That said, while I am very flattered that this is loved enough to cause people to bug me for updates, you really aren't affecting my writing habits on this particular piece. Now, if you were to do that for any of my other stories, yes, it would probably get me writing faster. This one:wry grin: Highly doubt it.
:n:
Sarehptar: Nah, s'okay about the long wait. I'd have to be -really- greedy to complain, ne? n-n;
Vixenrath: Was I supposed to respond in the last chapter? Ah, well. Glad you find it funny. Hope you have/had a great time in Hawaii!
Capella: ...:blinks: You know, I really don't know either. I mean, he was the worst at going in drag, and everything... ("Isn't it horrible? Gangs attacked me.") :thinking: Ummmm... I guess he's just prettier than Rath... :cracks up:
Peophin-chan: Yes... Shopping isn't fun. :makes face: Well, every once in a blue moon, I'll get this random "SHOPPING!" urge... But it usually only lasts five minutes into the first store, upon which I promptly get bored. :sweatdrop:
Charna: Yup, exactly. Yes... Rune is in a bit of a bind... XD
Rath Lover: Eh... This was kinda soon... See AN at the top of this.
Yavie Aelinel: LOVE the name. And "Titanic"? That must be an... Interesting mix...
Crazy-meowmeow: Santiago is cool, isn't he:luffs: Although I wouldn't want to live with him...
Eira Nae:grinning: Exactly. He looks just like that. Um. Only older. And Book 1! That's the one with all the totally random stuff, 2's with the flashbacks, and 3 is where it actually starts showing a plot. XD
Bonny Fyfa: o.o Wow, you're here as well... Term paper...:shivers:
Peridot-chan: Mmmm... Really do love the name. Oh, and... :give cookie for Eira Nae's remark: ...I felt kinda bad sending you off to a perverted doom... n-n; Out of the chair? Ouch!
Elven Kagome: o.oa That's an odd name... Really funny, though. xD
Eikou:twitches: Must... Read them... In order... :twitching madly: Sorry, pet peeve. n-n; Oh, and 5 or 6? 5 is all Thats and Kitchel and Ringleys, 6 is all Rune and Nohiro and Tintlett... Headphones!
Kitty2Satan:mental image of a cat with horns: ... Yup, that was it. You even quoted the line. :grins:
:n:
Thanks to all who responded saying what they thought was funny. n-n Helpful reviews really are the best kind, so if you're gonna press that little button, could you remember that if you tell me what you liked, there's a good chance you'll see more of it later? As in, next chapter which features Rune and his "date"(:cocks head to one side: Hey, he's having an affair. :cracks up:). Thanks! non
Oh, and because I just hit upon this idea: All flames will be answered by the characters themselves. After being promptly laughed at by me, of course. :winks: Luv ya all.