Disclaimer: Me no own FMA
Lost Love
"No, Winry! I can't! I can't stay here and live with you guys! Not after all I've done! I failed you, Al, mom and everyone else I know! I'm not staying another minute. I'm going to go out and live my own life. I need to start over. Why can't you understand that?" Edward Elric's angry tone of voice and venomous words stung Winry. He stood his ground glaring at his lifelong friend who was doing her best to choke back a sob and hold back her unshed tears.
She watched as he picked up his suitcase and walked down the path leaving her alone. With fury flowing through her veins, she raised her arm and flung her wrench through the air a resounding crack letting her know she had connected. Ed continued to walk away.
But suddenly, he paused. He turned around and looked at her through mournful, sorrowful eyes. "I'm sorry, Winry. I was hoping you'd understand."
Winry turned and ran back into the house and tossed herself on her bed. "Why, Ed? Why? You're the only one I ever loved and then you turn around and leave all because you believe you failed. You don't think yourself good enough for anyone. Guess what? You were good enough for me and I was going to tell you that tonight because I was dumb enough to believe that you loved me too! It's too late, Ed. Don't you ever come back again. You quit caring so I will too! I HATE YOU!" She screamed. Overcome with emotion, she let her sobs wrack her body until she fell asleep.
15 years later…
Ed trudged along the river's bank taking a break from his work. After he'd left Rizenbul, he traveled to a village on the other side of the country. There, he had changed his name so no one could find him. Not his brother, not Winry, no one. He had settled down and became an alchemy teacher. No one knew of his ability to perform without a circle so he taught as he had learned as a boy.
Yet, through it all, he had never been able to let go of his guilt of leaving Winry and Al behind. Through all the friendships he had made, goals he had peacefully achieved, he still felt a consuming emptiness inside him.
He knew why it was.
All was his brother and Winry his love. Al was his only family so he knew his brother loved him. Winry probably never saw him as a lover since he had never mentioned it. Secretly though, Ed always loved his blonde mechanic.
Even though he left, his love for them was as strong as the day he left. Oftentimes he wondered how they were doing. He wondered if Al had gotten married or if Winry was still running the automail shop or if they even missed him. They had a right to not miss him or even hate him after what he did to them.
Absentmindedly he pulled a newspaper he had been carrying out of his back pocket. He began flipping through but stopped when a headline caught his eye:
Winry Rockbell proclaimed automail mechanic of the year
Ed quickly read through the article to discover that Winry had opened a shop away from her home and ran it single-handedly. He also read that she had entered a contest for the highest performance automail and she had won. The reporter writing the article also stated that sources told him she had been the official mechanic for a national alchemist many years before.
"'The alchemist she serviced was named Edward Elric and his current whereabouts are at present unknown,'" Ed read aloud, "It's rumored that he and Winry were in love with each other and after some spat, he was never seen again. The part about them being in love is just an unconfirmed story. When we asked Winry about it, she asked us to leave.'"
Rumors about us being in love? I know I was but her? Ed shook his head in disbelief at what the reporter was saying but he read on out of curiosity to find out that Winry wasn't married and furthermore was quite different from the outgoing personality. It read she was aloof and seemed depressed all the time.
Ed threw the paper onto the ground and kicked it away. He continued walking all the while thinking about Winry. And the more he thought about her, the more he became jealous of her which led to thought of hate.
He froze in his tracks and shook his head. Who was he that he should be jealous of or hate her? Wasn't he the one who had walked away so many years before?
Ed collapsed onto the bank and stared at his reflection in the water. All the feeling, thoughts and memories from the previous fifteen years boiled up inside of him and took hold of him. Silently, a single tear rolled down his cheek.
What was the reason I left in the first place? He thought. Was it that I felt I wasn't good enough for her? Was it because I was miserable? Pride? Selfishness? Jealousy?
He sat and stared at the water as if in a trance. He knew the reason he had left.
He was miserable and had turned bitter toward the only one he really loved with all of his heart. And just to make matters worse, he turned his back on his brother. And from the looks of things, he had made Winry miserable as well.
The next day, Ed informed his supervisor that he was going away for a couple weeks. With nothing but a knapsack on his shoulder, Ed began traveling down the path that would take him back to Rizenbul.
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Winry's house was still there in the exact same condition it had always been. Nervously, he walked up to the door and raised his hand to knock but decided against it. How could he do this? Al and Winry would most likely hate him. But he had to at least see them so he could be at peace with himself.
He thought a moment and decided he would find the place that Winry had her shop. She would most likely be there anyway.
But when he did find the shop, it was boarded up and had a 'For Sale' sign in front of it. Knitting his brow in confusion, he went back to Winry's house.
Moving slower than a snail, he crept up the steps.
He knocked.
And waited.
And waited.
And watched as the door opened to reveal his brother Al.
Ed and Al stood and looked at each for a few minutes each too shocked at seeing the other to reply.
"Brother!" Al cried out. He threw his arms around Ed's neck and they embraced each other like brothers should for the first time in fifteen years. Ed returned his embrace with tears in his eyes.
"Al, where's Winry? I want to see both of you." – he paused - ,"if you guys don't hate me which I'm sure you guys do."
Al's countenance changed momentarily to one of sadness before he masked it. "No, brother, we don't hate you. We never could. But before you see Winry, I want to talk to you for a little while."
Ed nodded his head in consent and followed his younger brother to the field they used to play in when they were younger. They stood there for a few minutes as grown men before Al broke the silence.
"Brother, why did you leave?"
Ed continued to stare across the field a blank look plastered on his face. "I was miserable, prideful and selfish. I became bitter and jealous toward you and Winry. I wanted to make you guys feel what I did."
Al nodded. "In a way, I understand how you feel. Winry oftentimes felt the same way believe it or not."
Ed stood quickly. "Al, where is Winry? And why is the shop closed?"
Al looked over surprised. 'How did you know about that?"
Ed twirled a grass blade in his hand before replying. "I saw an article about her becoming the automail mechanic of the year. I came back to see how you guys were doing and I found the shop boarded up for sale."
Al held a distant look in his eye. "It's time I took you to see Winry but I must warn you – she isn't in great condition."
Ed looked at his younger brother quizzically. "What do you mean, Al?"
Al drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly. "You see, for the past few years, she's been battling with depression and eating disorders. She's alone in her own little world most of the time."
They turned and walked on for a while each silent with their own thoughts and feelings. A hard knot formed in the pit of Ed's stomach as he contemplated what he was going to say and see how Winry reacted to him appearing. Would she accept him like Al implied she would? Or did she still harbor bitter feelings toward him? Would he be able to find out that she had once loved him? Would he ever be able to even hint that he always had and still loved her? Was he the cause of her present condition?
Ed was so consumed in his thoughts that he barely noticed Al's voice or even where they were.
"Brother, here she is," Al's voice broke into his mind.
Ed shook himself out of his trance-like state and looked at Al. For some reason, Al's face looked sad and mournful.
It was then Ed realized where he was.
He was standing in the middle of the graveyard in front of a freshly dug mound of dirt. He collapsed onto the ground not wanting to believe what he was seeing. Flowers still fresh lay on her grave.
And in an instant, the sky seemed to darken and the wind seemed to carry a nip that carried right to his very core. He was blind from the tears that ran down his face soaked the earth beneath.
It had been a few hours since Al told him the news. Al had long ago gone back to the home that was now theirs since her death. Pieces of what Al told him lay in broken fragments in his mind.
"She always loved you, Ed, and somehow believed you loved her as well."
"She blamed herself for your leaving. She always told me she understood your actions."
"She became so depressed, the only times she was happy was when she off daydreaming about you or when she was in her own little state of mind building, repairing and experimenting with automail."
"Winry became anorexic and refused treatment or help of any including from me. Her malnutrition led her quiet death in the middle of the night."
"When I found her, she had a smile on her face."
For one of the first times in his life, Edward Elric wept bitterly. He wept with the guilt that it was he in his own pride and foolishness he had left leaving Winry. He wept because he would never have the chance to say that he was sorry and loved her. Never. Never again. He had lost everything the day he left.
He always thought it possible but he never dreamed it would come true.
A drop of water hit Ed square in the face as he wept. Downpours of rain followed and pelt him relentlessly soaking and chilling him to the bone. It rained all night and into the next day but Ed never moved. The only thing he remembered was when Al came and draped a blanket over his shoulders. Ed knew that Al knew it was useless against the rain but it was a caring gesture just the same.
Later the next day, Al came to his brother's side and led him away.
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"And that's the story of the man who lost his love because he was too prideful, arrogant and stubborn to realize his mistake until it was too late," the man finished.
Several pairs of eyes were filled with tears as they watched the older man finish telling his story. "Any questions?" the man continued.
A small boy around the age of nine raised his hand. "Yes, Alec?" the man called.
"Mr. Eric is that man still alive?" he asked.
The man known as Mr. Eric nodded his head slowly. "Yes, the last I heard, he was alive and doing well."
"What's he doing? Is he still sad?" a girl called out.
The older man nodded. "Yes, Rose, he's still sad. Of course, he's not as sad as he was when Winry died but he will always be guilty. He lives his life everyday but it doesn't have any true meaning as it would have had if he had stayed and married her." He stopped and looked at his pocket watch to check the time and continued. "And I think it's time for you children to run along home before it gets too late."
The small audience of children immediately obeyed and stood to go home. "Good-bye Mr. Eric!" they called behind their shoulders.
'Mr. Eric' stood up wearily and walked into the kitchen where he spotted Al with an amused tugging at his lips. "Well, Mr. Eric, are you ready to eat something before going to bed?" he asked.
Ed sighed heavily and sat at the table. "Even after all these years, I still miss her. I wonder about what could have been and what I would be doing now. Maybe I could show the kids Winry and Ed instead of telling them the on-going story like I have been."
Al put a comforting hand on his older brother's shoulder like he had all there lives. "It's all right, brother, it's all right."
Ed smiled gratefully at his younger brother who, through all their lives, stuck by his side. Wearily, he stood. "Well, good-night, Al."
"Good night brother."
Ed climbed the old, rickety staircase deep in thought as he usually was. He was quite exhausted and a warm bed sounded inviting. He tumbled into bed and fell asleep the instant his head touched the pillow.
And as he slept, he dreamed. He saw nothing but a vast whiteness and in the distance, he saw Winry who was as beautiful as the day he had walked away. Her smile lit her face and her blue eyes twinkled with laughter. She held her hand out to him.
Ed looked down at himself and realized that they were both fifteen again. His hair was braided and he wore his trademark black outfit. She still wore her work clothing. Feeling a burst of excitement and happiness, he ran toward her and grasped her hand with his. They stood in front of each other for a long while until at long last as they leaned their head toward each other and locked their lips.
They had never kissed before but in an instant, all their feelings for each other rushed to the service and their arms circled around each other. Ed was surprised but for some reason it felt so right, so perfect. He held her close to his chest for the longest time until they broke away and walked off holding hands.
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Al walked into his brother's room the next morning to wake him up. Ed was usually the first one up but for some reason he was sleeping in.
He walked over to the side of Ed's bed and gasped in horror. His old, wrinkled face lined with years of sadness was a ghostly pale and his skin was cool to the touch. But the one thing that stood out to Al was that Ed wore a smile.
The same one that had been on Winry's face so many years before.
Al fell onto his knees and pulled Ed's lifeless body into his arms and wept and after a while murmured, "I'm glad you're finally at peace with yourself, brother."
Later that week, the neighborhood children gathered on the Elric's front porch to hear another one of his stories about Ed and Winry but were greeted instead by his brother, Al.
"Mr. Al. where is Mr. Eric?" they asked almost in unison.
Al smiled at them and motioned them to sit down. He pulled a chair up and began talking, "Well, children, a long time ago Mr. Eric had a friend and her name was Winry…"
AN: Well, what did you think? Will you review? Please?