Winging low
Faith looks at herself in the mirror. "This is a bad idea," she murmurs and watches her mirror-self frown.
"You don't know that," Esther points out practically. "You might enjoy yourself."
Turning, Faith gives her a sceptical look.
"Is he good-looking?" Pearl wants to know, her expression both eager and a little teasing.
Again, Faith frowns. She supposes that Ken Ford might be called good-looking by some. She even supposes that he is, objectively speaking, actually quite handsome. She just hasn't had any reason to consider his looks since the summer when she was fourteen and he was an idiot.
"Of what importance are his looks?" she thus grumbles. She knows that admitting to him being handsome would make them feel justified in drawing all the wrong conclusions.
"Aren't a man's looks always important?" counters Pearl, laughing. Faith's grumbles appear to be utterly lost on her, or else, she just refuses to let them darken her mood. Retaining her cheerfulness in nearly every situation is one of Pearl's most enviable talents. Faith thinks she once had it, too, but a lot of time has passed since then, and so have a lot of people.
Thankfully, Esther decides to come to her defence this time. "Faith is just meeting him and his children to look at a house they might move into."
"And in doing so, she will pretend to be his wife," adds Pearl triumphantly, seemingly considering her point well proven. Faith can't blame her.
"I won't actively claim to be his wife," she corrects anyway, because while she has never been vain, she does have pride and she isn't prepared to lose it just yet. "I will merely make an appearance and if his prospective landlords draw the wrong conclusions, that's not my fault."
Pearl cocks her head to the side, not looking like she sees the distinction. Faith supposes it's somewhat academical, but that, too, isn't her fault.
"Nothing is anyone's fault," declares Esther sensibly. "I still think you'll have fun though. You had fun with them at the zoo, didn't you?"
"The zoo was nice," Faith admits, because she isn't in the habit of lying, at least not directly and not if she can help it.
Esther smiles. "I thought so. You should really go meet them again. You don't go out enough as it is."
"You might not have noticed, but I just did a whole night shift at the hospital," Faith reminds her. It's really one of the reasons why she thinks that going to meet Ken and the children is a bad idea. Diphtheria is still running high all over London and if she's honest with herself, she's dead on her feet.
"Faith also came to the dance hall with us last week," Pearl adds, for once actually helpful.
"I know she did," acknowledges Esther, but it's apparent that what she really means is that Faith doesn't go out enough to meet people she doesn't already live or work with. Esther is not wrong about it, Faith thinks, but she happens to like the people she lives and works with. In contrast, she still isn't sure how much she likes Ken Ford, even in this grown-up iteration of him. She does know without a doubt thought that she likes pretending to be anyone's wife even less.
Esther, perhaps sensing Faith's continued hesitation, turns to Mabel for assistance. "What do you think?"
Mabel shrugs. "I think Faith is right. It's a bad idea."
Faith finds herself smiling at her friend. Finally someone on her side!
Pearl narrows her eyes. "She's spending the afternoon with a handsome man. What could be wrong about that?"
"A handsome man and his two children," corrects Mabel.
"His two children who she's met before," counters Pearl.
They're looking at each other now, locked in one of their usual meeting of wills, that, to an outsider, might seem like an argument. Faith knows better though, and so does Esther, because they can see the supressed smiles and recognise that it's all in good humour.
Faith raises a knowing eyebrow at Esther, who smiles back amusedly.
"Why do you think it's a bad idea?" Pearl meanwhile demands to know of Mabel.
"For one, because she doesn't want to," replies Mabel with all the calmness of someone who knows their argument is hard to contradict.
Sure enough, Pearl doesn't seem to have a ready response.
"I don't want to," Faith agrees. "However, I will go anyway."
This, because no matter how bad the idea and no matter how tired her body, she is a woman of her word. She did give her word to Ken, so, regardless of what possessed her to do so, she will stand by it and will turn up to play his wife in front of unsuspecting landlords.
It sounds like an easy enough resolution, but Faith finds herself swayed in her resolve just a mere ten minutes into the meeting with the landlords. They are, it turns out, lovely people who call her "Mrs Ford", despite no-one introducing her as such, and even though it's not a direct lie, it feels deceitful in a way that makes Faith feel uneasy.
Ken, it appears, has no such qualms. He struts around confidently with Faith's arm looped through his for show and proceeds to chat happily to the elderly landlady. She is clearly charmed by him, while her affable husband just chuckles to himself good-naturedly once in a while. Jims and Ava are outside in the small garden, their laughter occasionally wafting inside through the open windows.
Everyone, in short, is in an excellent mood, except for Faith who wants to crawl out of her own skin.
"The kitchen is this way," announces Mrs-Grisham-but-please-call-me-Dotty, the kind landlady. "I'm sure Mrs Ford will want to have a look at it."
No, Faith thinks, Mrs Ford doesn't want to. The fake Mrs Ford certainly doesn't and she's reasonably sure the real Mrs Ford wouldn't have wanted to either, were she still alive for it, because if she remembers one thing about Rilla, it's that her kitchen skills left quite a bit to be desired, too.
"It's such a beautiful home," covers Ken smoothly when Faith offers no vocal appreciation at the prospect of seeing the kitchen. "The children love the garden."
Mrs-Grisham-but-please-call-me-Dotty smiles fondly. "They're lovely children and so well-behaved! You must be very proud of them!"
It takes all of Faith's restraint not to laugh. A less well-behaved child than Ava Ford, she's never seen, though she has to admit that Jims is doing a great job at keeping her in a good mood today.
"They're certainly loved," Ken acknowledges, which, Faith reflects, is not a bad answer at all.
She does pull herself together enough to voice approval of the kitchen, which obviously pleases Mrs-Grisham-but-please-call-me-Dotty and amuses her husband, the affable Denis. They show them around the rest of the house as well and as Faith takes it in, she recognises it as a good home for a family. It's smaller and not as spectacular as she would have expected from Ken, or any of the Fords, but it has its own kind of charm, especially compared to the uniform terraced houses usually lining London's street.
She says so, when she finds herself in the garden with Ken half an hour later. They're alone, with the children playing somewhere on the far side of the lawn and the Grishams tactfully having withdrawn to let them discuss this possible new abode.
"I like it, too," Ken agrees. "I'm sure Rilla would have loved it." There's a wistful note to his voice, but he sounds otherwise very calm.
"How do you do that?" Faith asks, thoughtful and yet unthinking.
She feels Ken looking at her. "How do I do what?"
Her thoughts catching up with her lips, Faith silently curses herself. Here she goes again, asking questions that shouldn't be asked.
"How do I do what?" Ken repeats and she knows there's no way out now.
"How do…" Faith swallows, then plunges ahead. "How do you talk about her so… so calmly?"
She wonders whether Ken is offended by her asking and she wonders how much she really cares. There's a part within her that feels he might have answers for her, or even a solution, one that she's been looking for without success for nine years.
"I had to," replies Ken simply and while Faith doesn't know which answer she was looking for, it wasn't that.
"But how do you do it?" she protests. "You mention her name so calmly and I can't seem to be able to talk about –" She breaks off and realises, again, that she's a coward masking as someone so much braver. Perhaps Ken is that someone, after all.
"About Jem," he finishes for her, evenly. "So I've noticed."
Faith manages not to flinch. If speaking his name is impossible, then hearing it is nearly so.
"Yes," she confirms anyway.
"I'm not sure I can give you the answers you're looking for," Ken tells her slowly and for a second Faith wonders if he read her mind. "I can only tell you about myself and I, for my part, had to learn to talk about Rilla because of the children. For Jims more so than for Ava, I guess."
"Why is that?" Faith asks, because it's easier to talk about him than about herself.
Ken taps his chin in thought. "To Ava, the loss is abstract. I know she misses having a mother, but she can't miss Rilla herself, because she never really knew her. Now, Jims, on the other hand, he misses her. He's had three mothers in his life and he lost them all. I'm no expert, but that does something to a child, don't you think? After Rilla died, it took a while for him and me to start understanding each other. Initially, we had nothing to connect us but Ava and the memory of Rilla. I felt that I at least owed it to him to remember her with him."
"That was why you had to learn to talk about her," Faith remarks, understanding. Her gaze is drawn to the far side of the garden where Jims is currently teaching Ava to whistle.
"Ava grew up in the knowledge that she is loved," Ken continues, also looking at the children. "Jims loved her from the moment he first laid his eyes on her, unconditionally and totally. I must admit that after Rilla died, so shortly after the birth, I had to reconcile the loss of my wife and the love for my daughter. I saw how fiercely Rilla loved her though, during those brief moments when she had a chance to and that, I think, helped. Thus, Ava grew up loved and she always knew it."
"What about Jims?" Faith wonders, though she thinks she knows the answer.
"Rilla loved him," Ken answers, matter-of-factly. "I didn't, not at first. I knew that in marrying her, I would have to accept him and I did so knowingly. He didn't like me much though and I didn't make an effort with him, not at first. It was only after Rilla died that we had to find a way to be a family without her. I love him now and I'm sure he thinks I'm alright, too, but before that, there was a time when there was no-one alive to love him anymore. I wanted to keep the memory of Rilla alive for him so he'd always remember that she lived and that she loved him."
Faith, rarely at a loss for words, finds that she has none now. She hums, so as not to remain silent, but she knows it's too little in light of what he just revealed to her. It was more heartfelt than she would have thought possible, coming from Ken Ford, and it makes her wonder whether she underestimated him.
She also wonders whether he might be right. Does she fail at remembrance because she never had to find a way to do it correctly? And is there even such a thing as remembering someone in the correct way?
"When they offered me the position here, part of the reason why I went is that I know Rilla would have wanted to," Ken continues thoughtfully, oblivious to Faith's inner confusion. "I guess it's not so different from you becoming a doctor?"
"I didn't –" Faith starts to protest, but then catches herself. She doesn't have to justify herself to Ken Ford of all people!
She feels him looking at her when she breaks off, but avoids eye contact. Instead, she asks primly, "Are you taking the house?"
Out of the corner of her eye, she can see him watching her curiously, but he doesn't press the issue. Indeed, when he speaks, his voice is calm and even, "If they rent it to me, I will. I like the garden for the children and there's a room for each of them. I imagine Ava will want the gable room and I know Jims will give it to her."
"Yes," agrees Faith, still very primly.
"It was nice of you to come and help us out," Ken continues, sounding sincere. "Without you there, I doubt we even would have stood a chance. No-one wants a widower with two children living in their house."
"I'm glad I could help," Faith tells him and finds herself meaning it, too. "I didn't like the subterfuge though. It felt too much like deceiving them."
Once more, Ken seems unimpressed. "We didn't lie and either way, it's not our fault the world is intolerant of whatever doesn't fit the preconceived mould."
This does pique Faith's interest, if perhaps against her will. "What do you mean?"
Ken shrugs. "Imagine if our roles were reversed. If you were the widow with two young children, people would be falling over themselves to assist you and no-one would accuse you of not being able to keep the children from misbehaving. By contrast, if I were the bachelor, unmarried in my thirties and following a career…" He trails off and shrugs again.
"No-one would take any offence," Faith finishes for him, because people have taken offence at her life choices far too many times already. A woman in her thirties, with neither prospect nor inclination for marriage but in possession of a university degree and a proper job, is still something seldomly seen in their world. She once thought, for a brief moment, that the war had changed it, but the truth is, the war changed very little and what it did change wasn't for the better. It's certainly true for her own life, as she well knows.
"Whatever for, your presence here today was helpful," Ken remarks, his voice sounding sincere. "If you ever find yourself in need of a new abode and think having a pretend husband around could help, I'll gladly return the favour. Or else, maybe you'd like to borrow one of the children for an afternoon?"
That does make Faith laugh, to her own surprise. "I like to think I don't yet look old enough to be Jims's mother and I don't think I have any hope of keeping Ava's temper under control without you and him present."
Ken smiles as well and Faith can't tell whether it's because of her words or because he made her laugh. She thinks it might be a little bit of both.
"I wouldn't say that," he informs her. "Ava idolises you."
Faith blinks in surprise. "She does?"
"Oh, yes." Ken seems amused. "After meeting you, she suddenly started entertaining notions of becoming a doctor, which has never before been one of her plans. More usually, those plans involved dragons and lonely towers, but certainly nothing so practical as medicine. She's even started practicing her doctoring skills on her dolls and in doing so, proceeded to cut open a porcelain doll my aunt gave her because she was playing surgery."
"I'm sorry," Faith tells him, even though she has nothing to be sorry for and is well aware of it.
Ken obviously thinks so as well. "It was a frightful thing and far too heavy for travelling, so I say good riddance," he replies, grinning. "More to the point, my daughter wants to pursue a medical career and you're the reason why. The only reason she's behaving so well today is because Jims cleverly told her that only good little girls grow up to be doctors."
This time, the laughter is less of a surprise. Faith can feel it as it bubbles up within her only to spill over and leave her lips in a pearly, chiming sound she herself hasn't heard in a long, long time.
Ken smiles and Faith reflects absent-mindedly that he really is quite handsome when he smiles, but that mostly, his smile makes him look kind.
"If only good little girls become doctors, how on earth did I ever manage?" she asks through laughter, because she's old and wise enough to understand that while she only ever meant well with her girlhood antics, her elders must have thought her a terribly badly-behaved child.
"I did see the irony of it," Ken acknowledges, still smiling. "I imagine so would Ava have, had she remembered in that moment what you told her about riding pigs. I don't think she was prepared to take any chances though and in the absence of any pigs to ride in emulation of you, erred on the side of caution – that is, on the side of manners – for the day."
Faith turns her head to look at Ava, who's still in the process of mastering the art of the whistle. "She does have a mind of her own, but so did I when I was younger. Rilla did, too, if I remember correctly. That's not to say she isn't discernibly your child as well, especially when it comes to that outrageous charm, but she really does take after her mother as well."
Her voice is somewhat breezy as she says it, thinking it a perfectly harmless little observation. She expects Ken to agree, maybe with a joke of his own. Instead, her remarks are met with silence so deafening that she finds herself turning her head to look at him. His gaze is concentrated on the playing children, which Ava appears to be unaware of, but which Jims reacts to with a quizzical look of his own.
"Don't you think she takes after Rilla?" asks Faith, more cautious now, the feeling of lightness all gone.
Another long moment of silence follows, before finally, with a deep sigh – "So people keep telling me."
Without waiting for a reply, Ken turns, abruptly, and walks back to the house in long stride. Faith remains rooted to the spot, left behind to wonder what went wrong to upset the otherwise unflappable Ken Ford.
To DogMonday:
To no-one's surprise, I won't be talking about who's endgame or not ;). But you're not wrong to point out the bond Faith is establishing with all three members of the family Ford. Jims and Ava are motherless children, as Faith was (is, perhaps) and like Ken, she lost the person she loved and meant to spend her life with, thus changing her fate forever. She might not like their intrusion into her hideaway, but she can't deny that there's a connection and that there's a sort of understanding. Slowly, this understanding is starting to change Faith, too, or maybe change her back. At the very least, it's too late for her now to go back into hiding and be content with it.
I must admit that this once, I didn't give too much thought as to Ken's job ;). I usually plan everything out in little detail, but with this, I basically threw my hand up and settled for diplomacy because it gave me a good reason to move him and the children to London. Of course, Canadian diplomacy was still in its infancy then, it being bound to the UK as it was, but the High Commission in London existed and some dealings happened there. Canada also gained increasing independence in its diplomatic dealings in the late 1920s and 1930s, so there ought to be something to do for Ken in the upcoming years, even if I'm vague as to what it is.
Yes, we did indeed move rather slowly up until now, didn't we? There's a larger time jump between chapters 7 and 8 and again between 8 and 9, so we reach the end of the summer before this story comes to a close. So, yes we're moving faster as the end approaches, though whether a huge romance is in the cards, I'm afraid I cannot say ;).