Ordered Lives

Part II

Refusal

If you let yourself feel too much, you won't be tough enough to defend yourself later on.

–P.C. Jersild, After the Flood

Standard disclaimers apply.

--

Alphonse Elric waited as an officer opened the door of his car. He looked at the imposing granite structure before him. He had enough time to swallow his fear.

Fear. They long ago tried to forget what it meant. An officer was assigned to him at the front desk. This past week, he quickly caught up with the state of affairs. A political tension —no, turmoil— with neighboring countries. It wouldn't be a longshot if one declares a war. It seems the government is trying to amend the laws pertaining to the practice of alchemy. An international conference involving all five countries was called. Citing the unfortunate events in Amestris — the disappearance of its Fuhrer, the scandal of its army, the unrest of its provinces —, other member nations suspected the country of conducting illegal alchemy research and lobbied for a drastic measure that demanded Central to hand over confidential researches.

Do not transmute gold.

Do not transmute human beings.

Swear you allegiance to the army.

In their selfish pursuit since childhood, they rightfully became the greatest alchemists of history. They broke laws. They made their own. In Munich, the thought of severe persecution they somehow foiled off was their only consolation.

He knew he was too young to hold such conclusive information, but he and his brother were the only ones who knew about the Homunculus, Dante and the Philospher's Stone. He was quite certain they were the only ones, in the whole history of their world, who succeeded human transmutation. He doubted if there were also others who were as courageous to report what lies behind the gate.

When he was sixteen, he wondered if they have to live such complicated lives. There was a certain paradox in being raised in the peace of a very remote village and living with the most dangerous controversies of the city. If their mother didn't die, would his brother even dream of crossing the boundaries of possible? Will they be content of hearing the myths of the Stone and stay as good alchemists of Resembool, repairing neighbor's broken barns? Perhaps, they would still yearn for that forbidden, wondering how dangerous it might be.

The fact that their father happened to live for four hundred years perhaps put them in deep shit. He'd prefer calling that destiny. They had to be special, it can't be helped.

Al tried to shut his thoughts out. Depending on his move, they will be revered as heroes or executed as traitors.

This is his task. He decided to take care of it for his brother. The Winry Problem was another matter they have to deal with later. Afterall, when all is said and done, they still have nowhere to come back to. His guide knocked three times at a large mahogany double door. He walked forward as two officers saluted a man who sat with his back facing the door.

The man closed the silver clock he had been examining for sometime and faced the group. His gray hair was glistening in the ample sunshine that bathed the paneled room. "You may leave," he motioned the two soldiers.

"Yes, sir!"

"Carry on." He looked at his guest. For a minute, he regarded him, perhaps trying to intimidate the young man into as much discomfiture as possible.

"Alphonse Elric, is it?" General Hakuro finally said.

"Yes, sir." Alphonse politely replied.

"Please sit down." Al moved to a chair to the right. The general continued surveying him for a while. "I see." He sighed as he swiveled his chair to reach for a file that had been in his incoming tray for, Alphonse could tell, quite sometime.

"It's true. You have returned."

"Yes sir."

"With your brother?"

"Yes."

"Should I say, it's good?" the general mused to himself. He shuffled the papers. Alphonse was quite bemused. He expected the general to be ready for this meeting. He received the call a few days ago and politely rescheduled. But Hakuro, for lack of better term, looked tired.

"Well," he said as he placed down the papers. "Welcome back." he said in what he thought was an overly sarcastic voice. "I would assume you are quite aware the manhunt for your brother, the Fullmetal Alchemist, had never been lifted ever since it was issued nine years ago?"

Al looked at him. Quite blunt. "I had the information back then that it was lifted, in view of the succession of confusing events that took place in Central during that time," he chose his words carefully.

"Colonel Armstrong hired a lawyer to clear his case. But as you know, a client can never be represented without his physical presence in a court-marshal." Hakuro smiled.

Al did not reply. He knew the general was trying to make him say something in reference to where they had been for seven years. He just stared at the General. Bolder, he thought, than he could muster when he knew very well they were guilty of running away from active service. "Well?" General Hakuro continued. He won't let this younger Elric outsmart him, not when he finally had his icing on his overly baked cake.

"I have no comment."

General Hakuro sighed self-importantly and examined his fingers. He rested his chin above them and looked straight at Al. "I figured we must be frank about this, Mr. Alphonse Elric." He was trying his best to sound authoritative, Alphonse thought.

"Concerning your brother, Mr. Edward Elric. The manhunt was never called off since your brother failed to clarify his name up to the present moment. The suspicions that tied him to the uprising in Lior which took more than 1000 lives nine years ago were never cleared." he paused for a calculated accent . "Shortly afterwards, your brother was reported missing. He did not appear for another two years. Could the military perhaps take this as a sign of guilt?" he smiled provokingly from the corner of his lips.

"After which he disappeared again without cleaning his name." he continued. "A search team was sent often to Resembool — Al's eyes widened. — where the investigation team found out that a certain Winry Rockbell might know his whereabouts. The same team went to Youswell and to every single town and city where you conducted researches twelve years ago. What did they found there?" he suddenly asked.

Al snapped. So everyone had been searched. But he still had his cards. It's not like these people knew anything conclusive. Not even Winry, and he inwardly thanked that they never told her specific details of their journeys. The people with crucial information were all under the military's snotty nose.

He knew no one would betray their secrets. They all fought for the same reason. And you can never reconcile reason with blind following.

"Nothing." General Hakuro smiled. "There was nothing."

General Hakuro observed him for quite sometime. The ticking of the clock served to make the silence more intolerable. "Should I take your silence as… something else?" he asked suggestively.

"No sir. I wish to consult my brother before I make a statement." Al said evenly. Hakuro frowned. He was visibly irritated. He had waited for this scene, the brothers' statement about the Stone, like it was his final move to sponsor the memorandum that would clarify the army's name. It would make him a hero.

"Please understand that I am giving you a chance to explain yourself." Al did not appear moved. His only purpose was to hand over the report that would buy them sometime until he analyze who they are going against. He had a hunch it would be tough. Legal battles are more excruciating than basic hack and kill.

"Upon investigation," Hakuro continued "of your records, we found out something that must have been inconvenient for your party." He appeared to be expressionless. Al felt this was his last card.

"The military knew that you, Mr. Alphonse Elric, used to be an empty walking armor. But it's clearer than daylight!" he added light-heartedly. "I can perfectly see that you have a flesh body now." His face got serious. "How did this happen? Could it be possible that you got hold of the object of your research, the Philosopher's Stone, without rightfully telling the military about it? But more important than that, how did you get that armor body?"

Alphonse appeared to frown. Hakuro smiled victoriously.

"What happened in Resembool fourteen years ago?"

Al knew they were in deep shit. One week is never enough to research their case and contact everybody who might have let slip an information about their past, thinking it would do no harm as they are already, dead? Such deep shit, now that they are no longer under military immunity, he knew that human transmutation entails capital punishment.

---

"Do not transmute gold. Do not transmute humans. Swear your allegiance to the army. Those were the three laws of alchemy laid down for National Alchemists. We broke all three. Not that anyone will know about the first, not unless you're willing to add to our ever stupendous list of offenses," Ed recited as he bit the last morsel of cake they shared. It was 11:42 in the morning. He opened an eye to peer at Al, who sat groggily at the foot of the mini-stair in the hotel room they shared.

"Brother," Al snored. He was still wearing his pajamas. "I think I missed break…faaaassst?" he stifled a yawn.

"Very smart Alphonse." His brother answered dryly. "So, what happened yesterday?" he sat and grabbed a pitcher of water.

"Nothing much." Al stood up to join his brother at the table Hakuro knew we did a taboo, did another taboo to cover for that taboo, and did a third one to make up for those taboos. And he hints we can't get away with all those information that would be the finale to his wonderful report that will clear the military's name in exchange for our necks."

Edward gulped the water down. Al poured one for himself. His brother burped and grabbed a piece of bread that was particularly hard. "We ran out of luck." He said flatly.

Al smiled. "It seems so brother."

"Piece of shit," Edward spitted as he threw the bread back to its basket. "Whoever baked this doesn't know the difference between bread and cookie. Al, pass the butter."

"Then just eat it as if it's a cookie," Al answered as he chewed his bit.

"I don't like cookies. Its bits stick to my teeth."

"More like because it comes with milk."

"Shaddup Al," he drawled lazily. The phone rang. "Al, pick it up."

"Seriously brother, you're lazy." Al said with contempt, but obeyed anyway. "Hello." He said as he kept on munching their 'bread.'

"Oh, Rosé!" Edward opened his eyes. "Yes, brother's here," Al chirped happily. Edward looked, pretending to be just slightly interested.

"What? Someone opened fire!" Al shouted incredulously. "Where are they! Are you alright!" Some pause. "OK. Good. That's good to hear." he covered the mouthpiece and looked at his brother. Edward looked serious. "What that about?"

Al turned to the phone again. "Were coming," he confirmed as Edward looked slightly confused, ambling along to fish for their cloaks.

--

"Al," Edward said suddenly as the train pulled off its fifth stop. "If that Mark died three years ago, this assault has something to do with us."

Al glanced. "Uhm."

"If someone let slip something about our background, they must have done so unconsciously. Seeing as it won't affect us anymore, we're dead."

"They didn't think we died."

"We were both listed MIA. That's good as dead. I wonder who got our pension then?" Ed asked. They both looked out the window at the rolling countryside.

"Only Mustang and Lt. Hawkeye knew about our past."

"The Major too."

"Yeah. I don't think any of them would stupidly reveal that information. Who could it be?"

"You're not thinking Winry did it, do you brother?" Al said accusingly.

"I didn't say anything."

"She didn't do it," the younger said with full conviction. For a few minutes, they were silent. After passing the field that was their marker for the outskirts of Resembool, Ed murmured.

"If it wasn't from the military, maybe it was an officer who had hidden agenda with alchemy research." The countryside scene blurred before him. "Or it could be a politician who wanted to know something about the Philosopher's Stone. I never thought we'd get involved in this big a scene again," he continued murmuring to the window. "I thought everything will be fine, if we could just….return."

Al kept staring at an uninteresting detail of the floor. What? They discussed what to do with the military when they return, but not that much. He was never successful in pushing his brother to talk of something he doesn't want to acknowledge possible.

"There was a massive loyalty check in the army. It seems that the military's clearing up its ranks." Al commented.

Edward looked at him for a moment and returned his gaze at the countryside. Another silence.

"Brother, will we publish our research?" he asked.

"Don't be stupid."

"What's so stupid about that?"

Edward regarded him. "Use your brain Alphonse," Al felt insulted. "Not everyone will want to believe you."

"But it's the truth brother! It's bound to come out sooner or later, but it will. After us, someone will just discover these things; we have to put an end to this!" He said vehemently.

"Al, no one would want to give up on the Stone. It's the fire of ambition. Believing in something that would be able to reverse any wrong you've committed now… It gives you freedom to experiment on anything without being restrained by duty," he paused

"Like us… we used to go through life with that in mind." he finished lamely.

"Even still brother…" Al sighed defeated. "What will we do? Run away again?" he half-whispered. Edward pretended not to notice. He did not say anything again.

"I only thought of coming back, brother. I just wanted to be home."

--

Ordered Lives

Part II

Regrets
Of all the words of tongue and pen, these are the saddest: "It could have been…"
Insert standard disclaimer here.

--

The punctured walls had been plastered and the broken windows boarded up. When the Elrics arrived, the last of the older villagers who volunteered to guard the assaulted family went home. Before leaving, he showed to the brothers the carcass of the old faithful dog.

The adults sat around the dining table, quiet after their first discussion. The children, by the women's instructions, stayed in their rooms. The setting sun did not help dispel the gloomy atmosphere that settled between the Rockbells trying to discern and the Elrics trying to cover up.

Did you see their faces?

No

Did the villagers notice some suspicious people lurking in Resembool lately?

No

Did you report to the police?

Yes

What did they say?

Nothing.

"What kind of answer was that?" Ed grumbled. Winry looked up.

"Did anything happen at Central?" she asked, with a trace of concern Al was careful to note.

"Nothing." Ed was quick to answer. Al played along. Winry looked at the two of them, and Rosé looked alternately among the three, conscious of the growing tension and rigid emotions.

"Since when did Resembool become a target for such lowly threats?" Ed murmured under his breath.

"Since you came back, apparently." came the thinly veiled remark.

Edward frowned and looked at her. She bowed her head. Though Winry was worried, her remark was anything but bitter. "There's no need to be that harsh," he said carelessly. "Last week hurts enough."

Winry jolted, though she was too much of an actress right now they didn't notice.

By now Rosé felt too uncomfortable. She felt as if their conversation — or non-conversation — was something confined to the three childhood friends. The depressing silence seemed to suffocate her usually tolerant nature. "Hey," she began, addressing a comment on Edward's limbs, which, she noticed, still seem to be made of automail. But Edward stood up. "Eh?"

"I'm going to bury Den properly." He left the table.

"But it's evening already! You can do it tomorrow" Rosé protested as she motioned to the sky outside. Edward went through the back door. Al looked at Winry, her head still bowed to herself. Back then, she was always quick to Edward's defense. When they were children, she never let one get away with a living insult to directed to the Elric brothers. When Edward disappeared, he watched her take care that his memory rest in good peace.

"You shouldn't do this Winry." He softly said.

Some tears tried to make their way, and Winry had to inhale to compose herself. "Who are you to tell me this, Al?"

"Your childhood friend." He replied evenly. Winry frowned. "I…" Al hesitated. "Know you didn't mean to hurt brother…really."

Rosé gave up. She quietly left the table and let them face their warped emotions. Al smiled to her back as Winry valiantly tried to blink back tears. "Al…"

"We're sorry." Al tried to reach for her hand, hesitated, then reached for it again. "We tried to come back. We… tried. And came back." he pressed her hand and slowly stood up to follow his brother outside. On the way, she tapped Rosé's arm as a silent thank you. She looked at where Winry remained seated. The back door closed, and she walked up to her friend.

"Winry?"

"I'm sorry, Rosé." She whispered. The other woman smiled as she bent down to give the blonde a comforting hug. She moved back to the Rockbells after Mark Rother died to help her old friend raise her child. "Now, now," She soothed to the air. "Calm down. Trisha will come down for dinner soon."

Winry clenched her hand, frowned and smiled.

--

He leveled the mound and patted the ground. For a dog to reach almost 19 years was a miracle, and for it to die violently is, cruel at least. Den had been a symbol of their presence in the Rockbell house. It was his dog as much as Winry's, for it always behaved like he would if ever he was around.

Meanwhile, Winry made her steady ascent to the hill. She carried a lamp in one hand and a basket in the other. It was time for dinner but the brothers had not yet returned. Rosé was left tending to the children. If they want to camp out, then let the Elrics camp out. But it would be inhuman not to bring them food at least.

She paused as she noticed the enthusiastic figure of Al waving to her. On that hill underneath their favorite tree that was the coolest spot at this time of the year, the brothers stood. A scene replayed in her mind when the brothers went home once for repair. Only, that time Al was a living armor. Now he was nineteen years old and very much flesh than his brother could ever be.

"Look who we have." Al smiled. Edward looked passively and continued leveling the mound. He decided to ignore his brother's lack of enthusiasm. "Hey," Al said lamely as Winry arrived.

"Hey."

Edward rested the shovel against the trunk of a tree. He stared at the mound. "I'm sorry for Den,"

Winry smiled. "It was… well. He was going to die soon, he's old. You know? Perhaps… well it wouldn't make much of a difference. Really—"

"It was still cruel." Ed finished bitterly.

"Brother," Al warned. He wanted his brother to be at least nice. He looked expectantly, half-knowingly at Winry, who was clearing a few twigs from a spot near the root of the tree and setting down the lamp and dinner basket. Ed just stood there, and so did Al.

Winry slowly stood up. "Well, I brought you guys dinner." She paused, waiting for their reaction. Her fingers crossed and uncrossed at her back. Al did not notice her fidgety behavior, which, strangely enough, she wishes he would notice. Ed looked at her, but with an expression as if he was unsure if she expected them to say thank you. "Well," she sighed. Maybe it could wait. "Well, I'll be going." She planned her voice to be cold, but the coldness itself betrayed her need for warm conversation.

"No please, wait!" Al was about to grab her arm but stopped in mid-motion, as Winry immediately stopped form her track. "Uh," it was weird how we couldn't talk properly, Al would like to add. But maybe it would be unsafe to start that way.

"Thank you," Edward covered up for Alphonse's lapse. He looked at Winry briefly, and then looked away. Al smiled. "Winry, had you had dinner yet?" Winry nodded. "Uh, well in that case… Just join us for dinner tonight?"

Winry looked at Alphonse' earnest eyes, then to Edward's profile. While this awkward conversation took place, he spaced out. Like thinking of a plan, or analyzing events, most probably. Either way, he seemed to be making up his mind. She could not help but frown at those eyes that often shone with determination and half-hidden sorrow. And those times, her heart always win.

---

They sat there. Just sat. Well, Ed sprawled on the ground, against the tree, hugging his fake arm, for some reason. Winry protectively hugged her knees.

"What did you do in Munich for seven years? I thought you vowed to get Ed's real limbs back."

"Well, you see. We tried to be the guardians of the gate. But didn't I tell you? The three years were spent trying to figure out how to come back."

"Yeah." She plucked a grass from the ground for her stupidity.

"Why did you come back?" she ventured, careful to let in a tinge of curiosity in her voice. Edward snorted. The younger brother decided to ignore that.

"Brother missed you." He said simply.

Winry looked at Ed whose face was turned away. She smiled. "Why, didn't you miss me too, Al?"

"I kept my promise." Then he frowned. "Yes. Winry, do you remember the day I set off to sensei again? We promised to work hard."

"Yes. You said you were going to study hard and find Ed. And come back."

"Well, I kept my promise…" he trailed off.

"What?"

"Sorry if our delay caused you pain."

Winry looked away and smiled. It was always unfair how they blamed everything to themselves. Then she frowned as she remembered her blaming them too. "Us."

"Hn?" Al looked at her.

Winry shook her head and smiled at Al. Al smiled back. Finally, that wasn't fake.

"I… kept my promise too." Was all Winry said.

Al looked at his watch. It's getting late. Edward still wouldn't warm up. He looked at his brother. "Brother, why won't you talk to Winry?" Winry looked at Ed. She smiled and punched him lightly on the arm. Which was a mistake.

"What?" he growled.

"Oh," she pulled her arm back and hugged her knees. "I just wanted," she thought for a while." To know what happened in Central."

"Nothing happened in Central."

"Yes something did."

"Nothing."

"I knew something did. I'm not stupid."

Edward snorted. "Who told you?" he asked sarcastically. Winry's eyes flared. "Was that supposed you be an insult?" she asked with a most even voice she could manage.

"Well…" Edward yawned. "Who knows?"

"Brother!"

"It's alright Al. It looks like your brother is in no mood to talk."

"It's because you keep on nosing out in things you knew never happened. It's because you can't trust us when we said nothing happened in Central. You make a big deal out of things."

Winry jerked Al's hands off the basket and abruptly stood up. "Liar," she seethed.

"Yeah what makes you so sure!" Edward shouted as he stood up.

"Scieszka called me and told me you two were facing court marshal! And my daughter and Ken and I were freaked to death because henchmen went trigger happy to scare people they thought were hiding at my house!"

Ed's eyes widened. "We weren't hiding in your house! You wouldn't even let us stay!"

"Brother!" Alphonse held Winry by the shoulders to calm one down. "Winry, hey, sorry, no, brother didn't, hey no sorry," he fumbled for his handkerchief as tears made their way. She shook, trying to keep her ground, refusing the proffered cloth. Al hugged her as she tried to put off the show of tears. "Hey, no. Winry calm down." Al looked at Ed who stared at the ground biting his lip.

"Brother you idiot!"

Edward looked helplessly bitter at her valiantly trying to suppress the tears, which naturally made her look more pitiful than she could have had she been just crying. He shook his head and punched the tree. "Shit!" he walked away.

Alphonse shook his head ruefully and just hugged Winry who was gently pushing him away.

"Ed!"

Edward stopped at her shrill voice. He was halfway down the slope from shame and guilt and anger. She wiped her tears and took two, three raspy breathes. "Ed please," she wiped her eyes some more. "Ed please talk to me."

"Please," she wiped her eyes again. "Why… why do you always try to hide your problems." She sniffed. "Look, I'm really sorry about those awful things I said. I knew I was irrational. It was really my fault. I just want to blame it to other people. You were the closest candidate. It was." She cried and wiped her eyes again.

"I meant those words. But… but I also want to help. I know you were both… both in trouble…so…," she sniffed. Edward started to walk away again. "ED!"

Winry collapsed on the ground. "I just want you to talk! I just want to help! I'm just worried! Don't you realize I'm happy when I can help! Why won't you let me help you! Why, Ed!" she wailed. Alhponse patted her back.

"…Why… Ed… I … talk…just…help," she sniffed. Al wiped her tears. "Thank you," she whispered. Al shook his head. He looked at his brother. Who, he knew, was too embarrassed to say anything. Embarrassed and frustrated because he always wanted not to make Winry cry. Embarrassed because he was acting childish, not facing his fears. Frustrated, because he wanted to cry for himself, but no matter how much he squeezed his eyes, the tears would not come out.

A/N: I know I have lame excuses for keeping this equally lame chapter for more than a month. I can't answer reviews right now. But I want you to know guys I really appreciate it. And I'm really very sorry that despite your good reviews, i.e. your being good to me, it took me this long.

So, as a bonus, this is a double chapter. Yippee! My longest ever, if you notice. XD

Ah, yeah I remember now exactly what happened. I wrote this more than a month ago, just after my last update. Then, somewhere along the line, I got really busy ( I know, I know, it's a pathetic excuse) and forgot to post it. I rarely log on. I stopped reading stories. And then I lost my inspiration, so there. I hesitated if I should still post it. I hate late stories myself, so I don't know if I should still get this one going. Then I realized I should try if people are still reading this. So there. Ramblings finished.

Real sorry LonelyLord, Seruleyan Wings if I haven't kept in touch like I promised. Thanks for understanding me, really.

P.S.

I know its tempting. So click that purple button already.