Fifth Year

For the first time in forever, my lord has said nothing to me of war. He did not come to me today, asking that plans be drawn up for him in preparation for our next battle against an all-too-familiar adversary. He did not seek my advice. I received only one order, with a smile on the side.

"Go take a rest, Lu Xun."

Well, I certainly don't intend to disobey him.

For the first time in forever, I find myself with time on my hands that I don't know how to spend. Perhaps I'll take this day to lie out on one of the secluded cliffs above the harbor, and remark to myself, as the poets do, about how lovely the green line of sea that stretches to meet the blue sky is. Perhaps I'll muse a little on how it makes them look as if they whisper secrets to each other, or why the gulls sound like they actually have something to say. Then, when I arrive home, I'll fill a book with all my thoughts that are of no particular importance, but of the greatest importance because of that.

Or, perhaps, I'll just bring a jug of wine out here, stretch out on the grass still damp with dew, and think about nothing at all. There is where true poetry lies, in silence, good wine…

And you.

I drift from the warm numbness of my sunlight-and-wine-induced doze to see your face hovering over mine. Somehow, I'm not startled in the least.

"Oh, hello."

You beam back at me. "Hello. Sorry, didn't mean to wake you."

"I'm only sorry I didn't wake sooner."

"Oh, no." Your words have an almost childlike candor to them, still. I thank my stars that it's one of the few things that hasn't changed. "You should never pull someone away from his dreams."

It takes a considerable amount of effort to shake off the drowsiness and prop myself up on my elbow, facing you. "How did you know I was dreaming?"

"How can you lie in a place like this and not dream?" Your eyes dance, almost as if you know what I was dreaming of. A part of me hopes you don't.

Another part, stronger and perhaps more sensible, doesn't care.

"Mm. Fancy that." I laugh softly, low in my throat. "You know, Ren. I believe… After all these long years, I am finally… learning."

"Learning, Xun?"

'Learning to look at you and stop seeing her. Learning to see your eyes, and hear your laughter, and feel you when we pass each other and graze shoulder to shoulder. Perhaps, finally, I'm learning to know you.

But, ahh, you don't have to know any of that.'

I merely wave away your query, careless as I am seldom allowed to be. "Yes, learning."

You fall silent after that, understanding tugging at the corners of your lips in a half-smile, half-secret. You say nothing more. Yet you stay.