Sixth Year

Suddenly it occurs to me that I'm not a boy anymore. My heart, beating frantic and pained within my breast, tells me that I can't keep playing with death. My head, amidst a fit of reeling almost-nausea, says that I'm no longer playing. I no longer have any senior officers to guide my mind and my hand, no one to question for my missteps but myself.

We knew that an army raised on anger is doomed to fail. What we never counted on was the strength of anger, and of desperation. We never counted on the fact that it could breed determination faster than light.

"We're not going to die, Xun."

I turn my head to where you kneel at my side, though the effort only makes it throb harder. A bead of sweat rolls into my eyes, stinging. The words that pour out of my mouth in tremulous streams are not mine, or no more mine than I mean them to be.

"We're not going to die, my lady? Surely not!" My knees buckle beneath me, sending me sprawling to the ground. "It was a brilliant idea to charge into this maze unescorted! Absolutely brilliant!" I throw my head to the smoke-fogged sky and laugh, the long, loud laugh of a man who feels he is lost. "Heavens above, lady, have you learned nothing?"

You bite down on your lower lip, sheathing Savage Tiger to cradle your injured arm close to your chest. I must say, your grandfather's sword fits your hand quite well; it's almost as if it were a living creature, all too eager to do your bidding. It's a pity he will never see you wield it.

It's a pity you won't live to see her master it, come the gray whispers of Despair. I close my eyes and utter a silent prayer, for forgiveness, perhaps, or guidance. Or maybe even luck. Sheer blind luck.

"I misjudged the enemy," you say at last. "I'm sorry. But we can't despair now. There must be a way out."

"A way out! Would we find a way out, truly? Every turn looks the same to me…" My laugh turns into a cough and I double over, drawing in a sharp breath. "We're not leaving here alive."

Your hand strikes me across the face, again and again, the sharp slap of skin against skin reverberating in the eerie silence. The pain serves to bring me back to my senses, somewhat, and for one disorientating second, everything becomes clear.

"Stop acting so spoiled, you idiot! Think of everything you have left to do!" A faint spark of pain dances in your eyes. "Mother would be disappointed in you if you died here."

"I no longer have your mother, Ren." I shake my head, but force myself to my feet nonetheless. "I lost her a long time ago."

"Maybe so." You smile wanly, drawing your sword. Your free arm hangs twisted at an odd angle. We're going to have to fix that if- when we get out of here.

"But you still have me."

"I still have you?" I turn a corner, right into a clump of soldiers bedecked in green livery. I pray that means we're getting close to the other side, and dispatch them quickly. The adrenaline courses steadily through my veins like liquid fire. A returning smile, warm and sure and gradual, tugs at the corners of my lips. "Yes. I'd forgotten that I haven't yet asked your uncle for your hand… But perhaps I should ask the lady herself first, if it would suit her to marry this lowly peon? Would that be more polite?"

I hear the air hiss as Savage Tiger leaves the scabbard, assuring me that you'll do a fine job of covering my back. But what I don't expect is the sound of bodies hitting the ground with a muted thud. Puzzled, I turn…

…only to find the men dead around you, and you yourself unconscious from what might be blood loss, pain or shock. I can't tell which.

There's light up ahead. I can hear the shouts of men, and almost think in my own fatigue that I can distinguish familiar voices among them, my lord's not least of all. He probably won't be happy about this; I can only wonder what he'll say to my little proposal. But all in good time, I suppose. All in good time.

After all, it only took me the better part of six years.

To Be Continued