Natalie pulled herself away from John and looked at him. Did he just say what I thought he just said? She asked herself and she knew it must be true cause next thing she saw was Nick pushing her aside and punching John across the jaw causing him to fall to the ground.
"You've got some nerve Mcbain, get out!" Nick said to John still lying on the ground. Nick turned to Natalie and looked into her glassy blue eyes and gently grabbed her hand and walked her to the bar as they saw Michael walk over to John and help him get up.
"Thanks Mikey" John said and he started to walk over to Natalie and Nick. But before he got there, Mikey grabbed his arm and stood in front of him.
"Get out of my way Michael" John demanded to Michael as he tried to get by him.
" No John I can't let you do this" Michael told John not budging
"Michael, I'm not trying to make this worse, I just need Natalie to know the truth, that I've always loved her" John says with a determined look on his face
"Well John now the whole town knows, not that they didn't already know it, but now you've just confirmed what everyone's been seeing for the past few years." Michael said while searching the look in John's eyes. John tries to again get by Michael.
"Not now John, don't do this to her now" Michael said
"When then Mikey, when, If I don't get a chance tonight I may never get a chance again. If you thought I was bad when you visited me in Ac last month just wait till you see me if I don't get a chance to talk to her now" John said as Michael continued to look really close into John's eye's, he saw something in them, something he hadn't seen in a long time, a determination, a look telling Michael that John was gonna go all the way with this, he wasn't giving up. Michael gave him a small smirk and he moved out of his way.
Meanwhile by the bar Nick and Natalie were having a bit of a heated conversation.
"Did you know he was still in Love with you?" Nick asked Natalie starting to calm down.
"No, I didn't know Nick, can we please just forget this ever happened and just leave" Natalie said lying, not really lying cause before today she never had confirmed proof that he loved her.
John approached the two of them by the bar and Natalie looked passed Nick who had his back to John.
"Natalie, we need to talk" John told her as his eye's locked onto hers and they never wavered. Nick turned at the sound of his voice and was again ready to punch John when Natalie quickly moved in between the two men and took Nicks fist with her hands.
"Lets go Nick, please babe, it's not worth it, remember we're getting married in the morning, lets just go" Natalie told him staring into his eye's to try and calm him back down.
"Are we, are we still getting Married?" Nick asked as he looked at her. Natalie didn't say anything but she nodded yes.
"Let's go home and we'll talk, alright?" Natalie said, as John looked stunned. She wouldn't even give him a chance to talk, to tell her in private, to tell her how much he loved her and for how long. He reached out his hand to grab her arm when she and Nick walked past him but she moved her arm to fast for him.
"No John, not now" she told him as she moved away from him and she continued to walk with Nick out the door.
Everyone from the party decided to leave and john decided it was over, finally over, she made her decision, she knew enough of how he felt about her to make a choice and it wasn't him, she didn't pick him, she left with Nick. John took a seat at the bar when everyone got up and left, he called for the bartender to bring him a bottle of Jack Daniels and he sat their alone drinking for a few minutes till Michael joined him.
"So, I guess you're back to your old tricks are ya, gonna give up and get drunken and maybe get laid too." Michael told John in an unfriendly voice. John just glared towards Michael.
"Yup, if that's what it'll take to get me thru the day, then drinking and loose woman it is" John said feeling sorry for himself.
"You're some piece of work Brother, some freakin piece of work." Michael said shaking his head with disgust.
"Did ya think it was going to be so easy, just come in here and tell her you love her, and what? She should again make herself vulnerable and fall into your arms, give up a good thing cause you finally had the balls to tell her you loved her" Michael said hoping to get thru to John and get him out of the pity party that was going on in his head.
"Save the sermon for Sunday Mikey, and leave me alone" John screamed slightly into Mikey's ear. And then he turned his attention back towards his drink
"For a split second there I thought you had changed, I guess I was wrong. Good luck with the drinking and if you ever really love her enough to show her, let me know I might be able to help." Michael said giving up for tonight, giving up on trying yet again to get John to that place he had seem to be for the last few weeks, the self assured place John had been in since coming back to Llanview. John continued to drink as Michael left the bar.
Meanwhile
Nick drove Natalie back to Llanfair for the night, when they arrived at Llanfair Nick walked Natalie to the door. Natalie hesitated going into the house for a few minutes; she knew they had so much to talk about.
"Natalie, why are you marrying me? I mean, I'm not dumb, I see the way the two of you look at each other. do you love him ?" Nick asked as he looked into her eyes.
" I won't lie to you, you know that, I am still very much in love with him but.. but it doesn't mean I don't love you" Natalie said getting choked up inside.
"Lets not kid ourselves here Natalie, there won't be any wedding tomorrow, you just don't love me the same way you love him and my heart doesn't think you ever will." Nick said as he saw her take off her engagement ring and hand it back to him.
"Goodbye Babe" Nick said as he leaned in and gave her one last kiss on the lips.
"Goodbye Nick" she said as a few tears fell from her eyes.
Natalie stood on the stoop and watched as he pulled out of the driveway with his car. She hated herself for not loving him the way he so much deserved. She hated herself for thinking about John at this moment, about what he told her tonight, all the times she dreamt of him saying those three words to her and it was tonight, at her wedding rehearsal to another man. Damn him! She said to herself as she got into her car and drove to his room at the angel square hotel. She knocked on his door but no one answered. She waited a few minutes and then decided to leave him a note to meet her upstairs on the roof, their roof.
She walked out on the roof and walked over to the bench in the back and took a seat and waited for him and within a few minutes she started to remember all the good times up on the roof. The first time they made love, the way they would just sit up there and watch the sunrise. Damn him! She said again knowing that she wasn't going to be able to avoid her feelings. He told her, he told her tonight, he confirmed what she thought she had already known, that he loved her. She smiled to herself knowing he wanted another chance, knowing now they could try again, knowing of the fact that he loved her.
John was so drunk that he could barely walk; there was no one around but some Blonde who was nice enough to catch him a few times when he almost fell off his chair. They spoke for a little while with casual conversation and the blonde realized John must have been in a lot of pain with the amount of alcohol she had just watched him consume within the short time she was there, the bartender called final call and John tried to get up off the chair on his own but couldn't without help, the blonde was nice enough to help him up.
"Is there anybody I can call for you? Anyone to come and get you?" she asked John as she helped to hold him up.
"Anyone toooooooo call, now that's funny" John told her in his drunken state.
"Well, you can't drive and I don't think you can walk by yourself, are you sure there isn't a love one I can call to come and get you" she again asked john
"Ha! She don't love me, nobody loves me, Natty don't even wanna hear it" John said with his heartbreaking and the woman could see that it was bothering him.
"Okay, okay, can you tell me where you live at least, I'll take you home " the nice woman said and she helped him to his car and drove to the angel square hotel. The woman helped John up the stairs and up by his room.
Natalie had been up on the roof for a long time and she was starting to think he wasn't coming or hadn't seen her note when she decided to go down stairs to see if her note was still there.
Just as Natalie was turning the corner of the hall she heard voices. She looked towards his room and she saw them. John with some blonde.
"Alright big guy, your key's not in that pocket" the woman said as she was searching thru John's pocket for his room key, she had John pressed up against his door so she could hold him up while she looked for it, John couldn't keep his head up straight and it was leaning down towards the blonde's chest.
Natalie walked a little closer to them and John's head seem to almost be on the blonde's chest. The blonde saw her and was about to say something when Natalie spoke.
"I can't Fuckin believe you John, can't keep it in your pants, can Ya!" Natalie yelled at John and again the woman was about to say something but Natalie put up her hand and motioned for her not to bother. John heard Natalie's voice and he looked at her, he was so drunk but he smiled a small smile that she was there.
"Naaaaaaaaaatalie" John said and Natalie got even madder seeing the small smile on his face.
"Fuck You John" was all Natalie said as she left a drunken John and the blonde at the hotel.
When John woke the next day he moved a little to fast and he felt his throbbing head, he knew the pain for he felt it almost everyday for the last six months, he rolled onto his side and slowly got up. He looked down at himself and he was still in his clothes from last night. He made his way towards the bathroom for some aspirin and it came back to him, portions of it, portions of last night., he remembered Natalie was here, she was in the hall, but she was mad, their was a blonde. John remembered and shook his head disgusted with himself and knowing what Natalie thought. He knew why she was mad, she misunderstood, she thought he was going to sleep with the blonde, well of course she would have thought that, that was his pattern get drunk and screw anything that walks but it wasn't true, not last night and not anymore.
Yea, he got drunk after he felt rejected by her but after saying those words to her out loud, after realizing how much he had wanted to say those words to her, he couldn't, he couldn't just go off and have meaningless sex with a stranger. He had to tell her, tell her the truth, explain it to her, all of it; he needed to make her understand it. He looked at his watch, "shit" he said out loud. It was 10:30, the wedding started at 10. He grabbed his keys and ran all the way to St. Marks, which was a few blocks away. Running as fast as he could so he could stop her, stop it, stop the wedding and stop her from marrying Nick. He arrived at the church a few minutes later and he ran inside. He took a look around and it was empty. He was to late. He sat down in the back of the church and held his head in his hands.