John sat with his head in his hands for almost an hour when he decided to leave. Leave the church and leave Llanview. It was over for him, for them, she had married Nick and he just couldn't stay in Llanview and watch them be happy, watch her be happy, and with another man. It would hurt him too much to witness it, and there would be nowhere to go to get away from it, they both worked at the station. He walked thru the park trying to figure out how he could have done things differently, how maybe he didn't try hard enough; maybe he didn't fight hard enough, smart enough. How maybe he gave up to soon. He should have forced her to talk to him last night at Rodi's. He should have shown her, maybe even asked Michael for some advice. He continued to walk when he stopped in front of Rodi's.
John looked inside of Rodi's thru the front window and looked towards the pool table. his mind flashed back to them. Them playing pool, the first time he had ever watched her move around the pool table, the first time he had ever touched her and felt her spark. The first time she was mad at him. He had touched her inviting waist with his hands and she freaked, she got mad and she was engaged to Chris at the time. John smiled to himself remembering that mad look she had on her face that day, that mad look he was fortunate enough to be on the other end of so many times, more times than he could count, and although they were mad and fighting a lot something rang true. She once told him that good or bad their eye's still held the fire, the fire for each other. That fire was what he thought would get them thru, thru all of this, he had been counting on it last night, the night when he told her he loved her, even the night that he left town. Somehow in his mind he left and still expected the fire in her eyes for him to remain the same, was he selfish to think that? He asked himself, had he been getting drunken night after night in AC been all about waiting for her? Knowing that, thinking that, taking for granted that the fire would be alive and never be put out?
Again he asked himself, was I selfish? Did I want her to do all the work? Continue to do all the work, the fact was that Natalie had been doing all the work in there relationship for the past three years, he had taken a back seat and let her drive. Except for the few brief things he had surprised her with before Chris came back. But what had he done for her, other than save her life, which was technically his job. Had he made her feel good? He asked himself. Cause she always made him feel good. Especially the night she had told him she loved him, that night he felt like he was on cloud nine, but what did he do that night? He showed her by making love to her, but he hadn't told her. It was one or the other with him, back then he showed her and had hoped she knew it, knew that he loved her, but now he said it and took it for granted that those words would be all she needed now, all she needed to fall back into his arms. Was he supposed to do both? Show her and tell her? Is that why he couldn't get thru to her, thru to her before she married Nick. Was Nick capable of both? He thought back to that night on the roof where he had watched them was that it? He knew how to show her and say it. John was confused and not sure if he was making any sense. His head was still hurting from his hang over when he decided to go into Rodi's. Maybe food would help, he told himself, not wanting to drink anymore right now but who knows, right after thinking about all he had done wrong maybe, maybe he'd drink again.
John walked up to the bar and ordered a burger and fries. He asked for bottled water and was about to walk over to a table when he heard someone playing pool. He heard the crisp sound of the balls scattering into all different pockets and for a second he had forgotten it couldn't' t be her. He quickly looked up towards the table and nope it wasn't her. But he knew who it was, it was the other man, her other husband, her ex husband, the one he had helped to break her heart. Christian stood playing pool alone when John approached him.
"Hey, how are ya? I thought Michael told me you moved to Philly a few months ago?" John said, as he got closer to the pool table.
"I did" Chris responded in a bitter tone. John and Chris watched each other for a few minutes, sizing each other up again like old times. Finally Chris spoke.
"I came back for the wedding" was all Chris said as he continued to play pool while John stood back and watched.
"Oh.. I bet she was a Beautiful bride," John said in almost a whisper
"She sure was, the most beautiful bride I had ever seen" Chris answered as John excused himself. John needed a drink, he needed something, anything to numb the pain, he didn't care if he was still hung over from last night, he didn't care, she was a beautiful bride, her ex husband said she was a beautiful bride, to be a beautiful bride you have to be happy, you have to be in Love. He walked over to the bar and slammed his money down on the counter.
"Bring me a bottle of JD" he demanded as he saw the bartender look behind him.
"Don't bring him anything" Bo said as he saw the state John was in.
"John, you can't drink now, I need you to come to work today, we're understaffed and I need help with a few unsolved cases that the governor 's putting pressure on me to solve" Bo said as John wanted to say no, he needed to say no. but he couldn't do that to Bo. Bo gave him his job back, he was giving him a second chance, but how was he going to get thru it with a married Mr. and Mrs. Casanoff working in the same precinct. He'd go for now, for today, for maybe a few days, few days till they were to come back from their honeymoon, then he'd leave, he'd help the best he could, then he'd leave.
John and Bo walked down a few blocks in silence and then they arrived at the station. Bo informed John that there was to be a meeting in Bo's office with all his key detectives to brief them and assign them cases that the governor wanted cleared up ASAP. John took a few minutes before the meeting and went to his old office that was now his once again. He looked around, he remembered sitting in his chair and being able to see her, see her smiling face as she sat and worked on her computer. He was brought out of his thoughts when an officer knocked on the door and told him it was time for the meeting in Bo's office.
John moved to the front of the office near Bo and sat with his back to the door as the other detectives gathered in.
"Alright, settle down, settle down men. I have four opened cases; I need everyone working together in two's. John I'll need you to work on one too, but new regulation say even if you're the chief of detectives you have to have a partner when working actual cases, i know it stinks but something about new protocol." Bo told his detectives and John as the detectives partner up and picked their cases. The one case that was left, Bo handed to John. John was about to open up his mouth about having to work it alone, alone the way he liked it when he was interrupted by Nick coming into the room.
"Sorry I'm late commish, I just got the message" Nick told Bo as he noticed John standing there holding a file. John saw Nick walk in and he was surprised, very surprised, were they not going on a honeymoon, was his job more important than spending a few days with Natalie or at least not working the day they got married.
"It's alright Nick. The rest of you can go get started" Bo told them and then he turned and motioned for John to stay.
"The two of you are gonna have to work on the Davis rape case together and I don't want any problems, got it" Bo told them and the two men shook their heads and slowly walked out of his office. The two men walked over by one of the desks and stood facing each other.
"You heard the commish, we have to work together on this case so I'm willing to put my feelings of hatred for you away so we can do our jobs, can you do the same?" Nick told John as their eye's searched each other's for a sign of weakness.
"I don't know if I can, my hatred for you just grows more and more and now to think you left your bride on her wedding day to come into work" John said as they both heard a noise come from behind them. They looked to see Natalie kneeling on the floor to pick up the files she had just dropped when she saw them together.