"Nick, you don't have to help, help me pick up the pieces any more remember?" Natalie told him, as she looked him in the eyes.
John saw her and he didn't know what to make of it, she was at work too. No, why? He asked himself, then he listened to their conversation, what did she mean by he didn't have to help her anymore, not with picking up the pieces. Then he listened some more to what they were saying.
"I'm sorry, it's.. it's just a habit" Nick said as he got up off the floor and walked back over towards John who had figured it out. The great chief of detective john Mcbain figured out they never got married they weren't even still engaged. He came to that conclusion as he searched her hand, searched it with his eagle eye's, no ring, there was no ring on her finger, not even her engagement ring. Yay! He said inside as a light went on in his head. He still held a chance; he still had a chance to be with her, she still loved him that must have been why she called off the wedding. He walked away from Nick as he saw she was still gathering papers from the floor. He bent down to help her, and that was when he realized, realized that it was going to take more to getting her back than picking up pieces.
"Leave them alone John, I can do it myself" she told him with an intense stare telling him to back off. John backed up a little and then continued to pick up papers.
"I said I can do it myself, leave them alone" Natalie told him sternly
"Natalie, I'm only trying to help"
"I think you've helped enough, thank you" she said bitterly and she grabbed the few papers he had gathered in his hand from him. John was shocked, oh, well not really shocked cause this was Natalie his Natalie, defensive and rebellious when she was hurt. She was also reckless and he prayed he'd be able to make things right with her before she did something stupid. John stood back up as did she when she finished gathering all her papers. They looked at each other but said not words. Nick noticed the intense stares and all the bitter words towards John from Nat and he shook his head. He was so sure she'd run to him last night, run back to him, had he been wrong? He stood there and listened as he heard John finally say something to Natalie.
"You didn't get married? You didn't marry him today did ya?" John asked after a few minutes of silence, he knew the answer but he wanted confirmation on it, he wanted nothing misunderstood.
"Wow! You are good Lt. Mcbain" Natalie said to John as she took herself and went over to her desk to sit and get some work done. John followed her over and Nick observed from a distance.
"I think we need to talk, can we go get lunch and talk?" John asked her as he saw she was about to protest but she stopped herself.
"You know what? I think maybe we should, we should talk, because I think we need to clear the air, come clean, start fresh, but not lunch. I have plans for lunch today. After work." Natalie told John as she saw John get a little excited about her wanting to talk.
John nodded his head and walked away with hope, hope in his eye's, in his face, on his mind, she wanted to work things out with him, she wanted a fresh start. His excitement was short lived as he went over by Nick to walk towards his office to discuss the case when Nick and John both saw the man approach Natalie.
The man had blonde hair and was taller than both nick and John. He had blue eyes and he smiled at her the minute he walked in the room. They seem to know each other and then Natalie grabbed her purse and left with the man. She called out to one of the officers whose desk was right outside of Bo's that she was taking lunch.
John and Nick both looked at them leave and then back at each other.
"Do you know that guy?" John asked Nick
"No, you don't either?" Nick asked and he shook his head no.
"You know all of a sudden I'm real hungry," John said heading for the door to follow them
"Me too" Nick said he walked a few feet behind John.
John and Nick followed Natalie and the man to an apartment complex, Natalie and the man went in and they tailed behind them. They watched as they went into an apartment on the second floor. They were listening closely and they thought they heard the man say welcome to my place, and what? Did he just say they didn't have much time today so they should go straight into the bedroom? John and Nick moved a little closer to the door when they heard those words. They listened by the door. Curious to the fact that Natalie and this man knew each other and what they would be doing in the bedroom. Well really they were hoping what they wouldn't doing in the bedroom. John started thinking maybe she was being reckless, this must be the reckless part of Natalie, this guy must have latched on to her somewhere and know that she was feeling betrayed and she didn't have Nick she was turning to him, this guy, this playboy, this..this.. John heard a scream come from the apartment and he turned to Nick and they both without hesitation agreed and pushed the door open. They heard Natalie scream again and they ran thru the apartment to find her. They ran into the bedroom and they saw the man had his arms around her slightly. When Natalie saw John and Nick her face changed from fear to anger.
John grabbed the man and he pushed him up against the wall. Nick went behind John to reinforce what John was telling the man.
"Touch her again, and you're dead. Understand me" John told the man as Nick chimed in.
"What he won't do to ya I will" Nick said as they turned when they heard Natalie
"What the hell are the two of you doing? Put him down"
"Now!" she told them and they did, John dusted the man off with an I'll beat the shit out of you next time look.
"Danny, I'm so sorry, so sorry. these..these.. men are ..are cops from where I work and I guess they thought you were taking advantage of me" Natalie said to Danny as she smiled trying to ease over the situation. Danny regained himself and his charm.
"Well I would have tried if I thought it would've worked" Danny said with a smile and a wink.
"I've got somewhere else I've gotta get to, I'll leave the keys inside on the kitchen counter, good luck, I'll call you in a few days." Danny said as he walked passed John and Nick who were at first fuming but then realized yet again a misunderstanding had occurred.
"What the hell… Who the hell do you guys think you are?" Natalie asked both of them.
"Natalie, I..I.." Nick trailed off hearing her anger
"No, Nick I'll deal with you later, John and I need to get a few things straight." Natalie told Nick and Nick told John he'd meet him back at the station.
" How dare you John, how dare you follow me and barge in like that, I don't exactly understand why you think you have the right. The right to do these things and to threaten that man shit John, what the hell is wrong with you?" Natalie asked as John wasn't taking her seriously, he was alone with her finally, finally alone with her. He would make her listen to him, listen now. He smiled to himself as he started walking around the apartment. He used his great detective skills and realized it was unfurnished; she must be moving out of Llanfair.
"Nice place, is it yours?" John said wanting to get her out of her anger for a few minutes so they could have their heart to heart talk. He smiled when she saw her soften and forget for awhile.
"Yeah, it really is nice and it's all mine" Natalie said as she too started walking around looking, trying to figure out where she was going to put her stuff.
"Hey, why'd ya scream?" John asked casually.
" Not that it's any of your business but, I saw a spider" Natalie told him a little embarrassed
"Still afraid of spiders are ya?" John asked shaking his head, Natalie wasn't afraid of much, she had grown up in a home she had told him that had mice and even a rat occasionally but spiders she was afraid of. John shook his head and walked in the living room of the apartment.
"That spot would be perfect" John said as he pointed and walked over to a spot on the other end of the living room.
" Perfect for what?" Natalie asked looking at the spot near the window overlooking the view of a flower garden in the back of the complex.
"For your favorite thing, a pool table" John said and he smiled.
"You know I probably could ask Mac to give it back to you, I know it's been there for a long time but, maybe you could ask him, he has a soft spot for you, you know. Then we'd be able to play anytime we wanted." John said knowing he was about to see her fire ignite. He was purposely trying to get a heated response from her.
"Excuse me! What did you mean by that last comment? Do you expect to be here with me when I play pool? I think it's time for that talk John" Natalie said as she walked over to him, he was still standing over by the window. He turned and stared at her for a minute before either spoke.
"I'll go first...I.. I need to tell you why I came back.. why.. well.. umm.. I came back for you Natalie, back from AC and you kinda gave me a wake up call when you visited me at O'Malley's. when I left six months ago.. when we.. when I lost you, I lost another piece of me, a big piece of me, I had loved you without realizing it for so long, you were, you are a big piece of my life, and then I lost it, I lost you, all the pieces became jumbled, sort of like my mind right now and none of it fits, none of them fit." John told her never wavering his eye's form hers
"John, you had missing pieces before I even came along, I wasn't the reason behind you losing it, them, you were" Natalie told him
"True, but losing you just pushed me over the edge, I mean.. You are it for me, you were the only reason I had to keep it together, seeing you, talking to you, whether being your friend or your lover I needed you around always. Even if I couldn't have you the way I always dreamt of having you, as long as we were near, as long as I knew where you were and that you were safe, I could deal with the longing for you, but then.. Then I had a taste of what we could be, we were together and it was probably the most fantastic feeling I've ever felt, but there was this thing between us, this lie and I knew it was all going to end. And it did. You completely shut me out, no more friendship, no more anything." John said as he started to pace the floor running his hands thru his hair
"But John, I tried after that. I forgave you, and I wanted to try, you didn't., you didn't do anything. you stood around and lost it ." Natalie told him as she watched him stop walking and look at her.
"I know, I know, I guess I thought maybe you deserved more, better"
"Bullshit! You wanted me to do it all! You didn't want to be a man and try and make up for things, why? Why not even try? Chris was still trying, but you.. You gave up. I loved you and I tried again with you but I couldn't do it all." Natalie said never wavering her eyes from his
"My father, Caitlyn, you. Three people that I loved very much all in different ways and I guess I just thought that sooner or later I'd end up losing you again. I'm not sure if this is even making sense.. But I thought maybe if I didn't try so hard, maybe you'd do what you did and give up, give up on me like everyone else had, you'd leave now before I got in even deeper, before I learned to express to you how I really felt about you. It was better to think you hated me and moved on with someone else then to feel the pain of losing you if I had you. I know.. I'm not making sense again.. I just can't get the words right!" John walked around the room emotionally exhausted from trying to find the right words.
" What is it you want from me John, do you even know? Do you want to be my friend? Do you want to be my lover? Do you want to just be acquaintances? What!" Natalie asked him while stepping in front of him causing him to look at her and stop moving around the room.
"I want you to be mine, all mine with no interferences from ghosts, from ex husbands, from... from" John said while searching her eye's for her fire, her fire for him, his words were cut off by hers
"Why now John, why now? How come the change, the change since I saw you in AC with the blonde, since I saw you drunk"
" I don't know Natalie, I don't know, it's like I realized something that night, that I had been trying so hard to push you away, away from my heart completely that I was destroying myself in the process, and all for nothing, cause I can't and I won't get you out of my heart. If I did I'd die, there would be too much of it missing, too many pieces gone and it would collapse. I missed you the whole time I was gone, the whole time I ached to know what you were doing, I ached to see you, but I..I drank instead of feeling; I slept around and imagined it was you. That way I could fool myself into thinking I still had a piece of you, a piece in my heart. I was a fool Natalie, a fool." John said taking a break; this was emotionally exhausting for him. He hadn't laid his feelings out like this for anyone ever.
"Natalie just tell me, tell me what I have to do, do for us to be together again. Cause I'll do it, anything, what ever it is, I need them back, I need the pieces of my heart, I can't afford to lose anymore of them, I can't afford to lose you again." John said as he watched her, watched her think, she thought for a few moments and looked confused.
"That's it John, I just don't know, i don't know anymore. I mean.. See I had this great guy after you walked away, this great guy who loved me and I sort of loved him to, or at least I convinced myself I loved him, but I couldn't completely, I haven't been able to get you out of my heart since I met you, and I wanted to, I still want to.. I just don't know how to, even when Chris was released from prison, you were in my heart, I didn't want my husband I wanted you even if I was mad at you. but it can't be, I realized that this isn't a good thing, we aren't a good thing, and I need closure to it before, before maybe I let another great guy get away." Natalie told him not just with her words but with her body language
"I don't understand the problem Natalie, I still want you and I've admitted it now, I've admitted that I love you and you still love me. Why? Why look for another great guy when one is standing right in front of you, one that you already Love" John said as he took his hands and placed them on the cheeks of her face. He stared into her eyes, they were glassy and he leaned in and kissed her. It was a soft gentle kiss that sent chills up and down Natalie's spine. After the kiss Natalie pushed away from him.
"Why then? Why the woman at your hotel room last night? You had just told me you loved me earlier and then when I let my guard down again, when I remembered all the good times and I go to tell you I wasn't going to marry Nick, why? Why pick up the first broad you see and take her back to your place." Natalie asked as she pulled his hands off her cheeks.
"Natalie, you jumped to the wrong conclusion with that one, I was drunk, but I couldn't, I wouldn't, I couldn't not anymore, I wouldn't sleep with anyone ever again and pretend it was you, you are what I want and I'm not going to stop till I have you again. All of you. Not till I have all the pieces of my heart back again. I love you Natalie" John said as he again took her lips, this time anxiously, he deepened the kiss and he felt her, felt her respond to it this time. As they continued to deepen their kisses, their hands found each other's bodies. John's went to Natalie's back and they moved backwards till Natalie was up against the living room wall.
Natalie's brain wasn't in charge any longer, her heart was, her desire for him was. She pushed him back gently and started on the buttons of his shirt. John's hands quickly went to her shirt as he pulled it up by its hem causing her to stop with his buttons. She looked into his desire filled eye's and licked her lips wanting more, much more, she felt him grab her breasts with his hands and then she felt his mouth also attack the top of them over her bra. She leaned her head back slightly again against the wall and she couldn't believe how he was once again making her feel, how she felt like she was on fire, she felt like she was going to explode if she didn't have him inside her. She went for his belt and she.. She.. Stopped. Her brain pushed all thoughts and desires out of her. He felt her become motionless, he felt her stop.
"What's wrong?' John asked her as he stared into her eyes and didn't even attempt to move his arms that had her pinned against the wall.
"It's just.. it's just to soon, I mean it's happening to fast, I need time to process all of this, all that you've said, I can't afford for this to be a mistake. I don't feel it's right emotional or physically." Natalie told him as she tried to break away from his arms that still had her pinned.
"I need to go, let me go" she said gently still looking into his eye's.
"I won't let you run away from me, I can't let you" John told her
"I won't be running, I'll be walking, but not away from you, not away from us, just taking a short stroll till I figure out in my head if it can trust my heart, trust it around you and even if it wants too, and until. until.." Natalie said a little hesitantly
"Until what Natalie? What?" John asked
"Until I know that my body won't be harmed by the choices you've made over the last six months."
"What? I'm not following you here Natty" John asked confused as to where this was going
"I won't be letting any piece of your body inside mine till...till I know for sure"
"You've definitely lost me here" John asked still very much in the dark
"For sure that your clean. I mean.. I don't know who or what you had relations with when you were thinking of me and ... and "
"Natalie you don't have to worry about that" John told her finally realizing she was worried about what he could've picked up from one of the woman he slept with.
"But yes I do, you might not have cared about who you were with but I'm not going to put my health and my body in jeopardy because your ways of dealing with how you felt about me were misguided. I care about myself too much to take that chance" Natalie said as John finally released his arms that were pinning her. John took a few steps back
"What do you want me to do Natalie be tested?" John asked and before Nat could answer yes her cell phone rang.
"Ignore it" John said as she pulled it out of her pocket and looked at the caller Id
"I can't it's Jess, she's too close to her due date with the baby" Natalie said as she answered it. She spoke to Jess quickly and then hung up.
"I've gotta go, she's in labor and I'm her Lamaze coach." Natalie said as she headed to the door without a second glance at John.
"Wait I'll drive you" John said running behind her.