John and Natalie finally got finished getting completely dressed and returned to the front seat of the car. They sat in silence as John started the car and began to drive Natalie back to the carriage house, both sat with matching smiles caused by their lovemaking. John pulled into the driveway of the carriage house.
"Hey" John said turning off the car and turning his head and meeting her smiling face.
"Hey yourself" Natalie said back knowing that words weren't needed.
"I've gotta get back to work" John told her
"You can come by later, you know after work, even if it's late" Natalie told him
"I was planning on it" John said and he leaned in and kissed her softly before they said goodbye
A few weeks had passed and Natalie and John were enjoying each other's company and also enjoying taking care of Jessica's baby together. They had, had some alone time here and there over the past weeks but they had spent most of their time at the carriage house with the baby or even at the park taking her for walks. John was starting to spend his nights with them also, every night to be exact and all night long.
Natalie would sit and think of how wonderful things were with John and with having the baby around, the way they were was almost like they were a family. But, she knew, there was no real commitment from John and the baby wasn't hers. And even thou her sister was getting better and had even taken care of her child a few times she couldn't help but be sad by the fact that sooner of later Jessica would take her baby back and Natalie would be left all alone again. She had hoped the feelings of loneliness would be different, she had hoped that when baby Jess, which is what she liked to call her, left the carriage house and her that she wouldn't feel the same pain as when she lost her own baby.
One night Natalie was sleeping wrapped in John's arms when she woke. She had a strange dream, there was a child and a Dr in her dream, it was weird because it so reminded her of the Dr from the clinic, Dr Winters, the Dr who had known Natalie since she was a little girl, the child in the dream, the girl looked like Natalie, at first she thought it must have been her but then the little girl called the Dr daddy. Natalie shook her head trying to remember more but she couldn't. She carefully got herself out of John's arms and walked into the nursery to check on baby jess and try and figure out why the dream made her feel so strange. She looked at her niece and figured it was because of today. Today Jessica would move into the carriage house with Antonio so they could start taking of baby Jess together. Everyone including the Dr's believed the Jessica was now fine to take care of her baby. Natalie looked at baby Jess' little face and she lightly touched it. She turned when she felt him walk into the room.
"I'm sorry I woke you, I couldn't sleep" Natalie told John as he moved closer
"Thinking about today huh?" John asked softly as Natalie motioned to go outside of the baby's room.
They walked into the bedroom and Natalie walked over by the window and looked outside.
" I was thinking how nice it was, you know the three of us, just like a dream I use to have" Natalie said as he came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her from behind.
"You can have that dream again you know, I bet this time it'll come true" John told her as he leaned in and kissed the side of her neck.
"I don't wanna talk about this right now, I wanna go back to bed, I'm tired" Natalie said as she took his hand and led him to the bed. She lay down and he did to, he wrapped his arms around her and she fell asleep a few minutes later. John felt her fall back to sleep but he didn't sleep, he thought about her, about things, about how nice this was. How nice it was to wake with her every morning, see her when he went to bed a night, make love to her almost every night. How nice things were with the baby also, how it almost felt like the baby was theirs and they were very much in love and married. He knew why she was upset, it was because she had felt those things too, she felt an attachment to the baby, her sisters baby but now she was going to feel alone, her sister would take her baby and Natalie would feel the pain again, almost like she did losing her baby all those years ago, John never wanted her to go thru that kind of pain again, he wanted her to know he was here for her, that he loved her, that he wanted a life with her, in his dreams he had seen her as his wife and the mother of his children and he wanted and needed her to know that. To know what he wanted them to be to each other, what they could be, the so much more that they could be to each other. He closed his eye's knowing what he had to do. He fell asleep again having the dream of her as his wife and their wonderful life together.
Morning came quickly when John woke to again see she was out of bed. He showered and went down stairs with his things. He put his duffel bag with this things down on floor next to here packed suitcases, he looked towards the kitchen when he heard her come into the room. Natalie handed him a cup of coffee and gave him a quick kiss good morning. John watched her as she started to straighten the place up, she was nervous and upset, heck he was upset to. John walked over by her and took her hands in his and made her look at him.
"I thought maybe I'd take the day off, you know so we can spend it together, maybe go do something fun." John told her and he watched the sadness in her face.
"No, I'm gonna just stay here a little bit with Jess and the baby and make sure their both alright before I head over to my place." Natalie told him with glassy eyes. She didn't want this to end, she wanted to stay in this place with John and with the baby, but she knew it wasn't her baby and John wasn't...wasn't...family.
"Natalie, are you sure?" John asked her continuing to stare into her glassy blue eyes
"Yes, I'm sure, I'm fine John there's no need to worry about me, I know she's my sisters baby, I know she's not mine. It was just nice taking care of her, you know since I don't think I'll ever have my own and I'm not really sure I can even have my own physically speaking because of my...my. never mind it's not important. Have a good day at work" Natalie said and she kissed his cheek and dismissed him. John wanted to stay with her but she didn't want him to, he knew she wanted and needed to work things out in her head alone. John kissed her back and he left the carriage house, after assuring her he'd meet her later at her apartment.
As soon as John was in the car he pulled out his cell phone and called Michael, he asked Michael if he could meet him at Rodi's, that he had a few questions about a case he needed answers on. John also called the station and told them he wouldn't be in today. John walked into Rodi's to see Michael already there.
"Boy, that was quick?" John asked
"I was on my way here when I got your call, what can I help you with?" Michael asked as they both took a seat at a table
"Okay, I need a little medical help, if a person, say a female had a baby that was..was..stillborn would there be any reason she wouldn't be able to have another baby ? And that baby not be healthy?"
"I'm sorry, I don't have a cut and dry answer for you with out looking at her files, I mean stillborns happen all the time it's a fact of life, but sometimes there's a reason for it, maybe the mother can't deliver a baby, maybe something went wrong with the pregnancy that the doctor didn't pick up on, she could just not be able to bring a baby into life. It's to hard to figure out without all the facts, if you've got a file I'll be more than happy to look over it." Michael told him and John knew he needed more information to find out, find out for Natalie if she could have another baby and it not end up the way it did when she was younger.
"It would also help if there was a pathology report on the unborn baby, lots of times they do tests on the baby to see what may have caused the death." Michael also informed him.
"Thanks, Michael for the help I've gotta go" John said and he knew he had to get the info they needed from the clinic where it happened. He took the train to Ac. he walked into the clinic and waited as a nurse talked on the phone at her desk.
He was still waiting for the nurse to get off her phone when he looked around, he had been here so many times when he worked for the AC police and it hadn't seem to change.
"What can I help you with?" the nurse asked
" Hi, I'm detective Mcbain and I need to find out information on a patient from about ten years ago" John told her and he saw the nurse look passed him over at something. The nurse got up and walked over behind John.
"Elizabeth, I told you your father is in with a patient, you can't go in there till he's done" John heard the nurse say to a girl trying to sneak into an examine room. The girl had strawberry blonde hair and her back was to him. He looked away once the nurse took her seat again but then he looked back a few times at the girl still only seeing the back of her.
"I'm sorry I can't give you those files without a court order and you know that, but I can see it's very important to you, so I've been here fifteen years and I have a really good memory if you tell me the name maybe I can help you with something" the nurse told John.
"Natalie Balsom" John said and he saw the nurse get white in the face and quickly glance to see where the girl was. John saw her expression change at the sound of Natalie's name and then he watched her look again at the girl behind him, john also turned and looked at the girl now sitting waiting for her dad and he saw her face this time. The girls face, Oh. My. God! He said to himself and he turned back towards the nurse.
John looked at the girls face and in his gut he knew, he knew who he was looking at, he knew the face, the blue eye's, it was Natalie, a little version of her. He knew by the way the nurse looked that she knew something too, he wanted more than anything to take the nurse by the neck and make her tell him, tell him everything, but he knew he couldn't, he couldn't even let on what his gut and also what his heart was telling him.
"Ms. I really need those files for a case, it's a very important one and If you could maybe just help out a little, just let me see the files for a few minutes, I would appreciate it" John said as another nurse approached the nurse's desk to hand her some paperwork.
" I'm sorry Detective not without a court order" the nurse said and walked away with the other nurse.