Chapter Two: Eavesdropping

Everybody remembers the part in the first volume of the manga (as well as in the fourth episode of the Anime) when Hatake Kakashi tells his three new pupils that he has "lots of hobbies" but fails to elaborate. In the course of the story, as written by Masashi Kishimoto, we only find out that in his spare time, he either trains himself or reads his favorite books. What most people don't know is that he has devoted his life to something other than being a ninja, eavesdropping. Yes, Kakashi is an avid eavesdropper. He spends much of his time hiding in bushes, writing down what he hears people say, and post them on the internet, but he twists everything he hears to make it even more comical. Almost everybody in the Hidden Leaf has been to his website, but nobody knows who has been writing their conversations (except they're often very different) for the whole village to see. Kakashi has cleverly given himself the perfect pseudonym, tHE mASTER. Obviously, although he is a great ninja genius, his skills with the Caps Lock key are very poor.

What nobody realizes is that Kakashi wants people, especially his own students, to find out that he is tHE mASTER. He has devised his secret identity as a test for his fellow ninjas to see if they can read "underneath the underneath" (AN- credit to LinkandLuigi of course). He hints to his secret identity every now and then, but sadly, nobody has figured it out.

On his first day off in weeks, Kakashi decided to update his infamous website. He chuckled to himself (of course, there was nobody else in his apartment) as he grabbed his notebook and pencil. He jumped out of his window and landed in the bushes near his apartment. Since he was a ninja genius nobody saw or heard him, and he landed quite gently. He silently waited for his first prey to sit on the bench in front of the bushes. Inuzuka Hana was the first to sit on the fateful bench to eat her breakfast: waffles. Before she could finish carefully pouring her syrup, her younger, genin brother, Kiba dashed toward her and grabbed her meal.

"HEY! LEGGO MY EGGO!" She screamed in an unladylike manner. "NO! DON'T EAT IT!" She screamed as the selfish Kiba gorged down her precious food. He shot her an impish grin that was shared by Kakashi hidden in the bushes. He began fervently writing. Inuzuka Hana: "Hey! Let go of my child! No! Don't eat him!" Kakashi would have laughed, but it would have made his presence known. He looked back to find Kiba screaming, "CHILD ABUSE!" as Hana bounded forward.

"I can't believe you ate my meal!" Hana ranted as Kakashi wrote, "I can't believe you ate my baby!" Kiba shrugged.

"Who cares?" Inuzuka Kiba: "Who's the father?"

"Why, you!" Hana screamed in frustration. Inuzuka Hana: "It's you!" Kakashi smirked; he was having so much fun. He decided to move on to another bush. He targeted one nearby, mostly because Hyuuga Hiashi had stopped with his youngest daughter. Kakashi inconspicuously situated himself in a very convenient "eavesdropping" position with his pencil at the ready. The clan leader knelt down to Hanabi's level and placed her on his knee.

"Hanabi, there is something very important I wish to tell you." She straightened up in preparation for the big news. He placed his left hand on her small shoulder. "Hanabi, I love you much more than Hinata." Kakashi began writing eagerly. Hyuuga Hiashi: "Hanabi, I love you much more than my wife." Hanabi clasped her hands over her mouth and then wrapped them enthusiastically around her father's neck.

"Oh, daddy!" She cried happily. While they hugged, blissfully ignorant of Kakashi's mischievous intentions. Hyuuga Hanabi: "Oh, darling!" The silver haired man laughed loudly as he snapped his notebook shut. He darted away, and the two Hyuuga looked around cluelessly for whoever had laughed earlier. Kakashi was already gone; he was speeding down the street so fast that it was difficult to see him. When he finally stopped running, Kakashi found himself at a window looking into the barbeque restaurant, and he saw Chouji and Ino seat themselves at the table near the window. Kakashi instantly ducked down before either genin could see him. As he pulled his pencil and notebook out of his pocket, he focused his attention on their conversation.

"This isn't a date, right Chouji?" questioned the blond as she scanned her surroundings, hoping that no one has seen her in the restaurant, alone, with Chouji! How horrible would that be! However, Kakashi had seen them together. Yamanaka Ino: Yay! I'm on a date with Chouji!

"Of course this isn't a date, Ino. We're just hanging out as friends." Chouji reassured his vain teammate. "Besides, dating you would hurt Shikamaru's feelings, because I think he may have a crush on you. I would never try to hurt Shikamaru!" Akimichi Chouji: This isn't a date, Ino, because I think I have a crush on Shikamaru.

"Nah, I don't think he has a crush on me, considering that he is probably too lazy to even try liking a girl." Ino said with a bemused expression. Yamanaka Ino: I think I like him too. Kakashi chuckled to himself once again, and he ran off to go home, deciding he had done enough damage that day. Besides, he just couldn't wait to update his site.