Chapter Three: Spice Girls
"You know, its getting awfully close to Halloween, and I still don't have a costume idea." Sakura complained to Ino and Hinata. The three girls were hanging out in Sakura's room and painting each other's nails one fine afternoon in October. In fact, it was October 30th, and they all still didn't have costumes. Yes, they were in so much trouble.
"Ah-actually, I have an, um, idea." Hinata spoke softly.
"Oooo! Do share!" expressed Ino excitedly as she clapped her hands together. Unfortunately, the nail polish container was in her hand, and its cap was off. She, however, was too excited over the prospect of finally having a costume idea that she didn't mind that the polish was spilt all over her hands and legs. Besides, it was purple nail polish, so it matched her outfit.
"Well, I th-thought that maybe we could be the Sp-spi-"
"Oh!" interrupted Sakura, "We should be the Spice Girls for Halloween! I used to love them! Then again, who didn't?" The girls chuckled as if Sakura had said something funny, even Hinata, who wasn't the least bit upset that Sakura had interrupted her and had STOLEN HER IDEA! Okay, so she was a little upset, but she tried to not let it get to her.
"So," Sakura continued, "we have to decide who is going to be whom."
"I-I would like to be Po-" began Hinata, until she was cut off again, but this time by Ino.
"I want to be Posh!" declared Ino loudly. Sakura instantly glared at Ino.
"I wanted to be Posh, Ino-pig!"
"Well, th-then I guess I'll be Gin-"
"Fine, Ino, I'll be Ginger." Sakura groaned. Hinata would have groaned too, if it wasn't so uncharacteristic of her. Since her first two favorite Spice Girls were taken, Hinata agreed to be Baby Spice. The girls then realized that they had a small problem: they needed two more girls. Luckily for them, Tenten had just magically walked into Sakura's room.
"Hey!" shouted Ino, "It's a girl!"
"Um, yeah, I'm a girl." Tenten said.
"Oh, you must be Sporty Spice!" exclaimed Sakura. Tenten looked at the pink haired kunochi with a confused expression.
"My name is Tenten, not Sporty Spice."
"That's not what she meant," explained Hinata quietly, "we are going to dress up like the Spice Girls for Halloween, and we need a Sporty Spice." After having Hinata repeat what she said five times, because nobody heard it the first time, Tenten agreed to be Sporty Spice. Now all the girls had to do was find a Scary Spice. Then again, they realized that there were no other significant girls in Konoha, so they decided that they have to settle for a guy. Honestly, would it be that hard to convince a guy to cross-dress?
The four girls ventured out of Sakura's house, and they first came upon Kiba. As he saw the girls approach him, he was totally unsuspecting. Perfect.
"Hey Kiba-san!" shouted Ino, "For Halloween, would you like to be Scary Spice?"
"No way!" he vehemently protested, "I would much rather be Posh!" There was a beat of silence, before it was broken by Tenten.
"You know, Kiba has nicer hips than you, Ino. Maybe he would be a better Posh…" Sakura, Tenten, and Hinata then looked down at Kiba's nicely shaped hips and nodded their approval. However, Ino did not approve.
"NO! I'M POSH!" yelled Ino loudly, just to make sure that everyone understood that fact.
"Well then, if I can't be Posh, then I won't be a Spice Girl." Kiba decided as he scooped Akamaru into his arms and walked away. After all of the girls sighed in unison (like all Anime characters), they trekked over to the park, where the found Neji…twirling like a ballerina. Although he was quite graceful, it was also quite disturbing.
"Neji-kun, what are you doing?" questioned his befuddled teammate, Tenten. Neji instantly snapped his legs together and looked up at the four kunoichi. For a moment, he was at a loss for words.
"I was, uh, practicing Kaiten."
"On your toes!"
"…What do you want?"
"Well," began Ino, "we are dressing up as the Spice Girls for Halloween. But the problem is that we don't have a fifth person."
"I will be Posh!" Neji said a little too quickly. The girls were taken aback at Neji's proclamation.
"NO! I AM POSH!" Ino exploded (not literally).
"Maybe Neji-san should be Posh." Sakura said. "His hair is much prettier than yours." Both Hinata and Tenten nodded as the girls (except Ino, who was fuming) stroked Neji's hair in admiration. He folded his arms and smiled smugly, for he was very proud of his hair. Ino groaned and pulled her three friends away before they became too attached.
They made their way across the park and found Lee training with Gai-sensei, or that was what it kinda looked like they were doing. They seemed to be digging a large hole in the ground, and the girls were sure that something like that was probably illegal. Both of them, on the other hand, were shouting at the top of their lungs as they usually did.
"LEE, I AM SO YOUTHFULLY SURE THAT WE CAN DIG FOR A VERY LONG TIME, WE CAN REACH THE WIND COUNTRY!"
"OOOOOO! CHINA! ISN'T THAT IN THE WIND COUNTRY, GAI-SENSEI?
"YES, IT IS!" He automatically gave Lee the "nice-guy" pose, which, of course, Lee automatically reciprocated. The girls pulled out their sunglasses to cope with the double-threat of both Lee's and Gai's shiny teeth. Tenten spoke first once it was safe to remove their sunglasses.
"Wow, I bet their eyes are immune to the light."
"Hey," said Sakura suddenly, "why don't we ask Lee? He would definitely do it, considering that he's in love with me!" Tenten choked in response.
"Lee as Scary Spice?" She gasped. "Oh no! That's too scary! Trust me on this one; I know him better than any of you."
"How about we ask Shikamaru?" asked Hinata, "I see him over there on the hill." The girls nodded in agreement as they headed for said hill. There, they found the lazy nin, sleeping in broad daylight. Ino's mouth stretched into an impish grin.
"Say, why don't we kick the lazy bum until he wakes?" The girls, save for Hinata, pulled their legs back, ready to strike, until Shikamaru bolted into an upright position, flailing his arms above his head.
"Hey! Don't kick me!" he said. The girls lowered their legs.
"Shikamaru-san, may we ask for a favor?" inquired Sakura sweetly. Shikamaru's eyes scanned each of the girls' faces.
"Depends. Were you planning on asking me for the same favor right after kicking me?" Sakura, Ino, and Tenten glared daggers at the Nara boy, and Hinata just continued to press her index fingers together. He rolled his eyes. "What's the favor?"
"We need for you to wear a Scary Spice costume, since we are going to be the Spice Girls for Halloween." Tenten explained. Shikamaru slowly stood up and brushed himself off.
"Hmm, how troublesome. I'd rather be Posh, anyway."
"NO! I AM ALREADY POSH! GOT THAT! ME!" screeched Ino. Luckily, Shikamaru had predicted such a reaction, and he had plugged his ears with his fingers, and thus prevented heavy damage to his delicate ears. Phew.
"Actually, Shikamaru-san might make a better Posh than Ino, since his hair is the right length and color, and he has a nicer butt too." Tenten commented. All of the girls, minus Ino, cocked their heads to the side to get a better view of his derriere. If Shikamaru wasn't so lazy, he would have felt uncomfortable. But alas, he was too lazy. Ino, now jealous, pulled the three girls away. Wishing she was as bootylicious as her teammate, she dragged the other girls all the way across the park.
"Okay, we still need to find a Scary Spice." She reminded them. They all pondered for a minute until Tenten interrupted their pondering.
"Oh, I know! Kakashi-sama should be Posh Spice! He is so much sexier than Ino, and his abs are so much tighter! He would look better in a dress anyway!" Meanwhile, tHE mASTER had been eavesdropping on the young ladies. Kakashi instantly jumped out of the bushes to inform the disappointed kunoichi that he declined, and he left.
"Oh, that was odd." said Hinata, pointing out the obvious. Her friends nodded, and the girls resumed their quest to find a boy willing to go into drag and become Scary Spice. As they saw Shino in the distance, a thought crossed their minds: Shino is probably too socially-inept to know who the Spice Girls are, so he might agree if he doesn't realize that he is dressed up as a girl! Oh, these girls are so sneaky. The quartet of females approached the bug-loving anti-social ninja, hoping that he would join their group.
Shino, however, was not paying attention to the girls. He was leisurely lying in the warm grass, watching a tiger beetle crawl across his hand. He was almost smiling, but not quite. When he finally took his eyes off of the beetle, he found himself surrounded by women, all of which were smiling down at him. How queer, he thought. Since he is anti-social, he probably didn't realize that the popular connotation of the word is "gay," not "strange." Good thing he didn't say it out loud.
"Hello, Shino-kun." the girls chimed in unison, thus adding to Shino's confusion and alarm. But Shino is unflappable as always, so he didn't show his confusion or alarm. Sakura bent down lower.
"May we ask you for a favor?" Sakura asked sweetly. Before Shino could even speak, Sakura continued. "The four of us are doing a joint costume thing on Halloween, and we need a fifth person to be Scary Spice. Could you do that for us, please?" The other three kunoichi bent down to Shino's level as well. Shino, to their displeasure, was distracted by his own thoughts. Hm, its so strange that she has pink hair. Is it her natural color? Then again, I have never seen her mother. It would be quite unfortunate if it was her father with the pink hair. I would never want pink hair, for I am already socially outcasted enough as it is. It does look nice on Sakura-san. She is quite comely…
"Um, Shino-kun?" Hinata managed to snap Shino out of his train of thought.
"I do not know of this 'Scary Spice.' What does he look like?" inquired Shino innocently. The girls, except for Hinata, smirked in a not-so-innocent manner. Their scheme was going according to plan. Tenten decided to elaborate.
"Well, Scary Spice has curly, brown hair. It's kinda like yours, but only lighter and longer. It sometimes is styled with two odd cone things. Scary Spice also wears boots, and tight pants, and, uh, midriff shirts, and-"
"Wait," interrupted Shino, "this Scary Spice sounds feminine. We are talking about a 'he,' right? That's why you wanted my help, right?" The girls bit their lips, hoping that he would still agree, even if they didn't say anything. Hinata, however, could no longer lie to her teammate. She sighed and stood upright.
"No, Scary Spice is a girl. I-I'm really sorry, Shino-kun." She pulled a picture out of her sweater pocket. "She is one of the Spice Girls. Here is a picture of them." Shino sat up and accepted the picture. The rest of the girls stood up as well, knowing that the jig was up. Shino looked at the picture for a bit, then he looked up at his fellow ninja, pointing at one of the Spice Girls.
"Hm, if I wanted to dress as one of these girls, I would want to be this one. Nevertheless, I do not wish to be-"
"I'M POSH, DAMMIT! NO ONE BUT ME IS GOING TO BE POSH!" Ino shouted at the top of her lungs.
"You know, Shino-san does have nicer calves than you, Ino. He would make a good Posh Spice." mused Tenten. Sakura, Hinata, and even Shino proceeded to stare at the calves of the Aburame heir.
"Yes, they are quite nice, aren't they?" commented Shino. The girls nodded in agreement, except for Ino, who was shaking with fury, even down to her small, inferior calves. The blond ninja stormed off, and her three friends tore their eyes off of Shino's calves to follow her. Once they caught up, Hinata decided to make a decision.
"H-how about we ask Naruto-kun? We might as well make him Posh, since his eyes have a prettier color than Ino's…" Ino didn't even bother to say anything this time, especially since she has now lost her voice from all of the screaming.
"Nah, let's not ask Naruto," said Sakura, "because I don't want to see him in drag." Hinata then began to play with her fingers as the other three shuddered. The girls instantly stopped walking when they saw…
"Oh my God!" shouted Tenten, "It's a girl!"
"Yes," said Kurenai, her brows furrowed, "I am a girl." She was tempted to point out that her womanly features were more voluptuous than theirs.
"Kurenai-sensei," spoke Hinata softly, "we were planning on being the Spice Girls for Halloween, but we have a little problem." Kurenai saw the problem instantly.
"Ah, I see. There are only four of you, and you need a fifth. Well, I guess I can help you guys out. Can I be-"
"NO! I'M POSH!" With the help from the authors, Ino had found her voice.
"Fine, I guess I won't help you guys, then." And with that said, the full-fledged kunoichi turned around and walked off, leaving the girls helpless and Scary Spice-less.
"Where are we going to find a Scary Spice!" shouted Sakura in frustration.
"I'll be Scary Spice." The girls turned around to face Gaara, who had been magically transported to Konoha. "That is, I'll do it under three conditions." The insomniac held up three fingers, and he ticked them off as he stated his conditions. "One, I don't have to wear her usual outfits. Two, I am going to be scarier. Three, I can kill as many people as I want. Savvy?" (AN: Heehee, PotC2 comes out next summer!)
"Uhhh, well, you see, that was a rhetorical question. Yeah, a rhetorical question! We already found a Scary Spice. Heh heh." With that said, Sakura led the other girls as they fled from the creepy Gaara.
Once Ino returned home, she headed for the bathroom right off the bat. She scrutinized herself long and hard in the mirror.
"Dammit! Why do the boys have to be so much hotter than me!"
