Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all his friends (and enemies) are the brain-child of J.K. Rowling. I'm just borrowing them. Exclusive ownership belongs to JKR, Arthur A. Levine Books and Scholastic Inc. Jane Sinclair and all additional characters belong to me. You belong to yourself.


And you may find somebody kind to help and understand you

Someone who is just like you and needs a gentle hand to

Guide them along

So maybe I'll see you there

Downtown, Petula Clark

Chapter 3 – Ghosts from the Past

where Jane does some shopping and meets someone she does not expect…

"You should definitely try these on, too," Tonks exclaimed excitedly, thrusting several velvet dresses at Jane, just as she stepped out of the fitting area.

They had been at Madam Malkin's for over two hours now, because Jane's mission to buy a few serviceable dresses and robes had turned into a full-blown fashion show. Tonks had seen to that.

"You need more than just a couple of robes," she'd said, pulling various clothing articles off a nearby rack. "Winter is coming soon, and you may as well splurge on a more extensive wardrobe. Once your training starts, you won't have much time for shopping excursions."

Jane looked at the fancy dresses in her arms with some confusion. "What…?"

But Tonks just clucked her tongue. "You're a teacher now. You'll be expected to dress the part and attend the upcoming balls and parties. You need some dress robes."

Jane sighed and disappeared behind the curtain once more. Alone, she reverently touched her hand to the exquisite material of a particularly pretty burgundy-colored gown. She couldn't remember the last time she'd worn anything remotely sexy. Suddenly, she couldn't wait any longer. She tore off her own clothes and slid into the burgundy dress. It fit her like a glove – given, a tight glove, but it clung to her in the most provocative way. Jane smoothed her hands over her hips, over her breasts. She never knew her décolleté could look this alluring. She gave a tentative swirl and the enchanted mirror showed her a 360 degree view of herself.

"Are you trying them on?" Beyond the curtain, Tonks sounded very impatient.

"Yes," Jane answered breathlessly.

"Oh, let me see, let me see!"

Jane pulled back the curtain and modeled the dress for her friend.

"Oh, I love it," Tonks breathed. "You look beautiful."

"Yes, the dress complements your coloring perfectly," Madam Mankin commented from the background. "Not many brunettes can pull off such dark colors."

"Next, please," Tonks demanded.

Jane didn't need to be told twice. She quickly tried on the black one, followed by the emerald green, and she loved them both. But it was the last one, a midnight blue confection of simple elegance, which took her breath away. She couldn't think of one single occasion she would ever wear it, but she had to have it, no matter how much it cost. She made some quick calculations and hoped McGonagall's generous advance would cover everything. It took some willpower to take off the velvet dream of a dress and again don her Muggle clothes.

"Hey," Tonks protested when Jane reemerged from behind the curtain. "I haven't seen the others, yet."

"That's alright," Jane soothed her, handing the gowns to Madam Malkin. "I'm taking them all."

The seamstress was unable to hide her astonishment and gratitude. She hadn't expected the mousy woman in the inappropriate Muggle clothes to have such good taste. She walked over to the considerable stack of clothing on the shop counter and added the dresses to it.

Tonks clapped excitedly. "I knew it," she squeaked triumphantly. "You do like the clothes!"

Jane smiled at her indulgingly. "How ever are we going to get everything back to Hogwarts?"

Tonks grinned. "No worries, Jane. We can have them delivered, or we'll do a reduction charm. Minimize the parcels."

Jane blushed. She'd been away from the Wizarding world for so long it hadn't occurred to her to use magic. Tonks noticed her embarrassment and patted her arm.

"It's all right," she said. "It'll all come back. You'll see."

Madam Malkin interrupted them by discretely handing them the bill. Jane looked at it briefly and cringed. It was a lot, she conceded, but she could afford it. She paid Madam Malkin while Tonks got busy with the parcels. Soon they left the dressmaker's shop, their purchases all neatly tugged away in a single manageable package.

Jane consulted her shopping list. They had managed to get most of the items on it. "I still need to get my wand."

"Right-o, Ollivander's is just over there."

As they entered the tiny shop, its unique musty smell hit Jane, evoking a distant memory. She recalled how she had entered it as a young eleven-year old, excited and apprehensive about getting ready for her first year at Hogwarts. Mr. Ollivander had left quite an impression on her that first time they met. He had seemed all-knowing, yet very mysterious. He knew of the secret connection that existed between wand and wizard, knew how and why a wand would choose its owner. Now, almost twenty years later, Jane felt the same apprehension rising. She feared discovery. She wasn't ready to disclose her true identity, to explain her return.

"Ah," an ancient voice greeted them from the stacks. "Who have we here?"

Mr. Ollivander had not changed since Jane saw him last. His face was still as wrinkly, his white hair still as disheveled, his eyes still as piercing. She swallowed hard while he scrutinized her intently. She could only imagine what he would think of this young woman, who looked so out of place in her Muggle clothes. When his gaze met hers, recognition flashed in his eyes. Mortified, Jane took a step back, ready to run. Tonks, however, held her back.

"Mr. Ollivander," Tonks chimed in, "Miss Sinclair here is in need of a new wand. Her old one, uh, was, uh, lost."

If he understood her subtle hint, he didn't let it show. He slowly nodded, accepting her unoriginal explanation and appraised Jane once more. "Yes, I think I might have something you'll like."

He disappeared into the stacks and soon returned carrying several dusty boxes. He opened one of them and showed her a delicate looking wand. "Mahogany," he explained, "with a hair from the mane of a unicorn. Try it."

Jane fumbled the wand out of its box, her fingers shaking with nervousness. She waved the wand but nothing happened. "Wingardium Leviosa," she called out, pointing the wand once more at a nearby lamp. Nothing.

"Hm," Ollivander mused. "Never mind. Let's try another one." He fingered a couple of boxes before tapping one in particular. "Ah, yes. Maybe this one."

Jane tried it, as well as ten more. Tonks was looking positively bored by now. She had perked up for a while, after Jane blew up a globe, the register, and three vases in rapid succession. Mr. Ollivander, too, was becoming increasingly frustrated. He looked more frazzled than usual. He studied Jane long and hard until she thought he saw into her very soul. Suddenly, he jumped into the air.

"Of course!" he exclaimed. "Why didn't I think of it earlier? It would be worth a try."

He hurried into the stacks and the two witches could hear him rummaging about for quite some time. He finally reappeared carrying an antique-looking beautifully worked wooden box.

"This," he told them, as he placed it in front of Jane, "is truly an original. It was crafted over two hundred years ago by the first Ollivander who opened this very store. It has yet to claim its master." He opened the box, revealing a plain looking wand. "Until now, no one has been deemed worthy to master it. I wonder," he said thoughtfully as he offered it reverently to Jane, who weighed it carefully in her hand.

"It is made of wood cut from a weeping willow blessed by Merlin himself," he explained, his voice becoming increasingly agitated. His eyes were glued to the wand, which suddenly began to gleam promisingly. A pale blue light emanated from its tip. "It is fortified with dragon's breath and purified with unicorn tears. Go on," he urged Jane. "Try it."

She had barely lifted the wand in the direction of an old rickety chair, when it rose gently into the air where it hovered effortlessly in its place.

"Astounding," Ollivander announced admiringly. "No one has ever been able to wield it." He rubbed his hands together in satisfaction. "Well, I believe we have found you a wand, Miss, uh, Sinclair."

---

Jane was pouring over a book on spells in the library, when somebody tapped her gently on the shoulder. She jumped and gave a small yelp.

"I'm sorry." Remus grinned insincerely, while Jane struggled to compose herself.

"You are not," she countered surly. She hated being sneaked up on while she was reading.

"You're right," he admitted and leaned against the table.

"Shhh," Miss Pince reprimanded them from a distance and Remus smirked again.

"Can I help you with anything?" Jane hissed.

"Minerva wants to see you. I offered to fetch you."

"No ulterior motives?"

"Well…" He hesitated for a moment. "I hoped we could talk while we walk to her office."

He no longer sounded amused. There was a serious tone in his voice.

"Of course," Jane answered, collecting her things. "What's on your mind?"

Remus led her out into the hallway. He examined her new attire with unconcealed approval. "I see Tonks has been telling the truth. Your visit to Diagon Alley has been fruitful."

Jane smiled. "You could say that."

"And your first week of classes has been going well?"

"No complaints so far."

"Good. And you've been catching up on things?" He nodded towards the books and papers in her arms.

"Yes. It hasn't been easy, though."

"I can imagine. That is what I wanted to talk to you about. Tonight you will meet an important group of people. We, uh, worked very closely with Albus Dumbledore."

"A secret society," Jane breathed intrigued.

"Yes, indeed," Remus assented. "Very secret, indeed. I am sure you will keep everything that you will see or hear in strictest confidence."

"Of course."

"You will receive part of your instruction from various members of the Order. Needless to say, much will be beyond the regular Hogwarts curriculum."

"I had no idea."

"Yes, well, Dumbledore had thought it to be of vital importance that you be educated and trained to the best of our abilities."

"Wow!" Jane struggled to wrap her brain around this bit of news.

"Mind you, it won't be easy."

"Oh, I'm sure of that. But I can handle whatever you throw at me."

"I would like to believe you, Jane…" Remus sighed. "…but there are certain things, certain situations, which will make your training rather uncomfortable."

"I am aware of that."

"You don't understand…" Remus looked rather distressed, Jane thought.

She patted his arm. "Don't worry. After the last thirteen years I can handle anything."

---

She couldn't handle that, she thought three hours later. Anything but that. Not after everything that had happened to her.

Jane quickly thought back whether there had been any indication of what awaited her at number twelve Grimmauld Place. She realized that there had been plenty of signs that should have warned her. There had been the choice words McGonagall had used during their conversation the night of her arrival and the way Remus had hedged the subject of the instruction she was to receive. Remus had tried to tell her, she reflected, but they'd reached McGonagall's office before he'd had the chance to tell her exactly what to expect. The Headmistress had already been waiting for them, and without much ado, they'd all departed Hogwarts with the aid of a portkey.

In London, she had met several members of the Order of the Phoenix and was happy to see Tonks again. Jane had learned of the details of Voldemort's return and the involvement of The-Boy-Who-Lived, Harry Potter. She was told of the Order's efforts to bring down the Dark Lord, and Dumbledore's plans to keep the Wizarding world safe. She'd received a schedule outlining her studies and practices. And she'd learned that she would receive her 'remedial' lessons from one single instructor exclusively, who would help her regain her magical competency before they could go on to her advanced lessons. Jane remembered looking from one member of the Order to the next, trying to figure out who would have to baby-sit her. She'd hoped it would be Tonks. They'd become fast friends in the short time they'd known each other.

"Well, who is it?" she had asked.

Jane remembered Remus stepping forward and clearing his throat. "Before we tell you, you must make a vow – an Unbreakable Vow – that you will not breathe a word to anyone of what you have seen and heard tonight"

She had nodded, somewhat taken aback by his earnestness. "Of course."

"Nor are you to disclose any information of future meetings you may be required to attend."

Jane had nodded again.

Remus had sighed and looked very uncomfortable. "Very well. Minerva?"

McGonagall had stepped forward and grasped Jane's right hand into hers. Remus had drawn his wand and held it over their entwined fingers.

"Jane," he'd asked her quietly, "will you keep tonight's conversations and the location of this place a secret?"

"Yes."

"And will you hold future meetings in absolute confidence, not disclosing to anyone whatever you may hear or see?"

"Yes."

Remus had tugged at his collar and looked at McGonagall, who'd nodded sternly.

"And will you," he'd continued, "keep secret any details of your studies, including your training location and the identity and whereabouts of your teacher?"

Jane had looked at him in confusion but received no explanation.

"Yes," she'd finally agreed, putting her trust in him.

Remus had tapped their hands one last time to seal the vow, and McGonagall had given her a quick reassuring smile before nodding at Tonks to open a nearby door.

"You may come in now," she'd called out primly.

Jane had looked expectantly at the door and almost fainted when she'd recognized the man striding into the room.

---

Yes, looking back, she should have guessed. The clues had all been there, only she'd been too blind to recognize them. Remus had tried to warn her, but now she was bound by an Unbreakable Vow. She would be taught by a Death Eater wanted for murder and she had just promised to aid and abet him. No, she really couldn't do it. They asked too much of her.

Remus took in her pale features, grasped her elbow and led her gently towards the table. Jane sat down heavily and looked at him questioningly.

He bent down to her and whispered, "remember, you promised."

Jane nodded slowly and turned her attention once more to the man in black who scrutinized her disdainfully from across the room. He didn't look any happier about the situation than she was. His blatant perusal of her riled her. Her chin came up and she met his gaze evenly. She would not let him intimidate her. Her subtle show of defiance was not lost on him and he cocked an eyebrow, intrigued.

Remus straightened and addressed the former Potions master.

"Severus, this is Miss Sinclair."

Snape nodded curtly. "Miss Sinclair."

"Professor."

Uncomfortable silence settled over the room, until McGonagall cleared her throat. "Yes, well, now… erm… Miss Sinclair, I realize that this might appear somewhat, erm, strange…"

"Strange?" Jane exclaimed incredulously. "Ever since I arrived one week ago, I have been bombarded with articles in the Daily Prophet recounting the events that led to Dumbledore's death. You yourself…" She pointed at McGonagall. "…said that the eyewitness accounts were irrefutable."

"Yes," the older witch admitted. "Potter is no liar. But you must understand… things aren't always what they seem."

"Unfortunately, subtlety is lost on Potter," Snape threw in smoothly. "He is unable to read between the lines, to see through appearances, to see beyond…"

Jane let her eyes wander around the room. The Order was dedicated to bringing down Voldemort. They would never harbor a known supporter of the Dark Lord or wanted murderer. Maybe her first impression in McGonagall's office had been right. She turned her attention to Snape.

"You didn't kill Dumbledore, did you? Someone else did, right? Maybe by using Polyjuice Potion?"

Snape's lips twisted into a cruel smile. "Oh, but I did, Miss Sinclair. I don't deny it. Good guess, though."

McGonagall cleared her throat again. "Miss Sinclair, we've all had our doubts and the most serious misgivings. However, erm, since I took residence in the Headmaster's office, I have come upon certain evidence, which, erm, sheds light on Severus' actions. Remus, if you please."

Lupin nodded, retrieved a Pensieve from a nearby cupboard, and carefully carried it over to the table. Jane leaned closer and saw a silvery liquid-like mist swirl in the basin.

"I hope this will help you grasp the situation better," McGonagall said primly. She saw Jane's inquiring gaze, and her expression softened. "Trust us. Just bend over the Pensieve and let it tell you its story."

Jane looked at Remus for confirmation and he nodded encouragingly. The last thing she saw before giving herself to the Pensieve was Snape's deadpan scrutiny.

"Severus, I am glad you could join me."

Albus Dumbledore's voice jerked Jane from her momentary bewilderment. She opened her eyes to find herself in a bare room surrounded by thick gray stone walls. There were no furnishings, no pictures on the walls. The flickering torchlight dispelled little of the gloom that reigned in this dungeon – for it was nothing more than that.

"Headmaster."

She heard his low monotonous voice before she saw him.

Severus Snape stepped out of the shadows. "You sent for me, Albus?"

Dumbledore waved his wand and two overstuffed wingback chairs appeared. "Please, Severus, take a seat. The conversation we are about to have will be unpleasant enough. We might as well be comfortable."

Snape wrapped his robes about him with flourish and sat down in his usual abrupt manner. Dumbledore waved his wand again and a small table appeared. On it was a tray holding two cut-crystal glasses and Ogden's finest Firewhiskey. The bottle poured its amber contents into both glasses, and Dumbledore smacked his lips in anticipation. Both men took a considerable gulp from their glasses.

"Well," Dumbledore finally said, looking at Snape, who had been watching him with uncharacteristic patience. "I shall certainly miss this."

"Going anywhere, Headmaster?" Snape drawled.

"My days are numbered. Oh, don't look so shocked, Severus." Dumbledore smiled indulgently. "It was bound to happen sooner or later. I only wish it could be at a later time. After…"

"I'm afraid, I don't understand, Albus."

"You will in a moment, Severus." He cleared his throat. "I have asked you here because of the vow you made to young Malfoy's mother."

Snape's expression became inscrutable, and he quickly reached inside his robes.

Dumbledore smiled again. "Put your wand away, Severus. You won't need it…yet."

Snape, however, didn't remove his hand. "I don't follow."

"Severus, I am asking you to fulfill your vow."

For the first time, Snape looked disconcerted. Something akin to pain flashed through his dark eyes.

"Albus?" he asked uncertainly.

"I am aware of Draco's mission – never mind how – and I know young Malfoy. Underneath his arrogance, he is a scared young man. Deep down he's still a boy. He doesn't have what it takes to follow through. He is not as cold as his father. Not…"

"Not as cold as I am," Severus smoothly finished the sentence for him. For a moment, the pain in his eyes intensified, before a veil of indifference fell over them. "I see."

"Severus…" Dumbledore sighed sorrowfully. "That is not what I was going to say."

"Well, what then, Albus?"

"Your life hasn't been particularly happy, Severus."

"I am well aware of that. I need no reminding." The Potions master's voice dripped with ice.

"It may have crippled you emotionally," Dumbledore said gently, his voice without rebuke or pity. Severus scoffed, but did not interrupt. "But," the old wizard continued, "it also made you a strong man. A determined man. You keep a cool head when others lose theirs, and you see things through. You do not fail."

From her hiding spot, Jane could see Snape's stony expression falter. He raised his glass to his lips once more and his hand was shaking visibly. Whoever had said that Hogwarts' Potions master had no emotions was wrong. Snape was obviously waging a terrible war with himself. He valiantly struggled for control.

"Severus," Dumbledore called him to attention.

"You want me to kill you…" Snape stated dully, his voice shaking slightly.

"I want you to spare me a most undignified and agonizing death," Dumbledore corrected him. The Headmaster's voice had taken on a strong and determined tone. "There is no one else I can trust with this task."

Snape scoffed again. "I'm already a spy. I might as well add murder to my long list of qualifications."

Tears collected in Dumbledore's eyes. "There is no one, Severus, who knows more than I do what horrors and indignities you are forced to endure in the name of the Order, for the safety of both, the Wizarding and Muggle worlds. It pains me to add even more to your suffering. But you see, I'd rather die at the hand of a friend than from this…"

Snape's eyes grew wide in horror when he saw Dumbledore's withered hand. "When? How?" he choked out.

Jane, too, felt sickened but did not understand the Potions master's reaction.

"That is neither here nor there." Dumbledore sighed wearily. "All that matters is that it happened."

"How far has it spread, Albus?" Snape had quickly recovered from his shock. Once more he wore his mask of indifference. Only the small hitch in his voice betrayed his true feelings.

"It hasn't reached the elbow, yet. There still is some time."

Snape nodded slightly.

"Do you understand my request now, Severus? I know you had no choice when Narcissa asked you to make the Unbreakable Vow. I know also that you are destined to fulfill it. You will forfeit your life if you don't, and there is much, yet, that you must accomplish. When the final battle approaches, you shall be needed more than ever. Lives will depend on you. I shall die happy knowing that others will be spared. I am asking you, Severus, to do me this last service and I want to absolve you of all responsibility before it's too late."

"If I didn't know better, Albus," Snape answered after a long silence, "I would say that you were doing this to ruin my life once and for all. However, I have known you for more years than I care to remember, and you have always had a reason for your actions, even though they weren't always quite clear to the rest of us. I have never understood your foolish propensity to believe in the good of everyone. Furthermore, you continue to keep a blind eye to that insufferable troublemaker, Potter. That in itself should be considered a most serious error in judgment. However, despite it all, you are the only person I have ever trusted."

He grimaced slightly. It wasn't easy for him to say what came next. "In your own way you've always had faith in me as a person… When the time comes, I shall do as you ask of me."

"It won't be easy… afterwards, Severus. You will be a wanted man."

"Oh, I know, Albus. Believe me, I know." His forced indifference did not hide the pain in his eyes.

"Severus, I promise you…"

The scene before her became blurry. Jane leaned closer to hear the rest of the conversation but she felt an inescapable tug, pulling her away. Suddenly, Jane was back in number twelve Grimmauld Place. The members of the Order were watching her curiously. Only Snape appeared indifferent. He was studying her, though, with an intensity that sent shivers down her spine and made her shift uncomfortably in her seat. It was only when Remus offered her his handkerchief that she realized she was crying.


Lost and Found © 2005-2006 by MMHG