Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all his friends (and enemies) are the brain-child of J.K. Rowling. I'm just borrowing them. Exclusive ownership belongs to JKR, Arthur A. Levine Books and Scholastic Inc. Jane Sinclair and all additional characters belong to me. You belong to yourself.
Such a lonely little girl in a cold, cold world
Jeanny, Falco
Ihr habt mich verurteilt Transl.: You have judged me
Coming Home, Falco
Chapter Six – Windows of the Soul, Part II
…where the rest of Jane's past is revealed…
Jane felt a cool hand on her forehead and she moistened her lips. Her mouth was dry and her throat hurt as though she'd been screaming. "What happened?"
"You fainted," Severus told her quietly. "Your memories overwhelmed you."
She struggled to sit up, and he helped her into one of the armchairs. As soon as he was sure she wouldn't faint again, he let go of her and straightened.
Severus muttered a few words and a bar of chocolate materialized out of thin air. "Here," he handed it to her, "eat this. It'll help."
Under his watchful gaze, Jane nibbled obediently on the chocolate. When she finally could eat no more, she put it aside. "You saw everything, didn't you?"
He didn't hesitate or tried to lie. "Yes."
"And?"
"It appears we have more in common than I thought."
She snorted. "The murderer and the murderess. Yes, we're a fine pair."
Awkward silence settled over them. Severus went over to the fireplace, rested one hand on the mantle and stared into the fire.
"Dumbledore never disclosed the details of Beadle's death to anyone," he finally said, still staring into the fire.
She nodded slowly. "He wouldn't have. He and the other members of the Wizengamot were sworn to secrecy."
"We all knew you were somehow involved, but since no known magic could have caused Beadle's… injuries…"
"…everybody thought that I had sliced him up in a manic frenzy," she completed the sentence for him.
He slightly inclined his head. "Well, I won't deny that some may have thought that…"
"I bet." She snorted.
"Others, on the other hand, myself included, thought that the two of you were attacked and he died defending you. To this day, this is the most accepted version of what happened."
"Ah, yes. The noble hero saves the damsel in distress. It never grows old."
"Why is that so inconceivable? He was an experienced Dark Arts teacher and you a student – by all counts still untried, still unlearned. It was a natural assumption. No one would have guessed that you had the ability to overpower an adult wizard and kill him with unknown magic. It was only after you did not return to Hogwarts that we all realized there might be more to the story. Unfortunately, no real explanation was ever given. Needless to say, that fueled the rumors even more."
"No one knew I was banished?" Jane hadn't expected this. It certainly explained why her return to Hogwarts had been so smooth, her welcome so warm.
"We were all told that your parents had sent you to another school abroad, so you could get on with your life without the constant reminder of your terrible ordeal."
"I… see." She digested the information for a moment. Suddenly, a thought occurred to her. "Then how…?"
"How did the Order know that you had stood trial and were banished?"
She nodded.
"I believe Dumbledore had been researching your case ever since Beadle's death. He became convinced that you played a pivotal role in the fight against the Dark Lord. He charged the Order with discovering your whereabouts. As I said, he never disclosed any details, but he did reveal that you, indeed, had been banished by the Ministry for committing an Unspeakable Act. Needless to say, we were stunned."
"I can assure you, it took me by surprise, too."
"How did you do it?"
She shook her head, not wanting to remember. "I don't know."
"You don't remember?"
"No, I really don't know. I was in such horrible pain and I wanted him to experience what I was going through. I wanted him to bleed as I did."
Severus nodded distractedly. He had felt her pain. It had been quite terrible. "And so," he pondered out loud, "you visualized your pain, gave it shape and projected it onto him."
Jane shrugged. "If you say so. I wouldn't know. And I don't wish to know! Ever."
Severus studied her thoughtfully. "What happened at the trial?" he asked her softly.
She shook her head. "No more."
"You acted in self-defense. Why were you banished?"
"Well, that should be obvious, shouldn't it?"
"Tell me," Severus insisted.
"No," she denied him stubbornly.
He sighed. "Accio wand."
Her eyes grew round when she saw the determination in his eyes. "Wh-what?"
"Legilimens!"
Once more, he invaded her mind and she resigned herself to his assault. It was much easier to show him than having to go through the agony of voicing the words.
She was sitting, chained to a chair, in front of the Wizangamot. The trial had been closed to nosy and bloodthirsty onlookers, but the dungeon-like surroundings and the sheer size of the Wizengamot council were intimidating enough. She would have felt better, had there been any familiar faces in the crowd. The only wizard she recognized was Professor Dumbledore, but he did not meet her gaze. She was all alone. Her parents had refused to come with her. They had told her what they thought of her. How she had shamed them and brought shame upon the ancient House of Fenton. No matter what the outcome of today's trial, she would be dead to them.
She hadn't slept in days, the terror of being raped still fresh in her mind. But now she trembled in fear of what would happen to her. She was being tried for attacking a teacher, for murder. The wizard who served as defense counsel had assured her that her circumstances would warrant leniency, but she was still scared.
The scene shifted to a later part of the trial. A heated discussion was taking place among the Wizengamot council.
"She attacked and killed another human being," one witch screeched outraged. "Her professor. She must go to Azkaban!"
"You know that is out of the question, Roberta," Dumbledore countered mildly. "She is underage. The law forbids underage wizards to be sent to Azkaban."
An elderly wizard at the end of the row opened his mouth to speak, but Dumbledore raised his hand, bidding him to be silent.
"Nor will we reinstate the death penalty, Albertus," he said. "I know how fond you are of that particular punishment, but we have fought long and hard to abolish it. One killing does not justify another. And let me point out again…" He looked meaningfully into the crowd. "…that Miss Fenton's actions were provoked under the most abhorrent circumstances. Let us not forget that she acted in self-defense. Professor Beadle's conduct towards her was most despicable."
"That is her side of the story," another witch spoke up. "What real proof do we have that everything occurred as she claims?"
"We have all had the opportunity to watch Miss Fenton's memories of the incident." Dumbledore remained to be the voice of reason. His gaze fell briefly on the miserable young girl who had so readily been thrown before the wolves. He noticed the hopeful way her eyes clung to him and sighed sadly. Her defense counsel had turned out to be utterly useless.
"We have also heard the testimony of Madam Pomfry," he continued, "who treated Miss Fenton following her attack."
"Memories can be altered, Albus," the wizard to his left threw in, "and people can be bribed. The point is: she created a Killing Curse on a whim and used it on another human being. It is Unspeakable as well as Unforgivable. This has never happened before. It cannot ever happen again. We cannot take the chance. Just consider. If she has such powers now, while she is still underage, imagine what havoc she will wreak when she's older. She is a danger to society. No, we cannot take the chance."
"We could banish her," a small voice piped in from the back. Several of the Wizengamot turned around to see who had spoken.
An old grizzled witch stood up. "We could banish her from the Wiarding world. Let her live among Muggles where she cannot use magic."
"She could still use it."
"Not if we place a Curbing Spell, which would strip her of her powers." She tapped a gnarled finger against her lips, lost in thought.
The council members began to discuss the suggestion with hushed whispers. The accused watched them in confusion, not understanding what was happening.
The scene shifted again.
"Clara Fenton, you have been found guilty of murder by using an Unforgivable Curse. You have used a most vile Killing Curse, hitherto unknown to the Wizarding world, to kill another human being, one Tristan Beadle, Dark Arts teacher at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Given your testimony and that of other witnesses, we allow that you acted in self-defense. Nonetheless, it does not lessen the fact that you have committed an Unspeakable Act."
She looked at them, wide-eyed, her apprehension rising. She turned to the wizard who was supposed to be defending her, but he didn't meet her gaze.
"It is, therefore, the Wizengamot's decision that you shall be banished from the Wizarding world for the duration of your natural life. Nor shall you be allowed any contact with anyone in our world. You will be forbidden to use any form of magic, and your life shall be immediately forfeit, should you violate this judgment."
The blood drained from her face, and had she not been chained to the chair in the center of the room, she would have collapsed. She looked pleadingly at the wizard standing beside her, but he only coughed and studied the fastenings on his satchel. Next, she looked at Dumbledore, who gazed at her empathetically. His wise eyes expressed pain and regret. She continued to look wildly from one face to the next, but only few seemed sympathetic to her plight. A sob escaped her lips.
The scene dissolved, and Jane found herself once more in the Shrieking Shack. Severus sat opposite her and watched her worriedly.
"Well, now you know," Jane said bleakly. She felt drained.
"Damn cowards!" He surprised her with his outburst, and she looked at him.
"Of all the weak-brained, faint-hearted…" he cursed again, shaking his head. Severus caught himself and fixed her eyes with his. "And no one spoke up on your behalf? Your parents? Your family?"
"Dumbledore was the only one who tried to help me."
"Yes," Severus said slowly. "Albus always had an unnatural affinity for lost causes." He scoffed. "I should know."
Jane placed her hand on his. "You're not a lost cause, Severus. I have faith in you."
"Then you're as big a fool as Dumbledore was." He tried to sound cold, but his voice quavered slightly.
"Dumbledore was no fool," Jane assured him gently, "and neither am I."
Severus searched her eyes, desperately wanting to believe her. His expression betrayed nothing. He stared down at her, oddly touched by her blind faith in him. The way she innocently clung to the idea that he could be saved, that he was worth saving, overwhelmed him. Her thumb began to trace lazy circles on his skin, and a muscle in his cheek began to twitch. His gaze dropped to her hand. It looked small against his, and, yet, its simple touch was powerful enough to arouse unfamiliar feelings within him, breaking through the years of self-imposed restraint. His fingers involuntarily curled around hers for the briefest of moments, before Severus came to his senses and pulled his hand away.
"You better go now," he told her suddenly. "It is late."
Jane nodded and stood up. She wrapped her cloak around her shoulders, but hovered for a moment.
"Um, Severus?"
He looked at her. "What is it?"
"Um, you're not going to tell anyone? About tonight, I mean. About what you saw."
"I will have to inform the Order of the reason for your banishment, should they ask. And we may have to explore your Killing Curse further. I have a feeling that this might be the reason Dumbledore wanted you back."
"But…"
He met her worried gaze and his expression softened. "I won't tell anyone about Beadle, Jane."
Jane heaved a sigh of relief. "Thank you, Severus."
---
Beadle was straddling her. He had caught her hands in one of his and stretched them high above her head. With his other hand, he pointed his wand at her face.
"It seems," he panted harshly, "you are not as clever as you think you are. Never, Miss Fenton, approach a fallen enemy, unless you know for certain that he is dead."
Jane tossed and turned in her bed. A sob escaped her lips.
"Expelliarmus!" A familiar authoritative voice sounded across the room.
Beadle's wand was ripped from his hand and hit the floor. The next moment, she was suddenly free, when Beadle was lifted forcibly off her prone form. Severus had grabbed Beadle by the neck and was shaking him, a terrible expression on his face. Jane shivered. She had never seen him this furious. He looked as though he was going to tear the Dark Arts teacher apart with his bare hands.
"What do you think you are doing, Beadle?" he demanded in a dangerously low voice.
"She… I…," Beadle began to stammer miserably.
"Time's up," Severus barked. He cast Beadle aside with utter disgust. "You better start running, Beadle."
However, as soon as he found himself free of the Potions master's vice-like grip, Beadle stumbled away and called his wand. He aimed it at the man who'd added to his humiliation, but Severus was ready for him. A silent dance of death ensued, as the two men began to duel, casting spell after spell at each other. Jane propped herself up to watch. Severus was feigning and attacking lightning quick, like a snake. He struck and withdrew. He dodged and countered. Beadle was becoming increasingly flustered and started making mistakes. In the end, he stumbled through the classroom, making a desperate effort to escape Snape's attack. Severus flicked his wand once more, and Beadle was propelled against the wall. The Dark Arts teacher slid slowly to the floor and moved no more.
A sob of relief left Jane's lips and caught Severus' attention. He rushed to her side and gathered her into his arms with such care and tenderness that it almost broke her heart. He cradled her to him as he had in the Shrieking Shack, as though she was precious to him.
"It's over now," he soothed her, pressing his lips gently to her temple.
Jane didn't look up. She lay sobbing in his arms, her face buried against his chest, unable to push the terror she had just experienced from her mind.
"Shhh," he whispered. "I'm here."
His tender voice touched her heart, giving her the strength to meet his eyes. "Severus, I…"
"What a touching picture," a malicious voice behind them interrupted her. Beadle!
"Avada Kedavra!" Beadle cried triumphantly.
Severus reached for his wand, but he reacted too slowly. Hit, he collapsed and remained crumbled on the floor, motionless.
"SEVERUS!"
Jane jolted upright with his name on her lips. She was desperately gasping for air, and her heart raced as though it was going to explode. She stared unseeingly into the darkness, waiting for the terror of her nightmare to gradually recede. For the first time in many years, her old nightmare had returned. Only this time it had been much worse. This time, her own terror had been nothing compared to the one she'd experienced watching Severus die. The pain of losing him had been unbearable.
Suddenly a thought occurred to her, and her eyes widened as it hit her. Oh no! She couldn't be in love with him! Or could she? Jane's sobs slowly subsided, as began to examine this possibility more closely. He was cold and intimidating, she began to count off on her fingers. But, she caught herself, he had been patient and gentle when he had massaged away her migraine. And had he not caught her in his arms when she fainted tonight? Held her close and comforted her? Sure, Jane had to admit, she wouldn't have fainted, if he hadn't made her relive the worst times of her life. She frowned. This wasn't going very well. She focused once more. Severus was dispassionate, disdainful, forever disapproving, simply insufferable. But, then again, he was a good teacher. He was knowledgeable and experienced. It was understandable that he set high standards. He knew she was capable of great things and challenged her. And he really wasn't dispassionate, she thought. Just because he didn't yell didn't mean he wasn't emotional. He definitely had a short fuse and quite a temper.
Jane cringed. She was making excuses for him. That could only mean one thing – she was in love with him! She groaned.
Lost and Found © 2005-2006 by MMHG
