Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all his friends (and enemies) are the brain-child of J.K. Rowling. I'm just borrowing them. Exclusive ownership belongs to JKR, Arthur A. Levine Books and Scholastic Inc. Jane Sinclair and all additional characters belong to me. You belong to yourself.
Tell it to me slowly (tell me what).
I really want to know. It's the time of
the season for loving.
Time of the Season, The Zombies
Chapter Seven – The Time of the Season
…where Severus is in no mood for Christmas, but gets a present, anyway…
Winter arrived with a vengeance, covering the entire land with a heavy blanket of pristine white snow. Hogwarts was preparing for the Yuletide season, and everyone, from the lowly house elves to the Headmistress, chipped in to make Hogwarts look especially warm and welcoming. Many students had opted to remain at school over the holidays, in the safety of the castle's wall.
Jane was sitting on the window sill in her bedchamber and stared out into the distance. She had pulled up a knee and propped up her elbow on it. An open letter dangled forgotten from her hand. So, she thought as she watched the snow flakes fall outside her window, the last piece of her past was finally wrapped up. The Ministry had eventually caved in and restored her inheritance back to her. Fenton Hall was hers. She wondered if it would look as she remembered it. She was curious whether her parents had removed any reminder of their murderess daughter. An overwhelming sense of loss came over her. So many wasted years. Such a waste of life.
In preparing her appeal to the Ministry regarding her inheritance, she had stumbled upon Dumbledore's letter to her. In it, Dumbledore had recounted what had happened to her family after her banishment. Her parents had begun proceedings to have her disinherited, when the press discovered their association with the Beadle killing. The Daily Prophet had printed article after article, exploring every possible rumor and scenario. The Fentons soon became outcasts in their circle and, to them, being cut by their peers was the worst that could have happened to them. They committed suicide not three weeks after Jane's banishment.
The letter fluttered to the floor, and Jane made no attempt to stop the tears that had begun to stream freely down her face.
"I'm sorry," she whispered.
---
Jane was collecting her things and prepared to leave. She hesitated, gathering courage to tell him. She dreaded telling him, but it could not be helped.
"Well," she began hesitantly. "I guess I won't see you until after the holidays, Severus."
His head jerked up. "What?"
Jane quietly endured his explosion. She'd known he wouldn't take it well. He glared at her angrily.
"You cannot just take a break when you want to, Jane," he informed her succinctly. "We cannot disrupt your lessons. Not now, when you're making such progress. There isn't much time, before…"
"I have to go," Jane interrupted him. "The Ministry has finally restored my inheritance to me. I need to visit Fenton Hall to see if it needs any work done. It has stood empty for thirteen years. Please understand, Severus. I must go."
He stared at her darkly. He was most displeased and vented his anger without restraint.
"Go then, if you…" he wrinkled his nose contemptuously, "…must. I thought your studies were important to you. Obviously, I was mistaken."
"Please don't be like that, Severus," Jane pleaded with him. "It's not like I want to go."
He fixed her with his intense gaze until she squirmed. Something akin to pain and disappointment flashed briefly in his eyes.
"When will you be leaving?" he finally asked her.
"The day after tomorrow. I have to attend the Yule ball."
"And when will you be back?" He looked indifferent as always, but the slight quiver in his voice belied his forced calm.
"As soon as possible," Jane told him. "But I don't think I'll be back before New Year's."
"Very well, then." He looked away and stared into the fire. "Good night, Jane."
Jane moved to the door, but couldn't bring herself to leave. An idea had popped into her head, and she wondered whether she should voice it. She spent several minutes mulling it over. In the end, she took courage and spoke up.
"Severus…"
He whirled around, startled. Clearly, he had thought her long gone.
"Why are you still here?" he asked her coldly.
"I just thought…"
"That's always commendable." The look he gave her chilled her to the bone.
"Never mind, then." Jane snapped. "It was a silly idea to begin with."
"Come on, now," he mocked her. "Don't be bashful now."
"Fine. I just thought that you've been stuck in here for such a long time. You must be going out of your mind being unable to go outside."
"I manage to keep myself occupied," he told her tersely.
"I'm sure you do. But that can't compensate for…"
"Get to the point." Snape stressed each word with forced patience.
"You could come with me…" Jane stopped herself, embarrassed.
There was a gleam in his eyes that she could not identify, but it worried her.
A furious flush suffused her face. "I only meant," she hurried to explain when he remained silent, "no one knows of our association. No one would expect you to be there."
"And, Jane?" He asked her quietly. "What then?"
His voice had taken on a low silky timbre that felt like a caress. His eyes held hers and her blush intensified. She recalled her dream and she almost blurted out exactly what she wanted to do. What she wanted him to do. With her. To her.
"I just thought," she said instead, "that you might enjoy the opportunity to escape this…" She waved vaguely into the air. "…this prison. Fenton Hall has beautiful grounds and there is a lake…"
Jane hated how her voice quavered. She knew he hadn't missed it and could only imagine how he planned on using this show of weakness against her.
"Jane," he informed her scathingly, "if I wished for more pleasing scenery or a more temperate climate, I would have gone to the continent."
"Well, I thought you would be pleased," Jane snapped defensively. Tears threatened to well up. This wasn't going how she had envisioned it. "I just wanted to help…"
"I… appreciate… your gesture." Severus took pity on her. "Another time, under different circumstances…" He cleared his throat. "Don't concern yourself with me. I shall be very busy in the coming days…"
"Alright." Jane nodded, pretending to understand. "You could have said that from the start, instead of biting my head off."
"Good night, Jane," he dismissed her, turning his back on her.
---
Jane inspected herself in the mirror. The midnight blue dress she had bought at Madam Malkin's so many months ago clung to her most attractively. Tonks stood beside her, examining herself critically. The two women were getting ready for Hogwarts' annual Yule ball.
"Ooooh," Tonks whispered reverently, looking at her friend. "I like it. It's simply gorgeous. Old Nightshade's going to have a heart attack. Or apoplexy. Or both."
"It would serve him right," Jane said dryly. "He's a grown man and he keeps following me around like a lost puppy."
"But he's very dignified," Tonks supplied eagerly.
It was a running joke between them that ever since Jane had helped Hogwarts' new Potions master maintain his dignity after a particularly nasty run-in with Peeves, he'd been pursuing her with staid persistence.
"I like your dress, too," Jane told her friend sincerely, pushing Professor Nightshade's somber visage from her mind.
"What? This old thing?" Tonks tugged at her own loud magenta dress.
"It's you," Jane assured her. "Remus won't be able to keep his hands off you," she added with a suggestive smile.
Tonks sighed dreamily. "Oh, I hope so. He's been so stuffy lately." She wrinkled her nose. "Doesn't want to do anything that might corrupt impressionable young minds. You wouldn't know it looking at him, but Remus was quite wild in his day."
"Well, I say: make love, not war." Jane commented. "With all that's going on outside Hogwarts, a little show of affection can be quite reassuring that all's well with the world."
"Hm," Tonks pondered, quickly warming to the idea. "Maybe I could convince Remus that being affectionate in public might actually be beneficial to all those impressionable young minds..."
"Well, if anyone can do it, it's you. Are you ready?"
Tonks skipped towards her and hooked her arm into Jane's. "Let's go."
---
Remus greeted them as they stepped into the Great Hall. He took in their appearances with an appreciative glint in his eyes, and offered either woman one of his arms. By the buffet table, Basil Nightshade choked on the Christmas punch as he beheld Jane. Both women noticed, and Tonks winked at Jane, who merely groaned.
The Potions master hurried across the dance floor, narrowly colliding with several dancing couples.
"Professor Sinclair," he greeted her, bowing so deeply she feared his spinal cord might snap in half.
She inclined her head in acknowledgment. "Professor Nightshade."
"May I have the honor of this dance?" He offered her his arm and looked at Remus. "You don't mind, Professor Lupin, do you?"
Lupin had noticed Nightshade's adoration of Jane and watched it develop over the weeks. And Tonks had filled him in on the Potions master's most recent attempts to woo their friend. Nightshade was harmless, he had concluded early on, just a lonely man who had his age and old-fashioned upbringing working against him. Remus chanced a glance at Jane, who was annoyed at the prospect of having to leave her friends. Fortunately, she decided to be graceful and put on a brilliant smile. Nightshade's worn face and tired eyes lit up hopefully.
"My pleasure, Professor," she accepted and let him lead her to the dance floor.
During the course of the evening, she danced twice more with Basil Nightshade, who proved to be quite spry for his age. When he finally had to sit down and fan himself, Remus swooped in and rescued her.
"So, when will we hear wedding bells?" he asked her mischievously as he swept her across the dance floor.
Jane laughed. "Not any time soon, believe me."
Remus swirled her around and glanced at the Potions master. "You've been very kind to him."
"He's a nice man…" Jane shrugged. "…who doesn't seem to have much joy in his life."
The unbidden image of Severus, all alone, flashed through her mind. He, too, didn't have much joy in his life.
"He's old and lonely, and having a young beautiful woman pay attention to him… well, it is a rare pleasure."
They swirled around the other dancing couples. "You should know," Jane told Remus pertly, nodding towards Tonks. "You're practically robbing the cradle."
A shadow fell briefly over his face and his face reddened. "Yes, well, I…"
Jane pinched him playfully. "Oh, don't get all flustered now. Tonks told me all about her relentless pursuit of you. You didn't stand a chance. Besides, everybody who knows the two of you knows that you are made for each other."
Remus grinned. "Well, I didn't put up much of a fight. In the end, it was just easier to let her catch me."
"And you haven't regretted it since." Jane nodded knowingly.
"Not one minute."
After Remus, she danced with two seventh years, who tried to use the dance as a pretext to wheedle their end-of-term grades out of her. She sent them good-naturedly on their way, but her mirth was no longer genuine. Severus kept popping into her mind. She could just see him, hunched over his work table, concocting potion after potion, desperately trying to keep himself busy, so the loneliness wouldn't overwhelm him. It broke her heart.
---
Jane stood in front of the door to his den, gnawing on her lower lip, contemplating the wisdom of her actions. She new how nasty Severus could get if he was disturbed. Besides, he wasn't expecting her. But in the end, compassion won out over fear. She lifted her hand and knocked three times. She heard something drop inside, followed by silence.
She knocked again. "Severus?" she asked softly. "It's me, Jane."
She placed her ear against the weathered wood of the door and listened. Nothing.
"Severus?"
"Go away!" Snape snapped back at her.
"Please, let me in. I…won't stay long. I promise. I just wanted to say good-bye before I leave tomorrow."
"Say your piece and leave." His voice was hoarse and fierce.
"I'm not talking to the door! Severus, please let me in."
Finally, she could hear him move. She stepped back, sporting a triumphant smile.
The door was suddenly yanked open, and the sight that presented her wiped her smile off her face. Severus peered at her through bloodshot eyes. His black hair was disheveled and his cheeks were hollow. He hadn't shaved and a faint stubble covered his jaw. He had discarded his robes, but still wore his usual attire of black trousers and severe black jacket over a pristine white shirt. Only now, the jacket was unbuttoned and the shirt hung partly open.
Jane didn't realize that she gaped at him open-mouthed until he told her so with a nasty sneer. The man in front of her was not the Severus she knew. Gone was her aloof and untouchable teacher. In his stead was a man of flesh and blood whose dark eyes sparkled dangerously, warning her that he was a man not to be reckoned with. Jane realized that her decision to come had been very foolish. She didn't know this Severus, didn't know how to handle him.
"What are you doing here?" he asked her drunkenly.
"I…," she began, not knowing how to continue. Underneath her cloak, Jane hugged herself, disconcerted by his hooded stare. Her fingers bumped against the small box tugged away in her pocket. She perked up. "Well, it's Christmas, and I…I got you a present. I forgot to give it to you yesterday."
She pulled out the colorfully wrapped box and held it out for him to see. She looked at him eagerly, but his expression took her by surprise. Jane didn't know what she had expected, but it certainly wasn't this. Pain and disbelief chased each other in rapid succession as he looked down at the small gift in her hand. It suddenly occurred to her that this might be the very first real present he'd ever received. A present that had no strings attached, that didn't ask for anything in return.
"Severus?" she asked softly.
Her voice shook him out of his reverie. He blinked once and a veil of indifference fell over his face. Stony-faced, he stepped aside and flung the door open, ushering her inside. The door slammed shut behind her, and Jane swirled around, only to find herself face-to-face with Severus. He leaned back against the door, piercing her with his intense stare.
"What's the real reason you're here?" he finally asked her.
She looked down at the present in her hand. "I wanted to wish you a Happy Christmas. I was at the ball and kept thinking of you being here all by yourself…"
"Ah," he said knowingly and lifted a finger as though he was emphasizing a particularly important point during one of his lectures. "You were feeling sorry for me!"
"No!" She shook her head. "I wanted to come. To see you. To keep you company."
He flung out his arms, forcing her to take a good look at him. "Well, now you've seen me," he snapped viciously. "You can be on your way now."
For a moment, Jane considered being as cruel to him as he'd been to her, but she recognized his desperate attempt to protect himself, and she refused to let him provoke her. Her gaze softened as she saw the naked despair in his eyes. She took in his untidy appearance and glanced towards the fireplace. Sure enough, on the floor lay an empty bottle of Ogden's. Jane moved to the fire to warm herself. She shrugged out of her cloak and held her hands against the flames. She felt his eyes on her, drinking in her appearance. His unabashed admiration gave her courage.
"Why are you doing this?" she asked him softly. "Why do you keep pushing me away?"
"You're the one who's leaving!"
His outburst caught her off guard. It must have shocked him, too, she thought, because he looked absolutely mortified at his admission. He hung his head, unable to meet her eyes.
"But I told you, I'd be back as soon as I could, Severus."
"What do you care?" he asked hoarsely. "Why did you come?"
"I was concerned about you."
"I'm touched."
Jane wrung her hands, muttering an oath under her breath. He was a most obstinate man.
"Severus, I realize that for most of your life you've never relied on anyone but yourself. But I thought we've become... friends."
He lifted an eyebrow. "Friends?"
She nodded emphatically. "Yes. Friends. And friends help each other when they're in trouble or when they're in pain. I wish I could take away your pain. I'd do anything…"
Severus didn't hide his surprise. "Anything?"
Jane gulped. She hadn't fully thought this through, yet. But if she wanted to prove her support, she'd have to stick with it.
"Yes." She nodded. "Anything."
"Well, well," he mused, his voice strong again. "Isn't that a surprise? You never struck me as the adventurous type."
"I'm full of surprises," Jane told him pertly.
Severus finally pushed himself off the door and sauntered towards her. He leaned against the fireplace mantle and brought his face close to hers. "So I see."
"Yeees, weeell…" Jane didn't like the turn their conversation had taken. Nor did she like the change in him. He was no longer a desperate lonely man, but a dangerous predator.
He leaned closer and she stepped back. He kept advancing on her until her back hit the wall. Severus brought up his arms and planted his hands against it on either side of her shoulders, imprisoning her. His gaze dropped, taking in her velvet-clad figure.
"Well, now, what have we here?" he breathed. Jane's widened when she saw unconcealed lust flare up in his eyes.
"You'd do anything?" he queried her again.
She swallowed. "If it's within my power, yes."
"Would you kiss me?"
Jane swallowed and nervously licked her lips. She'd never been a forward woman. Growing up, she had been trained to be passive and to never take the initiative. Seeing hope in his tormented eyes, she made up her mind.
"Yes," she said simply, squarely meeting his gaze.
"Now?"
Severus stared into Jane's wide eyes. He didn't really expect her to go through with it – well, he admitted to himself, he hoped she would. Still, she caught him by surprise when her hands cupped his face, drawing him closer. She looked deep into his eyes, telling him that she was alright with this, and lightly kissed him on the mouth. Her gentleness was almost too much for him to bear. A strangled sob escaped his lips and they pulled apart. Severus searched her eyes, unbelieving. Jane recognized the years of loneliness and sorrow mirrored in his eyes and her heart went out to him. She rose on tiptoes and kissed him again. Her lips were less gentle now in an attempt to drive away at least some of his torment. Disarmed by her tenderness, he clasped her to him with the desperation of a drowning man and lost himself in her kiss.
When they finally separated, his hands moved to her shoulders and he leaned his forehead against hers.
"What am I to do with you?"
"Let me stay," Jane said simply. She'd made her decision. "Let me keep you company. I will gladly do it."
Severus jerked away. "No," he hissed. "I will not have your pity."
"It won't be pity," she assured him as she reached for his face and traced the line of his jaw.
For a moment he leaned into her touch, reveling in her caress, but then he snatched her hand away. "Enough," he ground out. "No more."
He was still holding her with a vice-like grasp, but she did not pull away. He stared into her wide honest eyes, and his anger gradually subsided.
"Come," he sighed. "You must return." His lips pulled into a grim line. "They'll wonder where you've gone."
"You won't let me stay?" A lone tear rolled down her cheek.
He released her hand and gently wiped the tear away with his thumb. "No, you must go."
Their eyes locked. "One last kiss, so I may remember you."
That odd request caught her off guard. "Of course, Severus, but…"
He cut her off with a slow tender kiss. His tongue traced her lips and explored her mouth with such purpose as though he was memorizing the taste and feel of her. When he finally let her go, Jane sighed and picked up the present she had dropped during their kiss. She walked over to the workbench and placed the box on it.
"Happy Christmas, Severus," she said softly, throwing him one last glance, before she picked up her cloak and left.
Lost and Found © 2005-2006 by MMHG
