Chapter Ten

May, 2001

"Say what you have to say," Abbey told him.

"No, I have to go down," Jed replied. "They're going to brief me on an evacuation plan for Haiti."

"All right."

"You'll be up later?"

"When?" She asked.

"Probably three or four."

"Am I usually up at three or four in the morning?"

"Not usually," Jed answered.

"Then let's assume I won't be tonight."

Jed nodded and left the room, leaving her alone, with nothing but her thoughts, as she had been for weeks. She sat, marinating in silence, for a few moments, relying on her glass of wine to keep her composed. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, determined not to let tears get the best of her. When she heard the door open not after, she did not flinch. She couldn't decide whether or not she wished it would be her husband. Part of her wanted to talk this out, as like always had, and now, after he had blown heroff, part of her just said 'screw him.'

"Mom!"

Well, that certainly wasn't Jed. Abbey turned her head a bit, her eyes following her youngest daughter as she ran over and sat in the chair across from her.

"Did you see Dad's thing!" Lane asked, excitedly.

"Mmm-hmm."

"How amazing was that? 'Yeah. And I'm gonna win.'"

Lane squealed with delight remembering the thrilling moment when her father had uttered those exact words.

"Where is Dad anyway? I thought he was here."

"You just missed him, honey," Abbey replied, monotonously.

"Oh. So he was here?"

"Mmm-hmm."

"Did you talk to him?" Lane questioned.

"Mmm-hmm."

"Mom!"

Abbey sighed in exhasperation.

"What do you want me to say, Lane?"

"Well…I don't know! Just be a little more…excited?"

"I don't really see that happening."

"Why? What's wrong with you?" Lane asked, confused.

"Sweetie, why don't you go call your sisters, hmm? Maybe they'll share your excitement."

"Mom, come on. Tell me what's up. I'm fourteen, you can tell me stuff."

Abbey smiled sadly and shook her head.

"No, I can't."

"Mom."

"Zoey's on her way over here from her dorm. You should go wait for her."

"Okay." Lane relented. "Whatever. I'll see you later."

And so, Abbey Bartlet was, once again, left all alone.

"Abbey, you were lying down when I came in. I didn't see you."

"I believe you!" Abbey insisted, though she wasn't so sure she did.

She watched as he, satisfied with her answer, exited the room in a hurry. Then she closed her eyes and, as she has done numerous times in the past few days, imagined she was some place else.

Jed closed the bedroom door after him and turned, only to be stopped in his tracks by his fourteen-year-old daughter.

"Dad!" Lane cried. "I'm really glad I ran into you. I was actually going into to see Mom, but this is good because I…"

"Sweetheart, is this anything that could possibly wait? I have to read."

Lane stared at her father for a moment, trying to conceal the confusion she instantly felt at hearing his words.

"You have to read?"

"Yeah. I'm sorry, honey, I promise will talk sometime tomorrow, okay?" Jed asked.

Lane nodded reluctantly, careful not to look him in the eyes. She knew that if she did, he would see the glisten of the tears that were welling up in her eyes.

"Yeah."

"Good."

He touched her shoulder lightly, then set off toward the study, where he seemed to be spending an exorbitant amount of time lately. She shook her yet unfallen tears away, pushing a lone strand of her blonde hair behind her ears, then turned and knocked on her parents' bedroom door.

"Mom?"

"Yeah, come on in, Laney," she heard Abbey call back.

It had become a habit for Lane always to knock on her parents' bedroom door before entering. She had gotten herself into a few rough, scarring situations in the past, walking in on passionate arguments and passionate…other things she didn't like to think about. Regardless of whether or not both of her parents were in the room, Lane knew to knock. She had made the mistake of barging into their room nearly five years earlier, just in time to find her mother hunched over her bathroom sink crying copiously. She later found out that Abbey just had been informed of Leo McGarry's suggestion that her husband run for President of the United States.

Lane opened the door and walked in. Abbey took off her glasses and put her book on her nightstand when she saw her daughter come in. Lane smiled. Her mother always stayed on her father's side of the bed when he wasn't in bed with her, and vice versa. She didn't know exactly why that was, but she knew it was a good thing and she wasn't about to argue with it. Especially now, when she knew it wasn't all hearts and flowers with her parents, she was grateful to see her mother on her father's side of the bed.

"Hey."

"Hi, hon. What's up?"

Lane took a deep breath, then approached the bed with caution. Abbey invited her to sit, and she obliged.

"I just saw Dad."

"Yeah, and?" Abbey asked, gently.

"And I want to know what's going on. I want to know why Dad won't talk to you, I want to know why you're mad about reelection. Just tell me what's going on. I can handle it."

"No."

"Mom, please!" Lane implored her.

"No, Lane. I don't want you to have to take sides. I don't want to put you in that position."

"You don't think I deserve to know what's going on?"

"That's not what I'm saying," Abbey replied.

"Then tell me."

"Okay. But we're not spreading this information around, understood?"

Lane nodded in wholehearted agreement.

"A few years ago, shortly before your father's election, we made a deal."

"I think I remember something about that. I remember overhearing a fight you guys were having last year, about a deal."

"After the State of the Union?" Abbey asked.

"Yeah!"

"Yeah. The deal basically was an agreement that Dad would not run for a second term."

"Why? So you could get back to work and stuff? Like a compromise?"

"No, no. It wasn't about me."

"Sure sounded like it was about you last year," Lane said.

"Do you want to hear this or not?"

"Yes!"

"Okay," Abbey answered. "It had nothing to do with me, my career, any of it. It had to do this his health."

"What about it? I thought everything was cool."

"It is…cool. Right now, it's cool. But there's a very distinct possibility that in a few years, it won't be quite so cool. You know just as well as anyone that your father is overworked in this job, and that's fine. That's the way it's supposed to be. His life is his job. But all this stress, the constant state of emergency this place exudes, is not good for his MS in the long run. Do you understand?"

"Yes," Lane replied, quietly.

"And Dad wanted to keep the MS a secret from everyone. Staying in office for only one term was supposed to be his way of justifying that."

"Okay. But I still don't understand why you're so mad at him. He's screwing himself over, not you."

"No, honey," Abbey replied, struggling to stay calm. "He promised me. And by running for reelection, he's breaking his word. That's not something I take lightly from anyone, especially from him. He knows that."

"So that's why he's all avoiding you and stuff?"

Abbey nodded.

"I'm pretty sure, yeah."

"Well, that's retarded."

"Yes, it is." "I don't get it. Why don't you just break down that office door and say 'Dude. Talk to me.'"

Abbey couldn't help but laugh. She could always count on vivacious, fearless Lane for that.

"It just doesn't work like that, kid. And in a way, I'd like for him to come to me. After all, I am the wronged party here."

"I'm thinking Dad doesn't agree with you there," Lane replied.

"He's in denial. Eventually, he'll have to hop off that high horse of his and come talk to me. He's prolonging it."

"I don't know. I think maybe Dad has a point. He's a good president, and he loves it. Why shouldn't he do it for as long as he can?"

"I thought you said you were old enough to understand this," Abbey replied.

"I am, I'm just saying that, like…"

"You're not hearing me, Lane. There is an extremely real possibility that this job is going to kill him. Do you get that?"

Lane watched in horror as a few stray tears slid down her mother's cheeks. The emotions Abbey had tried to avoid delineating in front of her daughter had been revealed.

"And then what? Then I'm left alone, without him."

"You'll have us," Lane contributed weakly, truthfully unsure of what to say.

Abbey tried to smile through her tears, but her attempt wasn't entirely triumphant.

"I know, sweetie. But that's not the same thing. I can't do this without him."

"Can't do what?"

"Any of it! Forty years ago, I never thought I'd feel this way. I never thought I'd need some guy to survive. But now, after thirty-four years of marriage, I'm not sure I'd know what to do without him. So he works himself to death, and I'm left alone. An emotional wreck who cannot function of my own."

"So…this IS about you," Lane whispered.

"Okay, fine. I'm not going to argue with you anymore. You asked, and I told you. If you think I'm being selfish then so be it. I'm not going to argue with a fourteen-year-old about something like this."

Lane instantly took offense to the crack about her age, as she always did. Nothing angered her more than being belittled because of her age. Normally, the firecracker within her would have gone off and she would have set her mother straight, then stormed out of the room in a fiery rage. Not this time.

"I'm gonna go to bed. Night, Mom."

"Goodnight."

Lane leaned over and kissed her mother on the cheek, then tried not to rush as she left the room.

"Can I go a week without explaining myself?"

Abbey glared at him.

"You can go as long as you want without explaining yourself. Read your book."

"Sit down," Jed said. "We'll talk about it right now."

"I'm not in the mood, Jackass"
"Isn't there any way I could change your mind? 'Cause I really had my heart set on it."

"Go to hell."

After she left, Jed found that being alone with his thoughts was not something he could handle. Abbey could deal with it and use the time constructively. Jed could not. He slammed his book shut, placed it on the nightstand, and got out of bed. He decided to take a stroll around the Residence, with no definite destination in mind. Subconsciously, he may have been looking for Abbey, but all he was looking for on a conscious level was a distraction. When he reached Lane's closed bedroom door, he found the distraction he needed.

"Laney?" He called, knocking on the door. "Can I come in?"

"Well, your agents outnumber mine by like a thousand, so I guess refusing wouldn't do me any good."

Smart girl, Jed thought as he let himself into the room.

"How ya doin'?"

Lane shrugged in response.

"I'm good too, thanks," Jed said.

His words were met by an icy stare on her part.

"You're mad at me."

"Ya think?" Lane responded.

"Mom recruited you into her army, huh?"

"Uh, no. I'm not five, I can make my own decisions now."

"Fair enough," Jed allowed. "Mind if I sit down?"

"Kind of."

"Look, Lane, I'm sorry I couldn't talk to you before. It was really important that I…"

"Read. I know."

"Help me out here. What can I do?"

"Well, I'm trying to, ya know, read here, so you could...leave," Lane retorted.

Jed nodded.

"I deserved that."

"You know what, Dad? For some crazy reason, I feel bad for you. So I'm gonna give you a break. But Mom's not gonna be so easy."

Jed laughed, cynically.

"Tell me something I don't know."

"You really hurt her, Dad. She's not being selfish, she's not trying to make you unhappy. It's not just because she hates the White House and being in the spotlight. She's just looking out for you. She wants you to, like, grow old with her and crap. At first, I was on your side. I thought she was totally overreacting. But a person doesn't cry themselves to sleep just because they're being all dramatic. You're like…her husband. You're supposed to be comforting her, not making her cry. I mean, come on. Are you TRYING to screw yourself over? 'Cause I don't see you doing anything to fix this mess. Just talk to her. That's all she wants. And I know you love to talk, Dad, so I don't see what the big deal is."

Jed smiled.

"When did you get so smart?"

"Eh, I take after Mom."

Jed nodded.

"You certainly do."

"So you gonna go talk to her or what?" Lane questioned.

"If I can find her."

But when he returned to his bedroom after a long and exhausting search for his wife, she was asleep.