Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all his friends (and enemies) are the brain-child of J.K. Rowling. I'm just borrowing them. Exclusive ownership belongs to JKR, Arthur A. Levine Books and Scholastic Inc. Jane Sinclair and all additional characters belong to me. You belong to yourself.


Oh, can't you see

You belong to me?

How my poor heart aches

With every step you take

Every move you make

Every vow you break

Every smile you fake

Every claim you stake

I'll be watching you

Every Breath You Take, The Police

Chapter Eleven – I'll Be Watching You

where Severus is his usual charming self…

Jane was sitting on a bench overlooking the lake, enjoying the spring sunshine. It was one of her favorite places on the Hogwarts grounds, and she spent much of her leisure time here, far away from the hustle and bustle of the school.

"Professor, I was, erm, wondering whether I might have a word with you?"

She looked up from the book she was reading to find Basil Nightshade standing before her. He was shifting uncomfortably from one foot to the other.

"Professor Nightshade," she greeted him pleasantly. "I thought I'd asked you to call me Jane?"

"Yes, erm," Nightshade sputtered. "Very well."

She presented him with a warm smile. "Good. So, what can I do for you?"

"I am not intruding?"

"Of course not, Professor." She nodded encouragingly and patted the empty spot on the bench beside her. "In fact, I'm longing for some company. Remus, um, Professor Lupin is somewhat under the weather…"

"Yes." Nightshade wiped his forehead and sat down stiffly. "The Wolfsbane Potion has some rather nasty side effects. I hope your friend recovers soon."

"So do I." Jane sighed, but she quickly perked up. "Until he does, however, I have you to talk to, Basil. May I call you Basil?"

He colored slightly and coughed, embarrassed. "Why, erm, of course, Miss, erm, uh, Jane."

"Great. So, tell me, Basil, what did you want to talk to me about?"

"Well, erm," Basil stuttered, and Jane nodded encouragingly. He took heart. "I was planning on preparing a few tricky brews and salves for Madam Pomfrey, and, erm, I remember you mentioning… that is, you expressed interest in assisting me, and…"

"Of course," Jane exclaimed excitedly. "When do you need me?"

"Well, this evening," he suggested and amended quickly, "but only if it is convenient with you."

"I'll be there," Jane assured him.

"Good. Hm, well… good." A happy smile spread across his tired features. "I shall leave you to your book, then. Until this evening."

Jane watched him clamber awkwardly to his feet and waved after him, as he made his way back to the castle. A tiny smile stole across her lips and she opened the book and searched for the place she left off. She never noticed the dark figure lurking in the shadows, watching her every move.

---

"Some Moroccan poppy to dull the pain," Basil told Jane that evening, as they began their work on a healing salve. He was grinding ingredients in a mortar, while she was chopping up various roots and bulbs. "A pinch of mandrake root to calm the senses, relax the body… Not that it is needed, of course, but it does help against hysteria." He winked at her, and Jane giggled. "The sight of blood can upset the most mild-mannered person…"

"No wonder Madam Pomfrey is so generous with her Sleeping Draught." She giggled louder as she thought of Hogwarts' Healer going from bed to bed, knocking out all her patients.

"Professor Nightshade, I brought you the…" Severus froze mid-step as his eyes fell on Jane.

"What?" Basil looked up. "Oh, it's you, Professor. Sorry. I didn't hear you come in."

"I'm not interrupting?" Severus drawled suggestively.

"What? Oh no, of course not." Basil missed the innuendo completely. "Jane… erm, Professor Sinclair is assisting me in preparing a Salva Sepsis. Madam Pomfrey has run out of it. This year's students are apparently more accident-prone than usual."

"Yes," Severus nodded noncommittally, his eyes never leaving Jane. He approached them and handed a vial to Basil.

The sight of Jane, bent over the work bench, took him back to their time at the Shrieking Shack, when she'd prepared potion after potion under his watchful gaze. Sometimes, he had also allowed her to assist him. They had worked side by side, in comfortable silence, and she had impressed him with her intuition. She had always seemed to know what he required next, or how he wanted his ingredients prepared. Sometimes their elbows had touched, sometimes their bodies, but he had not minded. It had been comforting, reassuring that he wasn't completely alone in the world. He'd lived for that innocent physical contact. But seeing her now here with Nightshade, in a similar situation, upset him not little. The idea of the old man's hands on Jane made him see red.

"So, you two seem very cozy," he drawled disdainfully.

"What?" Basil's head shot up, and he colored slightly. "Just what are you implying, Snape?"

"Severus, please," Jane pleaded with him.

He ignored her and turned to Basil. "Miss Sinclair here, has a soft spot for hopeless cases. The more pathetic, the better. What?" Severus glared at her with unconcealed contempt. "Is one decrepit fool not enough for you? Do you need another one for your collection?"

Jane stared at Severus, her anger growing by the second. "If you have any decency, you'll leave now."

Nightshade put down his pestle. "Now, see here, Snape," he warned the younger man. "I cannot stand idly by and let you insult her like that…"

Jane tried to hold him back, but Basil – always the gentleman – stepped protectively in front of her. "Apologize this instant."

Severus scoffed, mildly surprised. "You can't be serious, old man?"

"I most certainly am. Apologize to the lady!"

"Well!" Severus let his gaze slide depreciatingly over Jane. "Old Nightshade here seems to be more of a man than Lupin. He, at least, is willing to fight his own battles, instead of hiding behind your skirts."

"Remus is only holding back out of consideration for me," Jane explained. "Otherwise, he would have torn you to pieces long ago."

Severus shrugged noncommittally. "If you say so."

"I'm beginning to think that I should have let him," she snapped. "Now, if you're done insulting me and my friends, would you please have the decency to leave? Basil and I have work to do."

"No doubt," Severus sneered suggestively. "Just be careful. Don't overtax the old man's heart."

He abruptly turned on his heels and strode from the room.

"Basil is a gentleman," Jane yelled after him. "Unlike you!"

"Well I never…" Basil muttered.

Jane sighed. "I'm sorry, Basil. He had no right to say those nasty things about you…"

"He insulted you!"

"Don't worry about me. It isn't the first time, he's snapped at me."

"Are you telling me this brute, this cur, has abused you like this before?"

Basil's righteous outrage was endearing. Apparently, chivalry wasn't dead, yet.

"It's all right," Jane shrugged. "Severus is not a people person."

"Why are you making excuses for him?"

Jane blushed under his quizzical gaze and returned to chopping up some mandrake root. "I'm not," she mumbled lamely.

He remained silent, and when she chanced a glance at him, she realized that he was still watching her. She colored more vividly, and Basil took in a sharp breath.

"You're in love with him," he stated flatly, his voice dripping with disappointment and hurt.

"Basil, I…" Jane began to explain, but he held up a hand.

"No, don't tell me," he interrupted her. "I don't want to know."

"I never…"

"You can leave," he told her quietly. "I can manage on my own now."

"Basil…" Jane tried one last time, but he turned away, indicating that he was done with her.

She wiped her hands and walked away. At the door, she turned around and watched him doggedly working on his potion. "I'm sorry, Basil."

He did not look up.

---

Severus strode swiftly towards his quarters, unable to get Jane out of his mind. And she didn't make it easy on him. Damn her! She kept flaunting Lupin and Nightshade in his face, talking and laughing with them as though she didn't have a care in the world. But Lupin would laugh back and make light, whereas Nightshade would color slightly and stand more erect. His colleague was definitely smitten with Jane, and Severus couldn't understand why she encouraged the old goat. Nightshade must be close to sixty, he calculated quickly, as he entered the sanctuary of his office. What was it with women and older men? He's a gentleman, Jane's words rung in his ears. Unlike you! Severus scoffed, poured himself a generous glass of Firewhiskey and downed it in one gulp. The fire burning down his throat momentarily took his breath away and drove tears into his eyes. He gave a gasping cough and threw the glass into the fire.

Afterwards, Severus stared into the dying fire, unseeing. Unlike you! Jane had thrown at him. He's a gentleman. A gentleman. He scoffed again. He'd never pretended to be a gentleman. And yet, Jane had always believed that there was good in him. That he was a worthy person. Jane! He groaned. He still desired her – that was the problem. It irritated him that such a slip of a woman would have such an effect on him. She had crept under his skin and affected his thinking. She had reduced him to an irrational fool. Whenever he ran into her, he behaved no better than those hormone-driven teenagers he was forced to teach.

He recalled her shocked expression when she first clapped her eyes on him that fateful night at number twelve Grimmauld Place. From that moment on, she had occupied his waking hours and invaded his dreams. During the time they'd shared at the Shrieking Shack, she had refused to be intimidated and bullied by him. No one had ever done that. Oh, they had tried. He smiled sardonically. Potter was only the last in a row of students who had tried to defy him, but never succeeded. No, it had been simple unassuming Jane Sinclair who, quietly and steadily, had stood her ground. Yes, she had stood up to him. And on Christmas Eve she had given him a glimpse of Heaven. Severus walked into his bathroom and scrutinized himself in the mirror. His expression turned into a grimace of self-loathing. Why couldn't he be like other men? Handsome and sophisticated, polite and approachable. Those were the qualities women were looking for, weren't they? Women didn't care for dark, brooding, cynical, unpleasant men. Or did they?

Jane hadn't seemed to mind. She'd kissed him voluntarily, and as much as he'd tried, he had not detected any pity in her eyes that night. No, the only time Jane had looked at him with contempt, was when she had visited him in Azkaban and he had humiliated her. But on Christmas Eve, she had looked at him with something akin to love in her eyes. And, fool that he was, he'd ignored what she had offered him that night. He'd knowingly denied himself one night of pleasure, one night of feeling the comfort of a warm body next to his, one night of holding a willing woman in his arms. He cursed as he felt his body awaken with the memory of how Jane had melted into his arms. He recalled how she had pressed her body against his, how her generous curves had molded against him. Her kiss had been his undoing. It had set free all the emotions and desires he'd suppressed for so long.

Severus sighed and splashed some cold water onto his face, sucking in his breath at the icy sensation against his skin. It did nothing to lessen his arousal, and he cursed again. Damn woman! The mere memory of her made him lose control over his body. Damnation! He pressed his forehead against the cool mirror, trying to will his arousal into submission. Jane's image, however, kept haunting him. His favorite image of her was the way she'd looked on Christmas Eve, donned in that midnight blue velvet dress. It had clung to her body in the most provocative way, hinting at the secret pleasures that lay beneath. His eyes closed shut as his hand slid under his robes and to the fastenings of his trousers.

---

Jane walked slowly back to her chambers. She longed to talk to Remus, but she knew he had locked himself in his rooms indefinitely. No doubt, Tonks was somewhere nearby, in case he needed her. She sighed. She really needed a friend. Especially, now that Severus had managed to alienate Basil. It hurt her that Basil had dismissed her so quickly, without giving her a chance to explain. His reaction had been completely unexpected – but she understood. She'd been aware of his infatuation with her, but she'd never encouraged him, never offered him more than friendship. She knew she shouldn't feel guilty, but she couldn't help it. Because of her, the gentle old soul had been insulted and hurt. Severus' malicious comments had been in poor taste and completely unprovoked. Since his return from Azkaban, he'd been more disagreeable and forbidding than ever. Jane had heard of prison of changing a person, but even this was extreme.

Severus avoided her intentionally, restricting their contact to the regular faculty situations. On the few occasions he did speak to her, he was cold and distant – as though they'd never shared any time together, as though they'd never kissed. He treated her as he would a stranger, and it irked her that he could still affect her so. He would watch her, yes, but he never came to her. Severus would often see her with Remus or Basil and glower darkly, before receding back into the shadows. Sometimes Jane wished that he would show some kind of emotion, give some kind of indication that he'd missed her. In her dreams, he would rush over and voice his displeasure at seeing her with another man. He would grasp her possessively and drag her away. But in reality, Severus always remained distant. Frequently, he would just abruptly turn on his heels and stride away, his robes billowing angrily after him.

Later that night, safely tucked into her bed, she pondered the strange hold Severus seemed to have over her. The man had made it clear, he didn't want her. He was cold and distant towards her, and yet she couldn't let him go. Jane frowned. She probably qualified as a masochist, yearning for a man who kept humiliating her. Why couldn't she have been happy with Basil? Sure, he was almost twice her age, but he was nice and safe, solid and dependable – the perfect companion. He respected her as a colleague and a woman. And he adored her. He was the perfect gentleman, which, she had to admit, on occasion was more insulting than flattering. She knew she should have been satisfied, but that was a thing of the past now, anyway. After tonight, she could count herself lucky, if Basil even acknowledged her.

---

"This feels good." Remus took a deep breath, inhaling the scent of spring.

He and Jane were strolling along the lake. It was a week after the full moon, and Remus had felt the need to get outdoors. He was still leaning heavily on his cane, but the fresh air seemed to invigorate him. Jane was walking quietly beside him. Remus looked at her and smiled.

"Will you tell me what's going on with you, or are you going to mope about all afternoon?"

Jane sighed. "I don't want to trouble you."

"Severus?"

She slanted him a suspicious look. "Why do you ask if you already know everything?"

"I merely guessed." He smiled mischievously. "He has a knack for making enemies, and I have the uncanny ability to add two and two together."

"What?" He'd managed to confuse her.

Remus shrugged. "During breakfast this morning, I noticed the venomous stares Nightshade kept throwing at Severus. I also noticed that Nightshade gave you the cold shoulder."

"Clever." Jane grimaced, but said no more.

"Well, come on," he finally requested, obviously curious. "Out with it."

"Oh, fine," she snapped. "If you must know, Severus was his usual nasty self, accusing me of trying to two-time you with Basil."

Remus' eyebrows shot up. "Really?"

"You should have heard the vile things he said. Basil didn't take it very well, I'm afraid. I tried to explain…"

"So, Basil thinks you and I…?"

"No," Jane sighed. "He guessed that there was something between Severus and me. That he didn't take well, at all. I can't blame him."

"I see." Remus coughed, and Jane grasped his arm in support.

"Are you OK?" she asked him, worry written over her face.

He waved her off. "I'm alright."

They walked in silence for a while, until Remus spoke again. "Have you talked to Severus?"

"No, but I've been meaning to. There are so many unresolved issues between us… The problem is, he's avoiding me like the plague. He keeps lurking in the shadows, but when I try to talk to him, he stalks off. If I didn't know any better…" Jane rubbed her temples. She felt a headache coming on. "Oh, what's the use?"

"Jane," Remus touched her shoulder. "As much as I hate to say this, but I think in his own twisted way, Severus cares for you. Now, I know…" He raised his hand to silence her protest. "…it's kind of difficult to grasp. Heaven knows, I hate to even contemplate it, but remember, I've known him since we were in school together. He never had any friends or family to speak of, and I'm certain that he's never learned what it means to love and be loved."

"Don't you think I know all that?" Jane cried. "I went to him on Christmas Eve, and he showed me his true self. Beneath that cold untouchable exterior is a lonely and desperate man with a dark past filled with pain and self-loathing. Deep down he's a man who longs to be loved with all his being. Certainly you can understand that?"

Remus nodded earnestly, but remained silent.

"But he has changed since Azkaban, Remus. I don't know what happened to him. You don't think…" She considered it for a moment, but then shook her head. "No, never mind."

"What?"

"You don't suppose, he could be an impersonator? Or under the Imperius Curse?"

Remus shook his head. "I've already thought of that, but, no, I don't think that's the case. He's his usual self, just more surly. My guess is, he's jealous."

"Jealous!" Jane exclaimed, unbelieving.

He shrugged. "He behaves the way I want to, when someone looks at Dora. I feel like tearing apart any man who ogles her. I bet Severus never felt like this before, or so strongly, and he simply doesn't know how to react."

"Is that why you didn't kick his teeth in, when he accused us… well, you know… of having an affair?"

Remus smiled sadly, something akin to pity in his eyes. "Strange as it may sound, I feel sorry for the man."

---

Severus was coming down the stairs to the entrance hall, when Lupin and Jane returned from their stroll. Lupin was leaning heavily on his cane, but Jane didn't seem to mind. She had her arm hooked in his and laughed gaily at something he said. She slapped him playfully on the arm. Severus scowled. Her eyes were sparkling mirthfully, her cheeks were sun-kissed and her hair mussed by the wind. She'd never looked lovelier, and his heart constricted painfully. With an angry growl, he turned abruptly and started up the stairs again.

---

Jane escorted Remus back to his office, making sure that their outing hadn't tired him too much. After promising to join him and Tonks for an evening on the town once he felt better, she slowly made her way back to her own rooms, mulling over their conversation. She wanted to believe that Severus was acting like a lunatic, because he couldn't come to terms with his feelings for her. But then she had to laugh at herself. Come on, Jane, she scolded herself. How conceited could she get? How could she compare herself to Circe or Lorelei, who bewitched men with their beauty? She was no Siren or supermodel. She did not turn men's heads. She…

…bumped into something solid and bounced off a figure dressed entirely in black. Her eyes traveled over the severe outfit, recognizing the button-down tunic. Severus made no attempt to steady her, and she hovered precariously for a moment, struggling for balance.

"Oh, for the love of…" Severus ground out impatiently, and his hands shot out to prevent her from tipping over.

When he assured himself that she was standing firmly on her feet, he let go of her and turned to leave.

"Oh no, you don't!" It slipped over her lips, before she could stop herself.

Severus froze and whirled around. "What?"

"I must talk to you," she told him firmly. "Your irrational behavior has to stop."

He stepped closer and thrust his face into hers. "What did you just say?"

Jane gulped. "The way you keep antagonizing me, whenever we meet… the way you insult and humiliate my friends and drive away my acquaintances… You're being completely unreasonable."

"Me?" Severus turned on her, his eyes flashing angrily. "What about you? Prancing around just so, making googly-eyes at a known werewolf! Does Nymphadora know how you shamelessly throw yourself at Lupin?"

"Shamel…," Jane sputtered, unprepared for his attack. "Why, you… you bastard! Remus and Tonks are my friends. I have spent thirteen years alone, without friends, without family. It was tearing me apart. And, now, I suddenly have found two wonderful people, who have included me in their lives. They accept me for who I am and they support me. I know how much they love each other. How devoted they are to each other. I would never – do you hear? – never come between them and destroy what they have. Don't you dare accuse me of doing something so despicable." She shook her head sadly. "But you don't know any better, do you? You don't need. You don't feel. I wonder what I ever saw in you!"

She turned to leave, but he caught her hand in an iron grasp. His eyes were bright with unconcealed fury and something else she couldn't quite put her finger on. "Don't you walk away from me!"

"Let me go, Severus." She tried to yank her hand away from him, but he maintained his firm hold. "You have made it quite clear what you think of me. I don't care to remain in the company of someone who has such a low opinion of me. Just… just leave me alone from now on. That's all I ask."

A couple of students hurried past them, giggling loudly.

Severus rolled his eyes and tugged at her hand. "Let's continue this conversation somewhere more private."

"I'm not going anywhere with you," Jane protested, but he just ignored her.

He hauled her behind him as he strode down the hallway, oblivious to the curious glances they drew.


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