A/N: Another baby chapter, but I didn't want to combine 15 and 16 because they're going to be two distinct sides to a similar story.
Disclaimer: Still not mine.
"I'm sorry Mark won't be joining us anymore," Dr. Hendrix said as Olivia settled back into the couch.
She'd gotten Chelsea settled in the children's area with the office babysitter before her session. Olivia was thankful again for Huang's suggestion of the office and Rebecca anticipating the needs of her patients.
"Well, he wasn't thrilled about therapy in the first place," Olivia said. "I guess the first session didn't feel right to him."
"Before we start talking about you, I do have a few questions about the intake forms," Rebecca said. "Is Chelsea adopted?"
"No," Olivia said. "She's my daughter."
"It's just that you've indicated some mental and physical health issues not listed on either your or Mark's forms," Rebecca said. "In particular, bipolar disorder. And you didn't indicate Autism and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, which Mark listed on his form as potential factors."
Olivia could feel her palms begin to sweat. She knew it was possible Rebecca could find out her secret. It was, after all, part of the reason they were even in therapy: getting Chelsea evaluated for bipolar disorder.
"We have doctor patient confidentiality, yes?" Olivia asked.
"Of course," Rebecca said.
"Even though you're associated with the department?" Olivia asked.
"You're here for a personal session, not a court or IAB mandated one," Rebecca said. "The only things I'm obligated to report are any warning signs that you're a danger to yourself or others. And even then, I can't give specifics."
Olivia took a deep breath. It was one thing to blurt the news out to Elliot's mother out of fear, but it was an entirely different one to consciously tell someone that she'd been living a lie for eight years.
"Chelsea is my daughter," Olivia said. "But she isn't Mark's."
"Oh," Rebecca said. "Do Mark and Chelsea know this?"
"No," Olivia said. "Mark and I got married after I found out I was pregnant and we've raised her as our own. Neither one of them know. And you're only the second person I've told."
"So the mental and medical risks, do you know for certain she could inherit these from her natural father, or are you speculating?" Rebecca asked.
"I know for certain they're potential risks," Olivia said. "Bipolar disorder in particular."
"So you know who Chelsea's father is?" Rebecca asked.
"Yes," Olivia said. "She's not the product of a rape."
"You noted violent crime experience on your intake form," Rebecca said. "I was just wondering if the two were related."
"I marked that mostly because of my job," Olivia said. "We see a lot of gruesome things every day, which you know. And maybe some incidents from my childhood, but no, nothing related to Chelsea's conception or birth."
"You said I'm only the second person you've told about Chelsea's paternity," Rebecca asked. "Was the father the first?"
"No," Olivia said. "It was his mother actually."
"So the father doesn't know?" Rebecca asked.
"He does," Olivia said. "But I didn't have to tell him. When he saw her, he knew."
"So they've met?" Rebecca asked.
"Yes," Olivia said. "He's actually in her life to a degree. He knows he's her father but she doesn't. They get along."
"Have you ever thought about telling her the truth?" Rebecca said. "Or telling Mark the truth?"
"Of course," Olivia said. "But it would do more harm than good. There are too many people involved. Too many things at stake."
"Since I'm only the second person you've told, perhaps you'd like to start from the beginning," Rebecca said. "It might feel good to release the memory."
Olivia felt her stomach clench with nausea. But this is what therapy was. It was bringing up old wounds. It was reliving the past. So she took a deep breath and explained everything from the day she met Mark until the day she planned to tell Mark the baby wasn't his.
"So Mark assumed he'd gotten you pregnant, and you didn't correct him," Rebecca stated.
"I was afraid," Olivia said. "Afraid of raising a child on my own at that age. If I married Mark, and we were a family, my daughter could grow up in a stable household with two parents."
"At our next session I want to circle back to your childhood and why that's important to you," Rebecca said. "But today I'd like to know when or how you finally found Chelsea's father."
Olivia bit her lip. She didn't want to tell Rebecca it was Elliot. She was a department therapist. She could slip up and say something to a colleague, and it could get back to her squad, or to Elliot, or worse, to Kathy.
Of course, Olivia rationalized, with Elliot's mother now living with his family, she'd be the more likely source of a slip up at home.
"When I got the job at Special Victims, I had to bring Chelsea with me to drop off my transfer paperwork," Olivia said. "We met the Captain and he also introduced me to my new partner. When he walked into the Captain's office, I recognized him immediately."
"Wait," Rebecca said. "Chelsea's father is your current partner?"
"Yes," Olivia said.
"And you didn't know that he was a detective, or worked in SVU?" Rebecca asked.
"I didn't know who I'd be partnered with," Olivia said. "And I didn't know his name. I just recognized his face. And when he saw Chelsea, he said she looked like his daughters. And that's how he recognized me, and put everything together."
"So he has other children," Rebecca said.
"Four," Olivia said. "And a wife."
"Were they married the night you two spent together?" Rebecca asked.
"I don't think so," Olivia said. "They've only been married seven years."
"Do you know what led him to standing on that street corner?" Rebecca asked. "Or coming with you to the motel?"
"Honestly, no," Olivia said. "We've never really talked about that night. He knows about Mark's infertility and why I kept things a secret. But we've never discussed the actual night."
Rebecca nodded and made a few notes on her clipboard.
"So you said he's in Chelsea's life," Rebecca said. "In what capacity?"
"She knows he's my partner and friend from work," Olivia said. "He's been to our apartment a few times and he was with me one time when we dropped Chelsea off at school. He also came to the funeral home when my mother passed away. She likes him. He's very good with children."
"How does it make you feel when you see them interacting?" Rebecca asked.
"It makes me happy, but it also hurts," Olivia said. "They had a pretty instant bond, which could be because he recognized her as his own. But Chelsea can be shy around new people, especially new men. She wasn't that way with him."
"Has he ever expressed interest in telling Chelsea the truth, or his family?" Rebecca asked.
"He's alluded to it," Olivia said. "But he understands the gravity of the situation. We couldn't do that to his other children."
"Do you think they would get upset?" Rebecca asked.
"Well, to find out that Daddy cheated on Mommy and he's spending time with some other woman and kid that they don't even know? Wouldn't that be enough to send all of them running to therapy? At least Chelsea has two parents and she doesn't know any different. They would."
"So it's about their happiness, not yours?" Rebecca asked.
"I'm happy," Olivia said. "I always wanted to be a mother, to get married, to have a career I love. I've gotten all the things I thought I'd never achieve. I'm happy."
"Are you though?" Rebecca asked just as the timer on her desk buzzed. "And that's the end of our session for today. I'd like to give you a piece of homework for next week though. Ask your partner, Chelsea's father, what happened the night she was conceived. Knowing that might help bring you some closure."
"There's nothing to get closure from," Olivia said.
"I think there is," Rebecca said. "But we can talk about that next time. If you'd like to go get Chelsea we can start her session. I'm going to ask her about home and school, what she likes to do for fun, things like that. With youth sessions, the children really dictate the tone, and I refine the conversation with the answers they give me."
Olivia nodded and thanked Rebecca for her time before going to retrieve Chelsea from the childrens' area. She got her settled in the office and went to the waiting room. Olivia was exhausted, as if someone had tapped into her bones and drained out all her will to function. She hoped she wouldn't leave every session feeling like this. She wondered what would happen if she didn't do her homework and asked Elliot about that night. She wondered what would happen if she closed her eyes for just a few minutes in the waiting room chair, and that was the last thing she remembered before drifting off for a small nap.
A/N: I've never been to therapy. I don't know how this goes. Everything I know I've learned from SVU and those few psych classes in college. Glad you're all still enjoying this!
