Balance chp 2: Understanding

"How could you do that?" shouted Angel furiously at his friends all of whom were looking guilt ridden. Connor had been unable to calm down and Angel had helped him to his room and had soothed him until he dropped off to sleep.

"Angel we were only-"

"In case you haven't noticed Connor has had his life turned upside down by that thing that's inside Cordy. Not to mention everything else like us thinking he's responsible for the Beast and me becoming Angelus, c'mon guys did you really expect him to just up and accept it all, he's been here for six months for god's sake!" yelled Angel grabbing some things that were on the reception desk and flinging them across the room in anger. He was angry with his friends but he was angrier with himself, for ignoring his son and for being mad at Connor instead of Cordelia after they slept together. He realised that's exactly what Cordelia wanted, for Connor to be pushed away from all but her so she could use him. He suddenly felt sick with himself for what he had done. The others now had guilty faces, they had been so busy sticking by Angel that they forgot about what Connor was feeling, what he was going through.

"Hey man look I'm sorry, I shouldn't have gotten on his back like that." apologized Gunn

"Don't say it to me say it to him when he wakes up." They all bowed their heads in shame. "Now lets try and think of a way to save Cordelia without killing her, it should probably take her a little longer to give birth now Connor and her sacrifice are gone." They quickly buried their noses in books about mystic pregnancies and anything else that may relate to what was happening. Skip sometimes made a sarcastic comment but when Angel threatened him with the Sphere of Infinite Agony he instantly shut up. As it turned out they came up with nothing. They jumped as the phone rang. Fred answered it

"Angel Investigations!"

"Fred its Willow!"

"Willow hi how are you?"

"Good, you?"

"Uh well we are fine but there's a lot of stuff happening at the moment."

"So we heard, listen we, that is Buffy, me, Xander, Faith, Giles and the rest of the Scoobies and potentials are coming to help out apparently."

"You are? Why? Not that we don't appreciate it!" she added quickly

"Well I can't really say but from what we've been told your problem and our problem are linked. That's as much I really know, we should be there in about two hours."

"Ok then but be ready for some surprises, none of them good."

"Ok bye then!"

"Bye!" Fred hung up and told the rest what Willow had said. They were intrigued by the Scoobies coming but knew there was no point trying to find out what they were up to because they were on their way. Angel rubbed his eyes and stood up,

"I think I'll make something for Connor, he's bound to be hungry when he wakes up."

"Just make sure there's no tomatoes, he hates them." said Fred with a shy smile. Angel nodded and sauntered into the kitchen. He made some hot coco and some mushroom soup, as well as a sandwich with ham and cheese, lightly toasted. He normally wouldn't do this but he doubted Connor had eaten well in many months, besides he needed a distraction. He carried the tray carefully up the stairs and pushed the door open and peered in. Connor was tossing and turning, clearly having a nightmare. Angel sighed, before Cordelia had her memory back, she had mentioned once that Connor rarely slept and when he did he more often then not had severe nightmares. This must be one of these times. He set the tray down and took his sons shoulder and shook him gently calling his name. Connor jerked awake and grabbed Angel's wrist in a bruising grip, his eyes flying all around the room.

"Shh Connor it's ok you're safe." soothed Angel. Connor met his gaze and said more to himself

"Right, safe, not here, gone, dead." He still looked afraid though.

"Do you want to talk about it?" asked Angel, Connor instantly shook his head. "Connor you can't bear this alone, besides I want to need to know what it was like in there, what it was like for you. Connor please."

"No you don't want to know!" insisted Connor, then he asked quietly "Do you really hate me?"

"What! No of course not! What made you think that?"

"Cordelia said…"

"Don't listen to her she was lying to make you do things she said."

"Well it worked didn't it."

"We let it work, but believe me when I say that I will never hate you and I love you. Connor can you believe me when I say it?" Connor looked at his father and seemed to deliberate whether his answer was positive or negative. Angel let him think, he hadn't expected an instant answer. Slowly Connor nodded

"I believe you dad, but how can you love me after everything I've done?"

"Connor you've made mistakes, everyone does, but it's how we handle the consequences. We both handled my ocean trip badly, and in doing so gave the bad guys the perfect opportunity."

"Is Cordelia really evil?"

"No the real Cordy is stuck inside while something else is in control, but once she gives birth it will pass from Cordy to the child or whatever it is and Cordy will die." Angel hated being so cruel but he knew he had to be straight or else Connor might not understand. Connor looked horrified at the revelation. Angel suddenly realised what he was thinking and quickly tried to quell his fears

"Connor this was all done in such a complicated way, there's no way you are a demon or that you will have demon children. You are a human through and through."

"With super abilities and healing like a vampire!" put in Connor sullenly as if it was a bad thing. Angel knew Connor hated having demons for parents, it made him feel like a monster.

"Well even if you don't like it, if you didn't have it you probably wouldn't be here right now." Connor looked up at him again and his eyes were scared of the thought, of death.

"I never liked hearing fa-" he sighed and shook his head, "Holtz," he amended, "talk about death, it was unnerving because it's the unknown and I never knew if I would see them again."

"Them?" asked Angel in confusion, he knew for a fact that it was only Holtz and Connor in Qour-Toth. Connor suddenly looked extremely uncomfortable and sighed again

"Him again, I still don't." he added sadly. Angel didn't exactly know what to say, what was there to say

"Here I brought you some food, better not let it get cold." he said finally picking up the tray and giving it to Connor. He was disappointed when Connor went green at the sight of it. "Can't I ever do anything right in your eyes?" he asked tiredly. Connor didn't answer and Angel found himself getting angrier with his son, "What is it? Is it me, is it because of what I am, a vampire? Is that why you never give me a chance? Well excuse me for being able to accept what I am for now! I can't help that I'm a vampire!"

"Dad stop!" shouted Connor and Angel froze realising his voice had gone from irritated to furiously loud. He then noticed that Connor's voice had been thick with emotion and tears. He sat down beside his son and apologized.

"Its just-"

"It's hard for you to know that Cordelia a woman you care about is possessed with something evil and is apparently carrying your sons child." Angel nodded

"Yeah I guess that's it." Connor began to pick at the sandwich, then he murmured

"I'm not really hungry, I just can't look at food with out feeling sick, even though I could probably bring up every meal I've ever had right about now."

"That bad uh?"

"Well she lied, tricked, and used me. That seems to be all anyone wants to do with me."

"No, look I know things haven't been easy for you, well actually I don't but I can guess, anyway I just want you to know that well I'm here, if you need me."

"I know and I know I will need you soon enough, something big is about to happen, I can feel it! But I need to know I have you and the others by my side. Can you promise me that dad?" he looked Angel in the eye.

"Honestly I can say I will be by your side and I know that despite the fact that they find it hard to trust you right now they love as much as I do, so they probably will stand by you." Connor nodded and smiled

"Maybe I can try the coco, but don't expect much." He picked up the mug and began to sip at it. "Mmm good!" Angel grinned happily and ruffled Connor's hair good naturedly and said

"When you feel up to it come downstairs, we unfortunately need you to tell us where Cordelia is and what she is up to, plus I would like to know how you came back, cause I have no doubt she would have stopped you with magic." Connor nodded but didn't say anything. Angel left the tray there in case Connor got hungry.

"Angel is everything ok? We heard shouting." said Fred

"Yeah I just lost the plot a little, but it's fine now. Connor said something that I should tell you, he said that soon he'll need us all by his side, I already promised him I would but he needs you guys as well, can you stand by him?" The four shared a look, true they did care about Connor but he didn't seem to care about them, still he had tried to do what was right at the time, just he had either been told the wrong thing was right or had been confused.

"Ok Angel we'll be there if he needs us." said Fred finally

"As long as he stays out of trouble." added Gunn with a slight smirk

"Can't exactly promise that seeing as it seems to run in the family." Connor said coming down with the tray that was devoid of all food.

"I thought you said you weren't hungry!" teased Angel

"True but then I remembered I haven't eaten during the whole apocalypse, literally so I decided I may as well eat."

"You really haven't eaten since this whole thing started?" asked Fred whose appetite was huge for her size. Connor shook his head

"Survival came before food in Qour-Toth and it's a habit I never got a chance to break really." he answered casually and walked into the kitchen. He came back and asked Fred if there was anything for a headache. Fred said to check the second cabinet from the door. He nodded and went back in, they heard him opening and closing the door and then after a few moments he came back in rubbing his forehead.

"You ok kid?" asked Gunn

"Yeah just feel like I fell a hundred stories, hit my head and then got rammed by a truck."

"Did you get the registration?" chuckled Lorne, Connor looked bewildered, "Ok what did you two teach him in the three months Angel was gone because you don't seem to have taught him a thing!" the green demon exclaimed to Fred and Gunn who shook their heads in amusement.

"He is standing right here!" grumbled Connor good-naturedly then and only then did he notice Skip. "Who's that?" he asked

"Oh that's just Skip, he's got info on Cordelia, like what's happening to her and all that." said Angel glaring at the metal demon.

"Oh! Ok." shrugged Connor flopping onto the couch, feeling exhausted.

"Connor how did you realise what was happening, like what made you leave Cordelia?" asked Fred. Connor looked at her and said

"My mother told me."

"Darla?" asked Angel in surprise

"Yeah apparently the powers sent her with a message for me."

"Really!" asked Angel a little doubtfully. Connor chuckled quietly and shook his head

"You don't believe me yet you can't deny stranger things have happened, such as two vampires having a child." He looked at his father with an amused face. Angel half shrugged half nodded

"I guess, but how did you get away?"

"Well when all of you guys were gone and I couldn't find Cordelia I took some of your magic stuff and made a little teleportation ball, all I had to do was think of where I wanted to be and I and anyone close to me would be sent there."

"I thought you didn't like magic." said Wesley

"Not really but after Willow restored Angel's soul I figured not all magic could be bad."

"True but if this is the device you made then I have no idea how you pulled it off as it is one of the most complex teleportation spells there is!" said Wesley holding up an open book showing an illustration of a small ball with a swirling centre. Connor nodded and said

"That's the one."

"My God, I wouldn't have a chance of pulling this off at first try, Willow would be but then again she's the most powerful witch there ever was. How on earth-?"

"Don't ask me because if I knew I'd tell you!" cut in Connor,

"Ok, now what was the girl you were with for?" asked Angel

"A sacrifice, to bring the baby here sooner, without it, it would take a week, maybe two."

"Right good, now where is she?"

"Last time I saw her she was in a package plant, but she may have moved. I can go track her whenever you're ready."

"Not yet the Scoobies are on their way."

"The who?"

"Sorry you wouldn't get that would you, but they are the slayer and her friends."

"Faith's coming?" asked Connor perking up at the mention of the dark haired slayer.

"Yes but there's also Buffy the other slayer."

"Two slayers? I thought there was only one."

"Usually yes but lets just say that the Sunnydale group have a knack for the impossible."

"Sounds familiar."

"Yeah I guess it is like us."

"So two slayers and their friends are coming here, when?"

"They should be here in an hour."

"Cool so until then what do we do?"

"We rest! Take this opportunity to gather our strength and resources."

"I feel like I could sleep for a week!" declared Gunn yawning.

"I hear ya!" sighed Fred resting her head on her folded arms that were resting on the reception table.

"We should rest but stay down here so when the Scoobies arrive they don't find an empty lobby." suggested Wesley, sitting down on the pouf chair and leaning his head against the top of it.


"How much longer?" whinged Dawn from behind Spike who was driving,

"Bloody hell little bint! Stop asking, we'll be there in about half an hour now!" Dawn sighed and stood up and walked down the aisle of the bus and sat beside Willow and listened to the conversation about the strange girl who had caused this movement from Sunnydale to L.A.

"Maybe she's an angel!" suggested Andrew dreamily.

"An angel?" asked Buffy incredulously raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah she's as pretty as one."

"Well you gotta agree with him on that." said Willow smirking in amusement

"Thanks, but I'm not an angel!" smiled Calista not looking away from the window, watching the scenery pass by.

"Well what are you because I can tell you're not human?" asked Spike not taking his eyes off the road. Calista flinched from his comment

"I don't know what I am, what we are, but we are special and that's all I know, I don't even know my parents names." she murmured sadly. Spike seemed to realise he had upset her and said

"Well I know you're better then a human, I can feel it in my shiny new soul." She smiled and sighed tiredly

"How much longer?" Spike growled in frustration, making Buffy giggle.

"So boy or girl?" asked Faith

"I don't know."

"What would you call it if it was a boy?"

"I'd have to talk to the daddy." Buffy noticed while she seemed knowledgeable in the world, with herself she was vague and uncertain. Strange.

"Is the father in L.A.?" asked Anya

"Yes, he's waiting for me to come back."

"Well if he decides to run off on you I can have him punished for it, I used to be a vengeance demon."

"He won't I've known him too long, we are soul mates through and through."

"Lucky you." said Buffy a little jealous. Calista looked at her and smiled gently then turned back and shifted rubbing her tummy whispering

"Stop moving!"

"Calista?" asked Dawn concerned

"Sorry but there isn't a lot of room in there and the movement feels very strange and a little uncomfortable." She looked a little sheepish and looked away from them.

"So what is happening in L.A.?" asked Willow, "When I was there a few days ago everything seemed to be getting better."

"You were in L.A.?" asked Buffy accusingly

"Yes, but the only reason I didn't tell you was because I knew you would panic and do something dumb, when all they needed was for me to find Angel's soul that was missing in a jar and free it and restore it." said Willow as quickly as she could as if getting it all out at once would make it easier.

"He lost his soul? How- how did they do that?"

"They got a shaman to come in and remove it with a spell!" said Calista calmly. Needless to say Buffy was freaked out by that info. "Now Cordelia has been revealed as the beast's master and is pregnant with something evil."

"Cordelia? As in Cordelia Chase? The head cheerleader, Queen C Cordelia?"

"Yes, when Angel's friend Doyle died he passed on his visions to Cordelia and then when the visions were killing her she allowed herself to be made part demon. She then became a higher power and ascended to a higher plain, only to return without her memory, then a spell used to restore her memory woke up the evil and it has been working from the inside killing people and causing trouble." No one said a word only stared at her in complete shock. She stood up and walked down the aisle to sit behind Spike

"You're William the Bloody aren't you?" Spike smirked to himself

"So that name still carries does it?"

"A little, you never got along with Angelus did you?"

"Nope I never liked peaches never will neither."

"Well I'm sure you two will amuse us as long as you both fight clean."

"Hey we are not for your entertainment!" exclaimed Spike, insulted

"Well maybe not intentionally…" she said deliberately not finishing her sentence. Spike fumed and said

"For your information I already promised Buffy I wouldn't argue with Captain Forehead so you'll have to look for entertainment else where!"

"I bet you won't be able to last ten minutes!" she said then heaved herself up and walked back down winking at Buffy, who grinned back. Damn that girl was clever, play on Spike's pride, and he'll make sure he'll prove you wrong. If Calista's idea worked they wouldn't have to deal with Angel and Spike arguing all the time and the two might actually get along.

'Yeah that'll happen when hell freezes over and The First starts handing out popsicles!' she thought to herself tiredly.


Night's Darkness