A/N: This chapter was half a plan, half an unexpected turn. I think we're getting closer to the end? I'm not 100% sure how I want to end things, but I feel like we're drawing towards a close.
April slipped to May and life in SVU was the same grind. It was wearing on Elliot more and more lately, how people could actually do these things to one another. The brutality, the violation. He didn't like to admit that it scared him that his kids would grow up and enter this kind of world. It scared him more the number of people who did these terrible things that weren't born that way, that weren't serials. That one day they just snapped or saw an opportunity and they went for it. He didn't like what that said about him, especially given his genetic makeup.
After one of the more terrible cases, Olivia had made an offhand comment about the same topic:
"Half of my genes are drunk, and half of them are violent and cruel," she'd said one night leaving the precinct.
He'd answered on instinct.
"And look how great you turned out," he said. "It's not all about the genes, Liv. All you can do is love your kids. I think you do a damn good job of it, too."
"Back at you," she'd said, slipping into her car and driving off.
He didn't know why he always felt the need to encourage her that she was a good mom. It was evident just by the way Chelsea acted, the way she looked up to her Mom, that Liv was doing a good job. She sure as shit wasn't getting that type of love and parenting from Mark. Elliot couldn't help but be jealous of the man who got to raise his daughter and didn't seem to appreciate what he had.
Elliot knew he wasn't exactly father of the year, but he and Kathy made a good team, at least where the kids were concerned. And he tried not to think about the fact that he and Olivia made a good team in everything they did, and he was sure parenting would be just another checkbox for their list.
Because of all this, it hurt Elliot to see Olivia so upset (though she tried to hide it) one Thursday night. They'd brought a suspect in for questioning earlier in the day and he'd sat in the box in silence for hours. That is until right before it was time for them to leave and Cragen came out of his office.
"The great communicator is finally ready to talk," Cragen said, stopping at their desks.
"I'll go," Munch said from his seat. "I don't have anywhere to be tonight."
"Actually, he said he'll only speak to 'that gorgeous woman.'" Cragen said. "His words, not mine."
Olivia's face fell.
"Captain, I was just on my way out," she said, but Elliot could already tell she'd stay.
"I'm sorry, Liv," Cragen said. "But we have to get something out of him before he remembers he hasn't lawyered up yet.
"Let me at least run to the vending machine and get a bag of chips or something," she said. "I didn't bring dinner and I'm going to need extra strength to deal with that ass."
"Sure, just make it quick," Cragen said, returning to his office.
Elliot watched her walk off toward the break room and followed her.
"You okay?" Elliot asked.
"Fine," she muttered, sliding coins into the slot and jabbing angrily at the buttons.
"You want me to stay until you're done in the box with him?" he asked, leaning up against the soda machine.
"No," Liv said, waiting for her chips to fall. "One of us should be able to see our kids tonight."
"Chelsea been giving you more trouble about working late?" Elliot asked.
"Her spring concert is tonight," Olivia said. "I didn't promise I'd be there but I told her it was looking pretty good. She's so excited because they are singing an NSYNC song and we got her a new dress for it. I was going to let her wear a little bit of makeup and curl her hair. Mark isn't going to do any of that for her."
Elliot tried to even his temper. He'd learned how to braid hair and pick out girl clothes. That's what you do as a girl dad. But then again, Mark wasn't exactly "dad" material.
"She'll understand," Elliot said. "It's just a second grade spring concert. There will be many more important events in her life that you'll be there for."
"Yeah, in the big picture it's just a spring concert," Olivia said. "But what if this is the thing she looks back on and thinks 'that's the moment I knew Mom didn't really care about me'?"
He saw her drift behind her eyes a little, no doubt thinking about her own situation where she felt that way with Serena.
"She knows how much you love her, Liv," Elliot said. "You're not your mother."
"I know that," she snapped, grabbing her chips from the compartment.
"Doesn't hurt to remind you every now and then," he said. "Go get a confession out of him. I'll see you tomorrow."
She stalked away without saying goodbye, so Elliot went back to his desk and packed up. Before he walked away for the night, he called home from his desk phone. His mother picked up on the third ring.
"Hi Mama," Elliot said.
"Hi dear, something wrong?" Bernie asked.
"Nah," Elliot said. "Is Kathy around?"
"She's making dinner," Bernie said. "Something urgent you need her for?"
"No, don't bother her," Elliot said. "We just have to wrap up an interrogation here. Might not be home until like 8:30. Can you tell her?"
"Sure son," Bernie said. "We'll see you tonight."
"Bye Mama," he said, hanging up.
"You sticking around then, Stabler?" Fin said from his desk.
"Uh, no," Elliot said, not realizing Fin had been listening to him talk on the phone. "Just have an errand to run. Kathleen's birthday is coming up and I'm working on a surprise. Don't want Kathy to know about it yet unless I can actually pull it off."
"He's probably just going back to the topless bar," Munch said from his desk. "Still got the lawyer's number if you want it."
"Goodbye crackpots," Elliot said, walking out of the squad room.
He knew he'd just told two lies this evening, one to his mother and Kathy by extension, and one to the guys. But how could he explain to any of them what he was actually doing. Well, he could have told his mother but not Kathy. She'd be the only one who would understand why he was doing what he planned to do.
He drove downtown and had to park a block and a half away from the building, and on the walk he realized he probably didn't think it through. Did he need tickets? Would somebody question why they hadn't seen him around before?
Elliot followed the signs to the back of a building he'd visited a few times before and wandered into the auditorium. The place was a lot more packed than he expected, and his hopes of just kind of sitting in the back and staying unnoticed looked like they were going to be out the window.
"Oh Detective Stabler, is it?" he heard a woman say to his right. He recognized her from the day he came with Olivia to drop Chelsea off at school.
"Mrs. King, nice to see you," he said.
"Dropping your partner off for the show?" she asked.
"No, actually, she got stuck at work," he said. "I thought I'd come in her place."
"Oh how sweet of you," Mrs. King said. "Well let me take you up to where Mr. Messer is sitting. You guys can chat. The show should start in about 15 minutes."
Elliot didn't get the chance to tell her he didn't want to sit with Mark because she had grabbed him by the hand and was dragging him up the aisle to a row of seats. Mark was on the end of a row, arms crossed, tapping his foot on the linoleum.
"Hope you both have a wonderful time," Mrs. King said, letting go of Elliot's hand and tapping Mark on the shoulder. He practically jumped out of his skin at the contact.
"Uh, hey Mark," Elliot said.
This was so awkward. He never wanted to be in this situation. He just wanted to sit in the back, take a couple of pictures for Liv with the disposable camera and go home. He did not want to have to make small talk with her husband who he didn't even like.
"Stabler," Mark said in a cool tone. "What are you doing here?"
"Liv's still at the precinct," he said, stepping over Mark's legs to sit down. "Suspect said he'd only talk to her. She was pretty upset about not being able to make it. Sad Chelsea wouldn't have two people here for her. So I thought I'd come, try to make up for that."
"It's not really something you need to make up for, is it?" Mark asked. "It's Olivia's problem she can't get out of work. Again."
"Well, we're partners," Elliot said. "We pick up the slack for each other where we can."
"I'm sure you do," Mark said, tapping his foot even harder.
They sat in silence for a few moments and Elliot decided that that was worse than small talk.
"So how's work?" he asked Mark.
"We don't have to do this," Mark said.
"Do what?" Elliot asked.
"Pretend to like each other," Mark said. "Pretend to be friends or care about each other's lives."
"Excuse me?" Elliot said.
"I don't like you very much, Stabler," Mark said. "I don't like how much time you spend with my wife, and I don't like your fascination with my daughter."
Elliot was about to respond, with a well-meaning lie, but Mark didn't give him the chance to.
"Everybody in SVU has some kind of abusive background, right?" Mark asked. "I'm sure you know about Olivia's paternity. So I hope to God your quirk isn't some kind of pedophelia. You come near my kid again without being asked and I'll report you to the department so fast it'll make your head spin."
Elliot saw red. How dare this asshole accuse him of being a pedophile, or threaten his job. How dare he talk about Olivia's past so crassly and without her permission.
"Listen jackass," Elliot said, lowering his voice so the families around them couldn't hear. "Any time I've been around your daughter it's because your wife asked me to be there. And speaking of Olivia, I spend so much time with her because of work, but also because maybe somebody should remind her from time to time how important she is because she doesn't seem to be getting a whole lot of that from you. You stay out of my business, because if you come for my job, I'll come for everything you have. You got it?"
Mark sat dumbly for a few minutes, staring at Elliott until he got a sick little smile on his face.
"I'm sure your wife would love to know how highly you think of mine," Mark said. "She know where you are tonight?"
"Yeah," Elliot lied. "She does. Because she understands what it means to have a spouse as a police officer, and she understands how important partnerships and friendships are. Something you clearly don't."
Mark looked like he wanted to say something else, but he didn't get the chance. The lights went down and the concert started with Kindergarteners singing "You Are My Sunshine" very, very off key.
It was a long, excruciating program sitting next to Mark, but it was worth it to see Chelsea sing her heart out with the NSYNC song, the program said it was called "This I Promise You." Elliot took a few pictures for Olivia with the flash off, especially after noticing that Mark didn't even bring a camera with him.
When the lights came up, Elliot stood and cracked his neck. Parents were filtering out of their seats to the back of the auditorium where there were cookies and lemonade. The children were running from backstage to find their families.
"You can go now," Mark said. "Show's over."
Elliot was about to make a sarcastic remark when he saw a blur of brown and blue coming at them. It was Chelsea who skid to a stop behind Mark.
"Daddy, where's Mommy?" she asked.
"She couldn't make it," Mark said. "Working late again. You know her priorities."
Mark moved slightly and he saw Chelsea's face fall, but then she noticed Elliot in the row.
"Elliot!" she squealed, pushing past Mark to get to him and hugging him around the legs. "What are you doing here?"
Elliot sat back down in the chair so he was closer to eye level with her.
"Well, we got a bad guy this afternoon who would only talk to Mommy because you know she's the best listener, right?" Elliot said and Chelsea nodded. "She felt so bad that she couldn't come tonight so I came for her. I took pictures of you on stage so she can see."
"Can you take a picture of me in my dress for Mommy?" she asked. "We bought it last night after seeing Dr. Rebecca, but when she gets home tonight I'll already be in my jammies."
"Sure," Elliot said. "Smile big and say cheeseballs on three. One, two three…"
"Cheeseballs!" Chelsea yelled with a giggle as Elliot snapped her photo.
"Daddy, can you take a picture of me and Elliot so Mommy can see that he really came?" Chelsea asked.
"You don't need a picture with him," Mark said.
"But Mommy might want to know he came," Chelsea said.
"I said no," Mark said, but then another parent walked by him and stopped to ask a question about the stock market.
"We don't need dad to take a picture for us," Elliot said. "I'll hold the camera out real far and we can both be in the picture, okay?"
"Okay," Chelsea said, leaning back against him so he could hold the camera out.
"One silly face then one nice one?" Elliot asked and Chelsea nodded.
He snapped their pictures and Chelsea laughed as he lowered the camera.
"You know Mommy really wanted to come tonight, right?" Elliot said. "She was so sad when I left work. She knew this was important to you."
"I just miss her," Chelsea said. "I wish she didn't have to go to work."
"I think she wishes she didn't have to go to work either," Elliot said. "But she is the best at her job. New York City is lucky that you share her with us."
"I wish I didn't have to share," Chelsea said.
"I know," he said.
"Chelsea, it's time to go," Mark said.
"Maybe we could go out for ice cream?" Chelsea asked Mark. "And Elliot could come."
"Elliot has to get home to his own family," Mark said, tossing him another sneer.
"I do have to get home and tuck my kids in for the night," he said. "But maybe when you get home Mommy will be there and you can tell her all about the show."
That seemed to satisfy Chelsea. Mark grabbed her hand to lead her out of the building and Elliot couldn't do much except follow.
He didn't expect that they'd run into Liv on the steps outside.
"Elliot?" she said first when she saw them.
"Surprise," he said.
"What are you…" she started. "We got a confession out of Dawson. He's on his way to Rikers."
"Great," he said, handing her the camera. "Just thought I'd be here if you couldn't. Took some pictures so you'd feel like you were here."
He saw the way her smile and eyes softened when he said that.
"Thank you," she said, turning to Chelsea.
"I thought I could make it for the last number," Olivia said. "Guess it didn't make it in time."
"It's okay, Mommy," Chelsea said. "At least you got to see me in my dress."
"And it looks so beautiful," Olivia said, taking Chelsea's hand and twirling her around.
Right about then, Mark cleared his throat.
"Guess we should get home, huh?" Olivia said.
"Can I ride home with you Mommy?" Chelsea asked.
"Sure, baby," Olivia said. "Is that okay Mark?"
"Fine," he said.
"Well, I'm this way," Elliot said, pointing down the street.
"Me too," Olivia said.
"I'm the other way," Mark said. "I'll see you at home."
He turned his back and walked away without really saying goodbye to anyone.
"See ya, Mark," Elliot called back, sarcastically.
"Stabler,' he said, without turning around.
Elliot moved so he was closest to the road on the sidewalk with Olivia on the inside and Chelsea between them. She reached for both of their hands and swung them back and forth as they walked down the sidewalk.
They made it to Olivia's car first, and he leaned against the lamppost while she got Chelsea into her seat. After Elliot said his goodbyes to her, Olivia shut the door and turned to him.
"You didn't have to come to this," she said.
"You were so upset you couldn't go," he said. "I could. It's what partners do."
"Does Kathy know where you were tonight?" she asked.
"No," Elliot said, feeling guilty now that it was Olivia doing the questioning.
"I don't want you lying to her for me. For us," Olivia said. "She doesn't deserve to suffer because we didn't have self restraint all those years ago."
"Maybe if she knew…" Elliot started.
"Elliot, that wouldn't just blow up your home life," Olivia said. "It might end our partnership, too."
But Elliot was tired. Tired of keeping a secret. Tired of pretending he didn't want to be around for Chelsea just like he was for Maureen, Kathleen, Dickie and Lizzie. And he was sure as hell tired of Mark being a smug bastard and thinking Chelsea was his daughter.
"I know you mean well," she said. "But we're okay. And your family needs you. Your wife and kids deserve to have all of you, and not have to share you with us."
"Yeah, well your husband doesn't deserve either of you at all," Elliot said. He hadn't meant for it to come out that way, but he was still pissed about their earlier conversation.
"My marriage isn't your business, Elliot," she said.
"Then mine isn't yours either," Elliot said. "I don't want to fight again. I just…"
Elliot wasn't sure how to find the words. He'd been toeing the line lately of becoming too close to Olivia, and he knew she knew it.
"You just what?" she asked.
"I just want to make sure that you know you deserve a hell of a lot more than you're given," he said.
"Well thank you," she said, reaching out and touching his bicep. "But between my daughter, and a marriage, and a pain in the ass partner I have far more than I ever expected."
Then she took her hand away and walked to the driver's side of the car.
"Get home safe," he said to her.
"Don't do a drive-by on my apartment because I'm not blinking the lights," she said, sliding into the driver's seat and shutting the door.
He laughed and waited until they pulled away to walk the last half block to his car. Thoughts of Olivia and Chelsea, and Kathy and the kids swirled in his head. He's pretty sure he's the one that doesn't deserve all of them, and he doesn't know how he can keep going on this path and do right by all of them.
A/N: I literally created Mark and I can't stand him. One of the reviewers suggested killing him off. I'm not that mean, but that's not to say he might not deserve it.
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