Ghosts of her past
Healer Eva Marlowe is Healer Aldridge's best employee. She is the best Healer he has ever seen and with her interest in combining muggle and magical emergency medicine she has long since surpassed his level of expertise. If she showed any kind of ambition or at least a morsel of interest she would had been made a Head of Emergency medicine department at St Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries years ago. And he might have stepped down graciously only to return as a part-time healer when the retirement lost its appeal and his wife got sick of him. As it was Eva Marlowe simply didn't seem to care.
Healer Aldridge and Healer Marlowe maintained the decorum pertaining to superior and subordinate even if it has been a long time since anyone has called for Healer Aldridge when a complicated case came in or, even more telling, when one of the nurses brought in one of their kids with a marble stuck inside their nostril. Both of the Healers were aware of it but it was hard to hold a grudge towards Eva Marlowe when not a single gesture of hers could be read as arrogance and superiority. And though this might speak highly of her character Healer Aldridge has no illusions that she does it to spare his feelings. She does it because this course of action or inaction requires the least effort of her. There is no need to invest herself in anything. In short, Eva Marlowe does not care.
Healer Aldridge cannot remember the last time Healer Marlowe asked for his advice. He remembers though when he still tried to guide her. The young Healer had listened, nodded at all the right places and then as soon as his back was turned proceeded to do things her own way without explanation. He was astounded at first, even enraged but there was no denying her expertise and soon it became clear Healer Marlowe would do what and how she saw fit or not do it at all. Arguing her only made him look stupid as Healer Marlowe never outright argued back nor did she change her highly effective methods no matter what he did. He heard the whispers and saw smirking faces of his colleges and he expected Healer Marlowe to look down upon him with a raised eyebrow and a disgusted curl of her lips. Instead all he got was an emotionless expression as she droned on her daily report on the patients. The bare minimum for the appearances' sake. One might think her docile and shy but Healer Aldridge knew the truth; Healer Marlowe couldn't be bothered to look down upon him.
Healer Aldridge can only guess what made a young woman this way, his first and best guess being the war. He never had the audacity to question her, though. And there had been no reason to inquire about her mental health. Not an official one, anyway. For various reasons Healer Aldridge chose to overlook when she came in smelling like a distillery or when a batch of hangover potions disappeared. She was a hard worker, cared about her patients, came to work on time, never called in sick and often covered his shifts. In fact, he has only her to thank, his marriage still exists. He has lost track of how many times has she covered his shift while he had one of his rendezvous, lied to his wife he has an emergency case or taken over at the minute's notice when his wife demanded he takes her to the luxury cruise or packs his bags. Never once has she later hinted at quid-pro-quo or searched for special favours. And not once has he thanked her for he was too ashamed to bring it up. Not that Healer Marlowe cared.
So it is to say Healer Aldridge is astounded when he sees Healer Marlowe, her brown curls escaping the knot on the top of her head and her lime-green healer robes billowing behind her, running full speed ahead, dodging obstacles, patients and staff only to stop in front of him.
"Healer Aldridge, I have gotten ill. I am going home. I trust you will cover my shift?"
Healer Marlowe has not come to ask his permission, that much is clear, no matter how polite she makes herself sound. Despite this, he does not even think of denying her, not only because he owes her a great deal of shift covering but also because refusing her or even simply questioning her would end all the pretence they had been maintaining. Healer Aldridge knows there is no use trying with bribes or emotional blackmail; Healer Marlowe will do as she pleases, no regrets and no fear for her job, not caring who looks on at them. She will play her part when she has to and it is convenient to both of them but she will not go out of her way just to make him look good. Once again he realizes, Healer Eva Marlowe does not care.
"Of- Of course, Healer Marlowe. Take all the time you need. I wish you a speedy recovery."
She nods distractedly and gives him a few instructions regarding her patients while running a hand through her already messy hair. Healer Aldridge has never seen Healer Marlowe like this before. He hasn't got enough time to analyse her but he realizes Healer Marlowe is rattled about something. He doesn't ask of course and all he is left to do is stand in the middle of the corridor, whishing good health to her back. One thing is for sure though; he has never seen an ill person run this fast. Maybe Healer Marlowe does care about something after all.
Eva Marlowe meanwhile spares little thought for her superior. Broderick Bode, an Unspeakable that works at the Department of Mysteries, where that blasted prophecy resides, has just been brought in to the St Mungo's emergency ward an hour ago, thinking himself a teapot. They cited a work accident, but Eva knows exactly what this means: she needs to see Dumbledore.
The emergency protocol states sending a Patronus to Albus Dumbledore is the right course of action. It says nothing of her Apparating to the gates of Hogwarts and hurriedly following her Patronus all the way to Dumbledore's office.
Albus Dumbledore's only reaction at seeing her barge into his office uninvited only minutes after her Patronus is a pair of amused knowing eyes. Did he expect her? Did he know or was she just that predictable? She has long since relinquished the deeply ingrained notion that Dumbledore was all-knowing but most often than not she needed to give herself a firm talking-to to remind herself. That blasted twinkle in his eyes didn't help any.
She is surprised to spend nearly an hour in Dumbledore's office giving report, cataloguing her knowledge and speculating on theories. She is kind of relieved she had been of some use and didn't have to explain her charging to Hogwarts on a whim. Sometimes she really lives-up to that Gryffindor reputation; reckless, impulsive and a complete disregard of rules. She winces almost hearing Snape's words in her head.
She is still not sorry she came. There had been only one thought in her head when she finished doing all she could do for Unspeakable Bode; she finally has a reasonable excuse to walk the halls of her former school where Harry Potter (the boy that had not left her thoughts, not even or especially not after her talk with Remus and Sirius, for the last month) resided. In typical Gryffindor fashion she rushed into the situation not even once thinking how she is supposed to find one boy in a magical castle while avoiding anyone seeing her with the said boy. As the meeting comes to an end all she had managed to brainstorm is camping in front of the entrance to the Gryffindor tower under Disillusionment Charm hoping he has not already retired for the evening and counting on her luck that he will be by himself or at least not in a horde of students. A full proof plan if she ever saw one.
"Eva?" Dumbledore stops her just as she is about to exit and put in action her well thought out plan. "If you were to pass through the fifth-floor, right corridor I believe you may come upon a lone student returning from his detention."
Her first thought is that Dumbledore has lost his mind, telling her about a random student. Her second thought is that she has been fooling herself; Albus Dumbledore is all knowing and he can read minds. Her third thought is screeched in her head, another detention! All she does though is nod and smile gratefully.
"Thank you."
Albus Dumbledore's eyes twinkle as he watches his former student exit his office smiling. It is not often she does it and at the moment a few short minutes of her time is all he can offer to his student, that he has already wronged in so many ways. Albus has learned in his first years of being a Headmaster, that worried mothers of his students, especially first years, will find any excuse good enough to storm to Hogwarts to check on their children. He has made it his mission to discourage such behaviour by removing any and all reason for them to feel as if their children were unsafe. Last years were proving difficult though. Harry Potter has never had anyone to write scathing letters to the Headmaster on his behalf though. This saddened him greatly as in his case there were actually many reasons for those letters. He can only imagine Lily Potter's reaction if she were to find out her son came face to face with Voldemort under Albus' protection. She would have stormed into his office, smoke coming out of her ears as her eyes flashed green fire with her husband at her heels. James Potter would have looked practically meek next to his wife's ire. I am sorry, my dear girl. I failed you.
There is one thing he can do though. It will not diminish his guilt. But it will warm his heart. He can give Harry a few moments with Eva Marlowe. He would usually discourage this. He would reassure the parent or a guardian and sent them on their way. For Harry he makes an exception. He is his favourite student after all. Albus chuckles to himself. Severus would berate him for his leniency towards Harry. He would accuse him of favouring him and spoiling him. And he would be right of course. But the Headmaster already feels guilty enough. He has deprived Harry of many things already, mainly love and affection and if he can help make sure he gets a little dose if it now, he can't resist it. Eva Marlowe is capable of filling her heart with great love and warmth and giving it all to Harry. After all her own heart was once put together and filled with endless love by a red haired little girl that became Harry's mom.
His mind wanders back and he wonders like so many times before if he had made a mistake. Had he deprived her of the chance to pull herself together too fast? Was she capable of getting on her feet without Lily? He didn't regret it in the years after Potters' deaths as he feared her mind has snapped unable to bare the grief. In hindsight, she had nothing and no one to fight for. Nothing to ground her. No responsibility that might pull her back to reality.
He remembers how he found her a few years after. He remembers the only thing that finally snapped some sense into her. It had been Albus telling her, drilling it into her messed up head, that time will come when Voldemort will rise again. Time will come when Harry will need her.
It doesn't do well to think of what ifs and what could have been's. But he can give them a chance now in the present. He can give them some time to be a family.
Eva Marlowe finally takes notice of the hallways of Hogwarts as she leaves Dumbledore's office. The stone hallways seem empty but for her they are full of ghosts. Two black haired twelve-year-olds running down the hall, laughing madly, undoubtedly about some mischief they had caused. She can almost hear the patter of the feet behind her.
That niche behind the statue of the first headmaster of Hogwarts was where she got her first kiss. Gideon Prewett was a right charmer and along with his brother Fabian, a good friend later in her life. He was also a good choice for being a girl's first kiss. He was dead now but she can still hear his echoing laugh here at Hogwarts.
At the Library doors the ghost of Remus Lupin stands hesitatingly; torn between finishing his homework or going on an adventure with his friends. At the end, he rolls his eyes, whether that is at his friends' antics or at his own week will is not clear, and stalks away from the library, putting his books in his bag. Someone has to make sure they all don't get caught.
The red hair whips around the furious green eyed girl as she advances upon the bespectacled boy. The redhead is etched in every stone of this school. Every wall reverberates her voice and every shiny surface reflects her face. What is Hogwarts without Lily Evans but a prison of all her memories.
A ghostly hand reaches from that broom closet, catching her around the waist and the ghost of her younger-self's surprised gasp turns into a delighted chuckle as a familiar stubble settles in the crook of her neck.
She nearly doubles over in pain. That boy is dead. Even if a man sits, drowning his sorrows in a bottle of firewhisky at Number 12 Grimmauld Place, the boy is dead. She pushes the thought away with difficulty as Hogwarts threatens to swallow her whole. She shouldn't have come here.
Her ghosts disappear though, or at least quiet down for they never truly go away, as she comes upon a boy from flesh and blood. Harry Potter is so caught up in his thoughts he doesn't notice her approach. Anyone could just sneak up behind his back and whack him over his head. Or worse. She pushes down a flare of panic.
"Now what do we have here. A student out of bed." She imitates Filch, very poorly might she say as she can't keep laughter out of her voice. He jumps from the window sill he has been sitting on, anyway.
"Wha- Eva! What are you doing here?"
"Is that a polite way to greet your elder, Harry? If you don't want me here-" She is mocking him of course but the desperation with which he stops her makes her pause in alarm
"No! No, please-"
"Harry! I'm kidding. Calm down."
"Oh." He looks down embarrassed, his cheeks tinging red.
"Yeah. I went to see Dumbledore. Something about you-know-what." She whispers the last part as she is really not supposed to say even that much. But she wants to give him something at least and is rewarded with a curious glint in his eyes. "Anyway, I thought I'll see if I can run into you along the way. I heard Snuffles has been talking to you and you know I am not to be one-upped by him."
Harry snorts at this.
"You talked to him?" He asks worried. "Alone?"
"Yes, Harry, we talked. You don't have to sound so suspicious. We didn't fight. That much anyway. Besides, Remus was there for the most part."
"Oh. Wait, how did you find me here?"
"Dumbledore mentioned where I might run into you." Harry frowns at this confused and she raises her palms in defence. "I have no idea how he knew. He's just Dumbledore, I guess. Now, what do I hear about another detention? Again with that DaDA professor?"
Harry shakes his head and sighs more heavily than any fifteen-year-old has any right to.
"No. With Snape this time."
"What for?"
"Just… He makes me so mad sometimes. I should have kept my mouth shut and my temper in check." Even as he says it, his fists clench at his sides. Eva nods sympathetically and joins him at the window sill.
"Both of your parents had that problem. Keeping their tempers in check. Your dad most of the times spoke or acted without thinking things through and your mom's temper often got the better of her. Especially in the face of injustice. She didn't have a diplomatic bone in her body."
The hungry longing on Harry's face has become familiar to her but that didn't cease to throw her every time she saw it.
"I was her voice of reason at moments like these," she tells him, remembering her resolution to share more of herself with him. "Yeah, I looked like that too, when she told me that once. You saw, I am not the most level-headed person so your mom said when she saw my face, looking like I think she should be locked up in a padded room, it grounded her. Do your friends do that for you, Harry?"
Harry smiles sheepishly at this.
"I guess it's the same for me when Ron is staring at me like I am mental. He is way worse than me most of the times so it's pretty telling. We are both lucky to have Hermione by our side. Without her we would have probably both been dead by now or in her words, even worse: expelled."
"I think your mom would agree with her priorities."
"She loved Hogwarts?"
"She did. We all did, children without a home. For some of us, Hogwarts was the first real home we ever had. For muggleborns it was the first time in their lives they felt like they belong." Eva knows Harry can probably relate to all of this. "So, how was it for you? Coming to Hogwarts this year? I know you had your worries."
A strange expression crosses his face and without a moment's notice his face crumbles like he is about to burst into tears.
"Harry, Harry, what's the matter?" Alarmed she slides over to him, instinctively pulling him into a hug. For a single moment he leans into it before he breathes deeply, gritting his teeth and schooling his face back to normal. Eva is more than familiar with this technique; she uses it daily to keep her emotions in check. It doesn't mean his pain is gone. "Harry?"
He pushes away from the safety of her arms and looks away.
"It's nothing. Everything is okay."
"Harry, everything is clearly not okay."
"It is. I just have a lot on my mind."
"Yes, I imagine you do. I can read melancholy even in the lines of the rare letter you send. Harry? Come on, talk to me. Is someone hurting you? Should I-"
"No! No, no one is hurting me," he interrupts her, too quickly for her taste. "I am just… I have never felt so alone. Not here, at Hogwarts anyway. It has always been my home, even with all the things that kept happening to me. But this year… Everything is just so wrong. I feel like Hogwarts has left me down."
This heart-breaking rush of pure emotion nearly knocks her off her feet. How much more can this boy take?
"Your classmates don't believe you?"
"No. They think I am mad. That I'm making it all up. Which is fine, I'm used to this. But how do they think Cedric died? That I've gone mad and killed him?" His voice gets lauder and lauder the more he speaks.
"Harry, I am sure nobody actually thinks that." But Harry is beyond listening to reason now.
"And they all look at me as if they are afraid I'll kill them too. Even Dumbledore is avoiding me. It's no wonder, he probably regrets believing me. I made his life horrible. His credibility is shot to the curb."
"Harry, Dumbledore is only keeping his distance to protect you," she reassures him, more angry than ever at the Headmaster for his lack of tact. Does he really need to add more on his plate?
"He hasn't looked at me since the end of forth year." Harry averts his eyes and Eva curses Albus Dumbledore into the next century. "It's fine, you know. I understand. I just didn't expect…"
To be disappointed by someone he trusts.
"Harry…" She wants to say something of comfort but what is there to say that doesn't sound hollow. She settles for rubbing her hand over his forearm.
"I wish Hagrid was here. I miss him. Hogwarts just isn't Hogwarts without him. He was the first friend I ever made." At the affection in Harry's voice all she wants to do is go and hug Hagrid.
"The first friend in the magical world you mean?" She asks with narrowed eyes.
"Right." He turns his head to look through the window over the Hogwarts grounds but she grips his chin lightly and turns his face so he has no choice but to look at her.
"You didn't have friends in the muggle world?" He tries to look away in shame but Eva doesn't let him. He shrugs.
"Not really. Nobody really wanted to talk to me. I was that weird kid. And nobody wanted to provoke Dudley, my cousin. He liked to beat up anybody that talked to me."
"What? Didn't your aunt and uncle do anything about this?"
"They couldn't always be there." She has a feeling he is not being entirely truthful. After all the things he has let slip in the past weeks, she is getting more and more suspicious.
"Did he beat you up, too?"
"When he could catch me. Which wasn't all that often. He is really fat and I was fast." He grins at her but Eva doesn't feel like laughing. She actually feels like beating up somebody herself. "Really, it's fine." Everything seems to be fine with him.
"Fine." She grumbles under her breath.
"I can handle Dudley. Umbridge on the other hand…" He hits his fist on the window sill angrily.
"I heard she is giving you a hard time."
"She is just so horrible. She keeps giving me detentions for telling the truth. She even managed to ruin Quidditch. I couldn't be at the try-outs because I had detention! She said Cedric's death was an accident! And we are not supposed to do any spells in class. All we do is read. As if that will help us any in real life. And when I told her this, she said we won't need to defend ourselves in the real world because there is nothing we should protect ourselves from! How can she be so stupid? How can the Ministry be so stupid?"
"I don't know, Harry. They are scared, I guess."
"Then they should start preparing as soon as possible!" She is almost happy to see the defiant glint in his eyes.
"I know but until people accept it, Harry… Please, try to pick your battles. Being in detention for the rest of the year will do you no good."
"I know. Professor McGonagall has already told me to keep my head down. And I try! I really do. But then she just says something horrible and I snap."
"You want me to go beat her up?" She offers and gets a surprised snort for her efforts.
"Can I watch?"
"Deal."
"You know I actually taught she might be Voldemort in disguise for a while." He shrugs at himself as Eva stiffens in panic. "Si- Snuffles assures me that is not the case though." Snuffles assures her that too. She chooses not to mention that. "That Dumbledore would know if Voldemort was at Hogwarts now that he's corporeal."
"Of course he would." The smile she gives him feels totally fake and she can see Harry look at her oddly. "What about those weird dreams, Harry? Do you still have them? Are you sleeping okay? You seem tired."
Like any teenaged boy, he seems uncomfortable discussing his night terrors. Eva, despite being in an unknown situation, lets instinct take over. She slides a thumb over his pale cheekbone right under thin, purple skin under his eye. His shoulders sag.
"This whole month has been hell. Because of those detentions I had so much work to make up to, that I hardly had time to sleep. And I've always had nightmares. This year they are just more frequent and more… alive."
"It's no wonder after everything that you went through last year. If you ever want to talk about it…" She prompts him gently and he nods but doesn't elaborate. "But you need to sleep, Harry. Sleep deprivation causes all our issues to look bigger, problems harder to solve. It will make you more emotional then usually, harder to manage your anger. Your brain and your body need its rest; only then do they function properly."
"I know. And I try, I really do."
"What are you doing here then, in the middle of the cold corridor instead of catching up on your sleep? Or homework. Whichever is more important at the moment."
He hesitates, reluctant to say anything but surrenders at her unrelenting stare.
"I just needed a moment to myself. Away from everyone."
"I understand. Sometimes we all need some time by ourselves. But Harry, listen. There is only one piece of viable advice that I can give you. Keep your friends close. In the end, what Hogwarts is, is a group of people making it your home. And you have the best friends anyone could ask for. Don't forget that. Your classmates will come around sooner or later and see how wrong they were to shun you, Dumbledore only has your best interests in mind even as he is crap at showing it, Hagrid should return any day now, you are still on the Quidditch team even if you had to miss the try-outs, the Ministry can't stick their heads in the sand forever and the era of Umbitch- I mean Umbridge shall pass, too as history tells us none of the DaDA professors lasts more than a year." They both chuckle at this and Eva is relieved to see his eyes light up. "The point is; Hogwarts will never stop being your home. You just have to remember that there are still people here that love you, want the best for you and represent the very home you seem to miss so much."
Harry swallows a lump in his throat as his eyes glisten suspiciously. He opens his mouth to say something but ends up biting his lip in hesitation.
"What is it, Harry? You can tell me anything."
"It's just that for the first time I have people outside of Hogwarts too. There's Snuffles and Remus and… you. And I want to spend time with you too. I feel… conflicted, pulled in different directions."
He gives her an unsure glance and Eva feels like crying. She gives him an one-armed hug and settles close to him. She can't resist ruffling his messy hair.
"That, my dear Harry, is what I am told is called homesickness."
"Homesickness?" His voice is full of doubt and wonder.
"Yes. A perfectly normal reaction for a student staying somewhere away from people who love him."
"Oh."
"Yes. Your dad told me this once."
"He did?"
"When I asked him what he was so happy about on the last day of school. He was the only person I knew that had normal parents."
"And my mom?"
"Her parents were okay but her sister… Let's just say she wasn't looking forward to spending a whole summer with Petunia."
"I can relate."
"I know." She grits her teeth but manages to not say anything. She can't help but tighten the hand around his shoulders though.
Harry gives her a curious look and she braces herself for the next question that is surely going to be about her own parents but either Harry is still not totally at ease asking her personal questions or can feel her mounting anxiety, he just settles back into her half hug without saying anything.
For a few minutes they just sit in companionable silence as a ghost of red-headed girl smiles approvingly at them.
"Umbitch?" Harry asks suddenly, remembering her slip-up.
She shrugs not repentant at all.
"You probably shouldn't call her that to her face. You don't want any more detentions."
