Author's note: First of all, thank you all who had taken the time to read my story. And a special thanks to all who had left me a review. It is always nice to see your story appreciated even if I started writing it mostly because I needed to get it off my chest. This particular chapter was especially hard to write. It didn't seem to have that "flow" if you know what I mean, so I am sorry if it feels forced. There were some things that needed to be said and I needed to really establish how hard it is for Sirius and Eva to actually communicate and how bitter they are to say some things when they are essentially good people. Hope the next chapter goes more smoothly though.

Bone-tired

Remus Lupin knows he should be thrilled to have at least some of his friends back. And he is. In theory. In practice, Sirius and Eva are such high maintenance, he is not really sure how he feels about them even being in the same room together. He makes it his mission to arrive early to the headquarters on the day of the meeting to remind Sirius to change into something presentable and not smelling of firewhisky and plies him with coffee until he resembles a human being again. He had his selfish fantasies about how Eva could be the one to take over those responsibilities, but those were soon squashed in a spectacular display. Furthermore, Eva Marlowe couldn't be trusted to keep anyone sober, least of all herself.

A loud thump is heard from the entry hall all the way to the basement kitchen where Remus is closing down the pantry much to Sirius' displeasure. They don't give the noise much thought, thinking it's probably just Tonks. A moment later the old hag starts to scream obscenities. Sirius rolls his eyes and Remus sighs heavily. They silently challenge each other as to who's turn it is to go close the curtains when another voice joins the screaming.

"Shut up, you, old hag! I wasn't afraid of you when you were alive, I'm not about to listen to you now that you're dead!"

"Is that Marlowe?" asks Sirius, titling his head like a dog he is, to hear better. A blood-chilling scream comes from the portrait of Sirius' mother (way worse than usual if that is possible). Remus doesn't answer as he charges up the stairs with Sirius at his heals. A sight that greets them makes Remus stare in shock. Eva Marlowe has her nails furiously scratching off the surface of the portrait right where the face of the horrible woman is painted while Kreacher wails miserably as he hangs off her robes clawing at her hands to stop her. Remus rubs the bridge of his nose as Sirius laughs loudly and is of absolutely no help in diffusing the situation.

It is a while before Remus manages to haul Eva away from the painting, send Kreacher somewhere he is not seen or heard and close the curtains of the screaming portraits along the hall. When all is over and the hall is silent again, Sirius is still snorting while he leans on the banister and Eva stumbles away from Remus looking at her bloodied fingernails.

"Should have used an axe," she mutters resentfully and Remus is pretty sure Sirius is making notes of her words. At Remus' insistence they all move towards the basement again. Eva misses a stair, stumbles forward into Sirius' back and both of them roll downwards in a spectacular tangle of limbs. Remus looks down in horror and considers locking the door behind them and leaving them to kill each other. He wants to laugh; not because he thinks it funny but in a desperate fit of hysteria.

Eva lands heavily on her butt, her legs spread out in front of her like a toddler that is just learning to walk. She looks around confused, her eyes landing on the magnificent black dog that has landed on all fours besides her. Her lower lip trembles.

"Padfoot!" She exclaims happily, throwing her arms around the dog and burying her face into his fur. The dog stiffens at first, then for a moment maybe even revels in the hug before jumping away and transfiguring back into an incredulous man. Eva watches open-mouthed.

"What the hell, Marlowe?!" His friend's angry yell is enough to get Remus moving even if Eva is still sitting on the floor, displaying no signs of getting up.

"Eva? Are you okay? You know that Sirius is an animagus." He says it as a statement but still kind of unsure.

"I know," She whispers softly. "I just. I guess I forgot…"

Not paying her any heed, Sirius talks over her angrily.

"Of course she knows! She has seen me turn a hundred times. What are you playing at?"

"Knock it off, Sirius! She was just confused. Right? Eva?" She nods but she is actually only half aware what she is nodding to.

Eva Marlowe hadn't had the easiest week. All those ghosts she has awakened at Hogwarts had refused to leave her alone, haunting her waking and sleeping mind.

Over the years she has developed a series of coping mechanisms, that have kept them away. Otherwise she would have lost her mind years ago. She has learned to push her memories away. All of them. The bad and the good. Especially the good as the paralyzing, almost physical pain of a sudden realization of what was no more, was even worse. So, she has trained herself not to think of her past. She only needed to distract her brain and cut herself off whenever her mind strayed. The easiest way was to work endlessly and in between fry her brain with alcohol, drugs and sex. It has worked flawlessly for the last fourteen years.

The week after her visit to Hogwarts has proved a challenge. Fortunately for her, a large portion of St Mungo's personnel has been inflicted by a magical flu thus rendering them useless, delusional, disgusting and sent home. (Eva herself can't remember ever getting sick. She figures her body is thoroughly disinfected by all the alcohol she has consumed in her lifetime.) She has picked up as many shifts as possible, worked doubles and took over extra patients from other wards. She took naps in between in the hospital on-call room and gulped down an enormous amount of Pepper-up potions to keep her awake. And she has not consumed a single drop of alcohol this whole time. Not that she needed it as the mind-numbing exhaustion made up for it.

Unfortunately for her, the unexpected notice about an Order meeting came on the day a hospital administrator came to tell her she has clocked a triple amount of maximum allowed hours in a single week and is to leave the premises immediately before she kills somebody or worse: some overzealous ministry employee comes to harp on them about worker exploitation.

In her state, two shots of firewhisky after she leaves work are enough to practically do a face plant onto the table. Later she can't really recall how she got from the pub to The Grimmauld place, can only faintly remember scratching the face off that painting and even the spectacular fall down the stairs could be easily forgotten if not for a variety of painful bruises. It is with sharp clarity though, that she remembers the feel of thick fur in her grip and the smell of wet dog in her nostrils.

A long forgotten but still familiar feeling of comfort washes over her. For a moment the constant weight in her gut, that she hadn't even realized was there, lifts and she breathes. Breathes for what feels the first time in years. Bare a few tufts of hair, Padfoof, contrary to Sirius, still looks the same. Feels the same. And most importantly raises the same feelings in her.

All too soon the moment passes and she is left with the feeling of the floor dropping from beneath her feet. One look at Sirius' angry face and the illusion is gone.

What was she thinking? But she knows what she was thinking. She knows what she was feeling. She hasn't developed a sudden bout of amnesia. She has always known that Sirius was an animagus. She knows rationally that Padfoot and Sirius Black are the same person. Has always known, as the first time she has seen the dog, he transfigured right in front of her. She knows with perfect clarity that what Padfoot sees, Sirius sees and Sirius knows. But despite that she never could help but separate the two in her mind. It seemed as if Padfoot always knew when she needed a hug and she never shied away from cuddling him to her chest when her heart beat against her ribs painfully. She could drop her defences around the dog easily but only did so around Sirius when she got desperate enough for her feelings to boil over. Now what does that say about their relationship? Dysfunctional to the core.

Trying to re-enact that feeling she got when she saw Padfoot, she stares at Sirius but can only spot an enraged lunatic. No trace of sad eyes soothing her ache. His lip curls and she knows the disgust is reflected in the depths of her own eyes. The hollowness she has been living in feels bigger than ever.

She watches almost passively as Remus sits her at the table, cleans her bloodied fingernails and checks for broken bones. He puts a cup of coffee in front of her but the smell alone makes her want to hurl all over the huge table in front of her. A hangover bad enough to make coffee smell bad? Did she drink more than she remembers?

She leans her forehead on her fist, turning her nose away.

"You should drink it, Eva. You don't look all that well."

"M'fine," she mutters trying not to open her mouth and pushes the cup away with the back of her hand.

"You don't look fine. Would you like a cup of tea instead?" he asks and she agrees reluctantly. She has never been much for tea but right then it might be the only thing her stomach tolerates. What's wrong with her?

She sips her tea slowly while her face rests on the palm of her hand as her neck doesn't seem strong enough to support her head. When is the last time she slept? When is the last time she took a Pepper-up potion?

"Eva? Did you hit your head or something?" She thinks about it but her head is pounding anyway so how can she be sure.

"It is called a hangover, Remus. Nobody has ever died from it. And she's a pro at it." Sirius sneers at her loftily but she has got no energy for twelve rounds in a ring with him. Remus gives him a warning glare and Sirius just snorts hatefully.

"I'm just very tired, Remus." Her words come out haltingly and make Remus frown harder. "Really. I took a lot of extra shifts. After the meeting I'll-" She cuts herself off as she realizes there is no way she can make it through the meeting in this state. Every bone in her body hurts, her limbs feel heavy and her eyelids positively ache at the light touch of her fingers. There is no way she can sit upright for a few more hours. Much less take anything in. And it could be important. "Actually. Could you bring me a Pepper-up from the emergency supply? I'll replenish it later."

"I don't know, Eva. I think it would be better if you simply went to sleep."

"I know. You're right. And I will. After the meeting. I just need the potion to hold me over for a few hours. I don't want to miss the meeting. Please?"

Remus complies, albeit hesitatingly, and although she feels better immediately, the potion does not have the potency it should. She can still feel weariness in her body and her mind isn't as clear as it should be. She really has overdone it this time. Haven't you figured out a few weeks ago that you are getting old, Marlowe?

They sit in silence then. For what feels hours. And she wonders how they came to be like this. How silly she is as there is nothing to wonder. Lily and James died, Peter betrayed them, Sirius went to prison and she and Remus believed him a traitor. It is not rocket science. Guilt eats at her insides. Not just for believing him guilty of betraying their friends. But for resenting him. How can she, even for a moment, resent him for not looking at her with fondness? How can she expect him to feel anything but disgust at the sight of her? And this is exactly why she works herself into exhaustion most of the days. Or drinks herself silly. So, she can live with herself.

Sitting in silence, with only her thoughts as a company, makes her want to rip her hair out.

"I saw Harry," she volunteers. That catches both men's attention.

"Where?" Sirius demands and she considers being petty and not say anything further. Hadn't she just a few seconds ago despaired about that horrible guilt she feels about him?

"At Hogwarts."

"You went to Hogwarts to see him?" Sirius seems agitated, ready for confrontation and even Remus looks apprehensive.

"I went to see Dumbledore for Order business and took a detour." Eva defends herself even as she doesn't think they have the right to interrogate her like this.

"Does Dumbledore know?" Remus treads carefully at the same time as Sirius scoffs at her: "I bet you just jumped at any opportunity to go see him, didn't you?"

The turmoil of emotions boils over at this and she jumps on her feet yelling shrilly.

"Of course I jumped at the opportunity to see him! I have every right to see him!"

"Do you? And who gives you the right?" His permanent mocking scoff irks her to no end. It is the voice he used to practice on Slytherins. On Death Eaters. On his family. On his brother. She just wants to shake him hard enough to make him realize she is not the enemy. "You are not his relative. And you are not his Godmother."

The poisonous arrow right to her heart makes her tremble with pain and rage.

"How- How dare you?! You know- You of all people know that Lily wanted me to be his guardian!"

"Curious, how she never got around to appointing you, isn't it?" She knows he is saying all of this with one purpose only; to pour salt on her open wounds. He achieves his goal easily.

"There was no time for this. They had to go into hiding." But he is not listening to her.

"Even more curious, how you never showed any interest in taking him in after they died."

"As you pointed out, I was not his legal guardian." Eva has finally stopped screaming only to speak through clenched teeth.

"They are other ways." His mocking scoff changes into an angry snarl.

"What was I supposed to do? Kidnap Harry Potter?"

"If necessary."

"Don't be ridiculous!"

"They are other ways to-"

"I wasn't fit to be anyone's guardian!" She yells, suddenly sick of this conversation. "Is that what you wanted to hear? He was better off without me! He was safe and taken care off." Even as she says it, Harry's words come back to her and a spot of doubt picks at her brain. "And I-," She just wants to shock him into silence. "When Dumbledore found me I laid on a bar, half dressed as a bunch of men did body shots off me and a snorted coke off someone's dick."

For some time only her ragged breathing is heard in the otherwise silent kitchen. She can feel her energy draining and can only hope the Pepper-up lasts till the end of the meeting.

"So I was right, wasn't I? All you managed to do in the last fourteen years was drink and fuck around?" She is caught between sadness and anger that even in that moment, when she has bared him her very soul and humiliated herself, he has to push her face even lower into the mud. She forcefully stills her trembling lip. Anger. Anger doesn't make her fall apart.

"Yeah Sirius, you were right. You happy?" She doesn't wait for him to answer. "But I will do anything to make it up to him now. And I will visit him if I want. Even if I have no reason at all. And I don't care what any of you have to say about it. I don't care what Dumbledore has to say about it. And for your information he did know I went to see Harry. Practically pointed me in his direction."

"And how was Harry?" Remus asks carefully, daring to open his mouth.

"Sad. He was sad." She snarls at them and then sits down, angrily crossing her arms over her chest, her head turned away and refuses to budge even when other members start to arrive. Opposite her, Sirius sits, his chair tilted away from the table in exactly the same position. Remus wishes he hadn't closed off that pantry.

Remus shrugs at Tonks' raised eyebrows but otherwise nobody comments on the tense atmosphere. They have all learned is best not to ask or they might just be dragged into it.

The meeting starts off slowly as everyone drones on their reports and it's not just Eva's eyelids that are dropping. The meeting picks-up when it is Mundungus Fletcher's time to report.

"Now the reason for this emergency meeting before you all fall asleep." Dumbledore chuckles and there are a lot of embarrassed sniggers around the table. "As you know, Mundungus has been keeping an eye over Hogsmeade and there has been a development you should be aware off. If you would, please?"

"So, ahem. This Saturday a was at Hog's Head having a spot of… butterbeer. It was Hogwarts' weekend so it is not unusual for a lone student to come to the pub to brood in silence. But usually they prefer The Three broomsticks. So when Fred and George came in, I thought nothing of it. They are always up to something." Molly hardly manages to stifle an indignant yelp. "And then two girls joined them and I thought I'm looking at a very awkward double date. And then another boy came and another two girls and soon there was like something over twenty people there, sitting around a table and it was starting to look more like an orgy then a double date." A few people snort as Molly berates Mundungus for talking like this about her children.

"Anyway, just as I thought that was about it, who shows up but our young mister Potter with Weasley and Granger in tow." Eva sits up straighter at the mention of Harry and she can see most of the table do the same. "Or it was more like Weasley and Granger came and Potter dragged his feet behind them. It was clearly a so called secret meeting and Granger was in charge. Although someone should really give her some pointers about espionage. Anyway, Granger might have been in charge but at the end it was up to Potter. They have founded some kind of Defence Association and he will teach his classmates Defence against the Dark Arts because Umbitch, their words not mine," Sirius and Remus send weird glances at Eva that she ignores, "refuses to teach them anything useful. There was a lot of fighting through it, Potter wasn't really enthusiastic and there was some talk about last year but at the end they all agreed on participating and keeping it a secret and signed their names on a piece of parchment Granger brought. She was quite adamant that they all sign, now that I think about it. Huh, maybe she has potential after all."

Eva rubs her palm over her chest where a strange weight has settled. She notices Molly's face, worry for the children etched into every line. All the others seem to think nothing of it.

Dumbledore interrupts Mundungus's musings about Hermione's potential for a hustler.

"As everything in Hogwarts the meeting has become public knowledge. It seems that Umbridge had her own spies in Hog's Head. On Monday the Ministry banned all unapproved student groups. To my knowledge Harry and his classmates have chosen to ignore the ban."

At once a cacophony of voices breaks out.

"That's dangerous! You have to speak to Harry, Albus. And forbid all this. They could get expelled. Or interrogated by the Ministry." Molly.

"All student groups? Even Quidditch?" A horrified Bill.

"That's my boy. I knew he had it in him to be a rebel." An undisguised pride, mixed with a desire to cause mischief, pours from Sirius.

"Typical Potter. No regards for rules. Always thinking the world revolves around him and getting in the way." His bitterness, the Snape.

"He was the best DaDA student I have ever taught." A Professor in Remus Lupin beams dreamily.

Eva Marlowe sits at the table, her nails drawing half-moons into her palms, not saying anything. Dumbledore is staring at her unblinkingly and she stares back with a blank expression. He is not saying anything, not answering any of the complaints or diffusing the fighting that is about to ensue. When he speaks, his voice is quiet but everybody still shuts up.

"And what do you think, Eva?" All eyes turn to her but she is not nervous. She is devastated. And disappointed.

"I think, once again we have failed him. We have failed the boy entrusted into our care. I told him, begged him, before he went to Hogwarts to turn to an adult if he had any problems. But of course he cannot do that. Once again he has to salvage the situation himself because the adults have failed him. His guardians, his teachers and the Ministry. All there to protect him, to guide him also the ones trying to quiet him down and hurt him."

"Don't be dramatic, Marlowe," Snape scoffs at her. "Potter manages to get into these situations all by himself. He could just keep his head down and leave the adults to deal with the situation. But no. Potter always has to go running around, causing trouble and making my life difficult."

Sirius is bound to jump over the table and strangle him any time now but Eva doesn't give him the chance as she leans forward in her chair and rounds on Snape.

"And why do you think that is? Have you given him any reason to trust you? Have you given him a reason to think you'll solve a single trouble instead of him? Have any of you?" She glares at the faces around her. "And do you really think his world revolves around you? Do you think he sits in his bed at night thinking of ways to make you miserable? Don't judge others by yourself, Severus."

In periphery she catches Sirius smirking and she can't help but give him a piece of her mind, too.

"And you? You are even worse. I know what you're thinking; sneaking around the halls at night behind the Professors' backs, laughing through the exciting adventure and rebelling against the authority. But think about Harry. Really think about him and what you know about him. The real him and not some distorted version of him concocted up in your head! And tell me he wouldn't be more pleased sitting in a classroom with a competent DaDA Professor and being a normal boy instead of leading a rebellion. Tell me that if you can!" She doesn't wait for him to argue as he is bound to (they had fought enough for one day) but turns to Remus then who is already looking ashamed like he knows exactly what she is about to say. "I told you, didn't I? Someone should teach those kids in secret. And we have waited for Harry to take this responsibility off our hands."

"She's right, Albus," Molly pitches in. "You have to stop this."

"But he can't, Molly." Eva says it with finality.

"But you just said-"

"He can't. Not only because these kids really need to learn. But because they also need this sense of community. They need a common enemy. And if for the time being this cannot be Voldemort then for this purpose Umbridge is just as good. Am I right, Albus?"

She tries to hide a touch of resentment as she addresses the Headmaster but his sad smile tells her she was unsuccessful. He gives them a slow nod.

"You are quite right, Eva. I am afraid that Hogwarts has become a right dreary place since the arrival of Dolores Umbridge. And I think this might be good for Harry, too. I have a feeling it might lift his spirits."

Eva clenches her teeth and jams her lips together, physically preventing herself from speaking but Dumbledore challenges her and she can't resist.

"You have more to say, Eva? Don't hold back on my account."

"So, are we finally acknowledging the despair Harry must be feeling. Or was I the only one who noticed those angry outbursts in the summer?"

"Do we really need to discuss Potter's emotional state and his childish tantrums?" Snape's drawl interrupts her.

"Yes, we do and you have just demonstrated perfectly, why. You treat him like a child. You don't tell him anything. You give him nothing to hold onto." Here she turns to Dumbledore. "And then you expect him to take it like an adult. You expect an emotional response of an adult. You don't look at him. You don't speak to him. And you expect him to understand. You expect him to just know and respect why you don't speak to him. Do you know what he thinks? Do you? He thinks you regret taking his side. That you don't believe him. That you hate him because the public has turned against you."

The grave expression on Dumbledore's face almost makes her regret her words. He looks suddenly old.

"How I regret that it must be like this. But at the moment there is nothing to be done. I trust you told him-"

"I tried to reassure him the best way I knew but… The angry distrustful boy inside him will doubt until proven wrong. And maybe beyond. So, that's what I think, Albus. We have failed him."

The silence in the kitchen is thick with emotion after she finishes. Eva feels drained to the core and she knows she won't last much longer. Now that the adrenaline has let go and all the potion must be out of her system, she can hardly move a single muscle. Even her mouth is hanging slightly open as her jaw seems too heavy to lift. Her skin burns even as cold sweat runs down her back.

"Are we done now?" Dumbledore adjourns the meeting and everybody starts to move in various directions, murmuring quietly. By sheer need to get the hell out of there, Eva pulls herself to her feet and teeters towards the stairs where thankfully she can grip the walls for support and pull herself upwards.

Predictably Molly and Remus try to stop her. She just knows Molly won't let her leave like this. She looks around desperately and her saviour as always comes in the form of Remus Lupin.

"Come on. I'll walk you out." He says it with determination that brooks no objection. Oh, Remus. He knows she can't deal with Molly Weasley at the moment.

"Eva, are you sure-" He knows it is useless but he still wants to make sure she is okay before he lets her out of his sight.

"I'm fine, thanks, Remus." She rushes her words, doesn't look at him and then slams the door behind her. She stumbles down the street with heavy steps, wishes that anxiety to disperse or explode or come out in tears but all that comes out are the contents of her stomach on the sidewalk.

Adding up all the symptoms; delusion, fever, painful bones and sickness, Eva Marlowe comes to an unthinkable conclusion; she has caught the magical flu.