Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all his friends (and enemies) are the brain-child of J.K. Rowling. I'm just borrowing them. Exclusive ownership belongs to JKR, Arthur A. Levine Books and Scholastic Inc. Jane Sinclair and all additional characters belong to me. You belong to yourself.


Safe in my arms

You're only sleeping

Into the West, from the movie Lord of the Rings – The Return of the King

Chapter Nineteen – While You Were Sleeping

where Jane chats with an old friend and important questions get answered …

Four days had passed since the Final Battle, and Jane was holding vigil by Severus' bedside. Four days since he'd saved her and the entire Wizarding world with his selfless sacrifice. Four days since he and the other survivors had been rushed to St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries and left to the capable hands of the hospital's Healers. Since his admittance to St. Mungo's, Jane had not left his side, except for a couple of hours, when she had been forcibly dragged from his room, so she herself could be treated for the after-effects of the Cruciatus Curse – two broken ribs, a concussion, a sprained wrist – and several superficial cuts and bruises. When Molly Weasley had learned of her injuries, she'd thrown her hands into the air in exasperation, wondering how Jane could not have realized the extent of her own injuries before.

Indeed, ever since the Final Battle, Molly had clucked and fussed over Jane and taken her under her wings like a long-lost daughter. She'd visited Jane a few times at the hospital, each time bringing her a change of clothes and fresh gossip. Molly had accused her of hiding away in Severus' room. She was right, Jane supposed as she watched over Severus. She had been staying out of the public eye, because she didn't want to be pestered with questions and accusations. Yes, she had noticed the furtive glances several wizards and witches had thrown her. She had also heard some of the whispers. People were wondering how she had been able to bring Severus back to life, while others around her – Harry Potter, in particular – had perished. She didn't have the answers, though. She had started CPR out of pure desperation. By rights, Severus should have been dead.

Jane shifted to a more comfortable position and grimaced. Her ribs were healing well, but they still protested when she moved suddenly. Molly had also been bursting with questions, but Jane had been in no mood to answer any, and the older witch had reluctantly backed off. Talking to Molly always brought back painful memories of the battle and its aftermath, when they all were still trying to come to terms with everything that had happened. Jane recalled how Molly had shot worried glances towards Remus, while they were waiting in Voldemort's manor for news from Mr. Weasley.

"Jane," Molly had asked quietly, "do you think you could, well, bring Tonks back? I… I'll watch over Severus…" she'd quickly offered, when Jane had hesitated.

In the end, Jane had nodded slowly and reluctantly let go of Severus. Remus hadn't even noticed her approach. Only when she'd squatted down in front of him and touched his arm, had he looked up. His face had been wet with tears and his eyes dark with unbearable sorrow.

"She's not moving," he had told her brokenly. "She's not moving…"

Jane's gaze had dropped to Tonks' side, noticing an ugly black stain on her otherwise pristine white T-Shirt.

"Remus?" Jane had asked confusedly.

He'd followed her gaze and more tears had filled his eyes. "She was hit from behind." He'd nodded towards a beautifully worked delicate silver dagger lying nearby. "It was poisoned. I… I pulled it out…" Remus had tenderly caressed Tonks' pale face. "I didn't want her to be uncomfortable."

"I understand," she'd told him gently, knowing immediately that there was nothing she could do.

As she had slowly walked back to Molly and Severus, she'd noticed Hermione bending over Harry. Jane had sighed and sadly shaken her head. The window for successfully resuscitating him had long passed…

Jane dragged her thoughts back to the present and stretched, wincing when her ribs protested again. She glanced over at Severus, who was sleeping peacefully at the moment. Four days had passed, and he was still slipping in and out of consciousness as his body battled the after-effects of the Killing Curse. St. Mungo's Healers kept shaking their heads whenever they examined him.

"We have never had a patient who has survived the Killing Curse," they would explain embarrassedly. "We can only treat the obvious signs, but we don't know what other damage it may have done."

At least, they had been able to provide an explanation for the blue light. Jane sighed. It hadn't been her, after all. It had been her wand, or what had been left of it. The unicorn essence contained in it had transferred to her when it exploded in her hand, and her tears had activated its healing powers. If only she had known back then. Maybe she could have helped more people.

Jane sighed and carefully stretched again. When she had sat in it earlier, the overstuffed armchair had seemed more than comfortable, but now, after several hours, her muscles were screaming for relief. She got up and crossed the short distance to the bed. Bending over Severus, she brushed a strand of hair out of his face. His skin felt cool to her touch, and she sighed with relief. The fever had not returned. It gave her hope that his condition was finally improving. If only he would wake up soon, she thought, staring down at his pale face. At least, he was sleeping peacefully now.

When he hadn't regained consciousness after twenty-four hours at St. Mungo's, Jane had begun to worry, blaming herself. She had performed CPR, never considering the consequences. Everyone knew that Muggle remedies and magic didn't mix. At least, they normally didn't. And yet, in his case they had. But what was the use of snatching him from Death's cold embrace, she had thought hysterically, only to have him spend the rest of his life in a coma? Fortunately, her fears had been unfounded. Severus had briefly responded to a Rejuvenating treatment, before falling into fitful sleep. But then the fever had claimed him, and his condition had worsened. For two days the fever had ravaged his body. He would frequently toss and turn in his sleep, yelling incoherently as nightmares chased each other in his delirious mind. More than once, Jane had crept into bed with him and hugged him tightly until he had calmed down again. Then, yesterday, the fever had finally broken and he'd spent the night comfortably without any fever dreams.

As she had often over the last four days, Jane sat down on the bed next to his still form and began to talk to him. She didn't know whether he heard her, but she hoped he did. She took his hand into hers and told him of her childhood and her time among Muggles. She told him of her hopes and dreams, her fears and sorrows. More than anything, however, she told him what was in her heart and how much she loved him. Jane dabbed at her eyes as tears began to well up again. She'd been crying a lot recently and doubted that this would be the last time.

"You must live," she told him urgently, "if not for my sake, then for your own. You've been given a second chance, and you mustn't discard it. Besides, I need you. Who else is going to be my voice of reason? Who else is going to scowl at me when I tease him? You know, no one can scowl quite like you do. Who else is going to watch over me and be my knight in shining armor? Severus, you can't die. Not now that you've been given back to me…"

---

Someone was speaking to him, begging him not to die. A woman. He knew that lulling voice and struggled through the darkness surrounding him, straining towards it. The voice was tender and soothing, promising that everything would be alright. If only the gloom would lift, so he could see her face. Jane…

The fire that had been consuming his body had finally died down, but the pain still lingered. He was in so much pain. That meant he was still alive, didn't it? He was so tired. He wanted to sleep forever, but Jane didn't want him to. She wanted him to wake up.

He would do as she asked – soon. But for now, he would sleep for a while longer. Just a little – until he was stronger.

---

Remus was watching Jane from the door. Feeling like an intruder, he had stopped in his tracks when he'd heard her one-sided conversation. Severus was a lucky bastard, he thought, his knuckles turning white around the handle of his walking stick. He wasn't a man who readily lost his temper, but seeing his old enemy alive – granted, Severus was injured, but he was alive – when Tonks was not, painfully squeezed his heart. Remus still couldn't understand how a cold man like Severus had secured the love and support of a warm, gentle woman like Jane. Severus didn't know how lucky he was. Unable to bear the intimate scene before him any longer, he took an awkward step forward and cleared his throat.

Jane started and almost fell off the bed. Her head whipped around, but her shocked expression immediately gave way to a happy smile of welcome. She quickly got to her feet and rushed to greet him.

"Remus," she breathed happily and embraced him. "I'm so glad to see you!"

He did not return her hug, and she immediately stepped back. Worry shone in her eyes as she took in his haggard appearance. His scarred face was drawn and had several new marks on it.

"I'm sorry," she apologized quickly. "Were you injured? Did I hurt you?"

Remus wearily shook his head. "It's nothing that won't heal."

Jane nodded in understanding. "Remus, I haven't had a chance to tell you, yet… but I'm so sorry about Tonks."

Pain flashed in his eyes. He nodded stiffly.

"Come," Jane invited him. "Have a seat."

Remus let her lead him to the armchair and dropped heavily into it. Jane sat down on the edge of the bed and folded her hands in her lap.

"So," she finally said when the silence became overwhelming. "What are you doing here? I have the distinct feeling that you should still be resting."

Her friend cleared his throat and shifted slightly. "I'm here on behalf of the Order. Well," he admitted, "and the Ministry, of sorts. We've all heard of Severus'… well, of how you brought him back. There are so many things that we still need to clear up…"

"Remus," Jane interrupted him tiredly. "Can't this wait until later?"

He sighed. "I'm afraid not. If you won't talk to me, the Ministry might summon you for an interrogation. I volunteered, because I believed that you'd prefer me over the Ministry's Inquisitors…"

"Oh." Jane's shoulders sagged. She had no desire to ever set a step in the Ministry again. "Alright. What do you want to know?"

Remus rewarded her with a small smile. "That's more like it." He pulled a notepad from his threadbare coat and a Dictation Quill. He raised an eyebrow. "You don't mind, do you?"

The quill immediately began to scratch on the paper. Once it was done, it remained poised above the notepad, ready to take more dictation.

"Just get on with it," Jane grumbled, and the quill began to write again.

"Molly probably has already told you this, but everybody is just itching to know how exactly you revived Severus." He nodded towards the sleeping man on the bed. "By the way, how is the old boy?"

Jane glanced at Severus and grasped his hand again, unaware of how this simple loving gesture was received by Remus. "His fever broke yesterday," she said, briefly caressing Severus' forehead, "but he still hasn't woken up. The Healers are at a loss, though. They've never had a patient like him before."

"Yes." Remus tore his gaze from the painful sight and pretended to inspect the book Jane had been reading earlier. "Maybe we should start there."

Jane returned her attention to her visitor. "OK."

"Arthur told me you used CPR on Severus?"

She nodded. "It's a Muggle technique…"

Remus held up his hand. "I'm familiar with it. What made you think that it would counter the Killing Curse?"

"I didn't really think of countering the curse," Jane clarified. "I kept thinking that the heart had stopped and I had to somehow start it again. CPR was the first thing that came to my mind. I must admit," she told him, somewhat embarrassed, "I frequently still think like a Muggle…"

Remus nodded. "Fair enough. Molly also said something about a… blue light?"

"Yes," Jane confirmed, "as I was compressing Severus' chest, a blue light shot from my hands into him. Now, before you make anything out of it," she quickly went on, when she saw him open his mouth to comment, "that was one answer the Healers here at St. Mungo's were able to answer. It was my wand… well, sort of. Voldemort blasted it into smithereens, which burned into my skin. My wand was purified with unicorn tears, which means that the unicorn's healing essence had seeped into my hands. My own tears must have activated it, while I was performing CPR on Severus."

A low whistle escaped Remus' lips. "That makes sense," he said, nodding slightly. Suddenly, he frowned. "Couldn't you have helped some others, then?"

Jane shook her head. She'd heard his unsaid question. Couldn't you have helped Tonks? "I wish I could have," she told him honestly, "but the Healers here have found only minute traces of it in my skin. There was nothing left… The essence was exhausted as soon as it revived Severus. I doubt that it was even enough for him. Why else would he linger in this half-comatose state? Besides, if you know about CPR, then surely you know that it can only carried out for a brief period immediately after the heart is stopped. And it is ineffective for mortal wounds like Tonks'."

Remus' gaze dropped to his hand on his walking stick. "I know," he said quietly. "I only wish…"

"So do I, Remus." Jane grieved with him. "Apart from you, Tonks was my best friend. I miss her terribly."

He nodded, unable to meet her eyes. "I loved her."

"I know," Jane said gently and slid off the bed. She moved over to him and kneeled down by his side, placing a hand on his arm. "It's OK to grieve," she told him. "You don't have to be brave here – with me."

Remus finally broke down. Jane reached up to hug him, and he sobbed into her shoulder as she comforted him through his loss.

It was quite a while later, when Remus gradually pulled himself together again. "I… I'm better now," he told her, his voice still thick with emotion.

Jane patted his shoulder. "When I first arrived here less than a year ago, you were my rock. Maybe I can be yours now."

Remus nodded. "Maybe…" He cleared his throat, pulling himself together. "Now, where were we?" He reached for the notepad and checked his notes. "Ah, yes."

Jane took her seat by Severus' side again, and looked expectantly at her friend.

"By the way, there were some rumors…" Remus stopped, searching for the right words. "Many members of the Wizarding community were somewhat… um, upset… that Harry did not survive."

"Look," Jane spoke up. "I was still working on Severus. There was no way I could have helped the boy…"

Remus raised his hand. "Don't worry, we have taken care of it. Sibyll Trelawney had another of her… um, visions – which must have been a record for her this year, by the way – that prompted us to raid Dumbledore's memory storage. Oh, yes," he assured her, "the old man was very crafty, or simply careless. I haven't made up my mind, yet… Anyway, we've found his memory of a very important prophecy regarding Harry and Voldemort – …and either must die at the hand of the other," he began to recite from memory, "for neither can live while the other survives…"

Jane's hand flew to her mouth. "So, it was preordained?"

"Yes, the two of them were fated to kill each other."

Suddenly, something clicked in Jane's mind. She didn't know why, it just did. "Remus," she asked quickly, "what is a Horcrux?"

Remus started and looked at her quite earnestly. "What makes you ask that?"

"Well, you remember the stack of papers McGonagall gave me – you know, Dumbledore's research on me…"

He nodded.

"Well, there were several papers and notes that didn't make any sense to me, and I simply put them away for the time being… Anyway, one of those papers contained a list, simply entitled Horcruxes."

Remus leaned forward, intrigued. "A list of Horcruxes?"

"Yes," Jane nodded. "There were eight items on the list, several of which had been crossed out…"

"And?"

Jane noticed his suppressed excitement and realized that she'd stumbled onto something important. "First, you tell me what a Horcrux is."

Remus sighed. "Basically, a Horcrux is a fragment of someone's soul hidden outside the body. It's rather dark magic."

"Of course," she exclaimed. "Now, it all makes sense."

"Care to share?"

"Remus," she said, her own excitement rising, "the first seven items were things – a ring, a diary, a cup, etc. – but the last one, the eighth one, was different. It had a question mark by it, and… well, it was a name – Harry Potter!"

He sat up. "That doesn't make sense, at all. Why would Voldemort knowingly destroy his own Horcrux?"

"I'm guessing, he didn't know," Jane explained. "I mean, what if a part of his soul transferred to Harry, when he tried to kill him seventeen years ago? He might not have known, and when he divided his soul into seven parts, he never knew that there was one already missing – one last part of his soul. It makes sense, Remus," she said urgently. "It definitely explains the prophecy, and it explains his so-called death disappearance seventeen years ago. It would also explain why he was able to shake off my Killing Curse. Harry had still been alive."

Remus stared at her, wide-eyed. "It does make sense! Harry had mentioned something of Dumbledore's quest regarding Voldemort's Horcruxes. He'd also vowed to find the remaining ones to finally vanquish Voldemort. Merlin's Beard, I believe you're right!"

"Do you think there is a way of finding out – about Harry being a Horcrux, I mean?"

He considered it for a moment. "There are some spells," he finally said, "but they have never been performed on a person. Horcruxes generally require inanimate objects. However, we'll try and figure it out somehow. Do you mind, if I'll take a look at Dumbledore's notes?"

Jane shook her head and allowed herself a small smile. "Help yourself. They're in my office – although, you may have to search for a while. I'm not sure where, uh… I've put them…"

Remus returned her smile. He knew very well that orderliness wasn't one of Jane's strong suits.

"Maybe that's something you ought to work on when you get back to Hogwarts."

"Hogwarts!" Jane exclaimed, growing pale. "What about my classes? I haven't been teaching in almost a week!"

"Don't worry," Remus assured her. "Arrangements have been made."

"Oh, thank God," Jane sighed in relief. "I've been so selfish. I haven't thought of anything, or anyone, other than Severus."

"I wouldn't call that selfish," he told her quietly. "You are a very generous and warm-hearted woman, Jane."

She looked at her hands. "If that were true, I could have saved more…"

Remus leaned forward and took her hands into his. "Jane, Severus said you were a powerful witch…"

Jane grimaced. "…who still doesn't know her own strength and abilities…"

"…but," Remus continued deliberately, "you are not God. Like all of us, you're only human. There are worse things than being human, Jane."

She sighed. "You're right, of course. I just can't help thinking that there must have been something I could have done to avoid all this bloodshed."

"But you did do something, Jane," Remus assured her. "You and Severus, you both kept Voldemort distracted, until he could finally be brought down. Without the two of you, Harry would not have been able to succeed."

"I guess so," she acquiesced quietly.

"By the way, what did happen to you after you and Colin were attacked?"

Her gaze fixed on his kind, understanding eyes as the memories flooded her brain. Jane told him everything, all the gruesome, heartbreaking details, and Remus listened to her attentively, without interrupting her.

"And then you all came to the rescue," Jane brought her tale to an end. Suddenly, a thought occurred to her. "By the way, how did you know when to show up? Your timing was impeccable."

"Well, you have to thank Hermione Granger's immense talent for that. She really is a clever young witch, you know. I can't wait to see what she'll be capable of when she's completed her education… But I digress. A few years ago, Hermione mastered a Protean Charm, which acts very much like a…"

"A homing beacon," Jane finished for him. "Like Voldemort's Dark Mark."

Remus nodded, impressed. "That's right. Harry had told his godfather about it, who then told me, in return. I recalled that little fact, and with Hermione's help, we managed to provide every member of the Order, as well as several Ministry Aurors, with charmed amulets. Severus simply had to activate his, once he'd found you, and… well, the rest, you know."

Severus moaned in his sleep, drawing Jane's attention. She placed her hand on his forehead and gently stroked his head.

"He came after me," she said quietly, her eyes never leaving his face.

"Indeed, he did," Remus confirmed. "You know, he volunteered. Wouldn't let anyone else do it, for fear they would fail."

"He's a hero," she declared proudly.

"Yes, he is."

---

On the fourth floor at St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries in Severus' private room, Jane's eyes drifted shut. Remus had left long ago. She hadn't wanted to relive the nightmare of the last several days, but Remus had been patient and understanding, and, in the end, talking to him had felt like a relief. Their conversation, however, had left her drained. She'd dragged the armchair closer to the bed and gratefully dropped into it, drawing up her legs and folding them under her. She would shut her eyes for a minute, she'd told herself, only for a minute. Moments later, Jane was fast asleep.

---

The fire had left him parched. Every breath he took seemed to abrade the inside of his throat until it was raw. He swallowed painfully. He longed for the soothing sensation of cool water running down his throat as much as he yearned for the soothing cool touch of Jane's hand on his skin.

It was time to wake up.


Lost and Found © 2006 by MMHG