Author's note: Thank you all who have been so kind to leave me a review. It always puts me in a good mood and propels me to write more.

After the previous chapter, this one might seem a bit uneventful and drama free, but there are other emotions, except anger and guilt, to explore too and Christmas setting seems to call for ceasefire. Expect for the holiday to drag through at least one more chapter. Don't worry though, drama is on its way 😉

Ceasefire

She has acquired a friend. A girl-friend at that. It is a foreign concept to her, as she hadn't had a girlfriend since Lily. She has no idea how it happened. Tonks just showed up at her doorstep one day in early November after that terrible fight to check up on her. So they talked some, they ordered take-out and they drank a lot of wine. Eva surprises herself by not being bothered by Tonks' presence. She is not really delighted to see her but not inclined to throw her out either. It might be because she has felt hollowed, emptied out of every emotion except disbelief since the fight with Sirius. Flashbacks of heated words and his sneering face hit her at the oddest moments, making her stop in her tracks. And when she remembers that kiss that was mostly a battle for dominance, she can hardly believe it happened. More than once she is caught staring at the wall with unfocused eyes, her mouth hanging half-open in incredulity. She tells none of this to Tonks. She is so out of practice in how to confide in anyone, Eva remains mum. And Tonks doesn't ask.

Still, after that night Tonks just kept coming back every few days. It can't compare to what she and Lily had. Nothing can. But it is still nice to have a friend. It makes her feel like a person to have someone to talk to. They even paint each other's nails once and have a sleepover (even if it is a drunk Tonks passing out and Eva letting her have half of her bed).

If it weren't for Nymphadora Tonks, Eva would not speak to anyone who wasn't her colleague or her patient for an entire month of November and most of the December. Not that this is so out of the norm for her but usually she at least goes out for drinks and dancing and hook-ups every few weeks. Shops when booze runs out and her winter cloak needs replacing or her handbag is beyond repair.

As it is, she travels only from her London flat to St Mungo's, doesn't even go grocery shopping and invents a ton of work on the evening of the only Order meeting conducted in that time. Tonks gives her a knowing look but does not try to convince her to go. And that's what Eva likes about Tonks. Where Lily would have pushed and prodded, Tonks lets her be. Where Lily would have dragged her to the meeting, Tonks promises to fill her in. Where Lily would have tried to fix everything, Tonks pours her a drink. Where her friendship with Lily was a coil of tightly wrapped emotions, her friendship with Tonks is simple. And it is not meant to be complicated.

Eva worries for a while that she is a bad influence on the younger witch but soon realizes Tonks is yet another lonely soul like her. Though she might sometimes come off as a life of a party, she is actually very socially awkward. It probably comes as a consequence of her clumsiness, her unusual abilities and being smarter than average. The friends she did have she has alienated by working too much at impossible weird hours on the job she loves with a passion. And those, who might understand her, her colleagues at the Auror office; she carries too many secrets to try to bridge the distance to any of them. Another casualty of the war.

Eva understands though why they say she is Moody's favourite Auror. She is passionate, hard-working, blunt to a point and an underdog. And Eva respects him now more than ever for choosing Tonks instead of some clichéd brawny, duelling champion of a boy.

The first Saturday of December, Tonks somehow convinces Eva, the hermit, to stop moping around and go to Diagon Alley for a brunch.

"I do not mope around," Eva tells her, scowling. "I just feel no joy for life at the moment. I don't want to see anyone and I don't want to leave the four walls of my flat."

It is worse than Tonks thought. But as soon as Eva sees the street, brightly lit and decorated for Christmas, she stops in her tracks, gasping.

"Oh, my god!"

"What is it?" Tonks has her wand at the ready, looking around for the danger that has upset her friend.

"I have to buy Christmas presents!" Her eyes lit up, albeit in panic, but it is more than Tonks has seen in weeks. She does not understand her reaction though; she doesn't take Eva Marlowe for much of a jolly Christmas indulger and anyway, there are still more than three weeks until Christmas.

"You still have time," she tells her carefully.

"You don't understand. I have to buy presents for Harry!"

"And his Christmas is not on the twenty-fifth?"

"I have so much to make up for. Years! I'm sorry, Dora, I can't do brunch. I have to go shopping. I'm already late!"

And for the next two weeks Tonks looks on in fascinated horror as Eva spends a whole month worth of salary and the Christmas bonus, she hadn't actually received yet, on Christmas presents, mostly intended for Harry. Tonks doesn't even try to make her see sense even if she is pretty sure Harry will be just as satisfied with a single gift from her; she obviously is beyond help and the frenzied shopping seems to ease her guilty conscience. If not for that incident that happened a week before Christmas, Tonks thinks Eva might have had to start selling her furniture to get money for more gifts.

When the news of the attack come, Eva is just wrapping up her paperwork after a double shift, which officially ended two hours ago. She has been pulling double shifts as often as possible as she had plans to lighten her workload during the holidays for the first time ever. Healer Aldridge almost had a heart attack when she informed him she will be taking a few days off. Then he offered her a Head of department position again which she politely refused. Again. Her co-workers were stunned when they learned she will not be working for Christmas this year. Of course nobody complained as she has covered all of their Christmas shifts since she has started working there. This year she wanted to spend some time with Harry. She didn't know how to make that happen as of yet. Harry was invited to the Burrow for the holidays and she hadn't dared ask Molly if she can visit. And the woman hadn't offered. Not that Eva has seen her since… She also hadn't gathered the courage to ask Harry if he wanted to spend a few days with her. Can she take it if he refuses her? Or even worse, doesn't refuse because he feels obligated to visit but doesn't actually want to come? He will certainly want to spend time with Sirius, too. She doesn't want to interrupt their time either. At the end though, she is spared the bother of figuring out logistics.

She knows Remus is not making a social visit as soon as she sees him walking towards her to where she is leaning against the counter, coursing at the mountain of paperwork she is filling out. She knows something is wrong and would know even if it wasn't after midnight, as Remus walks with purpose, his robe billowing behind him, a grave expression on his face.

"What's happened? Is Harry alright?"

"Can we talk? Privately?"

She is anxious for answers but nods anyway as she can feel the night nurse's curious eyes follow her. The first private room she lays her eyes on is a broom closet and she can already hear the rumours about to circle the halls of St Mungo's as she leads Remus into it and charms the closet soundproof.

"This is where you decided to-?"

"What's with Harry?" she interrupts.

"He's alright. At Grimmauld Place at the moment. It's Arthur. He has been attacked."

"Oh, Merlin. What happened?"

"I don't know the details but he was on guard tonight. It happened at the Ministry. Apparently it's bad. A snake bite. You know what that means, Eva?" Her blood runs cold.

"Voldemort."

"Yes. He's getting bolder. But this is for a later discussion. Arthur is on his way here. Will you be able to take him or will it be too suspicious? He doesn't belong to your ward exactly, does he?"

Eva waves away his worries.

"It won't be a problem. Critical cases go through Emergency ward and it's not unusual for the accepting healer to follow up on the patient and get involved in the healing process till the end. And nobody will think twice of it when it's me as I do sort of have a certain reputation for sticking my nose where it doesn't belong."

Remus snorts at this.

"Why am I not surprised?" She doesn't respond.

"Anyway, if Pye is on call as he usually is as Smethwyck can't be bothered to supervise his Trainee Healer, he'll be happy for all the help. And he is very progressive. All for integrating muggle medicine like stitches and…"

"I have no idea what you're talking about." Remus interrupts her impatiently as she is about to go on a tangent.

"Right. I need to get everything ready. Should find nurse Janice, she's the most level-headed. And call Pye down here. Blood-replenishing potion and- Wait a minute!" Suddenly she remembers something, Remus hopped she has missed. At least for now. "Why is Harry at Grimmauld Place? School is still in term. What does this have to do with him?"

Remus sighs heavily but knows there is no getting out of it if he doesn't at least offer her something.

"Harry saw it all happen."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know much, Eva. He was asleep and he saw in his dream the snake attacking Arthur. And after that Albus sent him and all the Weasley children to the Order's headquarters."

"Saw it happen?" She thinks she might be sick. "How is that possible?"

"Harry has some kind of connection with Voldemort. I don't know much more. You know how Dumbledore is, all riddles and half-truths."

"Poor Harry. I have to see him." Remus grabs her forearm as she seems ready to spring from the closet to floo straight to Grimmauld Place.

"Eva! At the moment you have Arthur to take care for!"

"But-"

"Think of Molly. Think of his children. Think of Harry, if nothing else, to whom Arthur has always been most kind." There is still a tragic expression on her face and Remus wishes he didn't have to do this to her. Not when all she wants is to go comfort Harry. "Harry is fine. He is safe with Sirius."

The mention of Sirius' name finally makes her back down. With Sirius he is not only safe but also in the company of someone who will always take his side. Sirius would never judge him even if the others might.

She nods, resigned, and Remus lets her go when he is certain she will not flee.

The sort of blood-soaked chaos that ensues after is what she thrives in. When she is in her element she notices neither her exhaustion nor the fear threatening at the periphery of her mind.

It is past four in the morning when Arthur is stable enough to be transferred to his room and almost five when she manages to convince Molly that her husband will not be awake until mid-morning so she lets Bill sit with him and leaves to reassure her children and get some rest. For Eva, it takes another hour to finish her paperwork, hand over her patients, put alerts on Arthur's vitals and bully Healer Pye into calling for her immediately if there is any change. She doesn't blame him for being reluctant as she gives orders with red eyes and her hand at the counter supporting her weight. Her feet are killing her and now that the adrenalin has subsided she feels like she is about to drop.


Number 12 Grimmauld Place is quiet when she enters and it only increases her anxiousness. She knows she is being petty at a time like this but she really doesn't want to face Sirius and it would be so much easier to avoid him in the hustle and bustle of excited teenagers. Despite this, she doesn't even think of backing out. Harry is what's important now.

Moving to the centre of the house, she can hear a low murmur of voices coming from the kitchen and when she pushes the door inwards, Molly and Sirius, the only occupants of the room, stop their conversation to look at her. She avoids looking directly at Sirius but instead catches Molly's terrified gaze.

"Arthur?"

"No changes." She leans on the doorframe to relieve her shaking legs. "Still asleep. Bill's with him and Healer Pye is under strict instructions to contact me immediately if something doesn't go according to plan. It would be too suspicious if I were there all the time. Besides I really need to rest."

Molly waves off her attempt at an apology.

"Of course you do. You already did so much. I can never thank you enough. You and Harry." Molly is looking at her teary-eyed and all Eva wishes is to be somewhere else.

"Just doing my job. How is Harry?" She rushes to change the subject.

"Shaken, poor boy. Understandingly. But I'm sure he will feel a lot better after a few hours of sleep." Molly's reassurances do nothing to quell her worries and when her eyes finally catch Sirius', she knows he is worried, too. He is otherwise not showing any outward emotions and she can only hope he doesn't want to fight because right now she has no stomach for it. "I'll take him and the others to see Arthur after lunch."

Soon, Molly gets up to catch some shut-eye herself. As she approaches Eva who is still leaning on the doorframe, she envelops her in a tight hug and whispers her thanks into her ear. Despite herself, Eva sinks into the embrace. She is hungry for affection and this motherly tenderness almost completely disarms her.

When Molly finally leaves, there are only the two of them left. She asks the question again.

"How is Harry? Really?"

For a moment it looks as if Sirius intends to stay stubbornly quiet but then he sighs, running his hand through his hair anxiously.

"Scared. Confused. Full of guilt?"

"Guilty about what?"

"About the attack. About seeing it happen through the eyes of the snake."

"Merlin." She stumbles forward and finally collapses into the chair nearest to the door, putting her elbow on the table and supporting her forehead on the palm of her hand.

"He thinks he's going mad. He told me so. Told me he feels like there is a snake inside him and that he wanted to attack Dumbledore. He came to me for advice and I had no idea what to say to him. I totally froze. I told him he should go to sleep. Like that will make it any better!"

Sirius slams a fist onto the table in frustration and instead of jumping in fright, the noise propels Eva to move sideways and slid into a chair closest to him. He doesn't look up from the tabletop.

"What do you think this is though? Harry couldn't really have been at the ministry."

"No, of course not. I'm sure there will be many conspiracy theories about him being possessed or some such shit but that's not possible. He was in his bed at Hogwarts."

"But he obviously has some kind of connection with Voldemort. Merlin, he's only a fifteen-year-old boy. He shouldn't have to deal with all this." She tries to run her hands through her hair and massage her aching head but hits the knot at the back of her head. She pulls the elastic band from her hair pretty roughly but is relieved when the pressure alleviates and her hair falls down in distorted curls. The pounding headache persists though.

"No, he shouldn't. But he is. And I have no idea how to help him deal. He came to me and I…" He trails off and his resignation stirs something inside her. She, who has been as pessimistic as one can be for as long as she has been aware of herself, finds herself wanting to give him hope.

"Sirius, he doesn't expect you to give him a solution. He came to you because he trusts you. He just wanted someone to listen to him. To acknowledge his worries."

Sirius snorts self-depreciatingly.

"And I sent him to bed. And when I said it, I truly wanted to believe that a few hours of sleep will make it all better."

"Sometimes sleep can do wonders." It would do wonders for her right about now. "Alright, so you could have done better. And you will. Next time you will do better." Finally, he looks up and seems almost surprised when his eyes roam her face.

She is not vain, or at least whatever vanity she ever had, has been long since beaten out of her, but she wonders anyway what he sees when he looks at her. She knows her hair must be a fright after she let it down after twenty-four hours; it feels sturdy and untamed. Any make-up she has put on has long since been sweated off and even though she can't see her reflection, she is pretty sure there must be deep purple circles under her eyes. Still, she wonders if underneath it all he ever catches a face of her former self.

"Yeah?" He raises a questioning eyebrow at her. "What makes you think that?"

She shrugs.

"Because. It's Harry. And you have to. So, you will." He says nothing, only continues to stare at her until she averts her eyes. She only then notices the dirty plates around the table, obviously left over from early breakfast and suddenly she realizes she is starving. When was the last time she ate? Monday?

She hesitates for only a moment before dragging a basket of some left-over toast closer to her and cramming a piece into her mouth. Once she gets a taste for it though, a piece isn't nearly enough. She checks the plates around her and finds most of them wiped off. A heavy pan with some scrambled eggs is suddenly dropped in front of her on the table and she digs right into them without pausing. She only dares to look up at Sirius to thank him when she is full. She finds him looking at her in fascination. Once again, she wonders what he must think of her, looking a fright and eating like a homeless person.

"You have to tell Dumbledore," she reminds him. "About what Harry told you. I'm sure he will have some ideas. He won't share them with us, but he will have them."

"I'll tell him, yes. But right now, Dumbledore is the least of my worries. Harry is… He is not well. It is only two years since we met anew but he is so very different now from that boy." Eva feels like her heart is about to beat right out of her chest and her recent breakfast suddenly feels like a bad idea. Sirius; he's always been fearless and for him to express his fears and helplessness so clearly, it says a lot. She stares at him, wide-eyed and all too awake.

"What are you saying?"

"I don't know. Just that I wish he didn't have to grow up so fast. Not in that way."

Eva knows exactly what he means.

They sit in silence both caught in their own heads until she finally gets up.

"I'll go see Harry. Are he and Ron in the same room they were during the summer?"

"Yes. But he went to sleep an hour ago. He had a rough night."

"He's not sleeping. The last time he went to sleep he saw himself almost murdering someone. He's not asleep." She says this matter-of-factly, dragging her feet towards the stairs.

"You're probably right," he murmurs.

Remembering something she turns towards him at the door, biting her lip hesitatingly.

"Unless… Do you want to go?"

"You should go. I think you're better equipped for this."

Really? Better equipped with what? A vagina?

"I'm not. Neither of us is. This is something Lily and James should be doing." She runs a frustrated hand through her already messy hair. "God, it wasn't supposed to be like this. We were supposed to be the fun godparents. The slightly unreliable babysitters. Letting him do things his parents were opposed to, spoiling him with expensive things and having him over every once in a while, to stay up late and gorge on sweets. This is what we are equipped for. Not… this." She carelessly indicates with her a wave of her hand towards the whole universe.

She doesn't wait for him to answer.

The house is eerily quiet as she climbs the stairs slowly. At the door to Harry and Ron's bedroom she stops to put an ear to the door and when she can hear nothing, she opens the door slowly, hoping not to wake up Ron and by chance that he is actually sleeping, Harry.

Ron seems to sleep like the dead and if she were to guess, not even a Reducto right over his head could wake him up. Harry on the other hand rests on his bed in an uncomfortable position, still in his day-time clothes unnaturally still. Eva hesitates briefly before sitting at the edge of his bed slowly.

"Harry," she whispers. But he doesn't move. "Harry, I know you're not asleep."

There is a moment where nothing happens and Eva is about to get up and leave him alone. He is not required to talk to her after all. But then he opens his beautiful emerald eyes and the pain she sees there makes her gasp for air.

"Harry." Instinct takes over and she runs her thumb over the side of his face. His eyes drop in exhaustion before he drags them open by force. "You need to sleep."

He shakes his head.

"I can't. I shouldn't."

"Harry, it wasn't your fault. You didn't do anything."

"You don't know that. You don't know. I was the snake. I wanted to-"

She shushes him as he starts to get worked up.

"I know. Calm down. Sirius told me what happened. He is very worried for you."

"He is? He didn't seem to think much about it when I told him," Harry mutters resentfully.

"And now he's beating himself up about it. Harry, he just didn't want you to worry. It doesn't mean he didn't hear your concerns."

Harry sighs but nods.

"I still have them, though. My concerns."

"I know." Once again she runs her fingers over his cheek. "I know, Harry. But you need to rest. You need to sleep."

"I can't. What if I attack someone? What if I-"

"You didn't attack Arthur. You couldn't. You were at Hogwarts and Arthur was in London for one thing."

"I know and I'm telling this to myself but still… I don't want to go to sleep."

There is a desperate fear in his shaky voice and written all over his face. All Eva wants to do is to hold him in her arms like she did when he was a baby and chase his fears away. Oh, if only it was this easy.

"Alright. What if I sit here while you sleep? I can make sure you don't go anywhere or hurt anyone." Even if she doesn't believe there is any possible way he could do it. He looks uncertain.

"What if you can't stop me? What if I attack you?"

"I am a fully trained witch, Harry. I know you're the best DaDA student in your year but I can still take you on. And I can scream really laud, too." She smiles at him and gets a light chuckle in return. "I will watch over you. I promise not to fall asleep." Even as she says it her eyes burn in exhausted protest.

He bites his lip but nods reluctantly.

"Okay."

She urges him to change into his pyjamas and get under the covers. Then as he scoots towards the wall, she sits beside him, her back straight along the headboard and her socked feet on the covers. They both settle down but his eyes are still wide open as he is not only still worried but probably unused to someone else's presence in his bed. But it only takes a few strokes of her hand through his messy hair for him to close his eyes and for his breathing to deepen. How many times did she saw Lily do that? And how many times did he fell asleep scared without his mother's touch? How many times did he need a hug and she wasn't there? How many times did he need her?

The monster in her chest claws at her throat and threatens to swallow her whole. There is no reprieve for her at that moment. No way to push it out of her mind. No alcohol, no drugs, no potions, no sex, no work, not even the sweet oblivion of a well-deserved sleep. She has promised after all. And she wows to keep this promise. She can't offer him much. Not anymore. He is almost an adult. But she will keep this promise. Even if it kills her. And it is torture. Absolute torture, keeping her eyes open. But she dares not even get up to find the Pepper-up to help her through the next five hours.

She has no idea how many times the back of her head has smacked against the stone wall but by the time she is alerted to the rustling of sheets from across the room, she is certain she has a minor concussion. Ron raises his eyebrows when he notices her presence but leaves the room without commenting. He comes back half an hour later to inform them that lunch is ready.

His mind still thick with sleep, Harry seems confused by her presence.

"Morning. Did you sleep well?" she asks kindly. He blinks bewilderedly a few times before his eyes clear up.

"Oh. Yeah. I did. You are still here?"

"Of course. I did promise, didn't I?"

"I'm sorry. You didn't have to do that. I didn't- I don't-" He stutters undecidedly and averts his eyes embarrassed.

"It's okay, Harry. I wanted to do it." It's nothing compared to how many sleepless nights she owes him. "And it was nothing, really. Just a little night vigil. Or morning vigil."

He looks up at her, studying her face intensely, presumingly looking for insincerity.

"You look very tired. I'm sorry about that."

She laughs at this and ruffles his hair.

"The last time I put you to sleep you were six months old. Your mom was down with flu and your dad was off somewhere on a mission or drinking expedition with Sirius and I had been volunteered to babysit. You screamed your cute little head off for three hours straight while I paced around the flat and bounced you in my arms like a woman possessed. I couldn't lift my arms above my head for an entire week. So, you see, this was nothing. We've been through way worse."

She is smiling at Harry and he can't help but smile back still a little embarrassed. But as always; any link she gives him to his past, he holds onto it hungrily.

"Did you babysit me a lot?"

"Sometimes. When I could get your mom to separate from you." She chuckles at her own joke, but Harry seems to get lost in a memory he imagines. "Alright, now get dressed. Molly has lunch ready and then you're all going to St Mungo's to visit Arthur."

This seems to ground him and immediately Eva longs to see his smile again.

"You're not going?" She shakes her head.

"No, not yet. Sorry. If I'm to keep some semblance of a cover, I can't parade in St Mungo's with you lot. And I need to rest a bit anyway. My next shift starts at five pm."

After that she sends Harry downstairs and she herself goes to the bathroom. Once there she can't decide what to do; shower, wash her face, brush her teeth… She sits down on the toilet lid to gather her scrambled thoughts and rest her feet. For just a moment. The next thing she sees is Sirius, standing above her in a strange sideways position.

"Harry said you've been in here for ages. What the hell are you doing?"

She blinks away the dryness of her eyeballs and smacks her parched lips a few times. As she takes notice of the cold porcelain of a sink underneath her cheek, she realizes it is not Sirius in a sideways position. It is her upper body. She lifts her extremely heavy head and wipes off the excess drool from her chin with the back of her hand. At least the drool was mostly caught by the sink.

"Marlowe, there is a number of perfectly good beds in this house. Why don't you make use of one of them? There is no need to sleep in the bathroom."

"I wasn't." He raises a sceptic eyebrow at her. "I mean, I didn't mean to fall asleep. I just wanted to rest for a second."

"Didn't you sleep after you checked-up on Harry?" She shakes her head while yawning widely.

"No. I promised Harry I will keep an eye on him while he sleeps. Poor kid thought he might attack somebody in his sleep."

"He wouldn't."

"I know that. But he doesn't believe it completely. And I just wanted him to have a carefree rest."

For a few moments Sirius doesn't say anything, only stares at her like he's trying to discover her deepest darkest secret. If she wasn't so tired, she might feel uncomfortable.

"You can take the room at the end of the hall if you want to sleep. Nobody is using it at the moment."

"Oh. Um, alright." To say that she is surprised by the offer is putting it mildly. "Where's Harry?"

"At St Mungo's with Weasleys, Tonks and Mad Eye."

"Oh. They left already." Suddenly she springs onto her feet in panic. Sirius eyes her weirdly as she nearly bowls him over. "What time is it? I have to be at work at five. And I'm not ready. I have to shower and-"

"Relax. It's not even one yet." She slowly slides back onto the toilet lid in relief. " You have to be back at five already? Isn't that a bit soon? I know healers don't have a normal schedule but that's pushing it a little isn't it?"

"My shift was actually long over when they brought Arthur in," she tells him distractedly. Now that the offer of real sleep has come up, that's all she can think about.

"So, it's not normal to work this much? And be this tired?"

Eva shrugs at this.

"It's pretty normal for me. And I've been working a lot of doubles. I want to spend some time with Harry. On Christmas. Or around Christmas." She looks at him, all her vulnerability on display. "If he'll want to."

He opens his mouth to say something but changes his mind and closes it again.

"I wouldn't trust you to heal a papercut in the state you're in. Last door on the left," he tells her again and leaves the bathroom abruptly.


Somebody raps on the door of her temporary bedroom at around four in the afternoon, making her sit up in bed blearily, but leaving her with enough time to shower, scourgify the clothes she has slept in, ran a comb through her hair and descend to the kitchen for a pot of coffee and some sandwiches. She interrogates Molly about the visit to Arthur, listens Remus, Tonks and Mad Eye debate Harry's visions, exchanges tense uncomfortable looks with Sirius but doesn't catch sight of Harry in the time she has before she has to leave for work.

She says her goodbyes soon but doesn't get further then the entry hall. Sirius gestures her to follow him to the dining room. She eyes him warily but figures she better take advantage as they seem to be in a temporary ceasefire. They hadn't really fought and neither did they mention the brutal fight that happened almost two months ago. Much less the kiss. It seems safe. Not that she is delusional enough to think he has forgotten about it. Much less stopped despising her.

"The Weasleys are spending the holidays here," he starts without preamble while she is still occupied trying to avoid the cobwebs hanging in front of her face. "So is Harry."

"Oh." She knows where this is going. So much for spending time with Harry.

"The room you slept in today is empty."

"What?" That's not what she expected at all. Is he saying what she thinks he's saying? She barely dares to hope.

"Do I have to spell it out for you?" He seems frustrated by her astonishment. "You want to spend Christmas with Harry. Harry will be here so it's convenient for you to stay, too."

"I- Really? Thank you so much. You don't know how much this means to me." She is so grateful she could hug him. Instead she rambles like a nervous schoolgirl. "I just wanted-"

"Save it." Sirius seems uncomfortable with her gratefulness. "I want what's best for Harry. And Harry wants to spend time with you, too. Besides," he ads grudgingly, "Lily and James did want you to be his godmother and guardian. Despite want I may have said in a heat of a moment, I wouldn't keep you from him." She also has not forgotten his mocking scoff and his poisonous words as he hurt her where he knew she will bleed most. Telling her she wasn't his godmother… that she had no rights to him… that she hadn't fought for him…

"Oh. Right. Still, this is your house and I am grateful."

"It's the Headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix." She relents and nods as he obviously doesn't want her gratitude. Doesn't want her to think he stopped hating her just because he did something nice for her.

Was it really a good idea to spend weeks in close quarters with him? Probably not. Definitely not. But it's Harry. And he needs all the support he can get right about now. She can't let him down. Not again.

"I'll come back tomorrow evening after I get some sleep, following my shift, and gather some necessities." He nods and starts to leave. "Sirius?" He turns to her at the door and raises a questioning eyebrow at her.

She opens her mouth to say something. But what? What is she supposed to say? Acknowledge their temporary truce? There is no need for that. Thank him again. He doesn't want to hear it. Mention that kiss? And say what? What is there to say about it? He hates her. He thinks nothing of it. There is no need saying it, too. Apologise? Apologise for what? Apologise for that fight? Why? He was as much part of it as she was. Apologise for her cruel words? For everything she has thrown into his face? It was all true after all. She had meant every word. Apologise for the way that she had said it? For the way she didn't mince her words? For the way she set out to hurt him? He wouldn't thank her for it. He wouldn't care for her guilty conscience. It is her burden to bear, not his. She closes her mouth. Opens it twice more but nothing comes forth.

She shakes her head to get rid of those thoughts.

"See you tomorrow," she says softly, feeling frustrated with her inability to say the right words. It feels unfinished.