A/N: I think I know where this is going, and I'm pretty sure I know what the climax of it all is going to be now. I just don't exactly know how long or how far it is from this point to that, and then that point to the actual end. As always, thanks for entertaining my gibberish. This is a full-fledged novel now. The Google doc is over 200 pages.


Olivia helped put the leftovers in Ziploc bags and passed them to Bernie to arrange in the refrigerator, and then she rinsed the bowls and stacked them for the dishwasher. Kathy was at the table sealing up the bags of chips and getting the paper products in order. Elliot was outside cleaning off the grill and getting all the lawn furniture back where it belonged.

It was strange how strange this didn't feel. After her blow up with Mark, and Kathy basically telling her to call a divorce lawyer, she wanted to crawl under a rock. Olivia liked to keep her private life private, and with good reason, given all the secrets in her past. But once Mark was gone, she was actually able to relax. She talked to Bernie for another hour, talked to Elliot for a bit, and even helped Kathy pass out cake. It was nice. It was what families did. And while the Stablers weren't really her family, it'd been very easy to fall into the feeling that she did, somehow, belong there.

Cleanup only took about 15 minutes with all the pairs of hands. When Elliot came in the patio door wiping his hands on his jeans, she saw him falter for a minute, taking them all in there in the kitchen, working together.

"You want to stick around for a bit or do you and Chelsea want to get home?" Elliot asked.

"We'll go now so you don't get home too late," Olivia said.

"Okay," Elliot said. "I'll go get my car keys and get Chelsea and then we'll leave."

She heard him climb the stairs and she leaned back against the counter. She could feel Bernie eying her, especially because Kathy had her back to them.

"This has been a wonderful day," Bernie said. "You know Olivia, you and Chelsea should come over more often. The kids adore her. Maybe for dinner some night? Just leave that husband of yours at home."

"Bernie," Kathy said. "That's not our business."

"What?" Bernie said with mock offense. "I'm just calling it like I see it."

"It's okay," Olivia said. "It's not really a secret anymore that things have changed between us. And I'm sorry he acted that way in your home."

"It's all forgotten dear," Bernie said. "Just take care of yourself, please."

When she looked up at Bernie something hit her square in the chest that she hadn't felt very often. A mother's affection. Bernie was looking at her the way she herself would look at Chelsea in a situation where she had to make a hard decision, where she needed encouragement. It was a look she didn't know if she'd ever gotten from her own mother, and one she didn't feel like she deserved from Bernie, especially because she wasn't her daughter-in-law, and that woman was actually sitting just a few feet away.

"I'm going to go make sure Chelsea isn't giving Elliot a hard time about leaving," Olivia said, trying to make a quick exit from the kitchen.

"My money is on Kathleen," Kathy said. "She was already talking about them having sleepovers this afternoon and I wouldn't doubt she's trying to convince Elliot to let them have one tonight. He acts tough, but he's a complete softie for his girls."

"I've noticed," Olivia mumbled as she made her way to the stairs.

She climbed the stairs and poked her head in Lizzie and Dickie's room where she saw Dickie playing with his LEGOs alone.

"Hi Livia," he said when he saw her. "Want to build with me?"

"I'm actually getting ready to leave," Olivia said. "Just looking for your Dad and the girls since he's driving us home."

"I'm glad you came today, and Chelsea's nice," Dickie said. "But next time can you bring a boy with you so I have somebody to play with too?"

Olivia snickered.

"I'll see what I can do," she said. "Bye sweetheart."

She walked further down the hall to Maureen and Kathleen's room where the door was ajar. When she looked inside she saw Elliot leaning against the wall staring at something. When she looked across the room, she saw what put that goofy grin on his face. Lizzie and Kathleen were snuggled up on her bed, napping, and Chelsea and Maureen had fallen asleep on her bed, with Maureen's hand protectively on Chelsea's back.

"El," Olivia whispered. "Want me to wake her?"

"My girls are all together," he said. "And they like each other."

She could tell just how important this was to him, and she didn't want to spoil the moment.

"I'll get her up in a minute," Elliott said. "I just can't get enough of looking at them this way."

She let him go for a few more minutes and then he went over to Maureen's bedside to wake Chelsea.

"Hey, peanut," he said. "I'm going to take you and Mommy home. Time to get up."

Chelsea stirred a little under Maureen's hand and with her eyes still closed she reached out for Elliot's arm.

"Okay, Daddy," she said, and Olivia felt her heart stop.

Elliot looked up at her wide-eyed too, somewhere between elation and fear.

"Did you?" he whispered to Olivia.

"No," she said. "Promise. It's probably just because she's half asleep."

Maureen was actually the next to stir.

"What's going on?" she asked, sitting up and rubbing her eyes.

"We're leaving, sweetie," Olivia said. "You can go back to your nap."

"No, I want to say goodbye," Maureen said, blinking and trying to come back to consciousness. Chelsea was stirring now too, and Lizzie and Kathleen must have also heard the commotion. Slowly all four girls came back to the land of the living, yawning, stretching, and waking up alike.

"Can't we have a sleepover," Kathleen said from her bed.

"Not tonight," Elliot said. "Olivia and Chelsea need to go home and you have to rest up to see your school friends tomorrow."

"But," Kathleen started to protest.

"No buts," Elliot said.

Kathleen slid off the bed, ran to the door and put herself in front of it like she was blocking the way.

"Nobody's allowed to leave until you promise us we can have a sleepover someday soon," Kathleen said, acting like she meant business, when in reality, either one of the adults could have lifted her under her arms and moved her out of the way.

"You have my word, Kathleen, that someday you girls and Chelsea can have a sleepover," Olivia said, trying to be serious but she couldn't help but smile.

Although Elliot was the one who really wanted to see them together, it made Olivia happy too how well the girls had taken to Chelsea, and how much she clearly enjoyed spending time with them. It was apparent from just watching her from across the yard today that she and Kathleen were already thick as thieves and that Maureen was her new role model.

"Okay, we're now playing with Saturday night city traffic over the bridge," Elliot said. "Time to get moving. Say your goodbyes girls."

Olivia watched as each of the Stabler girls hugged Chelsea, and she hugged back. Normally wary of others and not a big fan of too much physical touch, she seemed comfortable here. Olivia hadn't realized how uncomfortable their own home was until they were really immersed in a family atmosphere.

Maureen came up to Olivia, almost shyly, to say a goodbye.

"Thanks for coming and introducing us to your daughter," Maureen said. "I had a fun day."

"I'm glad," Olivia said.

Maureen looked a little hesitant, like she wanted to say something else. Elliot was occupied trying to pry Lizzie and Kathleen away from Chelsea, because they were insisting on coming along for the ride.

"Something you want to tell me?" Olivia asked.

"Um, I was just kind of wondering if we could hang out someday," Maureen said, looking down at her shoes. "We've been doing this social studies lesson about women in the workforce but like most of the women I know are stay at home moms or they work part time and you have this full career. I want to see what it's like."

Olivia felt honored that Maureen would want to spend time with her. She'd never had nieces, or even friends with children until Elliot, where she could have relationships like that outside of being mother and daughter with Chelsea.

"I think we could," Olivia said. "Maybe we could do lunch one day, or next year you could talk to Dad about doing bring your kid to work day and you could come with us and see what everything's about."

"That would be awesome," Maureen said, leaning forward and giving Olivia a tentative hug, which she returned.

When they broke apart, Elliot had Chelsea over his shoulder and Kathleen and Lizzie were each clinging to one of his legs. They were all giggling like crazy.

"Almost there," he said, pretending he couldn't lift his legs with the girls attached, even though he definitely could.

"Oh my gosh guys, give it a break," Maureen said, rolling her eyes. "The more you do this the less likely they're going to come back because you're all crazy."

"I'm not crazy," Lizzie shouted, letting go of Elliot's leg and standing with her hands on her hips.

"Yeah, me either," Kathleen said, following suit.

"I'm free," Elliot yelled, running out of the room like a linebacker with Chelsea still over his shoulder. It was Olivia's turn to roll her eyes.

"Bye Lizzie," Olivia said. "And happy birthday Kathleen. Enjoy your party with your friends tomorrow."

"Thank you for coming, Olivia," Kathleen said, walking up to hug her. "Pinky swear about the sleepover?"

Kathleen had her hand out and was waiting for the most solemn promise.

"Pinky swear," Olivia said, locking her finger with Kathleen's and leaving the room.

When she got back downstairs, Kathy was helping Chelsea get a knot out of her shoelaces so she could put them on, and Bernie was telling her about all the fun things they'd do the next time she came over, like painting and playing dress up.

"Thank you, Aunt Kathy," Chelsea said, standing once she'd gotten her feet all the way into her sneakers.

"You're welcome, honey," Kathy said. "Thank you for coming. You're welcome back here anytime you want to see the girls."

"Or me," Bernie said. "You can come visit me anytime, too."

"Okay Grandma B," Chelsea said with a giggle.

Olivia watched her daughter hug both women and then walk to her side.

"I'm ready, Mommy," Chelsea said.

"Thank you," Olivia said to Kathy. "Good luck with tomorrow's party."

"Good luck to you too, Olivia," Kathy said, smiling. Olivia had a feeling she meant about things with Mark.

"Goodbye dear," Bernie said. "Don't be a stranger."

"Let's goooooo," Elliot said, jangling his keys by the door.

"Calm down," Olivia said, taking Chelsea's hand and going through the door he held open for them. She climbed into the front seat of the van and Elliot got Chelsea strapped in before they took off.

Chelsea talked non stop the entire way back to Manhattan about all the games they played, and how Ashley was bossy until Dickie "accidentally" tripped her into a mud puddle and then she sulked for the rest of the day. Elliot and Olivia couldn't even bother to get a word in edgewise.

"Coming up with you," Elliot said when he parked in front of their building.

"El," Olivia said, starting to protest.

"Just want to make sure he's really gone," Elliot said. "Just in case."

"This isn't one of our domestic calls, Elliot," she said. "My husband isn't one of our perps."

"Well, it'd make me feel better to see it for myself," he said, taking the keys out of the ignition, getting out of the car, and holding the door for Chelsea.

Olivia knew by now it was pointless to argue with him.

Chelsea was considerably more quiet on the elevator ride, and she was starting to fade, needing another nap from her fun afternoon.

"Chels, why don't you say bye to Elliot and thank him for inviting us, then we'll get you tucked in for a nap," Olivia said.

"Not tired," Chelsea mumbled, leaning against Elliot as Olivia unlocked the door.

"No, not tired at all," Elliot said with a laugh, leading her inside.

Olivia did a quick sweep of the apartment. Mark was truly gone, along with most of his work stuff, his alarm clock, and the majority of clothes in the closet. She didn't know if it was a good or a bad thing that she was relieved about it.

"Ok, Chels," Olivia said. "Nap time."

"I want Elliot to tuck me in," she said.

"Okay, but it's still nap time," Olivia said.

Chelsea led the way to her room, kicked her shoes into the closet and pulled back her blanket. She slid under the covers and pulled her puppy Ellie from the pillow and snuggled down with her. Olivia let Elliot take the lead to Chelsea's bedside and stood by the door.

"Thanks for letting me meet your kids," Chelsea said as he leaned next to her bed. "I think they're my friends now."

"I think they are too," he said, adjusting her blankets. "Get some sleep, and I'll see you soon, okay?"

"I wish you'd be here when I woke up," Chelsea said. "I wish you didn't have to go home. I wish Kathleen and Lizzie and Maureen and Dickie could have come home with us too."

"But just think about how much fun it'll be next time we see you," he said. "If I don't leave, or they didn't stay home, you wouldn't have anything to look forward to."

"I guess," she mumbled, closing her eyes.

"Have a nice nap," Elliot said, reaching out and smoothing her hair down, before getting up off his knees.

Olivia was about to turn around and leave when she heard Chelsea mumble "I love you," before rolling onto her other side. Olivia whipped around to look at Elliot who was looking down at Chelsea with what she assumed would have been the same complete adoration he would have had in the delivery room if he'd been there with her. Mark hadn't looked anything like that. He'd been pacing back and forth most of the day because he felt labor was taking too long. And he absolutely refused to be anywhere near her during the actual birth because of the blood and the fluids. Somehow, she didn't feel like Elliot would have done the same.

He eventually tore his gaze away and Olivia shut Chelsea's door as they retreated to the living room.

"She called me Daddy, Liv," he said as they sat down on the couch. "She said she loved me."

"I think she does, El," Olivia said. "You've been good to her."

"Today was just the most amazing day seeing them together," he said. "But I have to say, I'm with her. Now, after all of it, leaving her here and leaving them there, it hurts like hell."

Today had been emotional for many reasons, and Olivia wasn't sure if she wanted to yell, or cry, or what. She felt responsible for keeping them apart. She felt guilty that they'd slept together nearly nine years ago and caused nothing but problems for the future. She'd never regret Chelsea, but she did regret the complications of her aftermath.

"I don't know what to tell you," she said.

"It's not your fault, Liv," he said. "We're both in this. We both did this. And despite maybe things I've said or the way I've acted over the years, I wouldn't trade what we did for anything. Wouldn't trade that little girl, wouldn't trade meeting you again and becoming your partner. The two of you being in my life far outweighs any confusion that comes with the situation."

Olivia was willing herself not to cry. She'd done it enough in front of him in the time they've known each other. She closed her eyes to dry the tears so they could have a real conversation where he didn't have to comfort her.

"You going to tell me all of what happened with Mark?" Elliot asked while her eyes were still closed. "I know you said he's staying at a hotel but what caused it."

Olivia sighed.

"I don't really know exactly," she said. "He wanted to come to the party and then when we got there he was just miserable and sulked the entire time. He wanted to leave after a half an hour but Chelsea was getting to know the girls. I was talking to Kathy and he came over and told me we were leaving, and I told him Chelsea was having fun. Then Kathy basically told him to get the hell out of your house, and he told me if I didn't come with him then not to expect him home until I learned how to fight for us."

She saw Elliot's jaw clench and his fist ball on the armrest.

"Kathy told me to call a divorce lawyer," Olivia said. "It was humiliating."

"She's not wrong, Liv," Elliot said. "I know he's your husband, but Mark's a bastard. I don't like him. I didn't from the second I met him."

"That's the thing, El," she said. "He'd probably say the same about you. He thinks we're too close."

"Does he know?" Elliot asked.

"No, he doesn't," Olivia said. "But he's had a problem with you since day one and a problem with me since I joined SVU. And it's exhausting trying to save a marriage I don't know if I want to save anymore."

She heard Elliot draw a breath.

"I've already contacted Trevor Langan about divorce and custody paperwork," she said.

"You did that today? When?" Elliot asked.

"No, a few months ago," she said. "After Mark quit therapy. But then I just didn't pursue it any further. But I think now maybe I should."

He didn't react, other than sliding his hand across the middle cushion to take hers.

"Whatever you do, I'll support you," Elliot said. "We all will. Mama, Kathy, Me. The kids. You guys are family now, Liv."

She's always wanted to hear that statement. She's always wanted to be somebody's family, but somehow it just sounds wrong coming out of him when there are still so many secrets and lies.

"It's not right, El," Olivia said. "Kathy doesn't know and she's going to hate me if she finds out. She'll hate Chelsea too and maybe even you. You know I've never wanted that. And especially with her being so nice to us today. Do you know how betrayed she's going to feel if she finds out she welcomed my daughter into her home only to find out she's actually her husband's love child?"

"Chelsea isn't a love child," Elliot said, squeezing her hand, surprisingly calm for the direction of the conversation. "I don't like the baggage that comes with that term. She is innocent, and perfect, and beautiful, and she's our daughter. We may be at fault, and yes, there could be some repercussions if Kathy or Mark find out. But that little girl doesn't take any of the blame. And Kathy will know that."

Olivia squeezed his hand back, thankful to have something to hold onto. She hated that every good thing in her life had to be followed by some kind of guilt or shame. But it'd always been that way for her, from the moment of conception.

"Hey, Liv. You don't take any of the blame for what happened to your mother, either," he said, as if reading her mind.

"I never said…" she started.

"I know," he said. "But I also know you feel the weight of what your father did to her and how that strained your relationship. And I know why you never told Mark, and why you married him, and why you want to make sure that Chelsea never has to feel the shame of us doing something we shouldn't have done. Neither one of you is at fault for the circumstances of your birth. And you don't have to punish yourself for what your father did to your mother. Would you want Chelsea punishing herself for what we did?"

"No," Olivia said, barely a whisper.

"We did something we shouldn't have and we can't take it back," Elliot said. "I don't want to take it back. But maybe it's time to forgive yourself a little and start making the life you want. Not just the one you think you deserve."

She should be pulling her hand away and smacking him with it. She should be cursing him out for assuming he knows what she wants and needs. She should be telling him to get the hell out of her apartment. But she can't because he's right.

"I don't think I want to be married to Mark anymore," Olivia said.

Dr. Hendrix was going to have a field day about where and when she finally decided to admit that.

"Then call Langan," Elliot said.

"I don't know how to be a single mother," Olivia said. "I don't want to be like my mother. And I don't know what I can do about his parental rights."

"You're not your mother," Elliot said. "And you're not alone in this. You don't know how truly strong you are, Liv. I wish you could see yourself the way our victims see you. Or the way I see you."

She wanted to press him more. She wanted to know exactly how he saw her. But she knew if she pushed too far, her feelings might come bubbling to the surface, and they might be right back in another situation they couldn't take back, so she let the words hang in the air, and she held onto his hand, because for now, that was enough.

"You gonna make the call," he asked after a few minutes.

"As soon as you leave," she said.

"I'll go when you're ready," he said. "You just say the word and I'll leave."

The truth is, she didn't want him to leave. She wasn't quite ready yet to take such a big step into the unknown.

"Maybe just a few more minutes," she said.

"Take as long as you need, partner," he said.


A/N: You know how I crave your reviews. Don't make me wait for them like they're making us wait for the crossover.