Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all his friends (and enemies) are the brain-child of J.K. Rowling. I'm just borrowing them. Exclusive ownership belongs to JKR, Arthur A. Levine Books and Scholastic Inc. Jane Sinclair and all additional characters belong to me. You belong to yourself.


At last

My love has come along

My lonely days are over

And life is like a lovely song

At Last, Joni Mitchell

Chapter Twenty-Three – At Last

where Severus and Jane have a long overdue talk…

Jane jumped to her feet, and her book, which had lain forgotten in her lap, dropped to the ground. She couldn't believe it. Severus had come. He was here. He had finally come! As she watched him make his way slowly up the path, she didn't know what to do. Her first instinct was to run and hide. She wasn't ready to face him, yet. But, of course, it already was too late. Severus had already seen her. She had often imagined how their reunion would be, but now, being faced with the reality of it, she was at a loss. She wondered whether she should welcome him as though they had never fought, or whether she should remain aloof and wait for him to state his reason for coming? Should she berate him for making her unhappy, or should she give him a chance to explain his irrational behavior? In the end, however, her love and yearning for him prevailed. She quickly slipped on her sandals and rushed towards him.

It was rather clichéd, Jane thought, running down the gravel path, but she didn't care. As she came closer, she noticed every little detail about him. Severus was paler than usual and much thinner than she remembered. There still were dark circles under his eyes, but to her he looked as handsome as ever. He had even departed from his trademark black and donned a dark purple outfit, which suited him perfectly.

Severus stopped in his tracks and watched her approach. He frowned briefly as he took in her scantily clad body, but disapproval quickly gave way to appreciation. Jane's turquoise camisole showed off her light summer tan most attractively, as did the white Muggle trousers that didn't reach beyond her knees. Looking at her now, Severus suddenly felt a familiar tightening in his loins. There definitely was something to be said for Muggle clothing, he mused. Jane hadn't changed. If, at all, she was even lovelier than he remembered. Life in the country obviously agreed with her. On his way across the grounds, Severus had found Fenton Hall to be a glorious estate. He had always known that Jane came from a long line of wealthy pure-blood wizards, but he had never imagined anything like this. Of course, Fenton Hall seemed pitiful in comparison to the Malfoy estate, but then again, Severus had never met anyone who flaunted their wealth as ostentatiously as the Malfoys did.

When she finally reached him, Jane threw herself into his arms, almost toppling him over, and planted kisses all over his face before moving to his mouth. He clutched her to him and returned her kiss with a fervor that left them both breathless and dizzy. His tongue delved into her mouth, tasting her, tracing the inside of her lips. Her desire matched his, and she clung to him as they both gave in to their longing and put all the passion they felt for each other into that one kiss. His hands moved down to her hips and pulled her closer, leaving her in no doubt as to how he felt about her. Jane readily pressed herself against him, yearning to be one with him. It had been so long...

It was Severus, however, who eventually pulled away. He adjusted his stance to maintain his balance. Jane, her head still reeling from their passionate kiss, was slightly taken aback.

"Severus?"

He was breathing heavily, and Jane, noticing his unsteadiness, became worried. She quickly sobered.

"Are you alright?"

Severus waved her off. "I'm fine. Just… Just a little tired."

She reached for him again and let her hands slide down his arms.

"You came…" Jane still couldn't believe it. She touched one hand against his chest, fingering the buttons of his waistcoat, assuring herself that he was truly standing in front of her.

"I wasn't sure…" Severus broke off and took another deep breath.

He stared off into the distance, watching two swallows dance playfully above the lake, before swooping down towards the water surface, plucking insects from the air. Merlin's beard, it was beautiful here! He cleared his throat.

"I didn't know whether I would be welcome… but I simply had to come."

"Why? How?" she asked in wonder. "What made you change your mind?"

Severus reached underneath his travel coat, pulled out her gift, and held it out to her.

"This," he said simply.

Jane stared at the little trinket in his hand, and her heart skipped a beat. "I've wondered what you'd done with it."

He followed her gaze and regarded the signet ring he was holding. "Actually, I did not open it until last week."

Jane searched his eyes. "Why?"

Severus shrugged. "After you left me on Christmas Eve, I… well, I couldn't think of much else other than our kiss, and… what lay ahead for me. I was preparing to leave for Azkaban and in no mood for presents. And then, later at Hogwarts, it was packed away… out of sight, out of mind."

Jane's eyes narrowed briefly. She didn't know how to take that. "I… see."

"I only remembered it recently, and I did not rest until I had found it. As soon as I saw what it was, when I realized you had remembered, I knew I couldn't stay away any longer." He took her hand into his. "I couldn't believe you had remembered."

"How could I not," Jane asked him incredulously, "knowing how much it meant to you?"

"Where on Earth did you find it?"

Jane smiled. She knew how much this ring meant to him, and she was overjoyed that it was finally in his possession. She hadn't given it much thought after Christmas, though, and simply assumed that he hadn't worn it, because it was too painful a reminder of what had been lost to him.

"It wasn't easy," she told him, "but if there's one thing I've learned during my exile, it's how to find out things. Muggle technology can be extremely helpful sometimes, more so than magic. I finally found the ring in an antiques store in London."

Jane took the signet ring that bore the crest of his grandfather's great-grandfather and placed it reverently on Severus' right index finger. He watched her intently and a strange feeling came over him. It felt right that she would be placing this ring on his finger, its rightful place.

"There." She gave a satisfied sigh and watched him expectantly.

He pulled his hand from her grasp and studied the ring that was the last existing remnant of the ancient House of Prince. Generations of Princes had slowly squandered the family holdings and assets. By the time his mother had been born, the family had had nothing left to their name but the memory of their glory days long gone. It had been his father, Tobias Snape, who had sold the ring – his mother's heirloom and only link to his family's past – to make ends meet. And now, thanks to Jane, the ring was finally back where it belonged – on the finger of a Prince.

Jane witnessed the play of emotions across his face, and her heart went out to him.

"Will you stay?" she asked him, when his silence became too much to bear.

Severus was drawn from his reverie and he met her gaze, smiling slightly. "If you will have me."

"Wonderful!" Jane exclaimed excitedly and reached for his hand again.

She pulled Severus along the garden path towards the house, and he followed her willingly. When they finally reached the front steps, she threw her hands into the air and pointed at her home in a sweeping gesture.

"Well," she asked him eagerly, her eyes glowing with pride and happiness, "what do you think of Fenton Hall?"

Severus surveyed the manor for a moment, before fixing his gaze on Jane. "It certainly is a step-up from Spinner's End," he told her archly.

Jane giggled happily and threw herself into his arms. "I'm so glad you approve."

He held her tightly against him, reveling in the feeling of her body in his arms. How he had missed her!

"Just wait until you see the library," she told him excitedly and pulled him inside.

---

As soon as they stepped into the library, Severus was overcome with awe. Jane had not been exaggerating. Although he would never admit it to her, he rather liked the Bohemian décor – a mixture of Muggle and Wizarding art and furniture – but, in the end, the antique bookcases drew his particular interest. He let his eyes wander appreciatively over the wooden floor-to-ceiling bookshelves built into the exquisite wainscoting. He moved to the nearest one, pulled out a book at random, and almost dropped it when he realized what he was holding. It was a rare first edition of A Concise History of Potion Making. Severus quickly opened it and began to leaf through it. It was a magnificent book, containing the original hand-drawn illustrations, which the newer editions lacked. He was quickly engrossed in it and never noticed Jane watching him.

"It's yours," she finally said, when it appeared that he would spend the entire evening with his nose buried in it.

His head shot up, and it took Severus a moment to recall where he was. "I beg your pardon?"

Jane crossed the room to stand beside him. She reached over, closed the book, and removed it from his grasp. For the fraction of a second, Severus looked as though he was going to lunge after it. Jane smiled.

"You don't have to read it now. It's yours," she repeated softly and placed the book on a nearby table.

He shook his head. "I can't accept it."

"Yes, you can," Jane assured him decidedly. "Besides, I've already dedicated it to you."

Severus stared at her. He couldn't believe he hadn't seen it. "You were so sure I would be coming?"

She met his gaze levelly. "No… but I was hopeful."

His eyes dropped to the book. "May I read it now?"

Jane suddenly blushed. "Well, um… sure."

Severus opened the cover and read her inscription to him. When he was done, he traced one finger over the words and let it linger for the briefest of moments where Jane had written that she loved him. Then he straightened. It was time that he set things right between them. But before he could say anything, Jane shivered. He didn't blame her. Although it was the height of summer, the manor house was cold and drafty.

"I… I'll just go and quickly change into something warmer," Jane told him.

He nodded in agreement, although he hated to see her change out of her current alluring outfit.

"I won't be long," she assured him and moved to leave.

Severus allowed himself a tiny smile. "Don't worry. I'll manage to keep myself entertained in the meantime."

After she had gone, he wandered through the library, inspecting more bookcases. Several books caught his attention, and he made a mental note to examine them further at a later time. He slowly made his way to the fireplace and drew his wand. Moments later, a cheerful fire was burning in the hearth. He warmed his hands briefly before turning around to continue his inspection. A forgotten book on the settee facing the fireplace caught his eye. He picked it up and examined it. The flimsy cover was badly scuffed and the spine creased in several places. He had heard of this kind of book – Muggles called it a paperback. Severus wrinkled his nose in disdain. He didn't understand the Muggle obsession with disposable things. Why would one even want a book that wasn't made to last?

Jane reentered the library and noticed Severus holding her book. "It's a great thriller," she told him, stepping into the room.

"Thriller?" Severus echoed.

He turned to face her and was momentarily dumbstruck by her form-fitting black dress. If he had thought her previous outfit appealing, this one was positively captivating.

"It was on the bestseller lists for months," Jane informed him, conscious of the appreciative glint in his eyes. "It's quite gripping."

He finally understood, and his upper lip twisted disapprovingly. "Muggle fiction."

"You should read it," Jane told him pertly. "There's more to life than moldy Potions books and dusty scrolls, you know."

Severus raised an eyebrow. "I don't like to waste my precious time reading asinine ramblings that are untrue."

He was still eyeing the book, though, and Jane smiled knowingly. Despite his show of disdain, he was intrigued. The book had peaked his interest. She would make sure that it would remain here where he had ready access to it.

---

Night had fallen, and they sat on the settee in front of the fireplace, sated after a delicious meal, watching the flames dancing merrily in the hearth.

"Jane," Severus finally broke the comfortable silence they were enjoying, "before I say anything else, I wanted to tell you why I sent you away…"

"You were afraid again?"

"Well, yes, but not of being with you, Jane. Never that."

She smiled sadly. "I can think of a time not so long ago, when you feared exactly that."

Severus squirmed slightly and one of his eyes began to twitch disconcertedly. "Yes, well…"

Jane smiled again. She really had to work on his sense of humor.

"I was teasing you, Severus. Of course, I know there had to be something more serious than that… So, what were you afraid of?"

"Fugitive Death Eaters and their desire for revenge," he said quickly. "I could not, in good conscience, let you be exposed to danger because of me."

"I appreciate your concern, Severus, but don't you think I'm able to take care of a few Death Eaters, especially after all that has happened to us?"

He swallowed. Embarrassment at his own foolishness turned his pale cheeks a faint pink. "I realize that now. My only excuse is that in my weakened state, I panicked."

"Aha!" Jane exclaimed and pointed an accusing finger at him. "I knew it! You weren't thinking rationally."

"I simply wanted to see you safe. Associating with me would have made you a target."

"M-hm," Jane agreed patronizingly, "and the fact that I insulted and attacked the Dark Lord wouldn't have made me a target?"

Severus closed his eyes, struggling for control. Jane's talent for getting right to the bottom of things was rather trying.

"As I said… I wasn't myself at St. Mungo's."

"I believe I told you so then, and you behaved as though I needed my head examined."

"I… am sorry, Jane. Truly, I never meant to hurt you."

"And, yet, you did. I would have understood, had you tried to use your weakened condition as an excuse to drive me away. But doubting my ability to take care of myself… that was just plain silly."

Severus grimaced. He didn't relish being called silly. "Yes, Lupin has made it quite clear what he thought of my… behavior."

"Remus?" Jane's head came up. "What did he say?"

"Let's not talk about all this, anymore."

He reached for her and brought her close, drawing her against his chest. She would not let him get away with it so easily, though. Jane poked him in the side, and Severus winced.

"Well? What did he say?"

"It's not important," Severus said dismissively.

Jane poked him again, and he quickly grabbed her hand. "Stop that."

"What did he say?" Jane demanded stubbornly.

Severus sighed. He knew her. She wouldn't stop until he told her.

"Oh, very well," he finally gave in. "Lupin thought I was a fool for driving you away."

"That's it?" Jane was disappointed. "That's all he said?"

"Well, if it makes you feel better," Severus added ungraciously, "your… friend used much stronger language and more words."

Jane grinned. She could just see it. He must have been furious to be at the receiving end of a lecture for once. Severus primly pressed his lips together until they formed a thin pale line. He hated to be teased. He would have to teach Jane some manners, and he was looking forward to it. Jane noticed the corner of his mouth twitch slightly, and wondered what he was thinking about. She nudged him.

"What are you thinking about now, Severus?"

"I was thinking how much I have missed you and your incessant teasing."

"Well, you need it."

"I need you."

"You do?" she asked him incredulously. Her heart skipped a beat, before it began to pound rapidly. He needed her.

"I didn't know what I wanted before…"

"But you know now?" Jane asked him softly.

He lowered his head, and his eyes met hers. "I do."

His meaningful gaze gave her hope. "Well?"

"I want you."

Jane didn't dare hope. He wanted her. She had dreamed about this for a very long time. He wanted her. But for how long? How long, she wondered, before he wanted her gone again?

Severus noted the brief flash of hope in her eyes, which was immediately chased away by doubt. He knew that he had his work cut out for him. It would take a lot of convincing to get Jane to trust him again. He had disappointed her too often.

"I don't ever want to be alone again," he told her. "I want to fall asleep in your arms every night and awake in them every morning."

Jane looked at him dubiously, and Severus sighed. "My life was a living hell – until you came into it. Jane, you were my salvation. You've made me a better man."

She shook her head. "That man was already there." She placed her hand over his chest. "Right here."

He covered her hand with his and squeezed it gently. "You don't know how much this means to me."

"You don't give yourself enough credit."

"It's true." He nodded. "To see your passion for me burning in your eyes, to have you offer your body to me without reservation… It raised a host of emotions I didn't know I was capable of. It was inconceivable to me that you were sincere when you said you desired me, that you loved me… you being a pure-blood witch, Jane, and me… I… well, I'm only a half-blood wizard. I… I just never thought that someone like you could ever feel anything but… contempt for someone like me."

Jane clamped one hand over her mouth and stared at him, her eyes wide with shock. It took her a moment to digest what he had just told her.

"Severus Snape," she told him sternly, once she had recovered, "I can't believe you just said that! You, of all people, should know that we are defined by our actions, not our ancestry. Nobility is not a birthright. You behaved very nobly during the Last Battle, Severus. That was you and you alone."

"But before that, I was a spy. I betrayed confidences and helped torture the innocent. I associated with the Dark Lord and carried his brand…"

He absentmindedly rubbed his left forearm, where Jane knew he bore the Dark Mark. She brought her hand down on his and kept it in place just above the scar.

"It's over, Severus. It's all in the past now."

He met her gaze and sighed. He desperately wanted to believe her. He needed to believe that she didn't care about his past, didn't judge him for the despicable things he had done.

"You don't care?"

"I would be lying, if I said I didn't," Jane told him gently, "but I prefer to believe that you had to do what you did to stay alive. Your past has made you the man you are today, the man I love. That is what I care about. Look, Severus, I won't ask you about your past, but I will listen to you when you need to ease your conscience… without passing judgment."

Severus stared at her for a long time. He knew he would have let go of his insecurities and fears at one point, if he wanted a future with Jane. He nodded slowly.

"Jane, I cannot promise you happily ever after."

"I know that, Severus. There are no guarantees in life. We simply have to make the best of what we have and hope that it lasts. I just need to know that, while it lasts, it is as important to you as it is to me."

He nodded again. "It is."

She searched his eyes and saw that he was sincere. Jane decided to take a chance and be bold. He had all but confessed his feelings for her. Still, she had to know how he truly felt about her, needed him to say it.

"What do I mean to you?" she asked him softly. "You've denied me those words for too long. I need to hear them."

Severus stared down at her. Once he said the words, there would be no going back. It had been easy when he had thought about it back in Spinner's End, and, yet, being with her here, now, made it harder than he had imagined. But he had come to tell her, and he would. He looked into her eyes and took heart in the love and silent encouragement he found in them. He cleared his throat.

"I love you, Jane."


Lost and Found © 2006 by MMHG