Girl talk
Her life feels strange. Like it is not really her own. Like she has wondered into an unfamiliar place, not knowing how she got there or how to get out or even if she wants to get out. Her steps seem lighter, softer somewhat and she can actually feel her cloths cling to her curves. A strand of hair, escaping her messy bun, seems to have a mind of its own as it dances in front of her eyes and her neck feels exposed. Her fingers curl around everything she touches, be it a doorknob, a fork, her wand or a patient's wrist, with purpose and she can't help but watch them with fascination. Her apartment feels foreign, like the rooms have expanded and the colour of her, mostly unused kitchen, has faded to dull green. The sofa hasn't been that firm before and when she sits on her bed, she is surprised by how low she has to sit.
Her thoughts, as has been a custom in the last few months, are full of Sirius and Harry. (And Remus and Lily and James and Peter.) But mostly Sirius and Harry. She lets herself indulge in her own memories. Sometimes she finds herself smiling or even chuckling at a fond memory. Sometimes it gets too much and then she gasps for breath and pours herself a firewhiskey. The worst is always the moment she remembers they are all gone. Even those that aren't dead, Sirius and Remus and Peter; those children from her memories are dead.
With Harry it's all about regret. Regret for the life he leads without his parents. Regret for his lost childhood. The images of an abused, scared little boy, which she has never seen, haunt her. He was hers to protect and she had failed. His words keep echoing in her head. …pushed bits of food trough cat-flap… it wasn't that bad… I mostly ducked out of the way… my bedroom. The cupboard under the stairs… It was never a big deal… She swears torture and death to Petunia Dursley every single day.
She writes letters to Harry, that she is not allowed to send. Maybe she can convince Dumbledore to take them to him. If she ever finishes one of those letters. She has written at least a dozen of them. The first one is too cheerful. Too optimistic. Too fake. Harry will surely see right through her. She was never one to look on the bright side of life. The second one is foreboding and regretful. And Harry has made it clear he has discussed the way the Dursleys treat him enough already. She should not burden him with her regrets about it, too. Another one is too generic. There is nothing personal about it when she asks about school and homework and Quidditch and tells him about her work. Another containing stories about his parents doesn't do them justice and Eva throws it over her shoulder with all the others.
As always when at a loss of what to do with her life, she turns to work. The distraction it provides has always been her salvation. She would have drunk herself to death a long time ago if not for the exhausting distraction her job provided.
Even at work though, the tiled corridors of St Mungo's feel wider, and the beds rolled into Emergency department in rush, rattle rather loudly. Even the people seem different. Though, this might not be her imagination as she has just been suspected of murder and to her surprise, her co-workers rather sympathize with her predicament, instead of showering her with suspicious glances. Nurse Janice, who everybody knows is Eva's favourite nurse, brings her a tray of muffins as a welcome-back gift and the grumpy janitor, who takes orders from nobody, not even the Head of St Mungo's himself, has fixed the lock on her locker without complaint. She has been asking him to do that for the past three years.
Nymphadora Tonks, on the other hand, shows up on her doorstep a couple of days later, mid-morning, a bottle of wine in her hand and a wary expression on her face. Her eyes are serious and searching and even her appearance, with black hair and brown eyes, reflects her no-nonsense attitude.
"Hi." Eva grimaces at her unusually timid greeting and Tonks' hand clenches almost imperceptibly around the bottle of wine in her hand. "How are you feeling?"
Eva can't help it; she laughs.
"Oh, Dora, you really must think me a basket case. You even changed your appearance. I have never seen you look so… ordinary." Eva laughs again and Tonks seems to relax slightly at her light tone. Instead of inviting her in like a normal person, she pulls on the younger woman's sleeve, pulling her in and plucks the bottle out of her hand. "Did you think the sight of pink hair might push me over the edge?"
"Well, who knows," she mutters indignantly, closing the door behind her. "And who said that wine was for you?"
"Now, now, don't be crabby, you know I'll share it," she promises, crossing the kitchen to get two glasses.
Tonks hesitates for a few moments but after deciding her friend is either alright or fakes it really well, collapses onto the sofa gratefully. Eva fills both glasses to the brim, not caring about wine pouring etiquette, and sits by her friend.
"You look tired?"
"Azkaban breakout," she says as a way of explaining. "We have been dealing with this twenty-four seven. It's why I haven't been to see you before today," she sighs apologetically. Eva waves her off.
"It's alright. Molly and Remus have been popping over to see if I'm still breathing at least once a day." She is getting kind of annoyed. Tonks bites her lip, giving her a measured look. "What?"
Tonks shrugs. "You can't really blame them."
Eva cringes at this. "It was really bad wasn't it?" Something passes in Tonks' eyes but it's gone before Eva can catch it. "I'm really sor-"
"No!" Tonks' hair flare dark red and she looks ferocious, leaning towards Eva, wine sloshing over the edge of her glass. "You will not apologize! Not for this!"
"But-"
"No!"
"Fine!" Eva Marlowe knows when she is on a losing side of an argument. Tonks nods, her hair turning back to black, and empties half a glass of wine in one go. "You seem in a really bad mood. Is something else bothering you? The Azkaban breakout? Is the Ministry being incompetent?"
"They are. But that's nothing I didn't expect." Tonks seems to hesitate saying more and Eva doesn't push, knowing Tonks will say what she needs to when she decides so. And she does. "One of the prisoners that escaped is Bellatrix Lestrange. My aunt. My mom's sister."
"I know."
"Mom hasn't said much. Only that this woman should not be allowed to walk free. But I can see it's taking a toll on her. She is withdrawn and worried. And sad, I think. It's hard to tell, she has never been one to broadcast her emotions."
"Well, she was raised a Black. Have you talked to Sirius about this?"
"No."
"Maybe you should. He knew your mom before you did. He knows what kind of relationship she had with Bellatrix. They are sisters after all. It might give you some insight."
"Yeah, maybe," she agrees half-heartedly.
"Or you could finally tell your mom about Sirius. Maybe he could talk to her. Not to mention it might give her some peace of mind to know not all of her relatives are crazy murderers."
Tonks hums unenthusiastically and Eva raises her eyebrows at her. Tonks throws her head back onto the sofa resignedly.
"It's just, my mother is very unpredictable. She can be very cold at times. And very unreasonable. Who knows how she will react to this? She hasn't ever said much on the matter of her family, not to me anyways. But of Sirius, she has literally not spoken a single word. She pretends he doesn't exist. I was eight when he went to prison and I don't remember him all too well, but I do remember how she was after. How she reacted to any mention of him. If I tell her I'm helping him… She might not want to speak to me either."
Tonks finishes the rest of her wine with sad eyes. She looks defeated and there are two things Eva realizes: one, she is so very young still and two, despite her youth and her carefree attitude, she too had her innocence stolen a long time ago.
"She felt hurt and betrayed. I can understand this. And…" Eva hesitates here but Tonks raises her eyes to her in curiosity. "She was probably scared that it was no use. That no matter how much they tried to be better, to do better, to change the pattern, all Blacks are destined to be bad seeds." Including her own daughter. She doesn't say it but Tonks seems to get it. She refills her glass with little finesse and sighs as she chugs it down. Eva raises her own glass to her lips; she has a feeling Tonks might go for her glass next when she finishes the bottle. "I'm sure she would like to hear that's not the case," Eva prompts as Tonks says nothing.
"Logically, yes, I think she would. But… She has learned to hate him… I don't think a few words will change that as simple as that." Tonks gives her a pointed look and Eva cringes. She knows exactly what she insinuates. A few words hadn't done much to get rid of the disgust she had felt at seeing Sirius again. Even knowing he was innocent; she couldn't just eliminate the feeling that had been her companion for years. "Besides, I don't want him to be sad."
"Why would he be sad?"
"What if I psych him up about meeting my mom again and she refuses to forgive him. I don't want to see him rejected by another family member. And I don't want to be the cause of that."
Eva feels a sudden rush of affection for the woman in front of her. The compassion she shows to her cousin, at the expanse of her peace of mind and without him even knowing anything about it, shows how she has risen above the house of Black. Her mother has nothing to worry about.
"You aren't usually one for worst case scenarios, Tonks," she tells her a little choked up. "I think I'm rubbing off on you."
"There are worst people to be rubbing off on," she comments, not acknowledging Eva's attempt to lighten the mood.
"Okay. But I still think you should talk to Sirius. You don't have to tell him everything. Just ask him about his relationship with your mom. Thread carefully."
Tonks seems to mull it over and then she nods noncommittally.
"I'll think about it."
Eva suspects her friend's thinking period might stretch awhile. She just hopes it will not be too late. She says nothing though; it's not her call to make.
"You went back to work?" Tonks asks, changing the subject. Eva lets her, nodding to answer her question. "How is it?"
"Strange." Eva mulls it over, searching for words that would explain, how everything around her feels strange. How even this very conversation feels strange. But there really are no words that would describe it without sounding off her rocker. And the feeling will pass soon. She is quite certain it will. As soon as she gets more comfortable in her own skin. As soon as she comes to terms with her own feelings. Maybe as soon as she drinks another glass of wine. She says nothing of the sorts to Tonks. "People keep bringing me muffins as a sorry for being accused of murder."
Tonks snorts at this, her lips finally pulling into a slight smile.
"It could be worse. They could be bringing you muffins as a bribe for tips on how to murder somebody and get away with it."
Eva raises her eyebrows at Tonks' dark humour. The family resemblance to Sirius has now become fairly obvious. She tells her that. Tonks shrugs unconcernedly.
"I have been spending a lot of time around him. He's probably rubbing off on me too."
"You're doomed," Eva informs her. Tonks gives her a look. "What? With me and Sirius as influences you are bound to end up as a depressed drunken mess."
"That's a nice way to put it," Tonks comments.
"No use beating around the bush," she quips, putting her feet on the coffee table, draining her own glass. Tonks gives her a long look.
"You're in a weird mood." She doesn't know the half of it. "Have you been back to Grimmauld Place in the last week?" Since your nervous breakdown, remains unspoken. Eva almost wishes people stopped beating around the bush.
"No. Why would I? There haven't been an Order meeting and I have spent more than enough time there already; don't you think so? I think I have overstayed my welcome the last time," she mutters pointedly.
"I thought you might have gone to see Sirius." Tonks hints at something but Eva only raises her eyebrows at her. "I assumed you two talked. Remus said you two looked chummy the other morning."
"Remus said we looked chummy?" she asks mockingly. Tonks rolls her eyes.
"Okay, he said you two looked like he will not be forced to prevent a murder in near future."
"That's more like it."
"And that you had no pants on."
"Remus Lupin, that gossipy witch," she gasps dramatically, eliciting a tipsy giggle from Tonks.
"You are not denying it."
Eva rolls her eyes. "Really, there's nothing juicy about me not wearing pants at the time."
"If you say so. But you two did talk?"
Eva shrugs. "Yeah, we did."
"Without screaming?"
"There was some screaming," she says. Tonks shakes her head in exasperation. "But there was also some talking."
"About?"
What was it that they talked about?
"Things."
"Care to elaborate?"
"Our past. Our friends. Where it all went wrong. Harry."
"And there was only some screaming?"
"And some crying," she admits.
"Jesus Christ! More?" Tonks asks horrified. Realizing what she said, she claps a hand over her mouth in alarm. Eva laughs loudly at that. Nymphadora Tonks really is the most genuine person she has ever met. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean- Why are you laughing?"
"Oh, Nymphie, I love how you say anything that comes to your mind."
"Nymphie?"
Eva shrugs. "I think I will call you that when you are being particularly adorable."
"How much did you have to drink?"
"Not much since you hogged most of the bottle."
"I'm sure your pantry is fully stocked. With alcohol, I mean. Now, stop trying to change the subject. What else happened? You two ended on a good note, didn't you? Remus said it looked that way."
"Yes, I think we did."
"You think?"
"Well, we did from my point of view. Who knows what Sirius really thinks?"
"Is that why you haven't been back there?"
"I don't want to turn up at Grimmauld Place all sunshine and daisies only to be looked at like I'm only dirt under his shoes." She feels something changed and she just doesn't want to be crushed with a realization, that he still hates her. Because she would be. Crushed. "I think we need more wine for this conversation," she mutters while getting up to dig up another bottle of wine. It's only half past ten in the morning but Eva has always lived by the philosophy, that somewhere in the world it was always ten in the evening.
"Sunshine and daisies?" Tonks enquires with a raised eyebrow when Eva returns with more wine. "I don't think you are a good enough actress to pull that off."
Eva smiles, pouring wine into their glasses. "My version of sunshine and daisies," she concurs.
"So, basically you."
"Yes. But he would know."
"He would know what?"
"That I'm… sunshine and daisies on the inside," she admits, gulping down some wine.
"You know he carried you to his room after you fell asleep?" Tonks says all of a sudden. "Bridal style. No magic."
"He did?"
"Yes. I don't think a man who hates you, would do that. You are heavy."
"Hey!"
"I would know, you were draped all over me for hours," she says lightly. Eva cringes at that but when she wants to apologize or thank her or something, Tonks talks over her, not wanting to listen. "I swear even Snape looked impressed when Sirius hauled you into his arms." That makes Eva pause.
"Wait! Snape was there? Why the hell for?" Merlin, who else witnessed that debacle?
"I don't know. He just stayed there. Remus said he sat with him and Sirius in the kitchen for hours. Offered to get some potions for you, too."
Eva can only guess what made Severus Snape stay to listen to her cry. Everything always comes back to Lily with him.
And why haven't they dosed her with a dose fit to calm a Hippogriff of Calming Draught if there was a Potions Master at hand? Eva drags a hand down her face.
"Merlin, how will I ever look all those people in the eye again?"
"Don't be dramatic, Eva. Look on the bright side, they will all probably be more embarrassed than you."
Eva snorts at this. "Yes, that's the bright side of things," she mutters sarcastically.
"I think it was good for you. Getting it all out," Tonks says more seriously.
"Maybe. I just wish it was not in front of so many people."
"Meh, they'll get over it." Eva chuckles at that. "Sirius did, right?"
"Sirius… He always knew how to deal with me," she admits. "I thought he had forgotten. But he hasn't. He mostly just makes it a point not to have anything to do with me." She can't help the bitterness that sneaks into her voice.
"That's not what it looked like. Or what Remus said transpired that morning."
"Remus said, Remus said." Eva mocks her amused. "You do realize all your sentences start with Remus said?"
Tonks squares her shoulders, her face becoming an emotionless mask. Eva is not sure if it's a skill she learned from her mother or in Auror training.
"They do not."
"Oh, yes they do," she sing-songs teasingly, feeling light-hearted and silly at the moment. "Oh, Remus, he so smart. He is always right. He can do no wrong. He is so manly. He has such nice eyes. And sexy hair. And those scares make him look so rugged. Oh, Remy…"
"I don't say that," shrieks Tonks, her stoic façade melting. Eva only laughs and gets pummelled with a pillow for her trouble. The bottle on the table barely avoids the same fate as her.
"Oh, you say it in your head and your steamy dreams." Tonks keeps indignantly denying any of the sort while Eva laughs dodging more pillow attacks.
"Oh, so what!" Tonks finally admits defeat. "Remus is a nice bloke. There are worse men to have a crush on." She crosses her arms over her chest pouting.
"I never said anything of the opposite." Tonks puts a pillow over her face, groaning. "What?"
"It doesn't matter, though, does it? He will only ever see me as a silly girl."
"Well, if he saw you now, hitting me with the pillow…" Tonks lowers the said pillow, glaring at Eva. "Oooooorr, he might actually be into it. Two girls in a pillow fight." Eva wiggles her eyebrows suggestively, making Tonks laugh.
"I don't think it will be that easy."
"You're right. Remus can be really thick that way."
"He's not thick," mutters Tonks. Eva snorts at this.
"Oh, honey, if you want his attention, you will probably have to be more forward in your advances. All those subtle hints are not going through his thick skull." Eva decides against telling her, that he probably just doesn't think himself worthy of attention of a woman like her; young, vibrant, pretty, not yet broken by life. A part of her knows where he's coming from but a bigger part of her wants to finally see him happy. And Tonks could be the one to do that for him. She is stubborn enough.
She is also more perceptive than Eva gives her credit to. "Do you really think he won't just brush me off?" she asks sceptically.
"He will. He will probably tell you he is too old and too poor and too dangerous and too… werewolf. Wouldn't be surprised if he quoted those exact words." She does not even manage to finish when Tonks has propelled herself to her feet, not caring she has knocked a half-full glass of wine and a stack of newspapers from the table.
"But he's not! And I don't care about this!" she yells, intoxicated but clearly very passionate. Eva smiles.
"Good. You will have to tell him this a lot." Scowling and muttering darkly, Tonks falls back onto the sofa and Eva refills a glass for her.
Eva can only hope it doesn't end like the last time. Because the last time a stubborn girl claimed she doesn't care about any of his self-proclaimed shortcomings, she ended up professing her love for Remus to Eva while dying in her arms. And Eva has promised to tell Remus. She doesn't tell Tonks this. She has never told Remus either and never will. There was nothing he could have done about it except felt guilty. There was no use. She carries the guilt of a broken promise to a dying woman, who used her last breath to express her love, solely on her shoulders. Sometimes, when she feels particularly uncharitable, she resents him. Then she remembers the hand he had been dealt in life. She can carry this one thing for him.
Maybe she should have said something. Maybe it would have made a difference if he didn't think how well he had handled that, when he pushed her away and she had found solace in all too willing hands of one of his friends. In his eyes everybody was happy with that. (Except maybe Eva Marlowe, who watched another girl disappear in a room with her lover. But Eva was tough, and she never seemed all that bothered with Sirius' indiscretions.)
Eva shakes her head. No use thinking about that now. She goes off to find another bottle. If she continues to brood like this, things are sure to turn depressing. And for the first time in a long while, she doesn't want to feel depressed. She wants to continue with this silly, carefree… girl talk.
She doesn't know what propels her sudden wish to share something personal with Tonks, be it her desire for girl talk, a few glasses of wine or the need to say it out loud to believe it had really happened. It has been years since she has shared something private on her own accord, without prompting or being challenged into it. Tonks is staring at the pillow in her arms, lost in her own thoughts while Eva opens her mouth at least three time, thinks back and forth of what Tonks might say to this or what this could mean for their friendship or what this will mean for Eva herself and her self-imposed emotional isolation and how it will make her vulnerable to another person and maybe-
"We shagged."
Tonks blinks at her in confusion. "You and Remus?"
Right, they had been talking about Remus.
"No. Me and Sirius." Tonks keeps staring at her with wide eyes. Eva fidgets uncomfortably.
"When you say you shagged, do you mean fifteen years ago? Because I have figured this out by myself from all that screaming you two love to do?" Eva grimaces at that. "Or you mean-"
"I mean we shagged in nineteen ninety-five."
"That bastard," hisses Tonks. Eva raises her eyebrows. Not the reaction she expected. "What a complete and utter bastard! How dare he take advantage of you like that?"
"Er-"
"I thought he will take care of you. I let him take you upstairs and I didn't follow. I didn't think it necessary. It never even crossed my mind. After the state you were in for him to-"
"Oh." Eva finally realizes she has not specified the timeline. "It wasn't that night. It happened before."
"Before?" Tonks stops ranting but still squints suspiciously. "When did you have time for a shag before?"
"Two weeks ago. After we dropped off Harry."
Tonks raises her eyebrows in surprise. "If I remember right, when we went our separate ways, you were already very drunk."
"And I didn't stop drinking after that," she admits. "And Sirius has drank his entire stock by the time I got back to the headquarters," she adds quickly, not wanting Tonks to go on another rant about Sirius taking advantage of her. People have often thought he was using her, but the truth was, she was never an innocent in it. She revelled in the dysfunctionality of their relationship. There is darkness within Sirius Black, has always been, the one that drew her to him.
"And you apparated in that state. Merlin!"
Eva shrugs. "Years of experience."
"So, how was it?" Tonks blurts out like it is the most normal question to ask in this situation. Maybe it is, what does Eva Marlowe know.
"Em, Sirius is your cousin. Do you really want to know?"
"First cousin once removed. And the man has not been around when I was growing up, so I don't really think of him as a cousin. Besides Remus mentioned he had quite the reputation with the ladies while in school. I'm curious if there's any truth to it? Now, spill."
"Remus said," Eva mutters mockingly but then concedes as Tonks doesn't raise to the bait. "His reputation in school was well deserved. He had a lot of practice. Girls loved him."
"Did it bother you? Others?"
"I…Mostly, no. Other times, I was so good at pretending it didn't bother me, that I even convinced myself," she admits. The girls themselves had never bothered her. There were even some she was reasonably good friends with. Besides, she had no right to be upset when she was the one that pushed him away. All the hurt; she had brought it upon herself. She couldn't then turn around and be upset about it. Lily was not shy to remind her of that if she ever felt the need to feel sorry for herself.
"I wouldn't be able to handle it. Watching my man going off with other women, knowing about him sneaking off, smelling another woman's perfume on him." There is pure disgust on Tonks' face.
"There are worse things than that." Eva smiles bitterly. "Besides, he didn't need to sneak off. I told him he could go off with others. And when things got tough or complicated or overly emotional, that's what he did. I didn't even give him the benefit of a doubt." She realizes she regrets it.
"There is still time. You got another chance, right? Now do tell, did he retain any of that flair, that made all the girls fall for him?" Tonks asks, suggestively wiggling her eyebrows and lifting the sombre mood that has settled over them.
Did he? Well, he retained the flair that makes him Sirius Black. He was still as intense as ever. Everything he does is intense. And he made her intense when she was around him.
"He… is still Sirius Black." She doesn't know how to explain it to Tonks. When she started this conversation, she didn't think that's the way it will go. She didn't think Tonks will want a graphic presentation. She really hadn't thought this through. She makes a big gulp of wine.
"Meaning?"
"Merlin, you are so pushy! What do you want? Pointers? I doubt Remus will appreciate anything that comes from Sirius and me." She gets a pillow hurled into her face. "Oi, watch my glass!"
"Stop stalling!"
"What are we? Fourth year Hufflepuffs gossiping in the common room?"
"Hey! I resent that! We Hufflepuffs are not gossips! And really, fourth years? I do hope they don't yet need shagging tips." Eva grimaces guiltily. "Really? Fourth year? You Gryffindors are early bloomers."
"Fifth year," she corrects her. "Like Harry is now," she realizes. "Merlin, he shouldn't be doing this." Tonks can only laugh at her horror.
"Was Sirius your first?" she asks curiously.
"Yes." Now she really is starting to feel like a gossiping schoolgirl. And she had never even much fit the stereotype in her school years.
"I assume he has gotten better at it since fifth year?"
Eva smiles to herself. It's ironic, that they are talking about this. The fact is that their first time they were almost as fucked up as they are now. Sirius was at his lowest then; isolated and scorned at from his friends, in the aftermath of that prank, he pulled on Snape. The firewhiskey soon became his best friend and one night Eva, (who has just watched her best friend ran off with her Slytherin best friend, not that she was not used to it), was just there. She has never regrated it or resented him for it but when he refused to even look at her after his friends finally forgave him (and this after she was the one to convince James to forgive him), well, hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. She didn't want much, had not expected him to shower her with affection, much less have a relationship with her but to intentionally ignore her! Lily thought she had gone mad with the way Eva raged and raved and incurred fear into the young hearts of Hogwarts that dared to step foot onto her warpath. Lily might have been more sympathetic if Eva had actually told her what happened instead of baring her teeth or snarling insults or growling under her breath whenever his name was mentioned for nearly a full year before she finally spit out. And Lily's anger; well Eva was practically tame compared to the protective redheaded lioness.
Eva chuckles to herself. Despite everything, those are some of her fondest memories.
"You are not about to let it drop, are you?" she asks the woman in front of her, who is still waiting for her to answer.
"Auror training," Tonks reminds her with a cheeky smile.
"Fine," Eva sighs. It isn't as if she's embarrassed to tell her about a shag. But this is about Sirius and she's still reluctant to talk about him. And they have talked about him a lot. "It was very unceremonious. We were both drunk, there was no real foreplay." Not that she had wanted or expected one at that time. "We barely spoke. I think he called me bitch at one time. I had bruises in weird places. And my scalp hurt for days. My neck was one big hickey. The way I had always liked it. I left the house without my knickers."
"You left the house without your knickers?"
"Yes. I couldn't find them in the dark and I didn't want to wake him up."
"You are a weird bird, Marlowe. Was it any good?"
Was it? She has asked this herself before. And she doesn't really know what bothers her about the whole affair.
"It was short and-"
"Give the man a break! He has been in prison for twelve years." Tonks exclaims. Eva glares at her.
"I know that! As I was saying; it was intense but not really… I felt kind of disconnected. Like a part of me was missing. Like… I wasn't all in. Like I still haven't found the real him. He was a stranger to me. And then a week later…"
"A week later?" Tonks prompts her, suddenly serious.
"A week later I was crying on the floor of his childhood house because he laughed."
"He laughed?"
"Yes. One laugh and suddenly it all fit." Suddenly she found him. Suddenly the Sirius she used to know, was laughing right there at the table. Both women drain their glasses in silence. Tonks of course cannot really understand Eva's reasoning. But she does understand it's something that softens the hard lines on Eva Marlowe's face. It makes her look younger.
"Did you tell Sirius this? What you just told me?"
"Yes. Some of it. Maybe not in those exact words but we talked."
"Good." Tonks hums with satisfaction, folding herself around a pillow. "I like that we talked like this," Tonks admits drunkenly. Eva smiles.
"Me to." They wouldn't have talked so openly only a week ago. "Hey, Dora?"
"Yeah?"
"Be careful with Remus," she warns softly. Tonks frowns at her.
"Why? Remus wouldn't hurt me."
"Not on purpose, no."
"Are you saying this because he is a werewolf? Because, let me tell you-" Tonks starts getting worked up about it the way Eva knew she will. Still, she has to warn her. Even if she thinks it will be of no use.
"I'm saying, be careful with Remus, the man. I have known him since we were eleven years old. I know how he works." She has seen him get comfortable and loving with a woman, making her fall for him. And then, one day, he suddenly remembered he has nothing to offer and has distanced himself from her, trying to protect her. But it was all too late by then. The poor heartbroken girl never knew what she did wrong. Eva knows all about Remus' inferiority complex and as a complete contradiction, his holier-then-thou attitude. "He will want to do what's best for you. It will be for your own good." Eva's voice is a mix of amusement and contempt.
"I hate it when people do things for my own good." Tonks snuggles into the corner of the sofa, her eyes dropping. "I'll show him what's good for me."
Just as Eva thought; no use warning her. She is too far gone.
It is noon and Eva lays a blanket over Tonks' drunken snoring form before lying down on the other side of the sofa. When an owl with an invitation to the meeting of The Order of the Phoenix lands on the windowsill both women are sleeping soundly.
Author's not: I'm sorry about the lack of Sirius/Eva interaction but this girl talk has stretched out… Tonks has hijacked the whole chapter. Often, when I only plan to give a character a few lines, it comes alive, gets more dimensions, brings its own quirks and troubles to the table. Those characters can be tricky and hard to control and like to take over the chapter. Next chapter we will see more Sirius and Eva, I promise.
