A/N: So many of you did, in fact, call it! I had the little Mark adventure planned out since they aired the 500th episode. Not an Albanian tongue slash, but an Elliot punch is pretty good, right? Why did I choose to include Burton too? Maybe I'm just insane. I'm also glad you guys are liking Kathy. Like I said before, I don't like where they took her in canon (especially after she couldn't even come back and try to defend herself) so we're going to be nicer to her around here. Girl power and all that.
Olivia made her way up to the cribs following her argument with Mark. She didn't know how she was going to get all of her and Chelsea's stuff out of the apartment in six hours. She didn't even have boxes. Although she drove an SUV, it wasn't big enough for everything they owned. And where were they going to go? A hotel? And leave all their stuff in her car for the night where it could get robbed?
Her head was spinning as she pushed her way into the bunk room, and she was so lost in thought that she didn't realize she wasn't alone until she went to sit down on the edge of a bed and saw Kathy Stabler staring back at her. Olivia jumped, and put a hand to her mouth.
"Kathy, you scared me," she said. "I didn't think anyone else would be up here."
"I'm just waiting for Elliot," Kathy said. He went downstairs to straighten his desk, then we're going for lunch to talk some more."
That thought settled Olivia a bit. Talking was good. Maybe they could work things out. Maybe Kathy would forgive him. Maybe she'd put all the blame on Olivia and then Elliot would still have his family.
"Are you okay?" Kathy asked.
Olivia realized she must have zoned out, and she felt a sore spot where she must have been biting down on her lip.
"I should probably be asking you that question," Olivia said. "If I were you, I don't know if I'd be talking to me right now."
"I'm still a little in shock," Kathy said. "I want to hate you. I want to blame you. But truthfully, this whole thing has just shed a light on some issues I've been avoiding for years. Not just since you came into Elliot's life. The second time, I guess that is."
"I'm sorry," Olivia said.
"It's a little late for sorry," Kathy said. "Sorry might have worked about two years ago. But not, right now."
"Kathy, I don't deserve to have you hear me out," Olivia said. "And nothing I say should be taken as an excuse. But I'd really like to explain what happened, if you'll let me."
"Well, Elliot sort of gave me the overview," Kathy said.
"But I want you to hear it from me," Olivia said. "You have to know it wasn't his fault."
"It takes two to do what you did," Kathy said. "He has to take some of the blame."
"I didn't know Elliot was engaged the night I met him," Olivia said. "I should have asked but I just didn't. I didn't think about it. I'd gone out for a drive that night trying to clear my head. Mark had proposed the night before but told me we might never have children and I was trying to decide if I wanted to marry him, knowing that the chances of having my own child were practically nonexistent."
Kathy nodded and rubbed her lips together, so Olivia continued.
"I never meant for us to end up in the motel," Olivia said. "I never even meant to sleep with Elliot. I just wanted to forget. Forget who I was. Avoid making a decision. I just wanted to be somebody else. Live in the moment without having to think about what I was doing. I left the next morning and didn't even tell him my name, and I didn't know his either."
"But why, after you came to SVU, after you met him and you figured it out, why continue to keep it a secret?" Kathy asked.
"If I give you the real answer you might not believe me," Olivia said.
"Try me," Kathy said.
"Because by that time I knew he was married and had a family," Olivia said. "And I didn't want to be a homewrecker. I mean, I guess I already was one, but it didn't have to affect anyone else."
"And you think this is better?" Kathy asked. "Having it all come out like that?"
"No," Olivia said. "None of this is better. None of this is right. But we were both married by the time we met again on the job. There were five kids involved. I didn't think anything had to change."
Kathy didn't say anything else but Olivia felt like she should continue.
"Maybe it was a little selfish, too," Olivia said. "I'd worked my whole career to make detective and get into SVU. But maybe I should have asked for a transfer right away and none of this would have happened."
Kathy ran her hands along the tops of her jeans before speaking.
"Elliot told me SVU is a volunteer unit," Kathy said. "He joined because he wanted to keep the kids safe. What's your reason?"
Olivia felt her breath catch in her throat. She wasn't very forthcoming with that information, especially now that Mark had used most of it against her to try to manipulate her. But Kathy already knew more than she should, so what was one more piece of information?
"Um, my birth and childhood actually," Olivia said.
Kathy crinkled her eyebrows and looked confused.
"My father raped my mother and I never knew him," Olivia said. "It drove her to drink. She never married. She regretted having me but she never had a choice. She was only a year older than I was when I had Chelsea and she didn't have the kind of options that are available now. I wanted to join SVU to help people like her, who had nobody back then."
Kathy's eyes were wide but she kept herself composed.
"Did you ever consider those options when you got pregnant?" Kathy asked.
"I did," Olivia said, feeling herself getting teary. "When I was late and I realized if I was pregnant it wasn't my fiance's, but some man whose name I didn't even know. I thought if the test came back positive I would book an appointment at the clinic. But when it was actually positive, and I thought about the life I could give the child, the life we could have together, I couldn't do it. I always wanted to be the mother my own mother couldn't be."
Olivia was afraid to look at Kathy, but when she finally glanced up at her, the woman had tears in her eyes too.
"So keeping things a secret," Kathy said. "It was so all the kids could have the childhood you didn't have."
Olivia nodded.
"Once I knew Elliot had a family, I just… couldn't let it ruin what you already had," Olivia said. "I mean what if you found out and asked him for a divorce? What if he only got to see the kids every other weekend and every third holiday? I couldn't let Chelsea or me be the reason those kids didn't have the family they deserved."
Kathy sighed and shook her head.
"I don't know how you make it so impossible to hate you," Kathy said, letting out a little laugh.
"I'd love to tell you I'd go back in time and take it all back if I could," Olivia said. "But I love Chelsea too much. I wouldn't want to live in a world without her."
Kathy nodded.
"I feel the same way about Maureen," Kathy said. "And Kathleen, and Lizzie, and Dickie."
"I am sorry though, Kathy," Olivia said. "But, please, don't let this hurt your marriage. You and Elliot love each other. I'll get a transfer. Maybe Chelsea and I will even move. I don't know if I can stomach living in the same state as Mark anymore, anyway. Don't let one night of poor judgement change the way you've seen him all these years, before you knew."
Kathy sighed.
"Olivia, Elliot and I have had problems for a while," Kathy said. "I don't know if he ever told you, but the night you guys spent together I told him I wanted to break our engagement. I've been thinking about asking him for a trial separation for about a year. You and Chelsea didn't cause any of that. And Elliot and I hadn't wanted to admit it. But it's time."
Olivia was surprised to hear that, even though Elliot had told her about the broken engagement. He hadn't said anything about a separation or problems in their marriage beyond the usual spousal bickering that every couple did.
"You've just been so nice to us," Olivia said. "You were so kind to Chelsea at Kathleen's party. I never wanted you to have to feel the hurt of what we did. You don't deserve it."
"You're right," Kathy said. "I don't deserve it and it's not easy talking to you about the state of my marriage. But I think you understand that sometimes you enter into things with these expectations but they don't go according to plan."
Olivia nodded. None of this had gone according to her plan. She wondered if she'd ever even had a plan at all, or if her entire life had just been one instance of winging it to the next.
"Someone once told me," Kathy said. "That when love warps into hate there's nothing you won't do. I don't want to get to that point with Elliot. I still love him, but we're not in love with one another. While none of this is ideal, it's shocking, it stings, I would rather know before we got to a point where one of us would have done something horrible to one another, something we regret."
Olivia couldn't help the tears that were now escaping down her cheeks.
"What is it?" Kathy asked.
"I hate my husband, hopefully soon to be ex-husband," Olivia said. "He said some pretty awful things down in the interrogation room and has done some pretty awful things over the last few years, and I just don't know how I didn't see it from the beginning. But love truly warped into hate, and it makes me sick to think about how I let him stay in my life so long. How I let him be in Chelsea's life at all."
"I don't know all the details," Kathy said. "But I'm going to assume that the things Mark did weren't love. This is going to be hard, figuring out how to navigate things now that we all know the truth. But I think we all deserve the chance to go after the things we want and find people who we're in love with, that are in love with us back."
Olivia looked up at Kathy. It felt like her words had so much more weight than exactly what she was saying. But there was also something else. A recognition that Olivia saw on her face that she once recognized in herself.
"You want something more, don't you?" Olivia asked.
"There are things I want to learn about myself," Kathy said. "Things I thought I'd get to have until my plans got derailed. And maybe I was too complacent because things were comfortable. Maybe this is the push I need to start seeing who I am outside of being a full-time wife and mother."
"I hope you find what you're looking for, Kathy," Olivia said, meaning it.
"I hope we all do," Kathy said, standing from the bunk. "I guess I'll go downstairs and see if he's ready for lunch now. We have to figure out how we're going to handle things going forward."
"I'll walk down with you," Olivia said. "I have to get home and take care of some things too."
Both women headed for the door, but Olivia had just one more thing to say.
"Kathy, wait," Olivia said as the other woman reached for the door handle. "I know we'll probably never be good friends after this, but if you ever need anything, really, I mean anything, you can ask me. Most women wouldn't be this understanding or civil about what happened. I just want you to know that while I made a mistake, I did everything I did after with the best of intentions."
Kathy turned around and she actually smiled at Olivia.
"You're right, we're probably not going to be best friends," Kathy said. "And while I don't agree with it, I understand why you did what you did. So the feeling is mutual. Plus, we've got to keep it together for Elliot. Let's face it, he'd be lost without both of us."
That got a laugh from Olivia.
"I guess you're right," she said, following Kathy out the door and down the steps to the bullpen.
When they got there, Olivia saw Cragen leading Elliot and Mark out of interrogation, together. A bad sign. What's more, Mark's nose was dripping blood and his lip was busted. Elliot's knuckles had seen better days and they, too, were bloody and ripped apart. She could pretty much surmise what happened and it didn't exactly make her sad, but she knew that would have to be a story for later.
As they all reached the floor, the door to the building stairs squeaked open, and Munch and Fin walked in with evidence bags, and Stacy, their victim, trailing behind them.
"So you can have a seat at Fin's desk," Munch said. "And I'll go grab one of the sketch artists so you can give him your description."
Munch stepped out from in front of Stacy to place the evidence bags on Fin's desk, and Elliot saw the girl go pale.
"I don't need a sketch artist," Stacy said, her legs starting to shake.
"Why not?" Munch said, turning back around to face her.
"Because that's him," Stacy said, pointing across the room. "That's Mess. That's the man who assaulted me."
All eyes in the room followed the direction of her finger.
She was pointing right at Mark Messer.
"You son of a bitch," Elliot said, turning around, looking like he was ready to hit Mark again, but Cragen had already seized him by the arm.
Olivia heard herself gasp, but it was like it was coming from somebody else.
No. This could not be happening. Mark was manipulative. He was a control freak. He was horrible. But he wasn't a rapist. He wasn't anything like… Burton Lowe.
And that's when her stomach bottomed out, and her ears started to ring, and before she could even register exactly what was happening, Olivia's feet were propelling her to the door to the roof. She didn't know exactly what she was going to do up there, but it sure as hell beat completely falling apart in the middle of the squad room.
A/N: I actually have the next chapter written, but I'm going to wait until tomorrow to post because I want to read it over one more time. I have a sneaking suspicion it'll make some of you very happy. Reviews are so appreciated as always!
