Sorry about the delay, between transition year and my dismal score in English in the JCI haven't been writing much at all. I'm trying to get on track again.
Balance chp 22: The barriers begin to fall
Connacht waved at them and they were gone. Calida walked past him deliberately banging his shoulder with hers.
"You are unbelievable!" she hissed in his ear and she stormed off. Connacht groaned to himself, he looked around but everyone looked away in shame, they were ashamed of him. He knew the cause but he didn't understand why they were upset about it. He turned around and hurried after Calida. But he only caught up with her once she'd reached their private chambers. She stood with her back to him, her shoulders tense and her arms folded across her chest. He walked over to the bed and lay down on it staring up at the ceiling. When she was ready she'd talk. He'd learned the meaning of patience with Calida. Hell it'd taken him three hundred years of none stop persistence to get her to admit she loved him. His eyes wandered to her, travelling up and down her body, he still thought she was gorgeous and he still felt honoured that she was his. Nevertheless this wasn't going to be fun. She was very angry with him, he knew it. She whirled around and raged,
"How can you, the leader, be so selfish and uncaring!"
"What?" he asked sitting up sharply.
"You, you don't care about anyone do you, except yourself of course!"
"Hang on-"
"It's always been the same, whatever Connacht wants, Connacht gets!" He stood up, now he was angry too.
"That is not fair!" he shouted angrily
"Oh really? Can you honestly deny that we always do what you want? You wanted to help the humans, you wanted to keep Connor and Calista from healing completely so our power wouldn't be gone."
"Because I'm trying to keep us alive!"
"But we're not alive Connacht, we're dead! We have been for centuries, why can't you just accept that?" Connacht turned and started to walk away but she grabbed his arm and pulled him back so sharply that he tripped and fell, landing back on the bed. "No, you're not getting away this time! You have to answer me, tell me why you won't let go. Tell me why you refuse to let our people move on, why you hurt us by holding us here." Connacht jumped to his feet and grabbed her arms, pulling their faces close, so their noses were almost touching. He glared furiously at her, and hissed dangerously,
"You don't have a clue what I'm doing, I have to make decisions, people need leaders, you know that. I can't let go yet for the simple factor that it's too risky, we don't know what'll happen how far apart we'll be spread. That's why I've been fighting it, I'm keeping everyone together." He shook her sharply, "Don't you see that that's what I'm trying to do?" She stared at him, her eyes angry, defiant, yet caring. She touched his chest gently and whispered,
"You don't know what will happen to us Connacht, we could all be together, happy… free. Let go Connacht, you can't always be in control." Connacht felt tears coming in his eyes and rolling down his cheeks, he was scared, he'd admit it. He was scared of not having control. He'd lived his childhood with his life controlled by his parents, his parents whom he killed. He had fought for control, and he couldn't just let it go. Calida gently brushed away the tears and kissed him softly, her anger gone. She was stubborn but anger just never had a place in her. She'd said it was like it was only there by accident and something was pulling it out of her almost straight away. She whispered into his lips,
"Please, make the pain stop." He choked on a sob and held her close, burying his face in her hair. She held him tight, rocking slightly. He muttered into her neck,
"I'll try to let go, but… not yet." She pulled away to look at him in utter confusion. He wiped his face and put on the 'I-know-something-you-don't-know' cocky grin, the one that annoyed people no end. "We're not quite done yet." He tapped her nose and promised, "One last thing, and that's it, I swear."
"I'll hold you to that." She smiled weakly at him. He just grinned, this was going to be interesting.
Buffy sighed softly as she walked along the corridor of the first floor. She was too stirred up to sleep. Too many questions, so few answers. She sauntered towards the lobby, slowing as she heard voices.
"Angel I, um…" that was Cordelia.
"Cordy, if you're going to say sorry or anything like it then don't, this was never your fault." Angel's voice was tender, like the way he used to talk to her when they were dating. Buffy couldn't help but feel a twinge of jealousy.
"Wasn't it? I mean I made all the choices, I chose to become part demon, I chose to ascend, how isn't it my fault?"
"Because you were manipulated by that thing, tricked and twisted into doing those things."
"I remember everything that she did while inside me, how she manipulated everyone, especially Connor. God it was so awful, she preyed on his fear and loneliness, used his need for… something real to make him do what she wanted."
"Until Calista showed up." Angel was smiling, Buffy knew it even though she couldn't see him.
"Oh man Calista. The hatred of that thing for that poor girl was unreal, and what's weirder was that she was jealous of her because she had Connor."
"What?"
"Yeah, I guess it was because she knew she could never get him to do the things she needed without a lot of work, but Connor would do anything for Calista and she was jealous of that. Oh god it's just so horrible to remember it and know it really happened, it felt like a nightmare!"
"Cordy…"
"No, I know, give it time, it'll get better, but Angel, right now it's so painful and to know that you…" Cordelia didn't finish.
"That I what?"
"That you really don't love me… that I don't really love you and yet I do. This makes no sense!"
"Cordy, I do love you." Buffy's heart sank, "You are my best friend, and you've always been there, but you and I are not soul mates. Those feelings were caused by manipulation. I was thinking about this for ages, and it does make sense in the end, just give it time."
"Buffy's still the slayer of your heart huh?"
"…Yes, but I don't know how she feels about me."
"Oh please Angel! She's still in love with you! Even Wesley could see that and he's not a guy who's good at seeing love and even worse at acting on it, point in case, Fred."
"Still…"
"Angel!"
"Ok, ok, I'll talk to her." Angel chuckled and said, "I've missed you Cordy."
"Back at ya big guy!" Buffy turned away and walked back to her room. She'd been trying to figure Angel's feelings out but know that she knew she didn't want to talk to him. She did love him, but she was fairly sure she loved Spike, no scratch that, she did love Spike. Oh God what the hell was she going to do?
Angel bid Cordy goodnight at her bedroom door and then proceeded to Connor's room. No! Connor and Calista's room. He entered quietly, and stopped short in surprise.
"Don't worry I've no ill meanings to them if that's what you're thinking, peaches." Spike shrugged, "I just figured I'd keep these two company while you and the cheerleader were practising your cheers and making sure your skirts matched your pom-poms." He was fiddling with a packet of cigarettes but hadn't lit one. Good thing too, 'cause if Angel had caught him smoking near Calista he'd stake him faster then he could say 'hell'. Connor hadn't woken up yet and Angel guessed he wouldn't for a good while. It had only been six hours since they'd arrived in the hotel. Buffy had called the hospital and told Dawn that they were back. That call had had a startling revelation. They'd been gone for almost two hours, but they couldn't believe it since the whole thing had only seemed to last at best a half hour. Angel sighed and sat down on the side of the bed beside Calista. He slowly raised his hand and rested it on her belly. He felt a very powerful kick and smiled tenderly.
"Oh bloody hell, if you're gonna get all sappy and that then I'll leave ya to it. Night peaches."
"Night Spike." Angel chuckled and closed his eyes, listening carefully to the four heartbeats in the room.
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Night's Darkness
