A/N: Well friends, we've come to the end of our journey. I hope the last chapter makes you happy!
"We're supposed to be there in 10 minutes," Elliot said, stepping into their bedroom where Olivia was finishing getting ready. "Everything's in the car, right?"
"I packed the presents last night after church," Olivia said. "And everybody's Santa presents are already over at Kathy's."
"We're not forgetting anything?" Elliot asked again, clearly nervous.
Olivia clipped her earring into place and went over to him.
"Relax, El," she said, running her hands up and down his arms. "Christmas is going to be just fine."
"But is it weird we're going to my ex-wife's house to open presents?" Elliot asked. "And our kid didn't even get presents under her own tree because of it? She has to wait to go over there to get them?"
"You guys agreed to every other holiday every other year," Olivia said. "They'll have Thanksgiving next year and we'll have Christmas. I think this was a great compromise."
"But it's…" Elliot started and she cut him off with a kiss.
"If you say weird again I'm kicking you in the balls," Olivia said. "Then you talking like one of the chipmunks is going to make it really weird."
"Fine, fine," Elliot said. "Point taken."
Olivia let him lead her by the hand down to the living room, where Chelsea and Bernie were having an animated conversation about what Santa could have possibly left under the tree at Kathy's and how heavy his sleigh must have been bringing presents for all five kids.
"You guys ready to go?" Olivia asked. "Remember, we're driving down because we have all the Mommy and Daddy and Grandma presents in the car."
"I'm ready," Chelsea said, popping up in her cute Christmas PJs and sliding on her coat.
They'd agreed that all the kids would wear their special Christmas PJs to open presents this morning. Christmas Eve had gone well. They all went to 4 p.m. church, went back to their respective houses to eat, and then Kathy and the kids came down for a couple of episodes of Christmas sitcoms and the reading of The Night Before Christmas.
This was the first Christmas that Olivia felt like it was a "real" Christmas. It was even snowing a little outside. All the years she'd been with Mark, there was such a strict schedule of when to get up, what to eat, how to throw the wrapping paper away. It was like having Christmas in North Korea. But this year, there was a plan, but it was just an outline for the day, a way to make their first blended Christmas a success.
Everybody piled out to the car but Elliot forgot his wallet and ran back in to get it.
"I swear that man forgets his wallet way too much," Olivia said from the passenger seat. "Next year I'm getting him one that beeps or something if he tries to leave the house without it."
Eventually Elliot came back out and they drove the two blocks to Kathy's. They'd just shut the car off when another one pulled in beside them.
"Uncle Tim," Chelsea yelled, bounding out of the car to get to the man.
About two months ago, Kathy started seeing an engineer she met by chance when she was at the library looking up resources about starting a career in your 30s. They'd gone for coffee and hit it off, and he helped her get into a part-time master's program at Columbia so she could major in library science and minor in writing. She wanted to become a librarian and possibly an author. Tim had been supportive of her so far, and really helpful with the kids. Truthfully, he fit right in. He and Elliot got along, he was a gentleman, and all the kids loved him, including Chelsea.
"Chels, my partner in crime," Tim said, giving her a hug. "You excited to see what Santa brought you?"
"So excited!" she said. "And really excited for my brother and sisters to open their Santa shop gifts from me."
"Well you better get in there and check out the tree," Tim said. "When I talked to Aunt Kathy this morning she said Santa left tons of stuff."
Chelsea squealed and bounded up the front steps and through the front door. Things have become a lot easier since August. Everyone was adjusting to the new normal, and there were still bumps in the road from time to time, but things were good. For once, Olivia could say she was genuinely happy and mean it.
"Hey, Liv," Tim said, greeting her with a side hug. "Merry Christmas."
"Merry Christmas to you, too," Olivia said. "Are you ready for the Stabler family chaos?"
"Definitely," he said. "Grew up with a big extended family myself, so I know how this stuff goes. You go on inside. I'll help El with the boxes."
Olivia followed Bernie up the walk and turned to see the two men shaking hands and laughing. Something about seeing them together made her really happy. She loved how well they got along. How easy Tim made the transition for all of them to get used to both Elliot and Kathy being in new relationships.
Kathy's living room was quite the sight. They'd all come over to help decorate after Thanksgiving, and the kids had come to their house to help decorate too. But nothing they'd done could have prepared her for the sheer amount of lights, noise, and presents that awaited her inside. She'd never had a Christmas like this before.
Kathleen had snagged Bernie and was showing her something over by the stockings, of which there were so many Kathy had to add extra hooks to the walls around it to get everybody's in. And speaking of her, she was walking out of the kitchen with two plates of cinnamon rolls. Lizzie was the first one to notice Olivia's presence.
"Livia, did you see how many presents came from Santa?" Lizzie said, gleeful and just itching to tear into paper. "Now that you're here can we open them?"
"Daddy and Tim are bringing in the presents from us and then I think we'll be able to start," Olivia said. "Mommy just brought out cinnamon rolls, why don't you go get one while you wait."
Lizzie ran off, and Olivia picked a spot on the couch next to Maureen.
"Merry Christmas, Mo," Olivia said.
"Merry Christmas, Olivia," Maureen said.
Things with Maureen weren't exactly back to the way they were before the secret came out, but they'd had a little talk not long after Chelsea's birthday and things were better.
"You look pretty tired this morning," Olivia said. "Late night?"
"Helping Santa get everything ready for this morning when two jumpy twins didn't go to bed until two in the morning will do that," Maureen said in a low whisper with a yawn.
Elliot told her this was the first year Maureen had the confirmed truth about Santa, but she was still going along with it for the younger ones' sakes.
"You can nap until we're ready to start opening presents," Olivia said.
"I like that idea," Maureen said.
Surprisingly, she moved closer to Olivia, laid her head on her shoulder and held her hand before closing her eyes and trying to drift off. It was the most affection she'd received from Maureen since they all knew the truth and she would take it. She knew the Stabler children weren't her stepchildren yet, but she already loved them like they were. She'd always felt blessed that she got to love one child, but five? Maybe someday more?
Olivia had spent a lot of time not believing in religion, higher powers, or even that good things could come her way. Her mother had always told her that everyone leaves. That love wasn't real. That men, no matter who they were, would never treat a woman right. She'd internalized those things. Accepted them as gospel and because of it let herself fall into two terrible relationships at such a young age and grew into an adult thinking it was all she deserved. She'd never dreamed that something like this could be a reality, and she wished at times like this that her mother was here to see it. So she could say to her "see, we got dealt a lot of bad hands in life, but this is real. We are allowed to be happy."
Her mother never got to be this kind of happy and it hurt, but Olivia wasn't going to let that ruin her day. She watched Elliot and Tim get their presents and his situated in the living room, because there was no more room under the tree. Dickie, of course, idolized them both and was following them around, acting as their assistant.
"I think we're all ready to dive into Christmas," Kathy said. "Kathleen, I think it's your turn to play Santa. Everybody find a seat and make a spot so Kathleen can move your presents over to you."
Maureen stayed where she was and Elliot slid in on her other side, pulling the both of them close. Chelsea came to sit on the floor at Elliot's feet as everyone else scattered across the floor and other furniture.
Opening presents was a total whirlwind, with paper flying and children squealing. Olivia tried to get as many pictures as possible and she saw Kathy was taking them too so they'd have to trade shots later. Chelsea was particularly proud of her Santa shop picks, getting toys for her siblings, and Mommy, Daddy, Aunt, Uncle, and Grandma themed stuff for the adults. She was especially pleased when Kathy opened her coffee mug that said "A good Aunt is hard to find because the best one is already mine."
By lunch, all the presents were opened, everyone was tired and it was time for cleanup to begin. Elliot rounded up all their gifts and he and Tim got them back into the car.
"Daddy, do you have to go?" Kathleen asked when he came in to get the girls to drive back down to their house.
"Just for a smidge Katie," Elliot said. "We're going to take all our stuff back to the house and get it out of Mom's way and Chelsea's going to change for the day. Then we'll either come back up here or you guys can come down to us."
"Okay, but promise?" Kathleen asked. "Because I want us all to be together all day long."
"We'll be back," Elliot said. "Don't worry."
They said their quick goodbyes and Bernie elected to stay, so Olivia, Chelsea, and Elliot piled back in the car and drove the two blocks home. Olivia helped Elliot haul their gifts into the basement and when she got to the top of the stairs Chelsea was bouncing around excitedly.
"Mommy, Mommy, Santa came here too!" Chelsea said. "Well, maybe not Santa, but come look."
Olivia was a little confused as Chelsea pulled her along into the family room where they'd set up their tree. There were a few presents sitting underneath that she didn't remember wrapping. They'd taken everything over to Kathy's with them. She turned around to Elliot behind them, a huge grin on his face.
"Well go ahead, Chelsea," Elliot said. "Go see who they're from."
Chelsea let go of Olivia's hand and ran toward the tree.
"This one says to Chelsea from Daddy and so does this one," she said, pulling two out. "This one says to Liv from El, this one says from Elliot to Elliot, and this one says to Olivia from Mom."
Olivia was extremely confused now as Elliot led her to the couch and they sat down together.
"Well, pass them out, go ahead," Elliot prompted and Chelsea handed the right packages to each person.
"Now the bigger ones from me, I want us to open them together, okay?" Elliot said, and both girls nodded. "Count of three. One, two, three."
Olivia was curious and tore into the paper to reveal a nondescript cardboard box. She lifted the lid and inside was a folded t-shirt in New York Rangers colors, with the team lettering that said Team Stabler on the front. On the back, she flipped it over to find the name "Liv" in the player's position, and the year as the jersey number. She peaked over to Elliot's, which had the same number but "El" in the name place, and Chelsea's with her name in the name spot too.
"I told you I was going to have jerseys made," Elliot said with a smile. "Team El and Liv, and a roster of kids."
"You're so corny," Olivia said, leaning over to kiss him on the cheek. "Do you have four more, too?"
"Five actually," Elliot said. "One for Mama, too. I'm going to take them when we go back up, but I wanted you girls to get yours first. You're the only one who would really understand the significance."
"Can I open the other one from Daddy now?" Chelsea asked. It was a manilla envelope.
"Sure Peanut," Elliot said.
Chelsea slowly slid her finger through the seam and popped it open. Out tumbled a bunch of papers.
"Can you read the one in handwriting out loud?" Elliot asked.
Chelsea, their little bookworm, was all too happy to do it.
"Dear Chelsea," she read. "Getting to know you over these past few years have been some of the best times of my life. I'm so blessed to have such a kind, thoughtful, smart, beautiful and caring daughter that I can call mine. Getting to love you and your Mom every day makes me a better man. While nothing can break the bond we have, I'd like to make it official. So Chelsea, will you take my last name and become a Stabler? Love you forever and always, Daddy."
Chelsea looked up at them with a huge smile on her face and Olivia could feel the tears falling down her cheeks.
"I know we haven't really talked about it," Elliot said, turning to her. "But I talked to Trevor and I got all the paperwork drawn up since Mark's termination and the divorce are final now. Is this okay?"
"It's more than okay," Olivia said. "I've wanted her to be an official Stabler for a long time."
"I say yes, Daddy," Chelsea said. "I want to be Chelsea Stabler."
"Then it's settled," Elliot said. "Go ahead and put all the papers back in the folder and give them to me and then why don't you go ahead up and get dressed for the day and we'll go back up and hang out with your brother and sisters."
Chelsea did as he asked, kissed them both on the cheek, and went up to her room.
"One more for you, Liv," Elliot said, rapping his knuckles against her last gift, which sounded like a book. Given that it was from "Mom" she assumed he found a classic book for her and was trying to be cute.
"Don't know how you could top that one, but we'll give it a try," Olivia said, peeling off the paper.
It wasn't a book at all. It was a journal. She cracked the spine and flipped through the pages that were filled with her mother's distinct scrawl.
"What in the world?" Olivia asked.
"When I found that box of your mom's stuff in the move, this was in there," Elliot said. "I pulled it out before I gave you the box because I wanted to save this for Christmas. I know it's your second Christmas without her, but the first with all of us as a family, and I wanted there to be a little part of her here for you."
"Did you read it?" Olivia asked.
"Skimmed the first part," Elliot said. "That's why I decided to save it for now. Why don't you at least read the first entry before we go back up to Kathy's. I'll go keep Chelsea occupied until you're done."
Elliot got off the couch with his jersey and the adoption papers in hand, and then Olivia was left sitting there alone with her mother's journal, staring at the picture on the mantle. She wasn't sure she really wanted to read anything inside, but if Elliot thought it was worth saving for Christmas maybe it would be okay.
Olivia took a deep breath and opened to the first page.
My Dear Olivia,
Watching you give birth to that beautiful baby girl has caused me to reevaluate some of the things in my life, including my relationship with you and with alcohol. I've started attending AA meetings and therapy to hopefully work through some of the issues I've been battling.
We're at the step in AA where we have to list the people we've wronged and try to make amends. My therapist thinks it may be better to write letters to you that I may or may not ever send to first get my feelings out and learn how to address them with you in a way that doesn't start an argument. She knows about how I've handled things in the past and feels that maybe this is a safer way to start.
So I intend to fill this journal with all the words I should have spoken to you for years, but never had the courage to say without a bottle. And then, after the bottle kicked in, they came out mean, twisted, and wrong.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for what I put you through as a child. I was young. I was scared. The police didn't believe I was raped and neither did my parents. They disowned me and there I was, 20, all alone, carrying my rapist's child, being so frightened that I wouldn't be able to do right by you. And I didn't. I let fear rule all my decisions and anger take the place of love. And you're the one who suffered.
You are a better person than I am, my darling. I can see it in your eyes, and sometimes I think that's why I drank. Why I was so hostile. I couldn't reconcile how something so good could come out of a situation so horrible. Instead of embracing your light I tried to smother it because mine had gone out a long time ago. And now, watching you with Chelsea, seeing how you treat her, I can see where I went wrong all those times. I wish I could take it back, but I can't. The only way I can try now is to get sober. To try to get you to let me be in both of your lives.
I'm sorry about the way I handled things with Burton Lowe all those years ago. Honey, he was a predator. I know you couldn't see it, but it was because you are so very good. You want to see the best in people, to love them, to trust them. You even did that with me when I didn't deserve it. I handled that entire situation wrong, but I did it out of love, not out of malice, like I'm sure you assumed at the time. I wouldn't let him hurt you the way your father hurt me.
I don't like Mark either. He's controlling and I'm afraid someday he's going to crush your spirit, but I am trying to handle things differently, trying to let you make your own choices and be a part of the family you always wished you had. I'm still so regretful that I could never stay sober long enough to find a man who would love us both. To give you that father daughter bond you always craved.
In truth, I don't think Mark is Chelsea's father. It's been a few months, but I've been afraid to ask you this. We are slowly starting to form a non-hostile relationship and I don't want to say something to set you off. But her blue eyes are not his, and while she has many features that are you, there is nothing in her that's him. And truthfully, I'm glad.
I hope that my fate didn't befall you. That Chelsea is not your rapist's baby and you didn't tell me about some assault you suffered. I don't think that's the case, the way you look at her with such awe and longing, like you're wishing for her real father to be there with you instead of Mark. And that brings me a little bit of hope. Hope that one day you'll leave Mark and go find her real father. I hope he's the loving, kind, devoted man that you deserve.
You deserve to be loved, my dear. You deserve all the things I couldn't give you, that Mark can't give you. You deserve warm holidays with people you love, surrounded by your many children. You deserve someone to hold you when you cry and stand with you when you need to be strong. You deserve not to be alone the way I have made you feel all these years. You deserve better.
I don't know if you'll ever read this or if we'll ever make amends and be the kind of mother daughter pairing they write about in novels and for television, but I can only hope you'll continue to let me be a part of your life and Chelsea's life as I continue through my recovery.
Everything I've ever done for you, Olivia, no matter how poorly mishandled, has been because I love you. I love you so much that sometimes it scares me because I don't understand love. I don't know how to feel it or how to show it. I can't change the past, but I can try to spend the rest of the future making up for what I've done.
You are my greatest gift, my dear Olivia.
Love,
Mom
Olivia was full on crying by the time Elliot came back into the room. He took the book from her hands, placed it on the coffee table and pulled her to him, stroking her back and whispering nonsensical comforting words into her hair.
"You read the first one," Olivia said. "The one I just read?"
"I did," he said. "Nothing else. That's personal and private, and not for me, unless you want to share it. But I knew you had to read the one that I did. I wanted to save it for a special occasion."
"She did love me," Olivia whispered.
"She did," Elliot said. "And I love you, too."
It was the first time Elliot had said it to her, well conscious at least, that time in the stomach flu haze notwithstanding. She wasn't even sure he realized he'd done it, and somehow that made it all the more special. The fact that he felt it so deeply that it could come out naturally like that.
"I love you too," she whispered. It was the first time she'd said it to him, and really, aside from saying it to Chelsea, the first time she meant it.
She pulled him closer. She loved the feeling of cuddling with Elliot. It made her feel safe, protected. The way she'd always wanted to feel. She'd felt it that first night in the hotel, and each time they found themselves like this it made her feel exactly the same way.
"You're the man she hoped I'd find," Olivia said. "Loving and kind."
"Don't forget devoted," Elliot said, showing he'd committed parts to memory. "I am devoted to you Olivia Benson hopefully someday Stabler. This life we're building, it's more than I ever imagined and everything I wanted."
"Me too, El," Olivia said.
"Thank you for picking me up that night," Elliot said. "Joining SVU. Being my partner in everything. There's no other universe I'd rather be in with you than this one."
"Me either, El," Olivia said. "Me either."
Olivia leaned up and kissed him gently. That was one thing between them: no matter whether they were doing something feverish and passionate or gentle and soft, the same desire, same spark, same love, was always there.
"I'm ready," Chelsea said, bounding down the steps, interrupting the moment. "Oops."
"Come here," Olivia said, inviting Chelsea to snuggle between them on the couch. "This is exactly what I wanted for Christmas. My little family all together."
Holding her little girl, with her favorite man holding them both, Olivia couldn't believe she was here. She never thought one rainy night 10 years ago could turn into something as wonderful as this. All the twists and turns, all the tears and pain it took to get here, she'd do it again in a heartbeat to end up right back in this moment all over again.
A/N: I have commented this on many a story the last few weeks, but I am the biggest sucker for a cute Christmas tale, so I figured why not let our little happy fam have a merry holiday?
While this may be the end of the story, it might not be the end of this universe. I'm seeing at least another one shot, maybe another multi chap story in the future. There are more things I want to explore in this parallel universe, where it will always be them and their cute little family.
Thank you all so much for coming on this journey with me. I've appreciated all your kind words, funny reactions, Mark hate, and general joy along the way!
