Well only three chapters left including this one. That's right I have finished! What a relief. If you want to see the end you must review. Seriously, I'm feeling unloved :-(


Balance chp 31: Distressing touches

It'd been four weeks since the babies were born and everything seemed quiet. Buffy and the other Scooby's were getting restless, wanting to return to Sunnydale. Buffy knew that The First was still there and wanted to make sure it wouldn't rear its ugly non-corporeal head. Angel wanted to go with her but she wanted him to stay put.

"Buffy let me go with you." he persisted.

"Angel no, I need you to stay here. If something happens and I fall then you're the second line." Buffy argued feeling annoyed, this argument was an on going one.

"Then stay here and let the others handle it, Faith can lead them-"

"This is my call, my team, I'm not gonna leave them." Angel sighed in frustration.

"Ok, ok." He gave in, "I'm obviously not going to convince you to stay, but…"

"But?" she prompted, folding her arms.

"I… look let me take you out to dinner, tonight." Angel said it in a rush. She blinked, surprised.

"You mean like on a date?" he shifted from foot to foot.

"Well… yeah." She pursed her lips and then said

"Ok then."

"Good, uh there's this little Chinese restaurant I know, it's nice, pretty."

"Right, what time."

"I booked it for seven, is that ok, I can change it, it's just the sun will be just down around then."

"No that's fine." It gave her three hours to get ready. "Uh well, I'm gonna…" she pointed upstairs walking backwards.

"Yeah sure, uh, till later then." Angel shuffled his feet and Buffy nodded, turned and walked away. Angel sighed and then stiffened as he heard a snigger behind him.

"Wow dad, you're a regular smoothie." Connor laughed.

"Bite me." Angel smirked. Connor smirked,

"No thank you, I prefer something that's been gutted and hung for a while." Angel grimaced, his son sometimes had a wicked sense of humour, especially since Connacht's memories entered the scene. "So what's with all the romance?"

"Just want to take her out like a normal boyfriend would, you should try it." Connor smirked

"Yeah I can picture it, fancy food, candles, soft music, screaming twins on the side. Yeah romantic."

"Connor you've got over ten baby sitters willing to mind Liam and Tayen."

"But they're ours dad, our responsibility, we can't keep loading them off on you guys, we're their parents."

"Yeah but even parents need a break."

"No it's too soon, they're only a month old. I'm worried as it is." Connor grimaced like he hadn't meant to let that slip.

"About what?"

"Nothing, never mind."

"No, c'mon Connor you can tell me." Angel put his hand on his bony shoulder and Connor sighed,

"It's just… ok, I know she loves them with all her heart, but I just think Calista's beginning to resent them." That was the last thing Angel had expected,

"Why? I haven't noticed anything that would indicate that."

"Well she keeps saying lets go out and do this, lets go out and do that, then I have to remind her that we can't because of the babies and one of us will have to mind them. She always gets this look on her face when I say it, it makes me nervous."

"She wouldn't hurt the babies."

"I know I know that!" Connor exclaimed, "But I don't want her to hate them or even resent them."

"She doesn't I'm sure, but I have heard that some new mums can be like this, I think it's called post-natal depression. She'll get over it I'm sure."

"But dad, couple it with the memories, and the fact that this is really the first chance she has to really get out there and explore the world and can't you see why I'm worried?" Angel thought about it and saw what he meant; Calista could easily feel that the babies were her prison keepers, holding her in the hotel.

"When did you notice this?"

"About two weeks ago, she said we should go out and I reminded her about the babies and she just seemed to only remember them then. She was excited and then… she just deflated. I don't want her to be miserable because she has to care for the babies. I'm helping but I know she doesn't think I'm doing enough."

"I'm sure she-"

"No I know she feels like I'm being unfair in how I help with them, but that's probably only because I wasn't there for her when she was pregnant. She's so confused and scared because of all the memories that I don't think she knows what she feels for anything or anyone."

Angel hugged his son and said

"Don't worry Connor, everything will be alright. I'm sure it will, it'll just take a while." he said soothingly and truthfully. Connor sighed and nodded. "Now I don't want to be rude but I need to get ready." Connor grinned and nodded in understanding. Angel smiled back and hurried upstairs, mentally running through everything he owned to figure out what he was going to wear. Connor smiled after him and then sighed as the baby monitor he had clipped to his belt gave a familiar cry. Feeding time for the twins. Calista was lying down with a headache and Connor had promised to take care of the babies without her. He hurried up the steps and ran to the room before Calista got annoyed. He found her on the bed staring at the ceiling, her eyes open wide and horrified, still as a statue. He looked from the babies to her and back. He quickly went in and picked Liam up. He grabbed the bottle and put it into the hungry baby's greedy mouth. He suddenly flashed back to Anya's statement about babies and doing nothing but cry, eat and poop. It was certainly true enough. Tayen was silent, she was the quieter of the two and she seemed to know when patience was key. For a month old baby she had odd little habits like only giving one cry and then going silent. Liam on the other hand just screamed till someone attended to him. Liam thankfully finished quickly and Connor rubbed his back carefully to get his wind up, all the while watching Calista who looked like she'd been petrified. Her eyes weren't focused and they weren't blinking. He was very worried and accessed Connacht's memories for guidance. The memories were sorted like computer files, all Connor needed to do was access it. He skimmed through everything that might have relevance but nothing jumped out at him. Liam burped and then promptly fell asleep. Awed by his son's ability to just conk out like that, Connor then fed Tayen. Her eyes were electric or icy blue like his own and stared at him curiously as she sucked on the bottle. He smiled down at her and sat down on the rocking chair, from there he could see Calista, still unmoving, on the bed. He knew he ought to check on her but he couldn't let the babies go hungry. He could have asked for help but it was too late now. Tayen finished and he burped her and then set her back in her crib. He then walked straight over to Calista and bent over her. She didn't seem aware of him or anything around her. Her eyes were staring at something he couldn't see. Now very worried he touched her cheek to see if she had a temperature or if she was cold.

A woman screamed as a dark man loomed over her, tearing at her clothes.

A boy cried as his mother locked him in the closet.

A man yelled in agony, as he was shot in the back by an army solider.

A teenage girl sobbed as other girls pulled her hair and kicked her viciously, tearing her school uniform.

A mother clutched her children and sobbed as her sister advanced with a knife stained with the blood of her husband.

A wife entered her bedroom to find her husband on top of a twenty year old blond.

Connor yanked his hand away in horror, he'd seen all that in a split second, Calista was relieving being Balance, she was seeing all the evil in the world that had been occurring in the few moments of time that she'd been the angel that had destroyed Kai' Enna. He ran out of the room and banged on the first door he came to.

"Go away!" yelled Faith "We're busy."

"Faith I need help!" Connor cried, "Get off of Robin now! Calista's reliving all the evil Balance saw in the minute she was it. She's catatonic." He heard Faith swear and then a few minutes later she opened the door in her bra and jeans. Connor barely noticed in his panicked state.

"She's out of it?" Faith asked irritably.

"Ye-" A scream echoed through the hotel, coming from Connor's apartment. "Calista!" Connor ran back into the room to find his mate screaming and writhing on the bed, trying to escape the images that plagued her, she was crying and her tears became bloody as they ran over the cuts she'd created on her face with her nails. Liam was crying over her, frightened by all the noise. Connor ran over to his mate and tried to hold her down.

A drug addict threatened the dealer with a gun, demanding the drugs.

A boy watched as his father shot his dog.

A girl fought tears as she was forced to marry a man she didn't even know.

A man whimpered as another man slashed his skin with a scalpel.

A girl lunged at her old grandmother with a knife and stabbed her.

A virgin, tied to a stone slab, screamed as a robed man brought down a knife.

A vampire pinned its victim to the wall of the alleyway and drank deep.

Connor released Calista like she burned him, he gasped for air as he tried to fight the horror he felt. So much evil, so much pain. Humans hurting humans. Demons, monsters, evil!

"Connor?" Fred came up to him and touched his shoulder.

"She's seeing evil in all its forms!" he cried hysterically. "Children crying, women bleeding, men dying! Oh God! Oh God!" He tore at his hair and tried to banish the memories from his mind.

"Calm down Connor. She'll be ok."

"How can she? You have no idea, no idea!" he shouted, completely overcome. Willow reached out to try and still Calista who was clawing at her skin, "DON'T TOUCH HER!" he screamed, "You'll see what she sees. Oh God!" he called again. Willow quickly drew her hand back more out of fear of him then anything else. He felt strong arms wrap around him and a familiar scent filled his nose. Dad! Dad was holding him close, rocking him like he was a baby and for once Connor didn't care. He clung to his dad and watched in horror as Calista continued to scream. He wanted to stop it but he couldn't, this was it. After this all memories, be they Calista's, Calida's or Balance's would be there in her mind forever. He drew in shaky breaths and then heard Willow chant something, a spell, a spell of immobility. Calista's limbs snapped together and she froze like a statue, her mouth snapped shut and her screams were muffled. Her eyes were the only thing she could move, they rolled around in her head, frightening him deeply. She looked like a maniac. Connor clung to his dad harder, overwhelmed by what he'd seen in a few seconds.

"When you say evil in all its forms, what does that mean exactly?" asked Xander nervously

"Everything! Every kind of evil, rape, sacrifice, bullying, vampires, all of it not just big things, small things too, affairs, drugs."

"All in the minute or two she was Balance?" asked Fred.

"It's a big world, with 4 billion people in it, that's a lot of evil." Angel said darkly.

"But won't she see the good too?"

"Yes, she should, but only after seeing all the evil."

"Then it balances itself out. Pardon the pun." Wesley said logically.

"Yes, but all that evil…" Connor swallowed hard. Buffy stood near Calista and slowly reached out and touched her cheek, "DON'T!" Too late Buffy gasped and tore her hand away. She shivered and whispered

"Oh God."

"He's not going to help us." Connor hissed spitefully.

"Shh Connor shh." Angel said softly. Suddenly Calista stopped screaming and her frozen body seemed to relax. They watched her anxiously, and then a strange sound came from her frozen lips. Connor realised it was a giggle. He reached out, ignoring his dad and touched her hand.

A young woman shrieked in delight as her boyfriend presented her with a ring.

An old man smiled as a little boy helped him across the street.

A man passed out food to starving children and they spoke grateful words to him.

A woman held her newborn baby in her arms and smiled.

A girl helped her friend with her homework.

A father played with his children while the mother took pictures.

Connor smiled in relief and reluctantly took his hand away.

"It's ok now, she's seeing good alone. It's incredible." Angel reached out and took her hand. He smiled at once. Buffy did the same. Soon they were all trying to touch Calista to see the good in the world. Connor saw Liam being held in Cordelia's arms and smiled. He went and saw that his daughter was still in her crib, staring at the ceiling, wide eyed and awake. He grinned and scooped her up. She made a soft noise as if happy and he rested her head on his shoulder. He didn't need to see any more good, he saw it in his family all the time. He sat in the chair and held his daughter. Suddenly a confused Calista said

"Uh guys? Why are you touching me?"


Silly little thing that needed to happen, next two chapters will come up once I get a review.

Night's Darkness