Disclaimer:  I do not own Middle-earth or any characters conjured up from the brilliant mind of J.R.R. Tolkien.

A/N:  Sorry that this chapter is kind of short and well...bleh!

My Head Hurts

Part IX:

Two to Two Dozen

The battle commenced in the eastern corridor, neither side willing to give up without a fight.  One fangirl's ruined Legolas poster dangling around her neck collapsed near Pippin as he tried looking for another safe area to hide.  She gave a squeaky grunt after he stepped over her to get by.

"Strider!" the Ranger heard a female scream.  'Oh no...a fangirl of mine has found me!' he thought.  'I knew I shouldn't have rolled in that mud before coming here.  My scent has been discovered!'  Just as he was about to go into mad hysterics, he realized the ear-piercing scream came from Pippin.

"Oh..."

"Strider!  Strider!  Strider!  STRIDAAARRR!" the Took kept wailing.  The infernal noise became so unbearable that all the fangirls had to cover their ears, each one dropping to the floor like insects to bug spray.  "Eeeeeeeeeee," they moaned.  The all-powerful Sues merely stood there wondering what was happening. 

"He like, sounds worse than Steven Tyler from Areosmith!" said a fangirl who took the cotton balls between her toes (because her Ruby Red nail polish hadn't dried yet) and plugged them into her ears.  Some of the Sues, who's opponents fell, stared in disbelief that a little person such as Pippin could render a ligancy of over-obsessed group of teenage girls down. 

"What can I say?  It's a gift," he beamed.

"Any one of us could have done that," said a Sue who's Maia-mother got a little too friendly with a Phoenix bird.  Where in Middle-earth it came from, she didn't know.  The author who created her never specified it in her background.  Mother's name?  Anonymous.

"Come, Pippin, before they come-to," Aragorn grabbed him by the arm. 

Pippin pinched his nose from the foul stench that rose from his leggings and tunic then nodded and said, "But, do you have to stand so close?!"  (The dog had peed again on him from anxiety; hanging upside-down by the tail, tied with someone's hair-scrunchy on a candleholder against the wall.)

The King glared at the Took.  "Do not forget that I can very easily leave you here.  I heard a rich fangirl say that they could use another servant to help with carrying her shopping bags.  Banana Republic...Ann Taylor...Abercrombie & Fitch," he threw out a few store names. 

"I love you," said Pippin sweetly. 

Aragorn rolled his eyes at the Hobbit's attempt in imitating Frodo's puppy dog eyes.  "Come on, you," he yanked him.  "Thank you for your efforts.  You maidens, Elf/Human/Other, were fantastic," he bowed to them.

"Of course we were...we are PERFECT!" they (once again) melodiously laughed at him. "Silly Mortal."

"Yes, well...we really must be going now," he grinned.  He felt a metal thwap in the head after he winked at one of them. 

Sorry, dear... 

"Darn Arwen and her interfering dream images of herself.  I'm not even asleep!" he mumbled to himself.  "Meddlesome grandmother, too..."

Thwap! 

"Oops!  Sorry, Galadriel, I didn't mean it...really!" the Ranger looked around the room as if the sorceress was eying him.  He smiled innocently at the ceiling, the angle where she was probably watching him through her Mirror.  Aragorn blew the ceiling a kiss then lowered his head and made a face.

"Wait, son of Arathorn," the head Sue stopped them.  "We must thank Master Pippin for his help as well in single-handily defeating those prissy creatures.  That is a great thing to accomplish for someone who is not a Mary Sue." 

A yellowed-eyed, silver-haired Sue stepped forward.  "Yes. Although, this 'fight' as you would call it, was merely a warm up exercise of the likes of us, we still commend you, little Hobbit."

"Gee, thanks," he shyly twiddled his thumbs.

"And because of this, we will escort you safely to your company," added the head Sue.

"Really, that will not be necessary," Aragorn shook his head.

"Are you saying that we are not capable of such a small task, Mortal Man?" she said firmly, and to Aragorn...just a tad bit threatening.

"No, no, of course not!" he gulped.  He made a metal note to remembering what he said around them.  What would the others say if he got beat up by a girl? 

But, Mary Sues don't count as girls...do they?!  I mean, they fight like...Men.  Yes!  That can be my excuse... They are really Men!  No, wait...bad metal picture...

"Well, then?"

"Fine," he pouted.  Legolas is going to kill me...

"But, what else is new?!" Pippin broke his thoughts.

End of Chapter

See, didn't I say this chapter was BLEH!  Please, review anyway, though! lol.

On to Part X!