Disclaimer: I do not own Middle-earth or any characters conjured up from the brilliant mind of J.R.R. Tolkien.

A/N: So sorry for the lack of updates! I've just been sooo busy!


My Head Hurts

Part X:

The Way of the Sues

"Is the coast clear?" The redheaded leader whispered.

"Yes!" another responded. Aragorn rolled his eyes. Who would be idiotic enough to try and sneak up on them in a crowded corridor, he thought. Surely not the fangirls...or at least, not this early in their journey. They didn't drop into the stories until usually about midway compared to the Sues who were already staked out at various posts in Rivendell.

But, the way things were going lately, some did end up early during Galadriel's opening speech in the first movie. He swore every time that particular scene came up in a story, a small earthquake could be felt in the distance. Probably due to numerous fangirls feeling the uncontrollable wrath towards them every time they interrupted her with their noisy landings.

The fangirls who were unfortunate enough to land on top of the Lady were turned into tiny poisonous mushrooms, too, making the Hobbits sick for weeks. "I told Mr. Frodo that I knew something felt mighty fishy about that fungus. I mean, how often do you see one with a mini-skirt!" Sam had said, his head hanging from the toilet bowl.

"Mini-skirt? At least yours didn't have spiked heels!" Merry had hiccupped out a pair in the outhouse next to the gardener. At his words, another unsettled stomach was heard two doors down. "I see Celeborn won't be making lemba stew with mushrooms for a while...poor, Galadriel," he shook his head.

After that ill incident the Hobbits had learned their lesson well. Well...except for Pippin, that is. It took the Took three fangirl-mushrooms to figure out that they tasted terrible for a reason.

If you also had eyes like the Elves, you could almost see some of the fangirls climbing the Mountainside in the opening scene from The Two Towers, waving at the camera. That's why that scene zipped by so quickly. The lesser the visibility of unwanted extras, the better...and less nightmares for Peter Jackson from canon characters forcing him to wear actual shoes and worst...with tube-socks!

Aragorn had insisted on leading the Sues to the rest of his company, that way, he could try and make his first excuses of how they tortured him into bringing them to Legolas before the prince got a glimpse of the females. But, things didn't work out as planned. The Sues were firm in their decision in having him and Pippin walk in the middle of them in case they ran into some sort of danger.

Pippin, his feet tired from all the walking, faked an injury, saying that he accidentally tripped over a Sue's long-flowing (and very golden) hair. Not knowing how long it would take to reach everyone, he decided to use his 'poor little Hobbit' trick to get one of them to carry him. And it worked.

Almost too well.

Being 'helpful' as in the nature of a Sue, a few bickered over of whom would get to carry the Hobbit because of his supposed injured ankle. Pippin was having fun at first, being fought over by beautiful women left and right, until he started getting queasy from being thrown back and forth in the process.

"Ladies, ladies, please," he tried getting their attention as he was roughly laid on a shoulder. "There's enough Pippin to go around!"

"Sues do not share," glared a cat-eyed Sue at a fellow maiden who was trying to take him from her. The next thing the Halfling knew, he was yet again being thrown in the air like a bouncy beach ball by a bunch of college girls on break in Cancun, Mexico.

Aragorn knew that this was going to get ugly and so stepped forward. "Miladies, I will carry, Pippin," he bowed. The Ranger smiled sarcastically at him and gently patted his locks that turned into another thwap in the back of the head.

"Oh, look! All better," Pippin pretended to test his weight on his foot with a most innocent smile.

"Surprise, surprise," mumbled Aragorn. "Come, let us continue," he sighed, finally taking the lead.

Upon reaching the rest of the Fellowship...

"Legolas! Get off Aragorn!" hissed Gandalf. The Ranger's tactic of explaining himself went through one elf-ear and out the other as the prince tried to strangle him.

"Do you know how dangerous these...these...these things are!" Legolas said in a panic.

"Yes, that's why I didn't dare get them in a bad mood. For all I know, they could be having that PMS thing!" Aragorn rubbed his neck. Merry and Pippin made a disgusted face.

"This is not good, not good at all," paced the elf.

"My prince, are you hungry?" asked a white-haired faerie Sue who started batting her eye lashes while speaking.

Legolas jumped and blinked his eyes. "Well, I am quite famished," he winked back. The faerie Sue gave a little giggle and walked away telling him that she would prepare him something to eat. He just stood there in awe of her beauty, watching her walk away with a grin on his lips.

Thwap!

"AHH!" the prince banged his head against the wall. "No...must...not...give...in...to...Mary Sue-ish...powers..." he said to himself like a mantra.

"Good thing the subconscious 'thwap' in his head was set to 'avoid staring at all Mary Sues'," said Boromir.

"Yes, but how long can his brain keep resetting itself?" asked Gandalf.

"Good question. If used too often those things wear out easily," he nodded.

"They're evil...beautiful...unnatural...gorgeous...monsters...no maidens...but deadly...although loving...action hogs!" Legolas' mind was still battling against their enchanting ways towards him. "Yet, highly skilled and can do wonders in --"

Thwap!

End of Chapter

Okay, so it wasn't long as I hoped it to be. I just mostly wanted to get it out there asap before I really didn't have time to work on it. I've been having somewhat of a writer's block too. Anyhoo, please review:O)

Part XI coming soon...