Disclaimer: I do not own Middle-earth or any characters conjured up from the brilliant mind of J.R.R. Tolkien.
A/N: Hello. How is everyone? Did you miss me? lol. On with the story!
My Head Hurts
Part XII:
Into the Dark
"Make them stop! Make them stop!" Legolas was trying to claw himself through another wall."Calm down, Legolas. We're almost there," Gandalf pulled him by the hair.
"You said that chapters ago, I don't want to be in this stoopid story anymore." Legolas pouted walking backwards with his arms crossed in front of his chest. Gandalf still had him by the hair and had no intentions of letting go. "Let me out of this story! What about a nice Harry Potter fic, hmm? Surely I could easily turn a Sue or a Fangirl into a bug or a plant with those handy-dandy little abracadabra wands they have? Make them go poof!" he smiled.
"Don't be stupid, wands for sissies!" Pippin said to him sounding all-knowingly.
"Yeah, only girly-men use them," Merry agreed. Gandalf cleared his throat. "Oh, but uhh…staff-wands…you can't go wrong with them!" the Hobbit started backing away, grabbing onto Pippin's vest.
"Uhh…yeah…multi-functional and stuff…" smiled the Took nervously.
The two tried running behind Boromir this time only to be tripped by the Ranger. "Oh, oops! Pardon me, didn't see you two running there," he patted them on the head.
"Yeah, right!" Pippin said angrily. He touched the spot on his head where Aragon placed his hand and gave Merry a look of disgust. Merry's eyes widened and slowly backed his hand away from his own head. "Better not risk it…"
"I'm tired. Are we there yet!" the Elf whined.
"Yeah, me too," added Merry.
"Is it time for second breakfast yet?" Pippin looked at Boromir.
Boromir raised an eyebrow. "Second breakfast? You just had second lunch!"
"Oh…right. Well then…it is time for first dinner yet?" he asked again with a hopeful smile. Boromir rolled his eyes.
"We shall camp here in this corridor for the night," announced the Maia.
"How do you know it's nighttime?" asked Merry. "There aren't any windows so we can't see outside and I know you can't tell time worth lint…so how do you --"
BOP!
Gandalf hit the Brandybuck in the head with his staff. "If I say it's nighttime then it's nighttime, now shut up and go cuddle over there with Pippin!"
"Yes, sir!" he gulped then ran over to his friend.
"That goes for all of you!"
Legolas, Boromir and Aragorn looked at him with blank expressions, then looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders, and proceeded to cuddle with Pippin also. The Took never felt so loved! Gandalf hit himself in the forehead. "I'm not even going to bother…"
That following "morning…"
"Old man! Old man! Wake up, we heard something," the Hobbits shook furiously at his heavy robes.
"It's just probably one of the others letting out some bodily gas, now let me go back to sleep," he motioned them away.
"No, that was you right before we woke you." Pippin plugged his nose.
Merry laughed, "You smelled it, you dealt it, Pip!"
Pippin started laughing too. "Haha…I probably did…shhh!"
The Hobbits merriment was stopped short at the sudden sound of a loud stomping in the distance. Legolas woke next then Boromir. Aragorn would have woken up after him but he was too busy sucking on his thumb, sleeping like a dog.
"Hey stinky pants…and everything else you're wearing, wake up!" Boromir shouted at the Ranger.
"No! No, Arwen don't wash me! I promise to be better in -- " Aragorn shot awake. "I mean…what! What's going on? What's wrong?"
The Hobbits started snickering. "Better in what your Highness?" Pippin giggled.
"Better in…umm…knitting! You know how she loves to knit and thinks my children and I should learn the fine art…" he cleared his throat after trying to defend himself. "Anyways! What's all the commotion about?"
"The Hobbits heard Gandalf fart and woke up," whispered Boromir.
"So that's what that was."
"It was not I who did the foul deed," Gandalf attempted to set the record straight.
"Yeaaaaaah…sure..." Legolas gave a 'whatever it was you' nod to the others.
TUMP! THUD! CRASH!
"See! There it is again!" exclaimed Pippin.
"Alright, everyone make room," Gandalf put his wizard hat on.
"Wow, Gandalf, are you really going over there to find out what that was? Or maybe use a spell to turn it into a toad?" Legolas asked amazed.
"No! Mushroom!" smiled Pippin.
"What? Don't be foolish. I'm just merely getting ready to run in front of you all."
Everyone's jaw dropped.
"Psh…some wizard…" Aragorn mumbled.
POW! BAM! BOOM!
"It's getting closer!" Merry said in a whispered cry.
"Run! Run you fools! Run!" Gandalf ordered. "No, not in front of me, behind me!" he tried getting ahead of the pack. He would have succeed too if he hadn't trip over Pippin's big, hairy feet. "Fool of a Took!"
Gandalf went down, then Pippin, then Merry when he lunged towards him for support. The two Men and Elf stopped wondering why the three were piled up on top of each other.
"Should we help them?" asked Aragorn.
"Do we have to?" Legolas whined again.
"What do you think, Boromir? …Boromir? Hey, where'd he go?" Aragorn looked around for him.
"Later, suckers!" Boromir had kept running. Soon he disappeared into the darkened corridor.
"Jerk."
End of Chapter
Part XIII coming soon…
