Chapter 7

SEATTLE GRACE

MONDAY MORNING

"Excuse me, you're Meredith Grey, right?"

Meredith looked up to see a fifty-ish woman wearing the Seattle Grace scrubs and lab coat she was. "I'm sorry, have we met yet?"

"That would be difficult considering this is my first official day here. That said, I'm relatively sure you know who I am." She held out her hand. "Kathryn Austin."

Meredith Grey blinked. "That's right. Dr. Weber told me that you were starting here this week."

"You've been here for three years; you still call him Weber?" Austin sounded slightly amused.

"I guess the habits of residency die hard," Meredith said with a small smile. "I think it's safer. Calling him Richard just doesn't seem right."

Dr. Austin looked at her. "Even given his history with your mother?"

"Straight to the point; that is your reputation," Meredith didn't look away. "How long did you know?"

"Not until I started working here," Austin assured her. "Which given the gossip in this hospital may very well make me the last person to know. It doesn't change my opinion of you." She hesitated. "I'm not sure what it does to that of your mother."

Oddly enough, that made Meredith feel slightly better.

"I was wondering if we could have a cup of coffee. Get to know each other before the next mass trauma comes in?"

LGLGLG

"My mother always respected you," Meredith said. "Which means a lot because as far as I know the only other person she ever had a kind word to say about was Richard Weber and by the time I found out why, I could never yell at her about it."

"We were in the same kind of pioneers," Austin admitted. "We had the same glass ceilings to shatter on our way up, and from what I understand from Richard she had the same aggressive, take no prisoners approach that I had. It won us enmity among our male colleagues and little respect from so many of the women who came later."

"Everybody at Seattle Grace admired and respected what my mother did," Meredith paused. "Of course, none of them really got to know her until she was in the late stages of her decline."

"I'm now going to ask some potentially awkward questions about her," Austin began.

"My mother's dead, and as she always said the dead are beyond caring about anything," Meredith said with a bluntness that almost surprised her.

"How long were she and Richard having their affair?"

"Thirteen years. From what I understand, at least eight were when they were each married to other people," Meredith told them. "My father knew. That's why he left. Of course, I only found out about this when I ended up moving here. My mother told me she had left him."

"The court let your mother have custody despite her schedule," Austin asked.

"Courts always rule in favor of the mother," Meredith said dismissively.

"Not always," Austin said detachedly.

"My father spent a lot of time fighting with my mother. I guess he got tired of it after a while. So he left, and he had another family." Meredith actually did sound bitter now. "Lucky me, I didn't find that out until one of my half-sisters gave birth at this hospital."

"I've actually heard that part of the story," Austin said. "How are you and Lexi getting along?"

"Better," Meredith admitted. "I mean, the whole first year of her residency I went out of my way not to talk to her. Which considering that she was one of my interns does take a special kind of devotion."

"Jack's told me about that part of it," Austin said.

"So you've met with him already."

"Best way to learn about how a hospital works is to talk to the last major hires," Austin paused.

Now Meredith hesitated. "How much did you ask him about his little…"

"Survivor: The Real Game?" Austin said with a small smile. "I may have a reputation for digging until I unearth every secret but considering how much he and Carlson have been willing to tell me about Seattle Grace, I thought it would be crude to press for too much more. Honestly, they were kind of shocked I didn't immediately ask."

"So you know that Juliet's tied to this?"

"The two of them were leaving bread crumbs throughout the conversation," Austin said. "I had a similar experience when I talked to Jack's wife."

"So you've met her."

"You get a chance to meet another famous person with your name, even if it's basically a homophone, you take it," Austin said with a big grin. "Turns out we had more in common than just our names."

"I'm afraid to ask," Meredith said.

The grin faded. "I'm not sure I'm ready to share that secret anyway."

"Then what secrets are you willing to share?" Meredith asked. "Forgive me for pressing, but it turned out I was having an affair with a married man my first three months here and I never bothered to ask the question. I've tried to be a bit more studious since."

"Fair enough." Dr. Austin admitted. "When I thought my ex-husband was going to violate our custody arrangement, I fled the state with my seven year old daughter."

Meredith took this in. "I'll admit I've heard worse the past few years but few from people who should have known better. Did you spend any time in prison?"

"My ex was generous enough to drop the charges. The court was not as kind."

"I still think you're a better mother than mine," Meredith couldn't help restrain the bitterness in her voice.

"It sounds like she wasn't much of a mother of all," Austin said. "To be fair, that's the reason I spent a year only seeing my daughter on weekends. I wasn't willing to sacrifice my career to take care of her."

"My mother would have considered that a virtue," Meredith said sadly. "How old is your daughter now?"

"She starts college at University of Washington next month," Austin said. "I haven't pushed her to follow in my footsteps but given how much of her childhood she spent around doctors I can't imagine it hasn't occurred to her by now."

"My mother didn't push and I ended up here anyway," Meredith said.

"Do you regret it?" Austin asked. "I mean, you're clearly very good at it based on what I know, but so am I, and I don't pretend I haven't had doubts over the years."

Meredith gave this some consideration before shaking her head. "I've gained infinitely more than I've lost, especially since I came here. It's not just the professional achievements so much as the personal ones. I have friends, my husband, even family that I most likely would never have known had I not become a doctor. What I do know is that I spent too much of my life wanting to be Ellis Grey, the groundbreaking surgeon and I was so focused on that, I didn't realize what an utter mess Ellis Grey the human being was. Which considering she was the only parent I ever knew speaks volumes about the disconnect."

"What's the biggest takeaway you've gotten?"

"My mother was determined to get what she wanted no matter who she hurt as a consequence. And as a result, she had an affair with a married man for years and I never knew my father because she didn't respect him." Meredith shook her head. "The irony is I probably would have done the same thing if Derek hadn't made up his own mind. "

"There does seem to be a sort of 'sins of the parents' theme among some of the staff at this hospital," Austin admitted. "Jack was willing to share what a number his father did on his head. I get the feeling from what he's told me that's sort of a recurring trends with most of his friends too."

Meredith nodded. "Even before Jack showed up, that was a theme with my friends. Stevens went out of her way to hide the fact she grew up in a trailer park, Alex spent much of his childhood being the subject of abuses and Christina won't even talk to her mother. George had a perfectly normal family, and he still was embarrassed when they showed up at his house for Thanksgiving. Lexi had a normal childhood, then her mother came in with the hiccups and somehow died in this hospital. My father basically crawled into a bottle and didn't come out for two years."

"I guess children either never stop being ashamed of their parents or trying to live up to their example," Austin said. "There just doesn't seem to be a middle ground."

"Derek's talking about kids," Meredith said suddenly. "I mean, I want to be a mother, don't get me wrong but given how big a number mine did on me, I'm scared shitless even before you consider the fact there might be a big honking gene for Alzheimer's lurking to grab him before its time." She looked at Austin. "You know, you're the first person I've said that to at this hospital. Not even Christina knows."

Austin looked at Meredith for a moment. "I could say the cliches about parenting and its wonders, I could argue against my feminist convictions and say we should be able to do both, I could tell you that I was afraid when I was pregnant. But the thing is, no matter how much you might admire me, it's not the same situation at all. And given how many mistakes I made as a parent – mistakes that only now am I truly beginning to think I can rectify – I'm not sure I can speak from a position of strength."

"So who should I talk to about this?"

"Well, the obvious answer is your husband," Austin said, "but if Derek Shepherd is as compassionate and astute as I hear he is, he probably knows and no doubt has his own biases. You need to talk to someone who knows where you're coming from and who might be thinking the same things."

"You're basically saying I should talk to Jack about this?"

Austin gave a wry smile. "I may have just started working here, but I'm already very aware that's his wheelhouse."

LOCKER ROOM

Derek gave an exhausted sigh. "You know, if I start talking about wanting to be chief again, remind me of the paperwork you have to every time we have to go through one of these mass casualties."

Jack, who was similarly exhausted, nodded. "You could always give your vote to Bailey like I am."

"Right," Derek said only slightly sarcastically. "Days like today, she'd probably be thrilled at the idea of more responsibility."

It was hard to argue that after days like today. A bus had been hit full-on by a tractor trailer earlier this morning. For the last eight hours, it had been all hands on deck, from neuro and cardio to pediatrics and plastics. By the standards of these traumas, it had been a decent day – they'd 'only' lost seven of the thirty-three injuries. But three of them had tanked in the ORs, and two of them had been children. All of the doctors knew that this was the kind of day where quite a few med students and interns would be questioning their choice of careers.

Sloane walked into the OR. "Shepherd," he said looking at Jack. "Shephard," he said to Derek.

"Please don't tell me that was deliberate," Jack said.

"Honestly, I'm so tired I'm lucky I managed to run into both of you," Sloane told them. "I'm not sure I could remember anyone else's name if I tried."

Derek and Jack had no intention of arguing. "The last one we sent you," Derek asked, "how'd it go?"

"There's not going to be any scarring," Sloane said. "Which will be nice for her if she wakes up."

Derek didn't argue the point. He knew how extensive the neuro damage might be. "Well, in case I forget, thank you."

Sloane nodded. "Your wife's still in with the last one," he told him wearily. "Told me to tell you, it's going to be at least another hour."

Derek nodded. He turned to Jack. "Hurley in the cafeteria?"

"I don't know," Jack said. "But knowing the kind of day it's been, the answer's yes."

As if Hurley hadn't done enough for the hospital with the help of the foundation, he had become very determined to be just as helpful to the staff when there were days like this. Every time an all-hands on deck scenario like this unfolded, he would make sure that Mr. Cluck helped provided the staff and the workers with fried chicken for those who were too tired to go home before their next shift. On some occasions, he would even go to the cafeteria himself and help prepare meals with the staff, even getting some of the chefs to go home so they could get some rest. This had not happened that often since he had moved here – maybe once or twice a month, on average – but given everything he had done, on at least one occasion Weber had said they should rename the hospital for Hugo Reyes.

"Juliet probably called him when this started," Derek said. "She only had to see one patient all day. She probably had the time."

"Probably helped to get away from the whispers," Sloane said. Despite all the denials there were still quite a few people giving Juliet side-eye every time they saw her.

"I still can't believe you blew up like that, McDreamy," Sloane said. "Getting overly emotionally is my territory. Besides, I'm pretty sure the statute of limitations when it comes to protecting your wife ran out after the two of you finally divorced."

Jack was still wary about this kind of talk. Not because of how Juliet was suffering – she wasn't really and she'd basically arranged for this to happen to her anyway. Mainly it was the same old residual guilt that he felt every time someone he cared about was in pain – he was carrying the weight on his shoulders.

"How's Addison doing?" Derek asked.

This was only slightly safer territory. "She seemed better," Jack began cautiously. "At least she knows she has to get help, which is more than a lot of us are willing to do."

"Carlson told me you finally shared some of your secrets," Sloane asked. "How'd she take it?"

This was, paradoxically, an easier topic of conversation. "Well, to her credit, she was easier to convince than most of you," Jack said. "It also helped that my friends were there to give her the inside dope."

"How long do you think it'll take before she knows everything?" Derek asked.

Jack chuckled. "Well, since all of us who lived through it still don't know everything, she'll have to settle for being slightly less confused than before."

"And when she finds out that some of her interns are doing a research project for the Grand Dragon?" Sloane still wasn't sure of this.

"Technically speaking, he helped save her life, so she'll be more forgiving." Jack paused. "The fact that she doesn't know him the way we do will probably help even more."

"To not know Ben Linus is to love him," Derek said doubtfully.

"None of us knew him and that's why we hated him," Jack said. "But in a way, if you take him out of the island he loses a lot of his power. We may never fully trust him, but knowing what we do about him, it's harder to blame him for what he ended up becoming."

"Addison told me that she brought Nae and Sam down to meet all of you," Sloane said.

"I hope you don't mind we shared some of our story," Jack said apologetically.

"Actually, I'm kind of surprised none of them tried to stalk any of your LA crew until now," Derek finally sounded amused. "How'd they take it?"

"Truthfully?" Jack said. "They were less amazed by the mysteries then the fact that we managed to come back alive. I mean, I wasn't stunned they questioned my leadership skills – I got used to that every couple of hours on the island – but they were stunned at the utter lack of trust among us."

Now Mark and Derek exchanged glances. "Honestly, the more I hear of your story, I'm inclined to agree," Sloan said. "I mean I'm a brusque and unpleasant person, but I don't withhold when someone's life is on the line. You weren't the biggest offender – everybody seemed to be doing that - but you were in charge. You're a doctor. You knew better."

"Yes, I know. I was a self-righteous prick," Jack waved it off. "It's never been one of my more attractive qualities. Considering how often it flared up in my wife's direction, I'm actually impressed she forgave me, much less married me."

"I'm not saying I would've done much better in your case," Sloane shrugged it off. "Derek, Bailey, they'd have done fine, I'm a closer question."

"Honestly, I think you'd have done fine," Derek said casually. "You might have been blunter than Jack, no question, but sometimes that's called for."

Jack looked at them. "How much thought have the two of you been giving this?"

"Since Stevens showed up with that list," Mark told them. "Not gonna lie, that scared the shit out of me."

"Ditto," Derek agreed.

Jack was about to answer when his phone beeped. He looked at it. "My better half and company just arrived," he said. "Let's get something to eat, and you can share your feelings among friends."

"Since when do you share?" Sloane joshed.

"Apparently since it stopped being a life or death matter," Jack admitted.

CAFETERIA

"See, at a certain level, telling our deepest, darkest secrets is something we weren't used to doing," James said as he helped himself to some mashed potatoes. "And in some cases – like mine – can you blame us? I was keeping the secret that I'd spent thirty years chasing a con man and planning to kill him. That ain't something you share, even on a desert island."

"Except to a fellow traveler," Kate said with a smile.

"May I remind you that you had to deduce I was the victim and not the perpetrator?' James pointed out. "And considering that it took a drinking game just to get your biggest secret out of you, pot meet kettle."

About half of the residents and attendings were in the cafeteria getting food. Most of them already knew the secrets of the Oceanics and all of them liked hearing James Ford speak. "We're hearing a best-selling novelist give a reading from a book he'll never publish," Weber had pointed out at one time. "Who among us could resist that?"

"I get why you and Kate would not want to share your secrets," Derek acknowledged. "They might not matter then, but they were still painful. It's that you weren't even willing to share all the minor details of your life that just doesn't make any sense to me."

"I agree with McDreamy on that one," Karev said, taking a bite of slaw as he did. "I'm not saying the past isn't painful – most of the staff of this hospital have some trauma or other – but seriously, some of this didn't even come up in day-to-day conversation? I mean, Jack, I know you wouldn't probably keep a picture of dear old Dad in your wallet, but you didn't really tell anybody he was dead to begin with."

"I told Kate," Jack began.

"You didn't tell me," James countered. "Only reason I figured it out was because I met him in a bar."

"I'm not saying I could have figured it out had you told me why you were there," Claire said gently. "But it might have helped me put two and two together and not learn just when I thought my mum might die too."

"I did invite you to the memorial like everyone else," Jack said gently.

"I know," Claire admitted. "Mum was still going through physical therapy. I was afraid to leave her side."

"I'm actually kind of impressed that Hugo here was able to hold on to most of his," James said fondly. "No one could trust you with their secrets, but you managed to keep all of yours."

"I can't tell anymore: was that an insult or a compliment?" Hurley asked.

"Could go either way," Stevens admitted. "Now I'll admit I may be the worst offender on this staff both when it came to wearing my heart on my sleeves and not sharing a critical secret. And I know that there are cases when sharing or withholding can have disastrous consequences, not just for you but for everyone you know."

Everybody in the circle knew far too well what she was talking about. "Then I'll put the ball in your court," Jack said. "How badly did we screw up in this regard?"

"I think your stories better than anyone else in this hospital," Izzie said. "So my opinion, big surprise, isn't going to satisfy anybody."

"We're all used that by now, Stevens," Sloane reminded them.

"I'm more inclined to agree with McDreamy on most of this," Stevens said. "This isn't specifically directed towards Jack, though knowing him he'll take it that way, but honestly in a situation that was already a crisis and only got worse, information was power. The fact that all of you decided to basically pick and choose what you shared about the island almost certainly got some of you killed. You might have made a great speech, but the thing is, no one really took it to heart, you included."

None of the Oceanics could argue with that particular statement. A lot of them had been on missions that had gone sideways because they didn't talk. Naomi and Sam had been spot on with this criticism; they were frankly amazed it had taken Stevens this long to share it.

"The other thing that does kind of bother me is that nobody at any point, seemed to be willing ask the next question," Stevens said.

"Relating to the island or the personal stuff?" James asked.

"Both actually. You mind?" Karev asked his wife, who nodded. "I get compartmentalizing what you can't understand. I am as guilty of this as Iz. She accepted what was she seeing as normal, and when she told me about, I dismissed it as insanity. I let my feelings cloud my judgment, which means I could just as easily have gotten her killed as she did." Karev's voice twitched so briefly that no one would have noticed if they didn't know him well. "But that only goes so far. Even two years after the fact, I don't get why you just kept burying every strange thing you saw and never asking any follow-up questions. James kills a polar bear; you just move on to the next thing. Whispers in the jungle, I was hallucinating though everybody hears it. Ship in the middle of the fricking jungle, let's just go and get the dynamite inside. When were you any of you planning to deal with this shit? When the monster finally ate you?"

The Oceanics were start to shift awkwardly. There came a point when the struggle to survive was outweighed by what was going on, and they had to have passed by, say, when Ethan was exposed.

"And don't think this gets you off the hook, Juliet," Izzie, who was usually the picture of calm, was using a tone mixing both humor and piquancy. "I get the whole secret mission, double agent thing. I don't actually, but I'm going to give you the barest doubt. But honestly, you're in a situation where you're in a hostile camp. The leader is the only person backing you, and he's suffering because of it. You don't think maybe it might have done your cause any good to start revealing your secrets, oh, before a crisis becomes obvious?"

Juliet looked a little bewildered. And frankly even James was looking a little weird at her. "You know, not for nothing, but if you'd been willing to just drop maybe one or two minor details, I probably wouldn't have gone on my righteous anger mission with Sayid. Maybe just tell us, say, where you were getting all the info on us instead of using as a guilt trip."

"James, honestly, would it have made a difference with either of you at the time?" Juliet asked.

"Probably not," James admitted. "But that was a totally Other play. It was a move out of the Ben Linus playbook, and you have to have known that when you did it."

"I'm, like, all for honesty," Hurley pointed out. "May I remind you that I didn't mess around when you called me on why I first talked to you? You knew we had every reason not to like you. And you went out of your way for us to expect Jack's word was good enough for you, and half of us just listened to what he said and then did whatever we wanted. You could have, you know, told us maybe a few details that would have made our lives easier?

"And I did," Juliet said.

"When you were confronted with a situation you couldn't lie your way out of," Kate looked at Juliet. "Like say, knowing a way to stop the smoke monster while denying you knew what it was."

"Not telling the truth about how deadly pregnancy the moment you arrived in our camp," Hurley pointed out.

"That there was actually stuff in the Staff station we could have used," Even Jack was piling on now.

Juliet had the good grace to look slightly ashamed. "There were reasons for this," she said carefully.

"I've never even thought of hitting a woman before, but if you try that 'just following orders' excuse," Sloane said carefully. "I might have Torres do it."

"And I might consider taking him up on it," Torres said cheerfully. "All the times that Ben Linus lied to you, did psychological head games, and did everything to make your life miserable you thought, what, this time he'll keep his word? And that barely flies. Didn't you think maybe, just maybe, it would have helped your cover better if you had been more free with your information?"

"You're forgetting Torres," Derek reminded her. "By not telling them anything, she was actually blending in perfectly."

"Ok, ok, we get it," Jack said. "We should have been more honest with each other, we should have told everybody everything that happened, yada yada yada, we're lucky to all still be here."

"All very nice to say now," Meredith said. "But it's still deflection. You still haven't given us a reason, good or otherwise, as to why you spent three months not telling each other anything."

Jack thought for a minute. "I've been thinking about that a lot. And I guess, speaking just for myself, I couldn't bring myself to trust anybody. When we found the case that had those guns the marshal was carrying, I should have known it was important to give the key to someone trustworthy and I kept it on me the whole time. And I was a hypocrite, pure or simple. I never shared any of my secrets voluntarily, but every time someone withheld a bit of information, I acted like they were being selfish. I may have been the leader, but my idea of a leadership was pretty close to being a dictator. I alone made all the decisions, anyone who momentarily held back was a traitor. John was the biggest offender in my eyes, but I think my wife can testify that I was willing to take it out on anybody."

"Why do you think I went after you so much?" James asked. "The day you were going through the luggage looking for medicine, you called me a ghoul even I was doing exactly the same thing you were. You might want to call me a black-market fence while you were being a good doctor, but either way, we were robbing the same grave."

Jack couldn't exactly deny it. "We did not exactly go out of our way to bring the best out of each other," he said slowly. "But then again, that could be said of so many other confrontations that neither one of was a part of."

James looked at Hurley. "Probably was a good thing I was on the other side of the island when you busted down the door of the hatch," he said kindly. "I'd been there, I'd have looted the pantry within an hour, starting charging for food two hours later."

"I saw you after the pallet drop, that's basically what you did," Hurley reminded him.

"He's giving you a compliment, Hurley. Take it before he changes his mind," Callie reminded him.

"I did try to share my secrets every so often," Hurley said slowly. "Charlie told me that he was on heroin when he went into the bathroom, and I told him I was worth $160 million. He thought I was joking. Probably died thinking I was." He looked at Jack. "Did you believe me when I told you what happened, or did you stop listening after you heard 'mental hospital?'"

"I've thought about that, too," Jack said. "Admittedly, you chose to share your secret at the worst possible time."

"There was a good time to share your personal secrets on the island?" Meredith countered.

"We'd just blown the door of the hatch, we still thought the Others were coming, we'd been chased by a smoke monster, and we hadn't had type to process that someone we'd known for the last six weeks had blown up in front of us," Kate reminded them. "That being said Hurley, if you'd told me why the numbers had bothered you so much, I probably would have been more inclined to take you seriously."

"Even though I'd blown your cover with the whole 'fugitive' secret?" Hurley asked.

"You were one of the first to find out about it and it didn't become public knowledge until the day before," James pointed out. "May I remind you I'm the one who made the public spectacle out of it for his own personal gain?"

"By the way, I never thanked for taking my spot," Kate said with a smile.

"Rub it in, why don't you?" James said. "Hell, if you'd been there, you might have hit one of them."

"You could try to be nicer. Some of them were my friends once," Juliet said gently.

Everyone got quiet again. "That must not have been easy," Izzie said gently.

"Which part? Betraying the people I lived three years with or watching them get mowed down one by one?" Juliet spoke in her same matter-of-fact matter, but they knew this still must have hurt.

"Both." Izzie said.

"I knew what I was doing." Juliet said.

James' expression changed. "Is that why you went back?" he asked gently.

"I wasn't going to try and talk you of it," Juliet said.

"Not that part," Hurley got it too.

"I may not want to know the answer, but I think we have too," Derek asked gently.

"After – we killed the last of them, Juliet dug graves for them," Hurley said. "I actually offered to help, but she waved me off. Said she owed to them."

"What does it say about us that by the time we were taken prisoner, the Others knew far more about our pasts than we did by that point?" Jack was returning to the question originally asked.

"How exactly you managed to get all that information is a question I want answered," Derek told Juliet. "For now, I'll save it for another day."

"We spent all that time on the island, and it wasn't until well after we were gone that we finally revealed who we really were," Jack continued. "Except Claire, of course, she was always honest and the one secret she had she didn't know was important to anybody else at the time."

"Thank you for that," Claire acknowledged. "I mean, it's hard to tell what we didn't say and what we withheld. I mean, Sayid may not have told his deepest secrets, but he definitely shared ones that wouldn't have made us like him more. Hurley was willing to talk, but some of us didn't exactly listen very well. Kate may have kept her share of secrets, but honestly I'm kind of impressed you managed all that long as a fugitive."

Kate looked puzzled. "You were never a very good liar," James said simply. "I noticed you had to think before you told me something."

Kate almost blushed.

"Sun and Jin had spent the last couple of years lying to each other about everything," Jack went on. "They may not have been able to share with us, but they learned how to talk to each other again. Locke was keeping the biggest secret if all, but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have believed him if he told me."

"I was told. I still didn't believe it," James pointed out. "As for me, I'd spent thirty years lying to everybody I met – and to myself for nearly as long – and I guess I didn't see any reason to stop just because of the crash. Which does leave you, Doc. Have you figured out why you spent so much time keeping secrets?"

"Same reason I did everything I did on the island. Same reason that I lived my entire life up until that point," Jack told them. "I wanted to fix things. The fact that all I'd managed to do up until that point was keep breaking more stuff so I could fix it didn't change that fact. And there comes a certain point when you have to realize just how broken you yourself are when you keep thinking that you can fix everything."

"That how you all ended up on the island in the first place?" Lexi asked. "Because honestly, if the only reason you got there was because you were all so badly broken it was going to take that island to fix you, I really have to question who or whatever was running the recruitment drive for that place."

"Half the people on the staff to this hospital are victims of a trauma of some kind," Derek said bluntly. "And we spent a lot of time in this hospital fixing other people and not exactly working out human connections. Hell, half the people who end up on our table probably ended up there because some horrible incident in their past ended up with them there. More people are broken then they are whole. The psychiatric profession is built on it."

"You're asking a question that we've been considering ourselves," Jack finally said. "One that we have an answer to of sorts, but that we don't fundamentally agree with."

"Are you prepared to share that detail or do we have to wait for you to give a deathbed confession?" Meredith wasn't sure if she was kidding or not.

"There's a very good chance that the person who ended up bringing us there thought in his own twisted way that we were as broken as he was," Jack said. "And the reason he knew we all ended up coming to that island – not just us but who knows many other people – was because we were paying for his mistakes and him not having a choice about his path."

They took this all in. "You've been stretching our credulity for a while," Mark finally said. "That sound you heard was it finally snapping."

"None of us would blame you for it," James admitted. "All of this is basically third-hand, and we all know how hard it is to believe each time it gets further removed. We trust the person who told us, and he had a hard time believing it when he heard it."

"He's still not sure he does," Kate added. "But he does agree with you in the basic precept that maybe a decent therapist for all of us might have stopped us from ending up on the island."

"Well, I mean let's not go that far," Alex said slowly. "I mean, we all know psych's not really medicine."

"Yeah, not like neurosurgery," Meredith told them.

The Oceanics looked at the other doctors. "Please tell me they're kidding," Hurley asked Callie,

"Maybe you better book those reservations now," Callie said sadly.

George had been half-listening to all of this, not fully committed the same way many of his friends were, when he noticed another surgeon on her own.

"Anti-social or are you just too tired to talk?" he asked as he walked by.

The doctor looked at him. "More like not sure I'm worthy to listen yet," she told him. "I just started here a couple of days ago."

"And it took that long for your first mass trauma," George remarked. "My first came three hours in."

"Guess they felt it was fitting for an old-timer," The woman looked at him. "I saw you in the ER, and I know we must have worked on at least a couple of cases together but I just can't recall your name."

"You were dealing with more important things," George offered his hand. "George O'Malley, senior resident."

"Dr. Kathryn Austin, new head of cardiothoracic surgery," Austin said as she shook it. "Since you didn't scrub in on any of my surgeries I'm assuming that's not your specialty."

"I'm considering becoming a trauma specialist, so we'll probably be meeting more often," George paused. "Not that we wouldn't meet. We work at the same hospital now and all. I'm sorry. My mouth has a way of getting ahead of me when I haven't just come off a thirty-one hour shift."

"I know that ramble." Austin said. "All right. You introduced yourself first, so you get to ask the first truly embarrassing question and I'll answer honestly."

"Seriously?"

"At my age, it's becoming increasingly hard to be embarrassed by anything," Austin told him.

George sat down. "Did you really suffer from a cyst just before you were going to go into space or were you just terrified of going up there?"

Austin took this in. "Thank you for not pretending that you didn't know who I was."

"Medical journals are my study guides. I just couldn't match the name with the face."

Austin nodded. "The cyst was real. That being said, I wasn't exactly winning friends and influencing people when I decided. The doctors at my hospital thought I was bragging, my boss thought I owed him a heads-up before I made my decision, and my daughter didn't want me to go at all. There might have been more than a few people hoping something bad happening and I burned up in reentry."

"No one ever became a doctor and decided they were going to win a popularity contest," George told her. "I've had a reputation for being the nicest guy at the hospital, which pretty much meant that all of my fellow interns had no problem using me as a doormat the first year I was here."

"You know what they say about nice guys," Austin said.

"That apply to women too?"

"When I was coming up, we had to act nice to be considering not as threatening and work twice as hard to get half as far," Austin said slowly.

"I know some female doctors at this hospital would argue otherwise," George paused. "And just as many who are more ruthless than anyone else." He hesitated. "You scrub in with Christina yet?"

"I saw her a couple of times today, but we were in separate surgeries," Austin acknowledged. "I've been told she's a special case."

"That's putting it mildly," George admitted. "I asked her if she wanted to get some dinner with the rest of us. You'll notice she isn't here."

"It's been a long day. She would have been within her rights to want to crash," Austin said.

"She's in the bunk room." George hesitated. "She's reviewing tapes of some of your surgeries."

"So she wants to impress me when we first meet," Austin said slowly.

"That's possible." George sighed. "It's just as likely she wants to make sure she can find the flaws in your techniques and wants to question you on them."

"I admire her initiative," Austin tried again.

"Don't." George said. "You shared an embarrassing secret. Here's some vital information in return. There hasn't been an acting chief of cardio for the last year and a half. There have been three interims and each time Christina hangs so close to them that become increasingly irritated and ask to go back to their old jobs."

Austin had heard as much. "How much of this is because of Yang?"

"She's like one of those video game characters who every time they beat somebody they absorb their powers," George said bluntly.

"And then she takes those powers and uses to beat the next boss," Austin said slowly.

"I know your achievements, and I've heard stories about your reputation," George said. "My guess you've had to deal with interns, residents, even fellow surgeons like her."

Austin considered this. "You know, it's not exactly sporting pitting one women against another."

"Christina has absolutely no problem doing that anyway," George shook his head. "All the interns who came her with me have shown some kind of emotional growth the last three years along with becoming great surgeons. Christina's had a broken engagement with one the cardio-residents, basically tried to cover up that she was operating on patients without an attending present and has isolated herself from everybody at this hospital besides Meredith. The two of them have barely spoken since she and Derek got engaged. I admire Christina, part of me even still likes her. But I know what she'll do to get ahead."

"There's a price when it comes to being the best," Austin said.

"I have a feeling you know that better than anyone else here," George paused. "You also know, is it worth it?"

Austin considered this for a while. "Will she listen to me?"

"About surgery, absolutely. Everything else, well, you might be the only she doesn't automatically dismiss."

"What the hell," Austin said. "That's why I'm here."

AUTHOR'S NOTES

Meredith finally has that talk with the other Kate Austin. I've been looking forward to this conversation since this story began. Christine Lahti's character was as flawed as Ellis Grey, but there was one vital difference. She loved her daughter and always tried to be a good mother, even if it was on her terms. I think Meredith needs that, as well as a better role model. Ellis left a lot of baggage on Meredith that took several seasons to get past. I know she was reluctant to share for much of the show, but I think everything that's happened in this series has actually helped her make some spiritual growth.

Like Sam and Naomi, the other Kate Austin isn't an idiot. But she's also learned from her mistakes. On Chicago Hope Austin was a busybody, frequently trying to learn secrets she had no right to know. I think she's learned from that in the last several years.

It's pretty clear that half the cast of Grey's was suffering from the same parent issues – though mercifully, they're mostly mommy issues – that the Losties were.

Jack, like almost everyone else, is working through his issues with Ben. The events in the last story did build up some goodwill for him but given everything he put them through (even leaving canon in Season 3, there was a lot) is going to take some work.

Yes apparently Seattle Grace now has the same questions about the survivors that the viewers did (and yes, I seem to be becoming more meta with each story). That said, the characters have realized the lack of communication was the source of most of their problems. (You know what they say about the last to know.) The other problem was, most of the time, the other characters didn't want to listen. Hurley bared his biggest secret twice in the early seasons and neither character seemed to take it seriously or even give a damn. Clearly Hurley was too nice a guy to call them on it public, but he's too honest a guy for it not to have hurt.

Juliet was one of my favorite characters, but I truly hated how the writers went out of her way for her never to share her secrets well after she had defected. Some fans never fully trusted her for that very fact – she might be honest about other things, but never about what she knew. I kind of feel it was overdue for the Losties to call her on it. That said, it must have been hard for her to watch people she'd lived with and called friends for three years die, knowing that she'd betrayed them. I don't think anybody in the series ever cared about how difficult it was.

To be clear, a lot of the characters were honest or had trouble lying when they were on the show, and some of them were willing to share some of their secrets with people they cared about.

The Losties did learn about Jacob and the Man In Black's war, something they never fully understood on the series. I get why they'd have trouble dealing with it. The psych reference is a Grey's in-joke, not a Lost one.

George was always the guy we related to the most on Grey's Anatomy (I stopped watching when his character was killed). Of course, he's going to welcome the new doctor and share his secrets. He always had a strange relationship with Yang, but he's such an empathetic character he still wants the best for her. Of course, the question whether she can be salvaged is another story – and one I won't get too until later in the saga.

Next chapter, we're back to Ben, the Grey sisters, and the island adjacent couple as the brain study continues. More shenanigans await.

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