Chapter 6

John woke the minute he felt her wake, her body moved a little but she didn't move out of his tight hold on her, she didn't speak but he knew she was awake, he unconsciously squeezed her a little tighter as he thought about last night, about how much he wanted to make this all go away for her, all this pain, all the pain he knew so well cause he'd been there, the same way, angry one minute, upset the next, thinking it was always going to hurt so bad. He was brought out of his thoughts when she spoke.

She knew he was awake when he tightened his grip on her, she slept in his arms all night, feeling his chest up against her back, feeling his security, feeling like she never wanted him to let go, a strange feeling came over her as if she felt this before, felt him holding her before, she continued to think and she knew, she knew it had to be her dream, the dream from the other night, the one that started with Chris' voice and ended with a man holding her, she thought about the dream some more and it was him, he was holding her in her dream, he was keeping her safe and warm, a feeling she hadn't felt in a year. She was amazed how she felt, amazed that she trusted him after such a short time knowing him, amazed by a connection they seem to have, that was the only way she could describe it, connection. She thought about if she wanted this, him, if she wanted to make herself open and let him in, and she realized she did.

"Hey" she spoke softly

"Can I talk to you? I mean are you interested in listening?" she asked softly afraid he was going to say no.

"Yes" John said as he nuzzled his nose in the back of her neck and hair.

" I'm not sure where to start but, I'd like to apologize for the way I've been acting, I really don't want to apologize for anything we did or was going to do cause, well, I enjoyed it, I enjoy you," Natalie said wanting him to first no this wasn't about him, not about him and her.

"Me too, go on," John said into her hair

"There's a lot of stuff you don't know about me, I have a lot of issues, mostly bad issues, and after I tell you about them I'm not sure if you'll want to spend anymore time with me or even want to get to know me," Natalie said again afraid, she wasn't sure if she was more afraid that he wouldn't want to stick around after hearing everything or if he would.

"Natalie, didn't I prove to you last night that I don't scare that easy, you don't have to be insecure about me wanting to be around you" John softly said again tightening his grip on her.

"Insecure should have been my middle name" she said and she felt his breath on her neck, he kissed her neck gently as if reassuring her that she should go on with her openness.

"Still not sure where to begin but, I'll start with my husband. I was married about a year ago, for a whole two days when my husband was killed, he was killed protecting me, trying to protect me from a man named Flynn Lawrence, but he wasn't the one who actually killed Chris, it was an FBI agent who played me. Played me for a fool, see I..I grew up playing pool, it was the only thing to do when Roxy, my adoptive mom was off getting drunk and feeding her addiction to gambling., she would leave me anywhere when i was younger and with anyone, she was a horrible mother, but I ..I don't want to get into that now, so pool, it became my passion, and I was good, good at it, and about six months before Chris' death he convinced me to enter a few tournaments and I did, and I won. That got the attention of Flynn. At the time I was unaware of what he wanted me to do, he had a man from his operation come and put on the charm and it worked, I fell for it hook, line and sinker, Flynn's man Stu, convinced me to enter the tournament and after I did he told me I had to throw it, he threatened to kill me if I didn't, I thought I could, throw it that was but when it came down to it, I couldn't, I didn't, I love pool and I was being stubborn and I refused to, as soon as I won, Stu, who I later found out was FBI, handed me over to Flynn, just handed me over, not wanting to blow this big case he had been working on for so long, " Natalie said and needed a minute to go on with the rest.

"I guess that's why you hate FBI, Huh?" John said and she moved to get up, she got out of his arms and went by her window and looked out into the morning sky.

"Yeah, that's why and so much more, so the son of a bitch handed me over to Flynn when I didn't throw the match and Flynn was about to shoot me but before he could Stu, took out his gun and also aimed it at me trying to win back Flynn's trust, there I stood with two guns pointed at me, I didn't think I was going to make it out alive, all of a sudden Chris rushes in thru a window, he and his brother Antonio, and they each go for one of the guys, Antonio got Flynn and his gun but agent fisher, Stu, he shot his gun off, off right into Chris' heart, right.., right into my heart. I felt it as if it was my own, and it bled. His heart and mine. The FBI covered their asses and I was left a widow after only a few days of marriage." Natalie said and then took a break; she continued to look out the window. John got out of her bed and went over to her; he stood behind her and put his hand on her shoulder.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry you had to go thru that, I'm sorry that th--" John was saying as she cut him off.

"I don't want you to be sorry, I just want you to try and understand where I'm coming from, I haven't had an easy life, I was abducted from my real parents when I was born and raised by someone who didn't give a shit about me, then I found my real parents after having a miserable upbringing, some parts of it I've even blocked out cause they were so painful, but all of this, all of it, it was right, when he was alive, I was right when I had him, when he made things better for me, when he taught me to love, when he was the first person to love me and to show me how it felt to be loved, it wasn't fair, it wasn't. It isn't. My whole life was a mess when I met Chris, he's the one who made me feel whole, made me feel like i belonged, he just made me feel." Natalie said with her heart open, open for him to take, for John to take that is. She knew what she was doing, she knew if he wasn't scared off by her words, by her feelings, by who she was, that she could trust him, maybe even love him.

John removed his hand from her shoulder and took it and turned her around to face him. He stared right into those beautiful baby blue eyes.

"Can I be that for you.. I mean can I try and do those things for you now, let me" John said and Natalie reached up with her lips and gave him a sweet warm kiss, telling him, telling him she wanted him to, telling him she wanted him to be those things for her, she wanted him to make her feel right again, she wanted it so much. They both came out of the sweet kiss and looked at each other again.

"Do you have plans today?" he asked softly

" Not really" she answered

"Do you think maybe you and I can spend some time together, maybe we can get to know each other , I mean, maybe I can tell you about myself, that is if you're interested" John said still staring into her eye's

"Yeah, I'm interested" she said as she brought her forehead to touch his.

He gave her one last sweet kiss and she walked him downstairs to the front door, they made plans to meet in about an hour and they were going to spend the day together. John opened the door and before he walked out of it he saw a small box wrapped with a child's pink hair bow sitting on her stoop. He picked it up and turned to her

"What's that?" she asked as she saw him turn with it

"I don't know" John said and she motioned for him to open it, and he did. They looked at it and got a confused look on their faces. It was a sand pail and a box of sand.

" What? Is this a joke or something?" Natalie said as she thought maybe it was Roxy or even Rex doing something funny, well it wasn't funny, stupid maybe, confusing maybe, but not funny.

"It's probably just my mom, Roxy she does things like this, she's a few cans short of a six pack." Natalie said and John laughed, and he left.