Chapter 11

John lay Natalie back on the bed and he again laid next to her with his arms around her, he covered them and again reassured her.

"I'm here, I'm here, I'm not going anywhere. " He whispered into her ear as they both tried to get some more sleep.

John laid awake for a few more minutes while he held her and felt that she fell back to sleep. He thought about what he just told her and how much he loved her, and he knew, he knew he'd get her thru this, get her thru all of this, he thought about how things had turned so drastically for him a few days ago when he met her. His emotions were all over the place when it came to her. First he was angry with her, with the whole station thing, then he was excited by her, excited at the thought of being with her, and then he realized after just a few short days that he was in love with her. He realized that they had some type of connection and then he figured out why. Because of when they were younger, it all made sense after he remembered that, it did, they fit perfectly and that was because they were meant for each other, she was his destiny. He knew in his heart this was right, they were right, that they could be together forever, get married, have a few kids, grow old together. John was still thinking about the life he and Natalie could have when he fell back to sleep.

Natalie woke and she wasn't sure what time it was, the sun was shining in thru the dirty blink on the windows. She felt how tight his grip was around her and she didn't move, she didn't want his grip to lessen, she needed it strong, she needed him strong, she needed it so she could be strong, she needed his strengthen around her to help her when she couldn't be strong herself. She especially needed his strength now, not just because of the Louie thing but because in remembering that day it brought back her other memories. The bad memories that she once told him about, the ones from her childhood that she pushed down, down deep in her soul never wanting to remember. Meomories not as bad as that day on the beach but bad all their own. She thought about how much she needed him, how she doesn't remember ever needing Chris that way. Chris she again thought, would he be happy that I've found John? Would he be happy that I could love again, so fast? Fast, She thought, it's been a year, a year and the first person she ever looked at and saw was John, and she saw him as if she saw down to his soul. Would Chris be all right with me loving him? She asked herself as she heard his cell phone ringing from a top of his nightstand.

John heard his cell phone ringing and he moved slowly to get it off the nightstand. He was afraid she was still asleep but when he turned behind him to reach for it she moved, he knew she was already awake. He sat up and so did she as he answered his phone.

"Hello" John answered in a tired voice

"Yes, this is detective McBain, No you didn't wake me. Ms Davidson how can I help you?" John answered not realizing Nat's mom's last name wasn't Buchanan. Natalie heard him say her mom's name and she tugged on his arm.

"Oh, I'm sorry Ms. Davidson I.. I didn't realize you were Natalie's mom, she's in the next room I'll go get her for you." John said and then put his hand over the bottom of the phone for a few minutes.

"What are you doing? Why'd you tell her I was in the other room?" Natalie whispered to him away from his phone.

"Cause, I already don't think she likes me very much by the sound of her voice and I didn't want to give her more reason to dislike me, you know I don't want her to think I'm sleeping with her daughter " John said and then handed her the phone. Natalie took the phone and gave him a small smile thinking it was a little cute, what he did that was, lying to her mom so she wouldn't not like him.

"Mom" Natalie spoke into the phone

"Honey, are you alright? Your uncle Bo said not to worry that you needed a little time but I would feel so much better if you were home, home in Llanview." Vicky told Natalie on the phone

"I'm fine mom, you don't need to worry, I'm in very good hands" Natalie said as she reached her hand over to John's as he was trying to get up out of the bed. She held his hand for a minute and stared into his eye's as she listened to her mother go on about her coming home. He smiled at her after staring into her beautiful blue eyes, leaned down and kissed her forehead before taking his hand away. Natalie continued her conversation with her mom and when she was done she went into the other room to see where John was.

As soon as she entered the living room she saw him come out of the bathroom. He was wet, as if he just showered.

"You showered so fast?" she asked him as she walked over to him.

"Yup. Why don't you shower and I'll run down the street for breakfast," John told her and she nodded yes.

After they were both dressed and had their breakfast Natalie knew where she had to go. She had thought about it in while she showered, she wanted to get it over with, get it all over with, she wanted the past to be put away forever, she wanted to move on, move on with her life, with a new life, a new life with John in it. She needed to confront her fears and let them free her. She looked at John who was just finishing his coffee while he was reading the paper and she was about to speak when she stopped herself. She stopped and just looked at him, damn he was beautiful she thought, she excited herself just watching him turn the pages of the paper, she had never felt like this about a man before, never, but he excited her, physically and emotionally. She smiled to herself and he saw her as he closed his paper.

"What are you smiling at?" John asked her as he put the paper down on the table.

"You," Natalie said nonchalantly

"Me huh?"

"Yeah, I think you're beautiful. And not just because of your face or your intense blue eye's but for who you are, inside, I think your soul is beautiful." Natalie said as she saw John blush and he didn't say anything back.

"Did I make you blush Detective McBain?" Natalie asked as she gave him a smirk, John got up out of his seat and went around the small table to where she was sitting, he pulled her out of her seat and up towards him, he stared into her eye's and kissed her. Their kiss was slow and soft but told so much, told of them, of what they already meant to each other, what they could mean to each other, what they could be to each other. John was so wrapped up in the feelings, the way she make him feel that he didn't even realize what words came out of his mouth next.

"I love you" John said as he brought his lips off of hers for a few seconds. Natalie looked into his eyes and she couldn't believe it. He saw her blush and then he wanted her to hear it again, just so she knew he meant it.

"I love you" John again told her when she looked away from him and moved a few feet away with her back to him.

"How?" Nat asked

"What?" John answered, not understanding the question.

"How do you know you love me, we've only none each other a few days"

"I just do" John answered going over to stand behind her, he was having second thoughts, not about loving her but about blurting it out, maybe it was to soon. He told himself.

"And you're sure about this, really sure?" she asked him as she prayed he said that he was. John thought about the question for a second, he had already told her there was no going back, only forward and he wanted to go forward with her, loving her. His brain was screaming it was to soon but his heart wanted for her to know, it needed for her to know.

"Yes, I'm very sure about this, I love you Natalie," John said and Natalie didn't say anything for a few minutes. Then John couldn't take it any long so he broke the silence.

"You don't have to say anything Natalie, I just thought, I don't know what I thought, I know it might take longer for you but it's true, I love you and I think maybe I have since I was twelve. I thin--" John tried to finish his sentence but he heard her say something really soft and low and he walked around to face her.

"Say it again," he told her as he looked into her glassy eyes, he knew what he thought she said but he needed to hear it again to be sure.

"I love you too John," Natalie said as he put his hand under her chin and lifted it so their eye's were level.

"How? " he asked

"I just do," she answered

"Are you sure?" John asked her as she started bringing her face closer to his

" Yes, I love you John" she said softly as she kissed him.

"You know I wanna show you how much I love you right now, right?" John told her as they broke off from kissing

"Yeah, and I want you to show me but ...but.. I have a few things I want to free myself of before I give myself to you, give myself to you completely," she said and she saw the smutty look in his eyes. She slapped him on the arm playfully.

"I don't mean clothes," she said and they both laughed.

"Yeah, let's go free you of some stuff and then we can come back here and be completely together" John said as they grabbed their stuff and headed towards the door. Natalie stopped right before leaving the apartment and turned to him.

"When we're done I wanna go home, back to Llanview, is that alright?" Natalie asked John as she looked into his soul.

"Sounds good to me, where ever you are, were ever you go, I'll follow," John said with one last kiss and they left his apartment.

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John and Natalie spent the day going all around Atlantic City. Natalie wanted to come to terms with all the bad stuff that had happened in her life before she moved on with John. They went to the beach first and Natalie stood in the spot under the pier where John found her and he held her without words till she was ready to go, ready to let go, she had a really good reason to just let all the grief leave her, John, he had held her and assured her that he wasn't going anywhere. She cried a little but she seems to be processing things well. Then after the beach they took a ride to where Natalie use to live with Roxy. The apartment building was condemned but some how they found a way to sneak into it. Natalie thought about all the stuff that had occurred in that apartment, she remembered it all and when she was ready to rid herself of all of it they left. They decided to have an early dinner and take the train back to Llanview when John knew he had one stop he needed for them to make. He took her to Caitlyn's grave. John needed his own form of closure so once they were at Caitlyn's grave Natalie excused herself, went back and waited in the rental car. Natalie was waiting in the car when after a few minutes he came back.

"Hey" He said as he climbed into the car

"Hey, are you alright?" Natalie asked, she asked him the question he was asking of her all day.

"Yeah," John said as he started to drive away. Natalie thought they were headed to the train station when she saw John pull into a charming small chapel just off the boardwalk.

"What's going on?" Natalie asked as john turned off the car.

"Follow me" John told her and he got out of the car. She followed him over towards the back of the grounds behind the chapel; there was a white stone bench with a trellis of flowers behind it. He motioned for her to sit, Natalie sat and John got down on one knee.

"What's going on John? Why are we here and why are you kneeling?" Natalie asked getting a little nervous, nervous cause if she didn't know better he was going to ask her, ask her to marry him. The thought ran through her head and she wondered how she was going to tell him no. Not because she didn't love him, but because it was to soon, too soon to marry him, she was still shocked to the fact that she loved him so much in such a short period of time, but now to marry him, she would have to tell him no, she would have to.

"Natalie, I brought you here because I wanted for you to see this place, I've been here before, my parents use to bring Michael and I here as kids. They use to bring us here to show us that this was the place it all started for them. My father met my mom here and then he later proposed to her here on this same bench. He always said it was the perfect place to ask someone to marry them, and the thing was, as beautiful as this place is I had forgotten about it, forgotten all about it these last twenty years, but you reminded me of it. Your beauty, your courage, you.. I love you," John said taking her hand and holding it before he started to speak again.

"I know we haven't known each other long although I feel you are probably the only person who really knows me but.. but I see us having a long happy life together, maybe a few kids, maybe a dog, I guess what I'm trying to say is.. Natalie will you marry me?" John said and he pulled out an old antique looking ring out of his pocket.

"This was the first ring my dad gave to my mom, on this bench all those years ago. They were happy, in love and happy. Please Marry Me," John said as he saw the look on her face, it wasn't good, the look, it looked like she was thinking too much about it.

"Natalie" John asked trying to interrupt her thoughts

"I.. I.. I only have one quick question before I answer. Can we get married today?" Natalie said and she smiled as she saw the relieved look on his face.