Oof, so that lore stream huh? Major spoilers for Techno's most recent dsmp stream and mentions of character death!
He doesn't know if Ranboo heard him.
And Techno can't say if that makes it better or worse or maybe both at the same time because the universe is cruel and uncaring and thoroughly fucked up. But he knows it hurts to think about, and he knows it will probably haunt him forever.
He dreams about it – nightmares are supposed to be unrealistic and comical in how they warp your memories into seeming that much worse than what actually happened. You're supposed to wake up and realize that the scenes laid before you were nothing more than fragments, made more sharp-edged by your own subconscious. You're supposed to shake them off easy.
But at night, Techno is getting out of the water again, clothes drenched and sticking to his skin. And the fabric of his cape is singed from the lava where the fire res potion hadn't soaked in thoroughly in all the same spots as it was on that day. He is met with the same people, glances of confusion and panic, and hears the same ringing of Sam's voice in his ears.
(and Techno knows maybe there is little difference in nightmare and memory for him)
Sapnap staring at him - his fingers twitching on the sheath of his sword - and then over Techno's shoulder. Staring at Dream, who Techno had almost kind of forgotten was there. Eryn has his weapons out and Techno can hear an arrow being notched and he feels his shoulders draw back, feels the tightening of the noose around his throat. Surrounded on all sides, outnumbered, unable to take them all in a fight by himself.
(he smells the ashes of the community house burning)
They have to get out, they have to move, Techno wants to move and be able to breathe without the weight of too much too many people bearing down on him. Chat rears its ugly head like an animal cornered, screaming for bloodshed, screaming for him to scratch and bite and pry his way out of this situation if necessary. Anything for survival. Techno can't.
He's waiting on the others to get there first.
Dream's already going ahead, a blur of scrambling motion. Connor is running around in the chaos and Techno still doesn't know why he's even here but nobody seems to be too bothered so he ignores it. Just Ranboo has lagged behind, Techno only needs Ranboo and then they can make a run for it. He's turning his head, he's defending against a million enemies at once, he's ignoring Dream's urges that they need to hurry and go!
(not without Ranboo, never without Ranboo)
And then he's watching Ranboo unbuckle the straps on his armor. He's watching the netherite fall to the ground, the only barrier between Ranboo and the wrath of what feels to Techno like every single person on the server. The only barrier between Ranboo and Sam's sword at his throat and why, why would Ranboo do that Techno can't understand, can't think, can't breathe.
It's almost a miracle he hears Sam's demands over the roaring of the voices and the dissonance of the crowd and his own panic spiraling. It's spreading through his every limb, it's tearing down into his core, it's destroying him.
(the phantom cold of the blizzard nips at his flesh and sinks into his bones, an axe pulled up against Carl's neck. It fades as quickly as it came to him and now he's being led into the capital of those that want him dead, Phil's disbelief at him being captured almost a compliment that Techno can't acknowledge over his own growing anger because Phil is there, unharmed but in harm's way, fingers curled around the balustrade and ankle weighed down by a monitor. Techno is surprised the butcher army didn't bind his wings – they seem pretty fond of treating people as if they were animals.
the cage and the anvil become meaningless in the face of keeping Phil safe from them)
He needs to keep Ranboo safe but how can he when Sam wants Dream, wants what Techno can't give him – not even if Techno has a sickening moment of wanting to. He would. He wished that he could. Dream who is still yelling for them to move and Techno who can't because he'd rather carve his own fucking heart out than abandon Ranboo.
(Ranboo doesn't do anything, calm and still and almost as if resigned to his fate)
Techno tries to reason, he tries to stall – he's not holding a crossbow this time, staring at a box and finger on the trigger but all the same, he is hoping for anybody to intervene. To step in and do something that would keep him from bearing the weight of an innocent's death.
(just like back then, nobody does)
Sam won't listen to him, Dream won't listen to him, nobody will just listen to him for once-
"Dream doesn't care!" Techno yells, voice pinched, desperate to be understood. "I care!"
And the only mercy is that it's quick. It's over in a blink – maybe faster – and Techno knows enough about how the nervous system works to know Ranboo didn't suffer. He probably barely registered it, didn't get a chance to feel any pain. Sam made the cut clean and quick and hopefully, Techno prays that hopefully, Ranboo was dead before he had a chance to realize or feel it happen.
But he doesn't know if Ranboo heard what he said.
He wakes up with that same desperate scream dying out in his throat, tangled in the blankets and heaving, scratching at the mattress just because the alternative is digging into the skin of his own arms. Phil is at his side in a second.
They've been sleeping in the same bed every since the jailbreak. It wasn't a conscious decision they made, it wasn't a discussion they needed to have. It was just Techno returning from Snowchester, exhausted and confused and with barely enough strength in his legs to not collapse on the spot, barely making it to his bed. And Phil silently following him up there, sure and steady in his presence and with the dust of the wither's netherrack still staining his face, curling up against Techno's side and bringing his arms around him like an anchor against the world's currents.
(Techno cried, that first night, but he hasn't since)
Phil smooths the hair out of his face and then grabs his wrists to pin them down so Techno doesn't hurt himself in a blind panic. Waits with undeserved patience until Techno can come down enough to talk, to breathe, to let out dry sobs that shake his entire chest.
"It's okay, Techno. You're alright." Phil sticks so close to him it hurts, it consumes Techno with comfort he can't accept.
"I don't-" Techno tries to speak, because talking feels like dying but it's Phil and for you, Phil, the world even if it leaves him choking on every syllable. "I don't know if Ranboo heard me. I, I was still in the middle of my sentence when he- there was so much noise, what if he didn't hear?"
(so much noise and everything was bright except Ranboo's eyes, the light fading from them too fast, too easily)
Techno failed him.
(In a different memory, Ranboo is grinning, playfully throwing up some water at him with the wooden oar of his boat as if it were a game while they made their way to the next spawner. "If you're the main character," Techno had told him. "Then I want to be the cool sensei."
How easily Ranboo had played into that joke. How he had faked despair at Techno's insistence that he'd become the best mentor in the world and then promptly die a dramatic death because come on, Ranboo, that's just how storytelling works don't you know?
How hollow that joke felt in hindsight, when it was supposed to have been the other way around.)
"He already knew," Phil says then. His hands are on Techno's cheeks and he presses their foreheads together and it's almost not too much. "Oh Techno, you got to believe me, he knew mate. Ranboo knew."
"But I didn't tell him," Techno insists, more urgently.
Phil smiles, softly, gently, tracing his thumb against the curve of Techno's temple. "You didn't need to. He already knew."
And Techno wants to believe that. With every single ounce of his being, he wants to believe that Phil is right.
He just doesn't think he can yet.
