AN

Ok hey guys, please if your reading this, please please leave a review and tell me what you think. I know some of you probably don't want or like to, but i would be so grateful if you did. This chapter is a bit slow compared to others, but it will pick a lot in the next few. Thanks a lot once again to my great beta, who keeps convincing me to put these chapters up and is so much help to the story.

Disclaimer: As alwaysI don't own any of the Lost characters, quotes or plotlines you may recognize from the show.


Chapter 4

Once again Alexa was jerked violently from sleep but this time, it was not her dreams that caused the premature awakening but the insistent barking of a dog. Alexa looked around realising that the dog's barking had not only awoken her but pretty much the entire camp. She looked over at the golden Labrador as it barked loudly at the fuselage slightly further from camp.

Listening carefully, Alexa picked up some other noise underneath that of the dog, a rustling from inside the wreckage, almost as if something was moving around inside. She realised she wasn't the only one to have heard it either; as she made her way to where Jack and a few others had moved closer.

"Maybe we should go in and check what it is?" Jack suggested

"After you Jackass" Sawyer said, and Alexa resisted the urge to roll her eyes. He really could come up with something for every situation. Jack picked up a flashlight and hesitantly switched it on and shined it in the direction of the fuselage. Two glowing eyes stared back out at them, and Alexa couldn't avoid shivering as chills ran up her spine.

Suddenly three beasts erupted from within the wreckage squealing, they tore through the camp, causing screams to come from many survivors. Alexa had nearly jumped out of her skin as the things came from within the wreckage, but she was relatively calm as they made there way back into the jungle. She stared at where they had been pondering what kind of beasts they were.

"Boars, Wild Boars" The answer to Alexa's unspoken question had come from an older balding man, standing to her left. She recalled his name being Locke, although like Sawyer she wondered if this was his first name or not. Alexa's next question would have been; what were they doing here? She had worked it out seconds before Locke said it

"They're attracted to the dead bodies within the wreckage." Alexa said quietly, and Locke nodded at her. The bodies had been in the wreckage four days now in the hot sun, they were perfect targets for scavengers of many varieties. Something would have been done with them, if not for the fact that these beasts could be a danger to those left alive, and they didn't want to attract them. It was out of respect for the dead, Alexa doubted those people would have wanted to be left as carrion for the scavengers. It seemed Alexa wasn't the only one to have these thoughts as Locke spoke what she had been thinking:

"Something has to be done with the bodies; we can't just leave them in there any longer."

"Bury them" Someone Alexa was not sure who suggested.

"Probably not a good idea." Alexa said "We have no guarantee as to how long they would stay buried." Jack looked thoughtful for a minute before taking charge and once again making the decision.

"We're going to have to burn them." He said simply.

That decision made, the group dispersed, as Jack talked with a couple of people about how to go about his plan, Alexa found her mind wandering back to her dream. Why did her subconscious force her to live that memory again and again? It's not as if she hadn't thought about that day enough anyway, why did she have to keep going back? Why did she never see it properly? It didn't make any sense, it was past, she had dealt with it now. Or had she? That little voice in the back of her head questioned, you didn't deal with it, you just did what you did with everything else, you ran away, you refused to think about it. Always running Alexa, it taunted. Alexa was saved once again by a voice interrupting her:

"You might want to watch were your going Lex." A voice said whilst laughing gently "I think you've managed to walk into three different people without noticing it, and by the looks of things you were planning to go for a swim." Alexa looked up at Sawyer and couldn't help but smile before realising where she was stood. She looked down to see was stood a few inches in the sea already and her shoes along with the bottom of her trousers were soaked. Sawyer was right any further and she could have easily been swimming.

"Damn these were my favourite shoes as well….thinking about it, these are my only shoes." Alexa said with a self-deprecating smile

"Don't worry bout it, they'll dry." He said looking down at her sodden clothes "Eventually" He added with a smirk

"Glad to see your finding my discomfort amusing Sawyer." Alexa said, but she couldn't keep the smile off her face. She quickly untied her laces and took her shoes off before literally pouring the water out of them. "Guess I'm going bare foot for today then." She turned back towards the camp only to be stopped by Sawyer's snickering once again, she turned back to him. "What now?" She asked with a resigned sigh

"You've got sand in your hair." He said

"I sleep on a beach Sawyer." She said slowly "There's a surprising amount of sand, and hang on so do you."

Their conversation was interrupted by some shouts from further away; Alexa headed off only to see Sawyer not following, she grabbed his shirt and tugged.

"Come on I want to see what's going on."

"Nosy aren't ya." He said as he followed

"No I'm just inquisitive." She answered as she lifted her head in a mock insulted gesture.

"Same thing Lex. Same thing" Sawyer said he shook his head at her, but once again he couldn't keep the genuine smile off his face, what was it about Lex that made him so comfortable with her? He had no answer.

Alexa walked up to Sayid who was staring at Locke in slight shock;

"What's going on" She asked

"We have run out of the food that we had from the plane." Sayid said still not looking at her "But Locke has suggested that we hunt the boars from earlier." Alexa was about to reply with what? But stopped as she caught sight of the knife in Locke's hand, and her eyes travelled to the silver case by his feet.

"I don't want to know do I?" She asked rhetorically. Sayid didn't reply as he seemed as disconcerted as her about man being able to carry a case full of knives on a plane. Who the hell was this guy?

It seemed that nobody was opposed to Locke's suggestion, as Michael volunteered to go hunting with Locke. Alexa watched with interest as Michael tried to communicate to the Korean woman about looking after Walt ;his son.

"Not gonna volunteer for this one then Lex?" Sawyer questioned

"Oh yes I can see it now, I'll shout at the boars and they'll just die from sheer terror." She replied sarcastically

"I heard you were in the military though." Alexa was slightly startled; she had only told Sayid about that nobody else, so how did Sawyer know? She doubted Sayid would have told him they weren't exactly on good terms. Alexa decided not to question him just yet, and instead answered sincerely

"Only for 5 years, and I don't exactly have a lot of experience with chasing wild beasts round the jungle with knives. Plus you forget; the only person more disliked than me; is you." Alexa instantly felt bad about that; she shouldn't put someone else down just to make herself look better, not that it made her feel better anyway. In fact she just felt guilty, all the guilt that before she had been pushing to the back of her mind surfaced once again, and Alexa hated herself.

Sawyer had walked away after that comment, leaving Alex dwelling within in her remorse. It wasn't healthy she knew, but there was only so long you could ignore things before they came back to haunt you. Once again Alexa used her tried and tested method and just pushed her feelings back down and made the same excuse she always made: she would deal with it later. She looked around for something to distract herself and came across Sayid building something with electronics, intrigued slightly she walked over.

"What is it?" She questioned making Sayid jump, he looked a bit irritated about being disturbed.

"It's an Antenna I'm going to try and triangulate the French woman's signal."

"You want to know where it's coming from." Alexa stated

"Yes, for that signal to have been playing as long as you say, there would have to be a pretty big power source, I just need to place these…" He indicated the antenna's " In sites around the island" It seemed Kate had overheard their conversation as she made her way over and asked if she could help by going with the hunting party and then placing one herself.

Alexa made her way away from Sayid to avoid disturbing him, but nearly knocked into Claire. Alexa grabbed her arm to stop her from falling, and was rewarded with a grateful smile, it was only then that Alexa noted the book clasped in Claire's hands, Claire must have caught her questioning look as she spoke.

"Oh me and some of the other survivors were thinking of doing some sort of ceremony for the dead, using the things we can find about them." Claire must have mistaken Alexa's disbelieving expression either that or she just chose to ignore it "Hey maybe you could help and you could help with the ceremony itself or something." Alexa couldn't really come up with a way to express her feelings to Claire gently but she tried her hardest

"It's not really my thing Claire…."

"Oh come on Alexa, I heard some of the other passengers sayings some things about you, but I bet they're not true." Alexa wasn't really surprised about Claire's admission that people talked about her, and from the sound of things they weren't saying anything nice, and it upset her she knew it did, but she didn't give any of this away to Claire instead she just tried to explain to her why she couldn't:

"No really I can't. It's just I don't feel I have any right to get involved with these people's lives….I mean I didn't know them, it's not my place to try and give justice to the people they were." It was obvious that Claire didn't really understand but she respected Alexa's wishes:

"Oh ok, but you'll be there for the tribute right." Claire asked her voice hopeful

"Oh yes of course." Alexa said hoping Claire didn't catch her lack of enthusiasm.

Alexa sighed as Claire made her way back over to the other passengers, and she heard her laugh at something, as Charlie talked to her. Like she told Claire it wasn't that she wanted to be disrespectful, but what right did she have to talk about these people as if she knew them, it was quite likely that many of those people wouldn't have liked her anyway, she didn't know them, and she couldn't act like she did. She hadn't lied to Claire when she said she would be there because she would, but once again it just didn't feel right to her, these people deserved more and she knew it was stupid but part of her questioned whether they would want her there.

Alexa looked around realising that pretty much everyone was busy doing something, she wandered over to wreckage and sat down leaning against a rock. She really had no idea what to do, she wanted to help do something but she didn't have any skills that would be of use. An overwhelming feeling of helplessness built within her, and she felt invisible and alone, unwanted images flashed through her mind; Sawyer flirting with Kate, Sayid and Shannon, and then once again back to her dream. Alexa decided she didn't want to visit there again, knowing that she would probably be forced back in her dreams anyway. She looked up as Claire came over holding something in her hand:

"Hey Alexa, I know you don't want to help, but I know you and Sayid are close, would you mind giving him this, it has his name on it." Claire said as she handed Alexa an envelope she had been holding. Alexa took it and just nodded at Claire before making her way over to where Sayid had been last, Sayid looked up as she arrived but didn't say anything, and she silently passed him the envelope before walking away. She made a quick look back and saw Sayid staring avidly at a photo he found within. Alexa shrugged it off but carried on walking. She knew she shouldn't venture in to the jungle, but she had to get away, so instead she just carried on walking up the beach until the voices completely disappeared and Alexa could no longer see any of the camp.

Alexa spirits were low, she felt drained, empty and deeply sad. Everything she had done the past four days came back to her, and Alexa struggled to find one point where she had been of any help, all she had managed to do was get in the way and be a burden, along with annoying people and just generally acting like a bitch. She had got at Shannon for doing things which she herself was guilty of. She would never cry in front of anybody; but out here Alexa couldn't stop as the tears came, she cried for those dead people she didn't know, she cried for all the mistakes she had made, she cried at her own stupidity, but also she cried for the figure in the hospital bed, a figure she once knew so well.

Alexa knew she should be heading back as it got dark, and she knew that soon Jack would be ready to light the fuselage and they would say goodbye to the dead passengers. She also wondered whether the hunting party caught what they were after, whether Sayid had dealt with the photograph, and whether Sawyer would be willing to talk to her again. But mostly she wondered if they noticed she wasn't there, and as the darkness grew, she knew that for the moment at least they did not, and that knowledge added another hurt to Alexa's heart. She once again allowed sleep to take her hoping that maybe just for once; it would give her the respite she looked for.

This time it wasn't the hospital room, this time it was a cemetery and Alexa watched as a figure laid flowers on the grave. Lilies she realised; ironic really, she knew the one in the grave never did like lilies, so why had they all brought them? Maybe it was expected, or maybe the figure had done it because they knew.

The figure just stood watching the grave as if expecting something to happen. The scene was not really what Alexa had expected, it was meant to be raining she realised. The one in the grave would have wanted rain. Instead it was blue sky and the sun was shining; it seemed that this whole scene was mocking the one in the grave.

She wondered who the grave was for, it looked new, Alexa realised she had known the person well, very well. Why couldn't she remember? Then she realised this hadn't happened, this event never even took place, the hospital that had happened. This, this was wrong; nobody she knew would have ever been buried here. Where was here?

Alexa twisted, confused, graves everywhere, but why was she here? She began to run, she had to escape, get away, this was wrong

A voice in her ear behind her:

"When are you going to stop running Alexa?" the voice taunted. Alexa faced the voice only to see Sawyer's face. Suddenly it twisted becoming Shannon's

"You know I'm right Alexa." It said. It twisted once again this time it was Sayid

"You'll never understand until you face it Alexa, until you…." But Alexa could take no more she just ran and ran until…….


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