AN

Ok once again i have to give a huge thanks to my four reveiwers for the last chapter, I was so pleased when my internet was working againand I found that you guys liked my story. So thanks again to Richard Satrkey glad you liked it, and also to skimmboardergurl thanks for reviewing. To arwen1982 thank you so much i love getting your reviews hope you like the chapter. And Bright Sky glad you liked this story as for you question you will have to keep reading and find out.

Please please Review it would be so appreciated.

Oh and tell me what you think of either Sawyer/Alexa or Sayid/Alexa?

Disclaimer: Once again i don't own nor ever will any of the characters, plotlines or quotes you may recognise from the TV show Lost.


Chapter 7

Alexa awoke feeling, if possible slightly worse than the night before. Her ribs burned and the places where the bindings on her wrists had been were now red raw. She also had a killer headache, probably a resultant of all the crying she did last night. In any other situation Alexa might have just lay back down and tried to sleep again, but she didn't particularly want another episode of dark dreams. Instead she struggled to her feet, ignoring her pounding head, and set off in the direction of the signal fire that everybody was crowding around.

Kate was sat slightly further down the beach talking to Jack who, it seemed, had got up early this morning to be at the beach by now. Alexa stopped watching them and moved to sit next to Claire; she put her head in her hands and groaned.

"Are you ok Alexa?" Claire asked kindly

"Killer headache." She said shortly.

"You could ask Jack for some painkillers or something." Claire suggested. Alexa just nodded, not ready to hold a civil conversation at that moment in time. As Alexa thought about it though, she realised she had to tell Jack about last night. Then again Sawyer should have done that already shouldn't he? He wouldn't have just headed off looking for her without telling anybody would he? Stupid question, Alexa thought: of course he would; this was Sawyer she was talking about. Before she could move over to tell Jack, Sayid appeared and sat down next to her. He caught sight of her wrists and frowned.

"How did this happen?" he questioned as he took hold of her hand

"Did nobody even wonder where I was last night?" Alexa mumbled quietly

"What happened Alexa?" Sayid asked worriedly

"Go get Jack and I'll explain to you both so I don't have to repeat myself. If Sawyer was even the slightest bit useful then he would have already done this." She added the last sentence quieter than the rest but she was pretty certain Sayid heard it as he shot her a questioning glance before going to get Jack. Alexa tried to set her thoughts in order before Sayid and Jack returned, she didn't particularly feel like remembering any part of last night, but being tied to a tree by an unknown assailant was a pretty big deal. So all Alexa had to do was not think about Sawyer.

Easier said than done.

"What's going on Alexa?" Jack questioned as he and Sayid appeared by her side.

"Ok well the thing is last night I wasn't in the sanest frame of mind, and I did something pretty stupid." Jack raised an eyebrow at Sayid who just shook his head and Alexa sighed. "Ok anyway I was a bit upset last night." She raised her hand to stop Sayid's question "Let me finish. Anyway so I went in to the jungle when it was getting dark. I realised after a couple of minutes how reckless and dangerous it was, so I turned back ready to head back to beach, when somebody held a knife to my throat and then knocked me unconscious." Both Sayid and Jack looked shocked.

"By the time I woke up it was dark and I found myself tied to a tree in the middle of the jungle. The guy who knocked me out kept asking: 'Where is it?'

I didn't have the faintest idea what he was talking about and I made it pretty clear, but then I think he was going to kill me before some other guy came along and told him I didn't know anything, and 'It' would finish me anyway." Alexa said all this pretty quickly not looking at either Sayid or Jack's face afraid that they were going to either shout or laugh at her. She finished her story before either of them could interrupt "Anyway they both left, and I was pretty certain I was going to die. Then Sawyer turned up and cut me loose we both ran from the monster I shot at it and then it stopped following us. Anyway I just thought you should know." Alexa finished quietly.

Both Jack and Sayid were lost for words and Alexa understood why. If they believed what she had just told them, then there was a big likelihood that they weren't alone on this island and whoever else was here was quite probably highly dangerous. The alternative was scarier; that it was one among the survivors who did this and that nobody could be trusted. Or there was always option three where they didn't believe a word she was saying, but she had proof from Sawyer's words that she was in fact tried to a tree when he found her, and she couldn't have tied herself to it. Finally jack spoke:

"Ok firstly Alexa are you ok? Did you get hurt last night?"

"No I'm fine my wrists are a little sore but other than that." Alexa replied

"Secondly I think we should definitely move to the caves it would be safer for everybody." Jack said decisively

"I don't know Jack, I was as close to the caves as I was to the beach last night, I think it was only bad luck and judgement on my part that whoever it was got me." Alexa said.

"Ok fine I still think we should move, but if not I want everyone to be extra careful. Nobody should be in the jungle alone, especially not after dark. Alexa you need to be more vigilant. You may be right that this was random, but it may not have been." Alexa felt patronised by Jack's words. It was as if he was talking to a five year old.

"Jack I promise to be more careful, but if they were willing to let me get eaten last night, then I doubt they have any use for me." Alexa said in defiance.

Jack just shook his head in defeat and turned to talk to Sayid about means of defence for the survivors. Alexa fought her annoyance at once again not being included and at being pushed aside. She stood up her head pounding and made for the edge of the jungle.

"You heard Jack Alexa; you cannot go into the jungle." Sayid said. Alexa understood why he was doing this, but that didn't mean she had to like it.

"For heavens sake Sayid, I don't need protection I've been doing just fine on my own thanks." She said abruptly.

"Just fine? If I heard you correctly you would have been dead last night if it were not for Sawyer coming to your rescue." Sayid said reasonably

"I don't need your help Sayid, and I certainly don't need that arrogant excuse for a human being's." Alexa said angrily before she stalked off to go sit by herself at the beach.

Alexa was annoyed at Sayid; not because he was wrong but because he was perfectly correct. She would have been dead last night if it weren't for Sawyer. Alexa didn't want to admit that she had needed his help, especially not after their argument last night. She had been unfair to Sayid and he didn't deserve it. Alexa shook her head; she really couldn't get anything right could she? Whenever she tried to help it seemed to backfire in her face. There was no one to take Alexa's mind off the things that made her despair, as the one who would normally do that was now at the foremost of Alexa's thoughts, and she just felt sad. It probably wasn't Sawyer's fault; it was understandable that he would choose Kate. Come on who wouldn't? She was everything Alexa wasn't and more.

Alexa was annoyed at herself for admitting to Sawyer last night that he had hurt her. She had acted pathetic; he was Sawyer! Why would he care whose heart he stomped on to get what he wanted? Alexa needed to do something because she didn't like the way her thoughts were going. She caught sight of Kate, Sayid and Boone talking about the antennas he had built and headed over, hoping Sayid didn't hold a grudge. They all looked up as she headed over and they glanced at each other before smiling at Alexa.

Alexa was instantly suspicious. The only time people looked at you like that was when they wanted something.

"Ok guys what do you want?" She asked. Kate shot a glance at Sayid before speaking.

"We need your help Alexa." She said

"Ok… why?" Alexa asked once again slightly suspicious. Sayid and Kate had studiously avoided allowing Alexa to help in their little schemes why would they ask for her help now? Unless it was something they were unable to do themselves. Being as Alexa doubted she had any skills that these two couldn't find somewhere she was worried.

"I am going to try and triangulate the French woman's signal with the antennas but I need a battery for the transceiver to work." Sayid explained

"And the only person who might have any batteries is…."

"Sawyer." Alexa finished for Kate; now she understood; they wanted her to get Sawyer to give up the battery, her friendship with him was well known. Before last night Alexa wouldn't have even hesitated about just asking Sawyer and seeing if he would give it to her, but now Alexa wasn't so sure; she didn't want to talk to Sawyer she didn't want a repeat of last night. Kate saw her hesitation and apprehension:

"Come on Alexa, you and he are close. Closer than I've seen him with anyone before." Kate's words hit close to Alexa's heart they were close, she was right they had been close, before she came along part of her said venomously. Alexa nearly laughed at herself, it was pathetic, it wasn't Kate's fault and Alexa wasn't going to blame her, just because Sawyer had pushed Alexa aside for her didn't mean that Kate had anything to do with it.

"Maybe you should go Kate, you and him seemed pretty close last night." Alexa said sadly. Boone interrupted before Kate could speak

"You should Kate. Alexa won't be able to do it anyway." Boone said giving Alexa a hateful look. Alexa wondered if Kate understood as she spoke:

"No Boone, Sawyer is different when he is with Alexa." Alexa just nodded

"Ok" she said and headed off over to the old infirmary tent where Sawyer had now moved.

Alexa nervously walked in, and Sawyer looked up as she did so, his eyes flashed with surprise when she appeared but it was quickly gone behind his icy mask seconds later.

"What do you want Lex? Come back to scream at me some more for saving you?" He said harshly, Alexa nearly winced at his tone, but maybe she deserved it; after all he had saved her life only to have her shouting in his face.

"Sawyer about last night, look I'm really glad you saved my life, but the thing is Sayid needs a battery for the transceiver so we can find out where the signal is coming from." She finished quickly

"Oh I get it. You only came over here to get stuff for the Arab. Why'd he send you eh Lex? Think you'll be able to convince me did he? Talk about not caring Lex. Just chuck me aside when the Arab decides he wants you again!" Alexa was angry at Sawyer's words, he was twisting what she said and mocking her, she had just wanted to get the battery and leave but if he wanted to bring it back up then two could play at that game.

"See how it feels now do you Sawyer? Hurts doesn't it? Oh wait a minute no it only hurts for those of us who actually have feelings, and FYI there isn't anything going on between me and Sayid, he's just a friend!" Sawyer looked angry as he stood up to face her but Alexa wasn't backing down.

"Oh you think you have feelings now do you Lex? So it's ok for you to hurt others feelings but you can't cope when someone does it back, well I've got news for you Lex; it doesn't work that way. Why the hell would I care about you and the Arab, like you said last night I only care when it suits me!"

"You can't exactly talk about hurting people Sawyer, were you not listening last night? Or do you just not care? You know I don't mean to hurt people, yet it seems you just go round intending to do as much damage as possible. Even to those people who actually do give a damn about you!"

"I thought we'd been through this Lex, I'm the most hated person here nobody gives a damn about me!"

"I do." She said quietly Sawyer stopped what ever he was about to say and looked at her. She hoped that he would see how sincere she was being because she didn't want to argue anymore. Everything he said to her hurt, she wasn't like him; insults didn't just wash over her. Every word he spoke hurt her, not just because a lot of it was true, but mainly because it was him that had said it, and she had known he meant it.

"Why? You're not meant to care about me Lex, I'm not meant to feel like I do." He said just as quietly.

"Yeah well, I'm sorry for caring Sawyer, I really wish there was someway I could change it and make this all go away." Alexa thought about what she had said "No I don't, because that would mean taking away all the things we've done, all the stuff we've said to each other, no I don't think I want to change that." She said more to herself than to Sawyer but she knew he had heard. Sawyer wordlessly handed over a battery to her, and Alexa stood shocked, there wasn't anything she could say so she turned away.

"Lex wait…. It's going to cost ya." His voice was light and a voice Alexa recognised from before, she couldn't help but give him a sad smile.

"You already have something of mine in your keeping." Alexa said mysteriously.

"I'm going to need more than a lucky coin Lex."

"I wasn't talking about the coin." Sawyer looked confused and Alexa chuckled slightly.

"Maybe one day I'll explain it to you." Alexa walked slowly out of the tent, both hers and Sawyer's words echoing through her mind.

Alexa made her way over to Sayid and Kate paying little attention to what was going on around her. She passed the battery to Sayid and looked at all the stuff they were packing, realising they were going out into the jungle. Alexa decided that this time she wasn't going to let them leave her behind; especially after what she just went through for that battery.

"Where we heading then?" Alexa asked basically announcing her intentions of accompanying them on their little expedition.

"I do not know if you should accompany us Alexa, your injuries…" Alexa cut him off

"Can't keep using that as an excuse, I'm not letting you guys leave without me again, and plus you owe me for getting you that battery." Alexa said stubbornly. Kate looked at Alexa in the eye, and Alexa couldn't help but wonder if Kate knew just how much Sawyer had hurt her, or even that she was partly the reason for the constant aching in Alexa's heart.

"Let her come Sayid, we could probably use the help, and she is right we do owe her." Kate announced. Sayid just nodded and Alexa went to grab her bag. She checked her water bottle was full and as her hand reached into her bag it brushed against a sheet of paper which Alexa promptly pulled out. Alexa unfolded the sheet and stared. Her hand shook as her eyes skimmed the page, and she had a sudden urge to rip the sheet into shreds, but instead she folded it back up carefully and pushed it to the bottom of her bag. She swung her bag over her shoulder and joined Kate and Sayid who were ready to go.

Walking through the jungle was pretty uneventful, she had checked with Kate when they set off where they were going, and had learnt they were going to set one antenna up and then either Kate or herself would wait with it and a bottle rocket for Sayid to set up the next one. To Alexa's distaste Boone had the job of looking after the antenna on the beach, and Alexa wondered if he would actually be able to cope with that much responsibility. Her ribs ached but she was successfully ignoring the pain, as she tuned into Kate and Sayid's conversation; they were talking about fate.

"What about you Alexa?" Kate asked

"Sorry I wasn't listening. What was the question?" Alexa replied politely.

"Do you believe in fate?" Sayid asked. Alexa pondered the question. She had never really thought about it; maybe there were some things that were fated to be, but Alexa didn't want to believe that every action in her life was decided for her, and that she couldn't change it.

"I don't know really. Maybe there are some things that are meant to be, but I don't think I can accept that my life is planned out for me, and that every decision I make is just some part of fate's plan for me. I guess I prefer to be in control of my life." Alexa said, Kate nodded slightly at her answer, but Sayid seemed to think on it before speaking.

"So what sort of things would you say are 'meant to be'?" Sayid asked. Alexa once again paused and thought before answering.

"Well I'm not sure, but a friend of mine used to say that when something is really meant to be you would know; and however much I hate to say it she hasn't been wrong yet, even if her advice didn't turn out quite how I had hoped." Alexa said pensively. Sayid gave her a questioning look

"What do you mean?" He asked. Flashes of Alexa's dream returned to her and sadly enough she couldn't keep her mind from turning to Sawyer once again.

"Never mind." She said quietly; she was sure that Sayid would understand that she wasn't ready to talk about it. He just nodded and he and Kate reverted to their conversation leaving Alexa to her own thoughts.

A noise directly to Alexa's right made her head turn sharply. It was obvious that Kate and Sayid hadn't heard it and she just held up a hand for them to stop. They both looked to the direction Alexa was staring at, and Alexa felt her breathing become faster as images of swaying trees returned to her mind. Out of the trees came Sawyer. Alexa let out the breath she was holding before speaking:

"You nearly gave me a heart attack." She exclaimed

"Sorry Lex, forgot you could be so jumpy." Sawyer said laughing, but he hadn't noticed Kate and Sayid, who were both frowning at him, with obvious distaste at his presence.

"What are you doing here Sawyer?" Kate virtually spat at him

"Oh come on I haven't done anything wrong yet." Sawyer said indignantly

"Well is there any particular reason you decided to come?" Sayid asked threateningly

"Well there might have been." Sawyer said

"Just tell us and then get the hell out of here, why don't you?" Kate said to him. Alexa looked on and didn't get involved, but she was annoyed at Sayid and Kate; Sawyer hadn't done anything yet and they were still treating him badly.

"Well maybe I've forgotten what it is I've come for. I'll just have to come along till I can remember it." He said, he looked at Alexa and winked and Alexa couldn't help but find herself smiling back at him. Sayid looked furious as Sawyer settled himself into walking behind Kate, trying to get on her nerves.

"Feel like explaining what you meant earlier Lex?" Alexa thought about what she had said earlier, and in truth she wasn't a hundred percent sure what she had meant so how she was going to try and explain it to Sawyer was beyond her. Of course she wasn't going to let Sawyer know that, so instead she decided to keep up the mysterious act.

"Well I could tell you…..but then I'd have to kill you." Alexa joked, Sawyer looked only slightly amused, but she wondered if it was an American thing.

"Well you could try." Sawyer said, then he seemed to rethink that statement as he spoke again; "Actually remembering how comfortable you were with that gun maybe I'd better not tempt you." Alexa smiled slightly at him, but inside part of her hoped he wouldn't pursue the fact that she was so comfortable using the gun. She didn't reply to Sawyer and there silence was not as awkward as Alexa had expected.

They arrived at the place Sayid said the second antenna needed to be placed and he and Kate began to set it up. Alexa shrugged off her bag which was hurting her ribs slightly and placed it on the ground.

"Kate you stay here and watch for my rocket around 5 o'clock." He looked at Sawyer and Alexa "Alexa you come with me to set up the next Antenna, and Sawyer you should probably stay with Kate."

"Who said I was taking orders from you, Arab boy?" Sawyer asked, and Alexa resisted the urge to sigh as Sayid clenched his fists, she just gently tugged on his arms and pulled him in the direction of the jungle. Sayid whispered something at Kate before they both looked at Alexa. Sayid finally set off after Alexa but not before sending a glare at Sawyer. Alexa felt slightly upset that Sawyer had not really made any objections to staying, and she wasn't quite sure why, but the image of Kate and Sawyer from the previous night was a sharp reminder. They had got about 100m before Alexa realised she had left her bag. It wasn't essential but it had her water and some other things, and she didn't want to leave it in the middle of the jungle. She turned ready to head back, thinking if she ran maybe she would make it before Sayid noticed.

"Alexa, where are you going?" He asked. Or maybe not, she thought bitterly.

"I left something back there, don't worry I'll catch up, I'll only be a minute." She said.

"Ok, but Alexa please be careful." He said quietly. Alexa simply nodded before jogging slightly to get back to where she had left her bag. She noticed it was right to the left of where Sawyer was stood, she was about to go and grab it, but she stopped as she saw Kate and Sawyer's faces as they argued. Alexa sunk further into the bushes whilst keeping quiet to hear their words. She felt slightly deceitful at eavesdropping, but shrugged it off; it's not like it'd hurt.

"I still don't get what you see in him." Sawyer said "It's not like it's his amazing good looks, or sense of style." Alexa wondered who they were talking about, but from the sour look on Kate's face she would guess Jack, only insults aimed at him would get to Kate.

"You're less than half the man he is." Kate said angrily "Jack's kind, thoughtful, and selfless, unlike you, who is nasty, manipulative and down right selfish." Alexa watched Sawyer's eyes as she said that and caught the quick flashes of hurt before his mask was back up.

"You're far from perfect yourself." He said back to her

"Like you're one to judge, just look at how you treat Alexa." Kate said. Alexa' ears perked at the mention of her name and she looked to Sawyer to see his reply, she wondered at what she saw behind his eyes, was it sadness? Longing? That wouldn't make any sense though would it?

"You keep Alexa out of this." Sawyer said angrily

"Oh so you can bring up Jack, but as soon as I mention Alexa you don't want to talk." Kate said angrily once again. "Well let me tell you something she's not so perfect either." Alexa was angry at Kate, she had no right to use her like this just to try and hurt Sawyer, although she really didn't see where Kate was going with this. Why the hell would Sawyer say what he said about her?

"Works both ways Freckles. You're no way near as good as Alexa, and you never will be. Oh and by the way you might want to think on what you said about the doc, being as I doubt he's still alive to find out." Kate stopped dead as Sawyer said this and looked at him distinct fear in her eyes.

"What do you mean?" She said dangerously. Sawyer obviously caught her tone of voice as he answered seriously for once:

"There was a cave in, the Doc's trapped they couldn't get him out." He said, although to Alexa, he really didn't sound all that bothered.

Kate didn't even reply she just passed Sawyer the bottle rocket and ran off back in the direction which they had come.

Alexa assumed it was safe to come out now, but she was trying to process what she had just heard. She would never get Sawyer, he was so complicated, he could say one thing and mean another, like at the moment she had no idea if he actually meant what he said to Kate about her, or was just using her as ammunition to fire at Kate. Thinking about what she knew about Sawyer and how he obviously was into Kate she was pretty sure that the latter was most likely and the former was just wishful thinking. Alexa once again tried to tell herself that she didn't care, but that lie had ceased to work ever since the night she had admitted there maybe there was something she felt for Sawyer, even if she wasn't sure what it was yet.

Alexa shifted uncomfortably trying to figure out whether to reveal herself or not, doing so might result in another argument and Alexa didn't think she wanted another delve into all her ignored emotions. Unluckily for her Sawyer seemed to have realised something was amiss as he made his was cautiously to where she was stood he had his gun pointed in her direction. Alexa found her breathing increasing in slight fear that he might accidentally shoot her so she decided to speak and make her presence known thinking it the safest option.

"Sawyer you weren't actually planning on shooting me were you? I know I can be a pain sometimes but isn't that a bit extreme?" She joked "And you called me touchy!" He lowered his gun a smile on his face.

"Didn't know it was you Lex, if you hadn't been hiding then I wouldn't have even had that problem."

"Sorry I didn't want to interrupt you. You looked like you were thinking, and I know what a rare occurrence that is for you." Her voice was light and Sawyer laughed. Alexa found herself thinking that he was the only person she could joke like this with; the others either didn't get it or just got insulted.

"What are you doing here anyway? I thought you were going up the mountain with the Arab."

"Left my bag behind." She said pointing at her bag by his feet "He's probably there by now anyway, so I may as well just wait here, that's if you can put up with the company?"

"Hmm yes that is going to be hard Lex. I think you'll have to give me compensation for that." Alexa looked at him judging his expression and she saw his amusement.

"What did you have in mind?" She said with a raised eyebrow. Sawyer just winked at her she rolled her eyes, before finding herself on the floor next to him.

"Did you really have to do that?" She questioned

"Compensation means you have to sit here with me Lex. Think you can cope with that?" he asked

"I could certainly think of worse places to be." She thought but realising she said it out loud she looked at Sawyer's almost Cheshire cat grin, and hit him in the arm playfully.

They sat in companionable silence, but Alexa thoughts kept returning to Sawyer's conversation with Kate, and she couldn't keep it in.

"Can I ask you something?" She asked.

"You just did." She gave him a condescending look before she continued.

"The thing is, I heard your conversation with Kate." She mumbled

"Hell Alexa, why can't you keep your nose out of other people's business?" Sawyer saw her hurt look "I don't mean it like that Lex. It's just that was between Freckles and myself."

"Oh I could see that much. That why you kept using me in there?" She asked angrily

"What do you want me to say Lex?" He asked

"Oh God I don't know." She said pushing her face into her hands and wishing she hadn't brought it up. In truth she wanted him to make it easy, to say that he meant everything he said, and he truly did think Alexa was better than Kate was, or at least meant more to him than her. The other part of her was afraid that he'd just laugh and tell her he was only saying that to get at Kate and Alexa didn't think she could take that. Even thinking it was hurting her. To hear him say it would be so much worse.

"Tell me the truth." She said eventually, Sawyer looked slightly shocked at her answer and he wouldn't meet her eyes.

"When I figure that out Lex you'll be the first one to know." He said cryptically, Alexa was irritated she hadn't got anything she needed to ease her worries but there was one nagging question. Luckily she didn't need to ask it as Sawyer answered for her.

"Lex, Just know this ok, whatever happens I'll always be there. I just need some time to work things out at the moment, and I'm guessing you do too." She nodded at him, and the pain in her heart seemed to lessen as if hearing him say these words gave her hope. Hope for what though? Alexa wasn't sure, nor was she sure she was ready to know the answer. Instead she laid her head back onto Sawyer's chest where it had been laying before and she closed her eyes. Sawyer would wake her once Sayid's bottle went off, she trusted him.

Of course Alexa was back once again, the cemetery stood before her, but this time the figure was further away and she took her time making her way towards the grave she had been to so many times before. It was raining again, and Alexa knew at least that was right, the scene was different this time though; the figure no longer stood alone, instead about five figures stood all dressed in black four holding umbrellas. The figure she normally watched stood detached from the rest and although she couldn't define any features, she somehow knew that the figure's tears were being hidden by the rain. The figure laid roses onto the grave, and stood for a moment longer, before moving away and letting the other figures move forward. Unlike the one before, all four were crying loudly and they laid lilies on the grave. Lilies, why had they brought lilies? Did they not know her at all? The thought came out of nowhere and to Alexa it seemed incredibly angry. She looked towards the figure, but their features were still indistinguishable.

FLASH

The scene had changed and it was the house, but Alexa was looking in from the outside, everything looked different, no one stood in the house, but she felt the wind whip her hair and the cold made her shiver. The single light in the window was blown out, but the embers seemed to glow slightly as if they were waiting to be rekindled, and although Alexa still stood within a terrifying sense of darkness there was some sort of freedom.

"Everything will be ok Alexa. No matter what…" Alexa found herself sad as the words whispered themselves in the wind, but she found herself replying anyway.

"I'll never forget. No matter what……"


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