AN

Ok hey guys not much to say here really; sorry it took so long for chapter 10 etc. Ok big thanks to my beta as always the best help ever and of course my reviewers of the last chapter...oh wait never mind.

Anyway please feel free to review this chapter, it's such a great help, and i love to see what you guys think. So please go ahead and Review.

Ok heads up same as the last chapter haven't actually seen the episode sorry for any OOCness (that is so not a word, but never mind)

Disclaimer: Pretty sure you guys know by now that i don't own any of the characters, quotes or plotlines you may recognise from the TV show 'Lost'

Chapter 10

Alexa awoke once again from a night of restless dreams. She lifted her eyelids just as the sun was beginning to rise, sat up, brushed the sand from her hair, and stared out East to where the sun was casting a warm red glow. She watched the sunrise, and after a few minutes, turned to look at where Sayid was still sleeping. He was tossing and turning, and by the looks of things it wasn't just her who had been disturbed by dreams. She hoped that at least he would awake more rested than she had, for her dreams had done nothing to drain the exhaustion that sat heavily on her.

Sayid turned once more. Alexa moved over intending to wake him, but as soon as she got near he jerked awake startling Alexa and knocking her backwards, whilst in the process moving his injured leg. Alexa put a hand over her heart which was now beating rapidly:

"What is it with you people and trying to give me heart attacks." She asked. Her question brought a smile to Sayid's face, but he then grimaced as he moved his injured leg once again. Alexa looked down at the torn and bloody flesh fighting the urge to wince.

"That looks painful. You want to see if I have anything to bandage it?" Sayid simply nodded as Alexa delved into her bag, there wasn't really a lot in it, as she hadn't really left prepared for this kind of situation. She grabbed the crumpled up black shirt she had shoved in there the day they arrived - it had been too hot to stay in - and looked at it. It was a nice shirt, however black was not a practical colour for a tropical island and what were the chances of both her and the shirt getting home in one piece? Alexa made a promise to herself, if she ever got out of here, it would be the first thing she would do when she got back to England: buy a new black shirt.

She passed the shirt to Sayid, who deftly wrapped it tightly round his injured leg. Alexa moved to help him stand up.

"Ok where now Columbus?" Alexa questioned lightly.

"Columbus?" Sayid asked amused.

"Well I couldn't think of any more explorers on spec, so Columbus will have to do." Sayid simply laughed as he pointed Alexa down the beach, towards where she supposed he believed camp was. They set off, and after a few minutes Sayid spoke up.

"Columbus was Italian." He stated, Alexa stared at him incredulous,

"Yes. Your point being?" She asked. Sayid simply shook his head, and laughed at something that obviously only he understood. Alexa shook her head as he laughed.

"At least someone is finding this amusing." She muttered under her breath.

They carried on in silence for a while longer; they were not making anywhere near as quick progress as they were when they had both gone the opposite direction. Even with Alexa assisting Sayid his movements were slow, and obviously still quite painful, Alexa's ribs which couldn't be expected to fully heal after just a week or so, were also beginning to ache under the strain.

"Where do you think we are then?" Sayid asked in way of conversation.

"I thought we had already established that, we are on the beach on a tropical island." she said slowly.

"I mean geographically." He said. He obviously hadn't realised that she was being sarcastic and taking him literally.

"Well I have my suspicions." She said.

"You feel like sharing them?" he asked.

"French Polynesia" She said shortly. Sayid looked at her for a second before he really stared to think about her suggestion.

"It makes sense." She supplied as he thought "Ok the plane tried to head back towards Fiji before it crashed right? So we'd be in the right area of the Pacific." He nodded. "Plus Danielle Rousseau; the French Woman and……" Alexa stopped after this she wasn't sure if she really wanted to continue her reasoning. Sayid urged her to continue.

"Ok It sounds kind of odd, but there are lots of strange things that happen on the island right? Well there are also all those rumours about the nuclear weapons testing and stuff in French Polynesia, and ok I'm getting a bit of this off 'Godzilla' but, I don't know it's possible right?" Alexa finished lamely.

"How long have you been thinking of this?" Sayid asked urgently.

"I don't know I guess ever since I realised how long the French woman's signal had been playing." She answered confused.

"Why did you not tell us this?" He asked anger seeping into his voice.

"I didn't think it was important. It was just a suspicion, for all we know I could be at the completely wrong side of the globe with my guess. To be honest I didn't want you guys to think I was more insane than you already do." She finished quietly.

"It is important, any clues to our whereabouts are important, and I cannot speak for everyone but I do not think your insane." He finished, still slightly angry. By this time Alexa was getting angry too. Sayid wasn't playing fair.

"The clues were there all along, its not my fault if I'm the only one who put them together. Anyway for all we know I might be trying to say that two add two equals five." She concluded. Sayid opened his mouth to speak but they both seemed to realise that this argument would get them nowhere so neither of them said another word, although it seemed Alexa had given Sayid a lot to think about.

As always, Alexa found her thoughts straying to someone that seemed to be constantly on her mind. Sawyer. Alexa hoped he had made it back safely, but she couldn't help but dwell on their sad and slightly painful parting. Alexa really had no idea what to do; she just hoped that maybe for once things would turn out ok. She wondered what would happen if they ever got off this island. Would things go back to how they used to be? Alexa found herself knowing that after this, things would never be the same. She had changed, and she wasn't sure if it was for the better.

"We need to stop; neither of us can carry on like this." Sayid stated his voice strained with pain. Alexa nodded and helped Sayid sit down in the sand before sinking down next to him. She sat and tried to regain her breath, but her ribs were burning and it was making deeper breaths painful. Sayid seemed to have noticed her struggled gasps.

"Are you ok?" he asked concerned.

"Fine." Alexa said as her breathing began to settle. "Broken ribs are hell on the lungs." She said jokingly. Sayid nodded at her, though he didn't look convinced, but after a while his gaze softened, and softened into a faraway look, and it was then Alexa realised that he must be thinking of something in the past. She watched his face as his eyes suddenly darkened and his face grew hard once again. He focused on her quickly and then made as if to stand. Alexa hurriedly stood up herself so that she could assist him.

They set off once again; their pace renewed after their short rest, and a comfortable silence allowed both Sayid and Alexa to sink into their own thoughts. This time Alexa's thoughts ran towards her dreams, but also to the words of the French woman the night before. She recalled the chilling gaze of the woman, and the assured way she spoke, as if what she said was not a suspicion but a certainty, and once again Alexa felt fear creeping from the depths of her mind. Alexa found herself hoping that the woman had been wrong, that what she had said had stemmed from the insanity she had obviously suffered from being stuck on this island alone for 16 years…16 years. Then it truly hit Alexa, if the French woman had been here this long what chance did they have of ever getting home. The rest of the world probably thought them dead and gone now.

Alexa felt another pang of sadness as she thought about how few people would realise she was gone. She really had made so little impact on people's lives.

"We're never going to get home are we?" Alexa whispered, really only speaking to herself but she was surprised when Sayid answered.

"You cannot know that Alexa." He replied.

"I know, but if Danielle has been here 16 years with no rescue…" Alexa left her sentence hanging knowing that Sayid would understand what she meant.

"We cannot give up hope Alexa. Someone will find us eventually. Especially if we can find out more about our surroundings; some way to get a message to the outside world." Alexa admired Sayid's strength and resolve, but also his optimism and his unmovable in faith in the thought of rescue. She wished that she had some portion of his hope, of his optimism or some faith in something, just so for once she had something to hold on to. So that there would be some definite light in what seemed to be never ending darkness for her to reach for. She did not feel like trying to reveal to Sayid her pessimism and her doubts about her situation so instead she stated something that she had tried to hold on to always before it had been overcome by her cynical nature.

"Never give up Hope." She whispered. Sayid smiled at her, and they gradually sunk back into the silence that had seemed so predominant on their journey back to camp.

Both Sayid and Alexa struggled onward, their sense of time and distance had faded, and they were moving on simply with the will to get back and warn the others as quickly as possible. Alexa had warned both Jack and Sayid about the possibility of others on the island; but they had simply avoided her warnings. She hoped that this time they would heed her, because there was more to this than met the eye.

Something caught Alexa's eye as they walked, and she turned her head to see what it was. It was then she realised what it was: it was the coin, the lucky coin she had given to Sawyer days ago. She bent down and picked it up, she realised it had to be, firstly it was an English coin, which was why she had been so surprised when she had originally found it. Secondly Sawyer must have passed this way when he went back to camp, he must have accidentally dropped it. Suddenly Alexa thought about it, what if he hadn't dropped it? What if he had just got rid of it? Why would he though, it didn't make any sense, not unless he really was giving up on things between them, or the coin meant nothing to him. Both thoughts saddened Alexa, she had been upset at the thought, that there was so much between Sawyer, that maybe it wouldn't work out, but now, maybe it was already too late, maybe he had already given up hope for them.

Alexa tried to shake the thoughts of Sawyer and concentrate on making their way back to camp. They couldn't be far now. If Sawyer had dropped this on his way back then they couldn't be far away. This thought gave Alexa some newfound energy and she surprised Sayid as she increased her pace slightly. She was hoping to find signs of how close they were, but the whole island looked so bloody similar there was nothing she could recognize that would mark their path. As they covered the next stretch of sand Alexa found something that made her smile, before turning to Sayid with a huge grin.

"Look!" She pointed forward towards the sky "It's smoke, it must be from the signal fire, we can't be far now." They began to move more quickly towards where they saw the smoke, and Alexa began to see figures moving on the beach. She sighed with relief, they had finally made it back.

Alexa moved through the crowd of people questioning she and Sayid. She found Jack towards the back of the crowd looking like he had only just arrived, and as if he had run to get there. She looked up and shot him a relieved smile as he looked at the bandage on Sayid's leg and instantly began questioning Sayid whilst inspecting his injury. Alexa watched as he removed the makeshift bandage; which was the remains of her favourite shirt, and listened closely as Sayid related the tale of Danielle Rousseau to Jack. His face grew grave at what Sayid said, and as Alexa's name was mentioned Jack glared at her before shouting.

"How could you have been so stupid? Leaving on your own, on some damned stupid rescue mission!" he yelled. Alexa was shocked. She had expected lectures but mainly from Sayid, and that she could have coped with. He was her friend and concerned about her safety.

"You could have been killed, and worse you could have got Sayid killed in the process. He can look after himself; there was no need for you to play the hero."

Alexa was fuming by now.

"Great thanks for that Jack." She said sarcastically "I'm not five years old, I can look after myself, and I'm so sorry that I put Sayid in jeopardy by trying to rescue him, because I can see you were going out of your way to be helpful."

"We didn't even know he was in any immediate danger. What you did was reckless and stupid."

"For Gods sake Jack, look around. We're trapped on an island in the middle of nowhere, nobody cares! No my plan may not have been the most logical, but I just did what I had to Jack. I was afraid for Sayid, you didn't have to do anything so what right do you have to lecture me about how I live my life." She managed.

"I'm not lecturing I'm just….." Alexa cut him off. She wasn't just angry now she was upset. Sayid wasn't even bothering to defend her and everyone was just stood around like it was some form of entertainment to see her get shouted out by Jack.

"You know what Jack? Save it, save it for someone who gives a damn. I try to do one damn thing for someone and I get criticized for it. Everything I do is just wrong isn't it? Well you now what I'm through, I give up, find yourself someone else to demean!" Alexa wiped the single tear that had escaped from her cheek and stalked away. People watched her go, and she couldn't help but shout at them.

"Oh go find some other bloody person to stare at!" She barked.

By the time she had reached further down the beach her angered had abated slightly but she was hurt by what Jack had said, and how he had treated her. She had known it wasn't the smartest of plans, but she had been right, Sayid had been in danger, and to hear Jack say it like that, shouting it at her like she was disobedient child was horrible. She couldn't believe he had treated her like that, she knew he was a sort of leader for them, and yes he was good at it, but that didn't give him the right to treat people like they were beneath him.

By the time she had calmed down the day had grown later, everyone seemed to be avoiding her stretch of beach, and after her little outburst she wasn't surprised. She stood once again watching the ocean when she felt a pair of arms encircle her waist from behind. She panicked slightly before hearing a deep southern voice in her ear.

"Heard you an the doc had some kinda fight. Glad to have you back Lex, this place ain't anywhere near as fun without you around." Alexa twisted in his arms to look up into his face. He truly seemed so happy to see her. At least someone was. She buried her face in Sawyer's shoulder, and choked back a sob as the memories of the last few days came back to her.

"Ain't all that bad Lex, especially with me around." he joked, she playfully punched his arm.

"I can see your ego hasn't been deflated whilst I was gone." She joked back. Sawyer looked mock insulted as she pushed him so he tripped and fell in the sand. She couldn't hold back the laughter as she looked at his indignant face, and she put her hand to her mouth as she stood in front of him. Suddenly his arms shot out and grabbed her ankles making her fall down beside him. They were now both sprawled on the sand chuckling; Sawyer grabbed Alexa's hand and pulled her closer so they both lay in the sand.

"Feel like talking yet?" he asked after a while. Sawyer's presence had it's usual calming affect, and she felt safe in his presence but also she felt her heart rate increase as his hand stroked through her hair.

"What about?" She asked.

"I don't know whatever; your argument with the doc, your amazing rescue of the Arab, the fact that you look like you haven't slept in years." He finished she turned her eyes to look at him.

"Just what every girl likes to hear, that she looks like some sort of walking corpse."

"I didn't say that. Considering your lack of sleep, you look as absolutely stunning as always." He said.

"Then I really am doomed; if I look like this normally" she joked, Sawyer looked at little lost at what to say, so Alexa decided to take pity on him.

"Thank you for the flattery, it was obviously lies, but thank you anyway." Sawyer stiffened when she said it was lies, and he moved closer so his mouth was inches from her face, he whispered huskily in her ear.

"When are you going to get it Lex? I wasn't lying." Alexa's breath was caught in her throat, as his lips pressed to hers. Once again any coherent thought flew from Alexa's mind as they kissed. This time there was something deeper in their kiss; a deep sense of longing. As the kiss grew deeper, doubts seemed to melt from Alexa's mind. She couldn't believe she was doing this again. They eventually broke apart for air, and Alexa stared at Sawyer's usually cold eyes, and saw something she wasn't sure she could identify, but as it was aimed at her she felt something inside of her, the mingle of emotions into something that made Alexa's heart feel light, and hopeful. The void and darkness that was ever present seemed for the moment to be vanished from Alexa's heart.

As the minutes passed in a slightly awkward silence, Alexa felt the urge to flee once again, but for once she fought it. She wasn't going to run from this she was going to stand and face it. They both moved back to their positions by unspoken agreement, and Alexa laid her head against Sawyer's shoulder as he spoke.

"You gonna tell me what went on then?"

Alexa sighed; he really wouldn't give up on this would he?

"You mean with Sayid or Jack?" She asked resigned.

"Both but start from the beginning." He said.

"Ok, well after you left…" She felt Sawyer stiffen and she saw the pain in his eyes as she said it "I carried on looking for Sayid. In short, I found him being held captive by a crazy French woman, and helped him escape. He talked her into letting us go when she caught us and then we headed back here." It was obvious Sawyer knew she was missing something out, mainly Danielle's warning.

"And with Jack?" He prompted.

"Well we got back, and Jack decided to make his opinions about my rescue attempt known; very loudly." She looked up and saw Sawyer smiling.

"I can guess how that one turned out Lex" he said "You shouted back, and told him that you did what you had to, and he shouldn't tell you what you can and can't do. Oh and then you got upset and stalked off. Am I right?" Alexa frowned at Sawyer's triumphant grin before replying.

"Ok fine yes that is basically what happened, although I used a lot more bloody's in there." She answered still trying to get the last word.

"Proud of you Lex." He said smiling at her.

They both looked up as they heard angry voices form the direction of camp, Alexa saw Jack again with Charlie and Claire. Claire looked upset and although Alexa didn't know her all that well she felt maybe she should go see if she was ok. She got up but Sawyer grabbed her hand.

"You're not going to get involved in that are you?" He asked.

"Yep you coming?" She enquired.

"No I don't have a death wish, but go right ahead." He replied, she just smiled at him, and let go of his hand registering how empty it felt without his there.

She made her way over just as Charlie and Jack left to have a private conversation, this itself looked to be annoying Claire.

"Hey Claire." Alexa said by way of greeting.

"Oh hey Alexa." Claire said none too enthusiastically. Luckily Alexa was used to this sort of response when she appeared so wasn't too bothered by it.

"How you doing?" she asked uncharacteristically chipper.

"Oh great, I'm just fine you know someone is trying to hurt my baby and nobody believes me, but other than I'm just great." The Australian girl replied. Alexa was slightly taken aback, definitely not the answer she was expecting to hear.

"Ok……would it help if I said I believed you? Not that my opinion counts for a whole lot round here." She said.

"Why would you believe me when nobody else does?" Claire asked disbelieving

"Because, I'm naturally suspicious, and am prone to paranoia." Alexa replied truthfully, Claire got that look on her face where she thought Alexa was slightly insane, but then she changed and looked worried.

"I'm scared Alexa. What if these people take my baby? Is it stupid to be scared? Jack says I'm hallucinating." She whispered.

"It's not stupid to be scared Claire, I'm scared too." Alexa admitted the French woman's warning coming to mind "And I've learnt that Jack doesn't always know what he's talking about, in fact I'm pretty sure that he's wrong quite a lot of the time." She whispered conspiratorially. Claire looked at her and giggled slightly which made Alexa smile before she addressed the issue seriously:

"Look Claire I really do believe you, I know that there are people out there on the island and we don't know what they're capable of, but Charlie and Jack are looking out for you and I am as well." Alexa wanted to say 'everything would be ok' but she couldn't bring herself to say something which she herself didn't believe so instead Alexa chose to tell Claire as much truth as she could and hoped that maybe Claire would find some comfort in it.

"Thanks Alexa." Claire whispered sincerely "And I hope you find the answers to whatever is troubling you." Alexa just nodded as Claire walked away to Charlie and they headed off into the jungle. Answers; Alexa really hoped that she would find them too; she hadn't been lying when she had told Claire she was afraid, she was in fact more than afraid, part of her was terrified. Her doubts about Sawyer had alleviated and part of her still felt the lightness and hope that was the aftermath of their kiss, but she couldn't help the dark thoughts invading, and generally they were in the form of their bringing truth to Danielle's warnings.

The exhaustion of the past few days was catching up on her as she sunk back down to the sand. 'I'll just close my eyes for a few minutes; just rest my eyes' she thought as she sunk into the world of dreams….

Alexa shouldn't have been surprised as she stood before a grave staring at a figure dressed in black. Alexa looked around, expecting to see something wrong with this scene but then she realised this wasn't the same scene as before She stared to the left of the figure where many other black clothed figures stood. For the moment the grave was empty. Freshly dug, but empty, then she watched as a dark brown coffin was brought from among the crowd of black. She was at the funeral, the last place she wanted to visit, why had she been brought here? She barely heard as the priest read the service. She hadn't been a Christian, but a service was what he family had wanted, so that is what she got. Alexa remembered the first time she was here, she didn't listen to the man's words, she just stared at the coffin and the open grave. The coffin was lowered and gradually the figures began to fade away until it was only the one figure left in black who stood before the grave, a bunch of roses clenched in their fist. The figure had made no word through the speech even as they had been called to speak, and even now they laid the flowers and simply walked away into the rain, but Alexa heard whispered words:

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I should have been there." The voice said. Other words floated through Alexa's mind as the scene began to change to the dark room and the candle.

"How do I keep hope now?"

"Why did you have to leave?"

"Where do I go from here?"

"No matter what Alexa…….No matter what."

The candle before her flared brightly, illuminating the room in a glorious light before it was gone; the light was snuffed out before it could chase away all the shadows. The outline of a dark figure stood in front of the window and malevolent laughter filled the air.


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