AN

Ok Hey guys, once again the biggest thanks to my beta, who is the best help ever; even if she does keep complaining at all my grammer mistakes. AlsoI have to give the biggest thanks to my reviewer for the last chapter FallenAngel, your review was so great, it really inspired me to keep my chapters coming, and i'm really glad you like it.

So please guys review, i really lovehearing what you think about the story.

Oh yes just so you know; like the last two chpaters sorry for any mistakes with the timeline etc.

Disclaimer: Obviously I don't own any of the characters, quotes or plotlines you may recognise from the TV show 'Lost'.

Chapter 11

Alexa once again found herself jerked awake, and the sound of raised voices and running feet immediately invaded her hearing. She shook the sand from her hair and struggled to her feet, the dream images slowly fading from the forefront of her mind being replaced by the awareness of the present panicked situation. She moved over to where she assumed the voices had been coming from, to see Hurley talking with a few people. She struggled slightly to form a coherent sentence before managing to speak.

"What's going on?" She asked.

"It's that guy Ethan; he's not on the manifest from when I did that census." Alexa was confused, who was Ethan? What census? And when did they get the plane manifest? Deciding that all of these questions at once might annoy him she just settled on one.

"What census?" Hurley looked open mouthed at her.

"Dude, the one where I asked all you guys reason for travel and stuff, where you been?"

"Middle of the jungle probably." Alexa mumbled "I haven't been around recently Hurley, due to a slight miscalculation of judgement on my part which caused me to go after Sayid." She said. Hurley just stared at her confused. Alexa sighed, she wasn't really up to explaining anything at the moment.

"Ok moving on. Who's Ethan and why is it a problem?" She asked.

"You really haven't been around have you?" Alexa rolled her eyes before Hurley continued "Ethan Rom, we don't know who he is, cos he wasn't on the manifest, and now Charlie and Claire have gone missing." Alexa took a few seconds to process the information. Claire had gone missing not even hours after she had told Alexa her fears about people trying to hurt her baby. A guy named Ethan Rom had masqueraded as a survivor, yet it turns out he wasn't even on the plane, so who was he?

Memories of the night in the jungle, of the deep voices, and Danielle's warning of 'Them' came quickly to Alexa's mind. She should try not to jump to conclusions, but she was finding that difficult, she knew first hand they weren't alone on this island, and she wasn't meaning just Danielle, yet nobody had paid her any heed, just as they had ignored Claire when she told them her fears of someone hurting her baby. Alexa felt the first tendrils of fear creep up her spine, if Claire's fears had been justified than what about her own? Alexa didn't even know who 'They' were but she was pretty certain she didn't want to find out. Hurley's voice suddenly interrupted her thought process:

"You alright dude? you look kinda pale." He asked. Alexa laughed slightly at the irony of his statement, she had looked pale for the last few days. It seemed to happen when you avoided proper sleep for days, but she assumed he had meant more pale than usual and considering she was English and therefore had a pretty fair complexion to begin with, she assumed it was pretty bad. She was spared having to answer Hurley as Locke appeared from the jungle his face determined. She moved over with the intention of asking if he knew anything about Claire and Charlie, but was beaten by Kate and Boone who had appeared from the right. Alexa missed most of their words as she moved closer, but she gathered that Locke was going to head back into the jungle and from the sounds of things Jack was already in there searching.

"We'll go with you." Boone announced for both himself and Kate who simply nodded in agreement.

"Me too." Alexa voiced making both Kate and Boone look up in surprise. Kate looked slightly worriedly at Alexa whilst Boone just looked angry.

"I don't know Alexa; you really aren't looking all that great." Kate said concerned.

"So they tell me. Don't worry about it Kate, I'll be fine, I've had worse." She said, hoping to ease their fears. Kate didn't looked convinced but Alexa's tone of voice had made it clear she wasn't going to be deterred. "Who needs sleep anyway?" She mumbled to herself but from Locke's intense look it seemed he had heard her. Alexa made herself meet Locke's gaze, but she found nothing in his eyes that betrayed any knowledge of his thoughts of emotions, and Alexa found it slightly disconcerting that she knew absolutely nothing about this man.

"Ok the four of us will head out. We may meet up with Jack in the jungle." Alexa found it slightly ironic that the same thing Jack had chastised her for doing mere hours ago, he had just attempted himself. He had gone into the jungle on his own without back up or provisions in a rescue attempt that for all he knew could be putting Charlie and Claire in more danger. Alexa paid little attention as Michael came over and also volunteered to come along, and Locke made it clear that any more people would simply be a hindrance. She had also long since ceased to pay any attention to Boone, who had been shooting her hateful glares every now and again.

Boone's hatred was perplexing Alexa; she was pretty sure that this wasn't just a result of her argument with Shannon, but what else could it be? Alexa searched back through her mind for unintentional actions that could have caused Boone to hate her but came up with nothing. Alexa really was at a loss to work it out; maybe this wasn't to do with the island or with Shannon, but Alexa was pretty sure she had never met Boone before; and she would remember if she had, right? There had to be some reason for this, and the irritating thing was Alexa had no idea what it was. She thought of maybe just asking Boone but dismissed that idea as he pushed passed her and then hissed:

"Don't know why you're coming. You'll only slow us down, and it's not as if you're much use anyway." Alexa fought back her sharp retort. She refused to allow Boone to get a rise out of her, but his so far irrational hatred was making it extremely difficult.

Alexa grabbed her bag which was once again equipped with a full bottle of water, and the few things she was never without, although she was still minus the black shirt. Alexa smiled slightly at the triviality of it, but couldn't help but think next time she went shopping she wouldn't limit her wardrobe quite so much, just in case she was ever in this situation again. They headed off back into the jungle in the hopes of finding Jack's trail and seeing if he had found any sign of Charlie or Claire. Alexa wondered if, when they had find him, calling him hypocritical would count as childish, and decided that she would wait until a better situation to say it.

Once Alexa's mind ran out of trivial things it began to focus on the situation in hand. Alexa was worried for Claire, and she really hoped the pregnant girl was ok. She knew Claire and she hadn't been close, but she was closer to her than she was to most on the island, and Alexa couldn't stand it if anything had happened to her. She knew she wouldn't have guilt like Jack's for not believing her, but it didn't stop her worrying, especially because she knew first hand what treatment from the other inhabitants of the island was like.

Boone and Kate were holding a conversation behind Alexa, and Alexa found herself walking side by side with Locke, or the great white hunter as people had taken to calling him. Alexa couldn't help but feel slightly edgy, she didn't know anything of this man, and he had a sense of mystery that Alexa wasn't sure she liked; she didn't trust new people anyway, but this was something different. She felt his eyes on her so looked up and met his gaze. Sure enough he was staring at her, but Alexa once again couldn't decipher what she saw there.

"You're going to have to learn to trust him you know?" Locke said conversationally.

"Even if I had the slightest idea what you were talking about I don't think I could ever give you an answer to that." Alexa said after a pause, and it was only after a few seconds she realised on some level she did know what he was talking about.

"You have to stop being afraid of everything." Locke said his voice as normal as ever.

"Although not all your fears are baseless." Alexa was passing the stage of confused by this point and shifting into the realms of seriously freaked out. Fortunately Alexa was saved from her uncomfortable conversation by an unlikely ally, as Boone arrived and engaged Locke in conversation about their trail.

Alexa sunk back pondering Locke's words. It was creepy that he seemed to know her, but then again what he said was ambiguous enough to have applied to anyone. Alexa wondered; were his words based from a true insight into who she was, or were they just words of a man who thought himself a fortuneteller. Before any of this Alexa would have passed off his words as if they were from some newspaper horoscope, but now after all she had been through she began to seriously consider other possibilities. She remembered her words to Sayid many days ago now, when they had talked of fate. She hadn't believed in fate then, just as she hadn't believed in the supernatural, but now as things began to get stranger on the island, and some things could no longer be passed off as coincidence Alexa wondered if Sayid was right, maybe it was fate that brought them here. Alexa found the thought terrifying, to believe that your life was already set, that every move you made was predetermined, but then on the other side of things, maybe good things were fated to be. No matter how much she messed up, maybe she and Sawyer were fated to be together, or maybe they were fated to never be together. Realising what she had, didn't seem to have got Alexa anywhere except added to her seemingly never-ending list of questions. Questions that needed answers, though she doubted she was ready to hear them.

Alexa looked up as a rustling ahead met her ears. It was loud, and obviously not made by someone practiced at moving through the undergrowth stealthily. It was Jack. By the looks of things he hadn't been getting anywhere and seemed to have been moving in circles rather than any logical path by which they may have found Claire or Charlie. To Alexa, Jack also looked slightly distraught. It seemed that the seemingly together doctor was finally beginning to crack under the pressure.

Locke tried to convince Jack to go back to camp and look after Sayid, Alexa assumed that this was just Locke trying to get Jack out of the way, because by the look of his present state he wasn't in the best condition to be making well informed decisions. She also doubted that Sayid really need looking after, as she had seen Sayid was perfectly capable of taking care of himself. Jack of course wasn't convinced. He was determined to go after Claire and Charlie. Alexa found herself slightly disappointed, as if Jack had gone back to the beach she may have been to able to come up with an excuse to return with him, as she was regretting her decision. She was already exhausted and the lack of sleep wasn't helping, she also felt lightheaded and slightly dizzy.

As they began to head back North, Alexa's discomfort only increased, the ache in her ribs which was a constant had increased to a burning pain and she was struggling to keep focused on her path. She was at the back of the group and everyone else was too tied up in their own thoughts to see Alexa's struggles. Locke finally called a stop, and if Alexa had the energy she might have jumped for joy, as it was she just sank down to the jungle floor. Jack insisted that they continue, but Alexa tuned out his and Locke's argument, she was concentrating on keeping her breathing regular so as to help her ribs.

"Jack, wait!" Alexa looked up at Locke's shout and saw that Locke was holding a piece of white tape. Alexa was confused as to what it was until Locke explained.

"It's Charlie's. He's left us a trail." Alexa hardly knew Charlie yet she remembered the little white tapes Charlie had across his fingers. She wondered vaguely why she had never bothered to get to know Charlie. He was English, maybe he shared her longing for the unpredictable English weather as well, she used to hate it, but after travelling to countries where it was constantly sunny, England's ever-changing climate would have been a welcome relief. Then again, thinking about what she knew about Charlie, she severely doubted it, he seemed a little… Alexa struggled for the word she was striving for? Unstable, yes that was the best way to put it.

It was only after a few minutes that Alexa realised that talking had died away and she looked to where the group had previously stood. Nobody stood there, and there was no sign as to which way they had headed. Alexa struggled to her feet swaying slightly as she did so. She walked forward a few steps before stumbling slightly.

"Damn it all to hell." She said to herself as she finally regained her balance.

"Talking to yourself now Alexa? And I thought you couldn't get any more insane. Clearly I was wrong." A voice said from in front of her. Alexa looked into the green eyes that were Boone and couldn't help but sigh.

"Clearly, and now if you would kindly point me in the direction which the others went I'll try not to inflict my presence on you any longer." Alexa said. Boone sneered at her.

"Even if I did you couldn't keep up with us. Go back to the beach Alexa, you're not needed here, I'll tell the others you were too weak to carry on." Alexa hated to admit Boone was right but there was nothing she could do now, she wasn't healthy enough at the moment to provide any real competent help, but she wasn't going to let Boone no that.

"Get a life Boone." Alexa knew it was a pathetic retort but she didn't care, and nor did she care what Boone thought when she said what she wanted to earlier " What the hell is your problem anyway? Cos I know it can't just be the thing with Shannon, what did I do? Step on you in some previous life or something? Did I mortally insult you in some way? Because please Boone enlighten me, what is it I did that made you hate me so much?" Boone let out a hollow laugh, and Alexa felt a shiver run through her body as if someone had walked over her grave.

"You really don't remember do you Alexa? At first I thought you were just trying to ignore it like you always do, but you truly can't remember can you? This is just too perfect." Whatever answer Alexa was expecting it certainly wasn't that, she stared at the space Boone had just left wanting to call out ask him what he meant, ask him what it was she couldn't remember, but she couldn't find the energy. Instead Alexa turned and began the slow walk back to the beach. Boone's words haunting her steps.

Alexa stumbled into the cave quite a while later, feeling worse than she had earlier. Adding to the pain in her ribs and her generally tired state she now had a thumping headache, and moving made her feel dizzy. She moved towards the edge of the cave where Sayid was sitting and slumped down next to him.

"You do not look so good." He stated with an amused grin.

"Well done Sayid and the award for the most obvious statement goes to…." Alexa said, although her tone showed she was far from amused. Her discussion with Boone was weighing heavily on her mind, along with her anger at herself for not being able to carry on and help in the search. In addition to all this, was the underlying fear of whatever was lying in wait for her out there in the jungle, and the dreams which haunted her every night, allowing her no rest. Alexa was far from in the best of moods.

She lay her head back against the cave walls and closed her eyes, feeling the resounding pain in her head as if someone was pounding at it with a hammer.

"It could be worse" she whispered under her breath "It could be a sledgehammer."

A voice distracted Alexa, but it was a welcome one and she couldn't help but smile as she recognised the distinct southern accent of Sawyer.

"Is this a private party, or is anyone invited." He said from the cave mouth. Sayid made no move as if to comment so Alexa answered instead.

"Come on in." She said, her voice betraying slightly her happiness at seeing him.

Sawyer moved over to where they both sat, and Alexa instantly picked up the dislike both he and Sayid were showing towards each other. Yet Sawyer still started a conversation casting aside his dislike to quench his thirst for information.

"Oh and here I was thinking you were here to see me." She commented after a few minutes of them talking about the French woman and possibility of others on the island. Neither of them said anything but their conversation seemed to have slowed.

"I can't believe we're even discussing this we know there are other people out there." Alexa said.

"We do not know that." Alexa couldn't help but let out a harsh laugh as Sayid said this.

"Ok yes we do. Firstly, Sayid, you met the French woman first hand, and she is one. Secondly there is still the question of who knocked you out the day we were trying to triangulate the signal. Thirdly there is Claire and Charlie who are still missing, and lastly there was my own evidence of the night in the jungle."

"All of those are circumstantial, the French woman is just one person, and she mentioned others, it could have been she who knocked me unconscious, or any of the other survivors, we don't know for certain that Claire and Charlie have been kidnapped, and you in the jungle well……"Sayid voice trailed off, and Alexa took up his unfinished statement.

"And I what? Imagined the voices? I suppose that at least is possible, but I tied myself to a tree? That is, aside from impossible, extremely stupid. I can't believe after all we've been through you still can't believe in this one thing." Alexa said exasperatedly.

"I'm not dismissing the idea; I'm just saying we need more proof to know what's out there." Alexa simply shook her head in disbelief. Even after everything, Sayid still had to come up with an alternative explanation. All the while Sawyer had just watched their exchange with passive amusement.

"You would find it funny." Alexa snapped at him. She knew Sawyer hadn't done anything, yet her bad mood and everything that was weighing on her was making her snippy, and she was walking it out on anyone in the vicinity.

"Whoa there Lex don't take whatever it is out on me." He said holding his hands up in mock surrender.

"Sorry, it's been a bad day." Alexa said.

"By the looks of things that is an understatement" Sayid said with laughter in his voice.

"Oh shut up both of you." Alexa snarled as they both laughed. She pulled herself up and stumbled off out of the caves, and the sound of their amused laughter followed her out.

"Stupid bloody people…..they're all the same…..stupid bloody evil luck…..stupid island." Alexa mumbled angrily as she stumbled and struggled through the jungle in the direction of the beach. She suddenly felt a tug on her ankle twisted forward and fell face first into the undergrowth, she look back only to see she was caught in some sort of vine.

"Oh that's just too bloody perfect isn't it?" Alexa muttered, before bursting into to hysterical laughter, which soon enough turned into sobs.

Alexa lay on the ground, in the middle of the jungle with tears on her face, thinking the day couldn't possibly get any worse. Of course when you assume something can't get any worse it always does, so naturally after a few minutes Alexa felt water drip on her from above. She strained her neck and looked through the trees to see ominous grey clouds, and then needless to say it started to rain. Alexa sat up as the water poured from the sky, drenching her within minutes. The tears had stopped, and she couldn't help but laugh at the irony of the situation. Only a few hours ago she had wished to be at home in the unpredictable weather, with the rain she missed so much. Now here she was dripping wet, in what looked to be on its way to a tropical storm.

Alexa contemplated getting up and going back to the caves, or carrying on to the beach, but neither choice really motivated her to get up and leave. So instead she sat in the middle of the jungle in the pouring rain, it wasn't like anyone would miss her, and she'd go back eventually. As soon as she thought, she heard running feet to the left and someone burst through the trees running past her. Alexa didn't see who it was until he was almost upon her when it was too late; he had tripped over her legs and now lay sprawled on the ground beside her.

"Nice of you to drop by." Alexa said to Sawyer: the figure who was lying next to her.

"Oh so your not mad at me anymore." He sneered as he wiped the raindrops from his brow.

"Guess not. I think the rain has put me in a good mood." She answered blithely. Sawyer looked at her questioningly knowing this sudden change in mood was odd, but then again even Alexa knew it was odd. For some reason at this moment in time she couldn't work up the energy to think about Boone, or the dangers, or the others, or anything other than the raindrops falling around them.

"You ok Lex? You seem kinda different." Sawyer asked his voice showing real concern.

"Fine…..I'm fine….." She answered reaching her hand out to catch the drops.

Alexa felt detached from the world, it was as if she was watching herself, she was looking out through her eyes, yet not really seeing. It was confusing, yet in some way it was nice, it was if she wasn't controlling her actions, she didn't have to think or feel things that would just cause her pain, instead she could just exist in this void of nothingness. Sawyer looked extremely worried now he reached out and shook Alexa then waved his hand in front of her eyes.

"Come on Lex, snap out of it, talk to me." Sawyer said. Alexa made no sound as if she had heard him. She had, but it sounded as if he was miles away. She tried to answer, she tried to reach out from the void, but she couldn't, there was too much weighing her down. Alexa panicked. She struggled wildly against invisible bonds and looked out through her own eyes to see Sawyer looking very concerned trying to get an acknowledgment out of her, something to assure him she was ok.

"Come on Lex please. Jack isn't around at the moment, and if you don't get in out of this rain you're going to get hypothermia." Sawyer tried to encourage her to react, and Alexa tried hard to do something anything, within the confines of her own head. That was when the images appeared; the ones from her dreams. The dark room, the funeral, the hospital, the graveside, the tree, everything she had dreamed over the last few weeks. It was as if the film was playing in front of her, the images flickering. There was a sudden flash of white before some images flashed before Alexa too quick for her to really decipher what they were, though she caught a glimpse of some very familiar sea green eyes, and knew there was something she had to remember. They changed suddenly becoming things she had done, herself helping Sayid, talking laughing, shouting, crying, and then there was herself and Sawyer, his arms wrapped around her, him sleeping near her, them kissing…..and then again. Then Alexa was falling into darkness and she was screaming.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" Alexa jerked back to reality, she could see properly again her senses came back; she flailed her arms wildly, and gasped for breath as if she were a woman drowning.

"oh god…oh god" She stuttered, and then she started shaking the images, the cold the rain, but suddenly it was gone as Sawyer's arms enveloped her his face buried in her hair, and hers in his shoulder.

"It's ok Lex, its ok." He whispered as he gently soothed her. Very slowly her heart rate slowed, and her breathing began to steady, as she concentrated on Sawyer's arms around and her and his voice in her ear.

"Shhh, it's ok, I'm here, its ok." He whispered one last time as he smoothed her wet hair down slightly, as the rain had not stopped causing her hair to frizz. Alexa didn't feel as afraid anymore, but she felt drained physically and emotionally. She just wanted to lay down in the warm and sleep, a sleep without dreams, somewhere where she could just get some rest.

"Ok, I'm ok, I'm better now." Alexa managed, but even to herself her voice sounded faint. Sawyer looked at her his eyebrows slightly raised in doubt, but he smiled as she looked at him, and Alexa couldn't help but return it.

"Ok come on lets get you somewhere dryer and warmer, and I suppose we'll have to talk to the Doc when he gets back." Sawyer said his arms still wrapped protectively around her.

"Damn, do I have to?" Alexa asked remembering her last attempt at a conversation with Jack and the raging row that had followed.

"Now there's the Lex I know." He said smiling. Alexa moved to stand up, but his arms held her down.

"Oh no you're not going anywhere." Sawyer said to her.

"I hate to rain on your parade, but the flaw in that is how are we meant to get back if you don't let me up?" She asked. Sawyer didn't bother to answer instead he shifted her weight and then stood up with her in his arms. Alexa couldn't help but laugh slightly at the situation they were both in, they were both dripping wet in the middle of the jungle, and he was now carrying her back to the caves. Alexa decided not to complain and for once she let Sawyer protect her. She moved her head back to lie on his shoulder, as he steadily walked back towards the caves. His arms kept her warm, and she felt safe and cared for, she also knew if she didn't feel so god damn tired her heart rate would have probably tripled and her mind would be whirring at being this close to him, but for the moment she just relished in the happiness being with him brought her.

Alexa slowly allowed the dripping sounds of raindrops from the trees, Sawyer's close and reassuring presence and the steady thud of his movement to lull her to sleep. A sleep she hoped for once would not be haunted.

Alexa stood in the dark room, sinister laughter filled the room around her and the candle all but dead. Even in sleep the exhaustion was weighing on her, she didn't want to be here, she wanted to be in the void of nothingness that represented rest, anything so she could wake up and feel right again. Suddenly the laughter was cut off, a warm voice that Alexa instantly recognised whispered in Alexa's ears, and suddenly a warm white glow enveloped the room. Alexa let the light take her, and the last thing she heard was that southern voice of Sawyer she had grown to love so much:

"Don't worry Lex; I'll always be there to chase away the demons. I'll always be there for you no matter what."

"No matter what."


Come on guys please don't hesitate to just leave a review whatever you think, please.