A/n: These chapters (6-8) were so twistedly fun to write... in the space of 24 hours. I want to say right off the bat that this burst of creativity couldn't have come without the weekend from HELL and the wonderful loving attention of my darling Beta! Temple Mistress, so thrilled that you managed to kick Qui's ass. Sorry that I was hogging the muses!
Replys!
LilacPixie: I'm thrilled that you're enjoying the story so much! Don't worry, Anakin will find Obi-Wan... but as an angsty writer by profession, it will take more than one chapter for that reunion to occur! And then even more angsty situations will undoubtedly manifest themselves, because I loooove angst! LOL! Glad that you like it so far, hope you enjoy the newest chapter!
Alchemy: I Knew something had to be wrong when I didn't get an immediate review from my alchemy! I was totally pulling an Obi, thinking that you didn't like it! Heh, so it ae your review? That's happened to me before... suckage! I'm glad that you liked Obi-Wan's scars and inner demons, because of course I had to delve back into that in this chaper. Obi-angst is my drug... glad that you liked the last chapter, and can't wait to hear what you think of this one!
White Destiny: (BIIIIIIG Force-hugs!) THANK YOU! I was worried that Anakin's dabbling in the dark side would come across as a little too twisted! Glad that he still has supporters, even when he shows his Sithly side! It's all for Obi-Wan's sake, anyways! Well, if you liked that, then you'll like Angry Anakin (it deserves capitalization...) in Chapter 8! But this is chapter 7... so I hope that Tragic Anakin will tide you over!
Leah Devon: There is NO greater compliment in my mind than someone telling me that something I wrote made them cry. That really means a lot, to know that I can inspire such emotions with my fic-ly endeavors! Thank you SO much! And, yes, I hope that this chapter breaks your heart as well! I'm a Sith, what can I say?
LeaNikkaya: Thank you, glad you liked it!
DarkGirl5: (grin) I like Bad too! Sithly Anakin is FUN to write! Happy Belated Birthday, by the way... you know, I deliberately planned to post chapter 6 for your occasion. Heh heh heh... no... I'm lying. And you said you can't wait for Anakin Angst? WELL HERE YOU GO! Hope that you love it, you wonderful sick puppy! And if you were waiting for Anakin's reaction to Obi-Wan;s little SNAP... well, just wait a few more chapters until he has to deal with SNAPPED Obi-Wan. Oh. Was that a plot spolier? (smacks self) Bad Xtine...
Temple Mistress: FUCKING BRILLIANT. That's all I can say. I dedicate this, your favourite chapter thus far, to YOU! For betaing and dealing with a teenaged drama queen in the midst of drama paper meltdown and broken phone lines. You are MY Luminara... although you can send me huggles any time you want, unike to Anakin, right? LOL. LOVE you, darling!
Chapter 7: Darkness
"Lost in the darkness, silence surrounds you.
Once, there was morning… now, endless night."
from Jekyll and Hyde.
-----
No.
No.
NO.
He could feel tears on his cheeks. Tears that he knew he wasn't crying.
He didn't want to be here again. Never again.
Qui-Gon.
Oh Force, Qui-Gon!
Those proud features, so composed in death, the antithesis of his Padawan's hysteria as Obi-Wan cradled his Master's body in his arms. The knowledge that he had failed, failed utterly. He had been unable to protect yet another person that was close to him. The one person who meant the galaxy to him.
Dead.
He was so alone. All alone.
NO!
The scream fell soundless into the darkness that crushed him, surrounding him with loneliness and despair until he couldn't breathe. Mocking echoes coming back to ring in his ears.
Failure. Murderer. Traitor. You let Qui-Gon die. You let him face the Sith alone. You betrayed him all over again.
Melida/Daan.
No, no….
The Room of a Thousand Fountains.
No, no, please.
Naboo.
Qui-Gon's gleaming eyes dimmed in death, the lightsabre wound a perfect circle in his chest. Brilliant symmetry.
No. No. No.
He tried to run away, tried to escape, reaching back upwards into the darkness that bound his body. Not this. Anything but this.
But there was no exit. Wherever he turned, he could see the crimson blade of the Sith, piercing his Master's heart.
Qui-Gon, Master, forgive me, please. Please. I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. Please.
There was no answer. He hadn't expected one; trapped inside this prison of his mind, there was only his despair to keep him company – his despair and the phantoms of his past.
Cerasi.
Why did you fail me, Obi-Wan? I thought we were friends….
Bruck.
You call yourself a Jedi? You're a murderer, Oafy-Wan. I hate you. I hate you.
Mace Windu.
Sorry does not make the offence disappear.
Siri. Oh, Force, Siri….
Is this what love is? Then maybe I'm not cut out for it after all…we have to forget this ever happened.
Even the passage of decades hadn't made that hurt any less.
For star's sake, Obi-Wan, I'm dying. Do you have to interrupt me now?
What was living for, when everyone he had ever loved was dead?
Qui-Gon.
The spectre didn't speak; only shook his regal head in disappointment. That hurt more than all the rest.
Except….
Anakin.
His Padawan, his partner, his friend and confidante. His brother. Standing before him with blank blue eyes, a hole burned through his heart.
You failed me, Master. I thought you would save me…what did I do wrong?
Anakin… Anakin…. He tried to reach out through their Force bond, but it was gone, snapped, broken beyond repair. Only Anakin's death could cause that. His heart ached, tears blinding his mind's eye.
The dead Jedi laughed bitterly.
You never could save anyone, could you? Everyone who gets close to you dies. You let them die. Murderer.
All the faces, surrounding him, pressing in, suffocating him….Cerasi, Siri, Bruck, Qui-Gon… Anakin.
Murderer. Murderer.
He screamed, trying to drown them out. A scream that went on and on.
Murderer, murderer, murderer!
He beat his hands against the prison of darkness, trying to break through, to break out. Pounding against the walls until his hands were torn and bloody, still screaming. Pleading, begging the ethereal spirits.
Let me go, please let me go. No more, please! Please! Stop, please, stop, stop….
----
Anakin tried to calm his heart as the communications link blurred with static and reformed. He was still too far away from Coruscant for a clear message to be carried across. He just had to believe that everything would be all right. Everything would be fine.
He bowed his head in deference as the image of Yoda shimmered and coalesced.
"Master…" Anakin's voice trembled slightly and he forced it to stillness. If he confessed all that had come to pass on the disastrous mission, not only would he have to endure another blistering lecture on his reckless actions from Master Windu, but the Council would undoubtedly have him return to the Temple. Someone else would be sent to rescue Obi-Wan.
That option was unacceptable.
"Troubled you are, young Skywalker?"
Anakin swallowed heavily. It was always so hard to lie to Master Yoda…. Looking up to meet the venerable Jedi's eyes, he forced a thin smile. "Master Yoda, our ship came under attack while we were making our way to the Veenat-III as per our mission orders. The droid ships damaged the main computers, and we are currently adrift somewhere along the Outer Rim. Could you re-transmit the coordinates for the planet? I have R2 fixing the navigational drive right now…" he trailed off as Yoda's ears pointed sharply forwards.
"More to this than what you're telling me, there is. See through you, I do. Felt Count Dooku's and Obi-Wan's battle, we all did."
Anakin's jaw tightened. "I didn't lie about the attack on our ship. I need the coordinates for the planet, Master."
"Your mission, completed it is. To the Temple, return you must."
"No!" Anakin shouted, hands balled into fists at his sides. "That is unacceptable!"
A new face moved into the holocommunicator's window. Anakin bit back a scream of frustration. Mace Windu.
"You will obey the will of the Council, Skywalker." Anakin hated how Master Windu addressed him, as though he were still a youngling in the Temple. "If there has been trouble, the Council will decide how to deal with it. For that, we will need your report."
No. No, he wouldn't do it. Not when Obi-Wan needed him. It didn't matter how long it took him to find the fucking place, he would search every planet in the galaxy to find his Master. Sith damn the Council.
…. But how many months, how many years would it take to get back to Veenat-III without any knowledge of where to start? If he returned, the Council could mount an expedition of its own. Even if Anakin didn't get to be a part of it, wouldn't that be better than his being on his own and arriving too late?
He bowed his head, defeated. "I will return to –"
He didn't get to finish the sentence.
Anakin's back arched suddenly, a violent scream tearing loose from his throat. Screaming, blinding pain, more intense than a lightsabre wound through the heart. There was a sensation of something shattering, something irretrievable being severed. The backlash tore through his mind, shredding all conscious thought.
Darkness blossomed behind Anakin's eyes, and his body crumpled to the deck, his head striking the floor with a sickening crack. Blood stained the floor, a thin trickle of crimson from his ears and lips, sliding over the durasteel to mingle with Ventress' own, his body sprawled in an echo of her still form.
-----
Cool hands on his forehead drew him out of the darkness, leading him slowly back into the light of day.
Anakin flinched as he opened his eyes to the assault of intensely white lights. His head felt as though it had been crammed full of duracrete, a heavy, pounding ache that throbbed at his temples. And his heart….
Anakin sat up gingerly, pressing one hand over his chest as he leaned forward. Sith, he felt like he was going to be sick. It was as though his heart had been forcibly ripped from his body, leaving only a gapingly blank hole inside of him. A dull ache that resounded throughout his entire body.
"You're awake."
The voice was matter of fact, and female, which startled him. Obi-Wan had always been the one to say that whenever Anakin's exploits had landed him in the Healer's Wing of the Jedi Temple. It was supposed to be Obi-Wan who was there when he woke up….
The memories came back in a rush.
Veenat-III.
Obi-Wan crashing.
Ventress….
Obi-Wan in pain –
He was halfway out of the bed, before those same cool hands captured him and firmly pushed him back down. Dimly, he realized that he was shouting something, but he couldn't stop, not until one hand pressed tightly over his mouth to muffle the words.
A moment of darkness and blurred lines as the room spun around him, then his head was resting on the pillow once more, and he was staring up at those bright, bright lights once again.
Luminara bent over him, her intense blue eyes narrowed with concern. "You haven't recovered yet, Anakin. Lie still, or else you'll be in here for another week."
Anakin's mind whirled, trying to order his thoughts. Everything was strangely scattered, difficult to piece together.
"H-How…?" he croaked out. A week? But that was impossible. He had been on the bridge, that was right… and then, yes, he had contacted the Council. And he had argued with Master Windu, and then…. And then….
"You owe your life to your little astromech," Luminara continued, gently and impersonally running her fingers over Anakin's forehead and through his hair, eyes half-closed as she concentrated on the Force-healing. "He programmed the Temple coordinates into your ship's computer to bring you home. After you collapsed when talking to Master Yoda, we had no way of finding you…your Force-Signature was too weak. He saved your life."
"And… and Obi-Wan?"
Luminara's hand stilled on his hair for a second, enough to make his stomach clench in anticipation of her news.
"You were the only one on board the ship, Anakin. You…and a woman who was beyond my skills to save." She made the statement a question, gently seeking any more information.
Anakin pushed her away, sitting up again. "No! He was on the planet! Has the Council mounted a rescue mission? Isn't he back already?" Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan….
Luminara captured his hands in her own, pressing them tightly together as she stared at him with deepest sympathy.
"No…" he whispered. "He's not dead. Don't tell me that he's dead." Please, oh Force, no….
"Anakin, the Jedi Council didn't know what had happened to the two of you until you made contact… and even then, you were cut off before they could learn anything. They have been waiting on your report."
"So they just left him out there for a fucking week? Motherfuckers!" Anakin was screaming now, pushing Luminara away and leaping from the bed, staggering slightly as his knees threatened to give out. Recklessly, he summoned up all of his reserves of strength, reaching deep into the Force and pouring that energy into his weakened body. "He needs me, don't you understand? He's been captured by Dooku… and… and…" he pressed one hand over his face as the tears started, sinking down slowly to the floor.
And it's my fault. I left him there. If only I had gone to save him right away, if I hadn't tried to play at being the fucking perfect Jedi for once. Oh Force, Obi-Wan!
Luminara perched on the end of the bed in silence, hearing Anakin's thoughts as clearly as though he had screamed them aloud as well. She wanted to pull him into her arms, to stroke his hair and comfort him, but she knew that any such advances would be met with open hostility. She had known Obi-Wan for years, since he had been the Padawan, and saw in this young Knight much of the same characteristics. Anakin was too like his Master. They were both damnably proud, and though it tore at her to see it, they would allow their hearts to be splintered into irreparable fragments before they allowed themselves any sympathy. Seeing Anakin like this, wild, angry, close to tears, she remembered Obi-Wan in the aftermath of Qui-Gon's death; so full of self-loathing and guilt.
So instead of reaching out to him, Luminara clenched her hands tightly against the rumpled sheets on the small bed. When she spoke, she pitched her voice to sound stern, although she too wanted to cry. Obi-Wan had been her dearest companion in the Order, a truly noble Jedi and a loyal friend; qualities that were becoming increasingly rare in an age of uncertainty and war. Obi-Wan was one of the few Jedi to whom she would entrust her life and, out of respect for his memory, she would treat Anakin in the manner that she had always dealt with Obi-Wan himself; perfect honesty.
As a Healer, that was not her natural inclination; she was supposed to ease suffering, to encourage hope when there was no more than the faintest whisper of its presence. But sometimes brutal truth was better than pretty lies that inspired false hope; if Anakin was as much like Obi-Wan as he seemed, then he was perceptive – he would know if he was being coddled.
"Anakin." He looked up at the sound of his name. "The only explanation I have for your injuries was the abrupt severance of your Force-bond with Obi-Wa – with Master Kenobi." Luminara swallowed thickly, forcing herself on. "The bond is usually severed after a Padawan becomes a Knight… but never violently. The backlash from it breaking…" she trailed off. "Anakin, a bond is only severed that violently when one of the two Jedi is killed." Killed violently, she had almost said, editing her words at the last minute. There was no need to torment Anakin any further; Obi-Wan's death would be hard enough for the young Knight to handle as it was.
She expected him to yell, to rage at her and destroy the room in his mad grief. She did not expect him to climb slowly to his feet, and stand – albeit unsteadily – to face her calmly.
She did not expect the quiet conviction in his voice when he spoke.
"You're wrong. He's not dead."
"Anakin – "
"He's not dead. I would know it if he were." Walking across the room on trembling legs, Anakin grabbed his robes and donned them with a meticulous care that spoke volumes as to how much pain he was in.
"Where are you going?" Luminara demanded, rising from her seat.
Anakin whirled on her immediately. "I'm going to make my report to the Council, and then I am going to find him." His eyes were dark with barely restrained fury.
Luminara was not intimidated. She had faced down Mace Windu in full roar, and this young Knight was not going to browbeat her in her wing of the Temple. "You are lucky to be alive after the mental injuries you sustained. You shouldn't even be walking, much less swanning off –"
"But I am walking," Anakin cut her off, "and that means I have a promise to keep. Excuse me." He brushed past her; shrugging off the hand she placed on his shoulder to restrain him.
Luminara sighed as she watched Anakin go, wincing as he staggered slightly with every step, all his fluid, cat-like grace robbed from his movements. The boy she had known had grown into a man all at once.
If only Obi-Wan could see him now….
Setting aside her momentary sentimentality, Luminara rose to her feet and went about her duties as a Healer, comforting, soothing, or even just listening to the injured Jedi who came to her for solace. But her mind wasn't on the tasks at hand. It was far away… in the Council room, where she knew another conflict as intense and violent as the Clone Wars themselves was about to erupt…. And farther still, away on the Sith-cursed planet where her long-time friend had been killed.
Obi-Wan….
After a few hours, Luminara had to call Barriss in to take over. She needed to rest, that was all. Her eyes kept tearing up, her hands shaking… hardly appropriate behaviour for a Healer. She just needed to rest. A few hours sleep would do her a galaxy of good; there would undoubtedly be plenty of injuries to deal with once Anakin learned of the Council's decision…..
END CHAPTER
YAY! More Obi-torture! Sithly Xtine's fave past time... along with Hot Jedi Smut. Ahem. But I promise that Chapter 8 will be up and running some time next week, same Sith time, same Sith Channel! (er, does anyone else remember that from the cheesy old Batman TV series? Please? Somebody?)
(Jedi mind trick wave) You will leave Xtine a review. If you do, you'll make Obi-Wan happy! Poor guy, he needs some happiness in his life right now, don't you think?
The Force be with you ALL#
XTINE!
# 'All' for the given quantity of people who review. Xtinethepirate is not responsible for any mishaps that could be associated with the Force, such as heat rashes from tight black leather, cutting of one's own hand with a lightsabre, or turning to the Dark Side. The author makes no claims that the Force will acutally be with someone who leaves a review, only that it is a distinct possibility. Copyright 2005, all rights reserved.
