Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or any of its characters they are the property of Rumiko Takahashi. This story was written for the purposes of entertainment and I by no means will profit from the story other than the satisfaction of exercising my imagination and writing abilities.
Chapter 17: Something To Hold Onto
It had been a long five days. Finally it was Friday, and Kagome had made up her mind, she would go back to the Feudal Era tonight. There was nothing for her here. Her family had planned a weekend outing without her, and her friends had their own boyfriends to spend time with. She was alone here. Alone with thoughts of the past, and now she had anxieties about the present as well.
She had come back with the expectation of seeing Hojo. Not for a moment did she think that she would spend a whole week in her time without seeing him, without talking to him, without him seeking her out. Truth was she had seen him, a glimpse here and there, but he never sought her out as he had always done before. He had not so much as said hello to her, let alone asked her out on a date. A question she had sincerely set her hopes upon.
It wasn't as if she hadn't looked for him. Monday she had seen him scurrying off in a hurry down the hall, she figured he must have been in a very big hurry. Tuesday she had glimpsed him under a tree at lunch, but when she looked again, he was gone. Wednesday she had gone the whole day without seeing him at all. Once she thought she heard his voice, but she couldn't see him at all. Thursday she knew she was getting desperate because she kept having the distinct feeling that someone was watching her, her heart had hoped it was him but when she had turned around she couldn't see anyone in particular looking at her. Then, she had seen him this morning, and had even caught his eye, she raised her hand to wave to him, but he had already turned down another hallway. She hadn't seen any trace of him since then. Now she had given up all hope of seeing him before she went back to the past.
It was official, Hojo was avoiding her. That thought had occurred to her over the course of the week, and by the time school had ended this afternoon she was convinced of it. She tried to push the feelings that the thought had provoked from her mind. But they would not budge. Her spirit sagged with the knowledge that he had finally given up on her just as she was ready to accept him.
Wasn't that just her luck? She knew she couldn't kid herself; luck had nothing to do with it. He was only doing what he should have done a long time ago, something she had almost convinced herself that she wanted him to do. He had finally given up on her. She really couldn't blame him, who wouldn't get tired of being brushed aside all the time. Even when she had given in and gone out with him, he never had her full attention when he so rightfully deserved it. No, she had treated him badly and he deserved better. Maybe he finally was going out with that girl who had been chasing after him.
Kagome sighed as she made her way out of the school building where she had lingered hoping to catch sight of him. Defeated she let her feet lead her home. Her mind and heart had drifted into silent musings over memories and thoughts of Hojo. Inuyasha and Sesshomaru were forgotten for the moment as she now had something more pressing to think about.
She thought about the first time she had ever seen Hojo. It was the second week into her last year in middle school. It hadn't rained yet, but the day held the promise of it. The sky had been overcast, but there had been a small patch of sunlight that had filtered through the clouds. She had been amazed by the beauty of the light as it flickered through the clouds, the different variations of light like a beam from heaven. Captivated, she had followed the beam of light downward with her eyes, and there he was, standing across the courtyard talking to his friends. Maybe it was her heart romanticizing the memory, but that light seemed to fall on him and him alone. But then she didn't question it, as it seemed to fit. She remembered thinking that he was very handsome. To be honest it was true he didn't have the exotic beauty of Inuyasha and Sesshomaru, but Hojo was handsome in his own right.
She knew she had stared at him in fascination, she couldn't help herself, nor could she explain it even now. Something about him had kept her attention. She still had yet to name that intangible quality that had captured her so completely that day. It was more than just his looks; there was something in the way he held himself as he stood there. She closed her eyes momentarily to bring the mental image she had of him into focus. It had been a unique mixture. He was poised; he exuded confidence, almost regal in bearing. A little like Sesshomaru, yet he seemed to lack that aristocratic aloofness that the taiyoukai held. There was a softness about him that the demon lacked, yet the definition of him still eluded her.
She hadn't been the only one to notice him that day. She remembered hearing the giggles and nervous chatter of a group of girls nearby. It had been easy for her to figure out it had been Hojo they were talking about. The constant looks form one girl or another had easily given the subject of their conversation away. They were some of the most popular, sought after girls in the school, and they were fawning over him as if they were part of the general populace of the school, that everyone else was relegated to. That she was relegated to. She remembered wondering briefly which one of them would be the lucky girl he would choose.
A movement within her peripheral vision had distracted her from the girls. Her eyes had wandered back to his person. Then he had looked up. For the briefest of moments he had caught her gaze in his. Even from the distance she was at, she knew he had caught her staring at him. Her heart had fluttered in anxious anticipation as he gave her a shy smile and small nod of acknowledgement before his attention was called away by one of the other boys he spoke to. It had been a single magical moment that she had stored away in the secret parts of her heart where all her unattainable dreams had been stored. A silent treasure she had cherished and dreamt about for days afterward.
Then she had fallen through the well, and everything had changed. She met Inuyasha. And for the first time in her life she had spent time in the company of a guy. Yes, Inuyasha was attractive, very. She still could not deny that. He had saved her life; he filled her thoughts constantly when she was awake. All that plus the hanyou had really been the first male to really pay attention to her. How could she not be attracted to the volcanic hanyou? She did not know then what she now knew. If she had, she could have saved herself some heartache, and many sleepless nights. But she didn't. No in fact her mind had been fully overwhelmed by the hanyou and everything that had happened to her when Hojo unexpectedly showed up and given her the gift of therapeutic shoes.
She remembered looking into his eyes when he held out the package to her. She was shocked to find how much more beautiful his eyes were up close. They were warm brown eyes whose depths held tiny golden flecks that seemed to sparkle and dance in the light. Something about them confused and soothed her at the same time. It was then she realized his were the eyes that held hers in all her romantic dreams and musings. No matter what face was pictured within her mind, be it familiar or unknown the eyes were always the same...his. She couldn't explain it, nor could she stop the nervous butterflies from flittering about her stomach whenever she thought of them. Even now the memory brought them and the nervous almost queasy feeling that accompanied them, a painful reminder that some part of her heart had at least known the truth back then.
A sigh escaped her lips at the thought.
Hojo... she had never really given him a second thought after she had seen him bathed in the sunlight. Well, maybe then again she had. How could she not? He was popular, and extremely handsome. Every time she turned around some girl was talking about him... how cute he was, or how nice and sweet he was. That had been the extent of her acquaintance with him, a look shared across the school courtyard, and bits and pieces of information erroneously gathered from her general over hearings of the student body. Never did she dream that Hojo had known who she was, let alone where she lived.
Then suddenly there he was, the guy she had admired silently from afar offering her therapeutic shoes. Not quite the romantic vision from her secret dreams. She wasn't sure how she should feel, embarrassed, flattered or what. For a brief moment all she could do was stare and wonder why. But then the reality of why her grandfather had to lie in the first place has settled in. Everything that had happened came rushing back into her mind; Inuyasha, the jewel and all the strange things that had so recently happened to her.
All the nervous excitement she initially had felt was undone. The cold reality had shattered the illusion of that beautiful dream she had briefly held. She was no longer the same girl that held onto those romantic visions. Hope for her future was gone. Whatever she thought she had wanted in the present was now denied to her. Hojo, the dream of him, the reality of him could no longer be hers. The girl that had dreamt those romantic dreams of him no longer existed...or so she had forced herself to believe.
The reality of what she had unwittingly done had sunk in when she looked at him. She had placed the very existence of this boy who barely even knew her in jeopardy...she had placed the very existence of the present as she knew it in jeopardy. It wasn't just her family that was in danger from the demons, it was everyone.
At that moment she wished he hadn't come and offered her that gift. Now she realized he had offered her something infinitely more with that simple gift, and he had offered it over and over again. And each time she had denied it, now it was gone. There was nothing for her in the future, just the empty knowledge that when she succeeded he would continue to exist and go on...with or without her.
Kami, she had been so blind. She thought that she had been doing him the favor. How wrong she had been. Time and again she had turned him away despite the objections of her heart. She had thought that her destiny lay in the past. Foolishly she believed that was where her heart lay, despite its attempts to tell her otherwise. The dreams, always of him, her heart had known but she had refused to listen.
"...you should look to the future for your heart's desire, not here in the past." Sesshomaru's voice echoed in her head.
She almost smiled despite herself, Sesshomaru had been right again, but this time the advice had come too late. The now familiar words and voice only served to remind her of her stupidity. She knew the truth. Now, here in the present, this is where she belonged. This was the time destiny had chosen for her to be born in. She didn't quite understand why, but she now accepted that there was a reason for this. Her destiny and purpose lay here in the present, not in the past. This newfound realization had come too late, and Hojo was lost to her.
She only had herself to blame for his desertion. It was her fault. Sadly she knew exactly why as memories assaulted her then. A collage of moments suspended in time, moments where Hojo had looked deep into her eyes, searching, reaching out to her soul, trying to grasp that part of her heart she had so selfishly kept from him, only to be denied. Even now as her feet led her home, and she passed people on the street all she could see were brown eyes staring into her own, disappointment flickering in their depths. She had broken his heart. Would she ever get over it?
"Kagome, Inuyasha won't be the last man on earth you will ever love. Nor will he be the only one to ever hurt you. You have had a crush on him for so long. I know this hurts now, but in time..." Sango's words came to her then. Most of what the taijiya had said in the hot spring regarding Inuyasha applied to Hojo as well. Except for the part about hurting her, this time she had been the inconsiderate one. Selfishly she had overlooked and even discounted his feelings. It wasn't intentionally done, but it had been done nevertheless. Now all she had was the past, and she wondered what else she had taken for granted.
Everything ...
The word came to her mind like a bolt of lightening, illuminating a darkened sky. Yes she had taken everything for granted. Foolishly she had never thought that things would alter while she was away. She never even noticed until this moment. There was a new store on the corner that hadn't been there before. Japan was moving forward but she wasn't. She had thought everything would be the same as it was every time she came back. As she looked around her she saw many things that were different, who knew how long ago since they had changed. But she hadn't noticed until now.
Everyone...
Another flash of brilliancy in the darkness that now pervaded her thoughts. The word resounded with painful clarity in the depths of her tortured mind. How long had it been since she had really listened to what her friends had to say? To her family? Truth was she hadn't taken the time to really listen to them, their needs and concerns since this all started. When was the last time she had even asked them anything about themselves? If she had to be honest with herself she couldn't remember anytime since she fell through the well. Sure she loved them, after all they were the reason she fought so hard. But she had taken them for granted as well.
It was true that she fought so they could have a future. But she had failed to offer them her time, her consideration. What would it have cost her to listen to them, to find out what troubled them now? It wouldn't take much effort to give them some small sign of her affection. A word, a hug...something, but she was always in a hurry to save them, that she forgot they needed something more than just salvation. It struck her then that she was just like Sesshomaru. He loved Inuyasha, but he did nothing to let the hanyou know. Would Souta hate her as Inuyasha hated Sesshomaru? Would he eventually cease to understand her and why she did things?
She stopped then and changed direction. She would not go home. The temptation to disappear through the well and immerse herself in the drama that awaited her there was too great. The past offered her an escape from this feeling of helplessness that was beginning to overcome her. At least there she felt somewhat in control. Even now, she could feel the powers within her thrumming through her veins. But she knew she couldn't run from this now. The past would offer a brief respite from this feeling, but eventually she would have to come home again. If she didn't act now more would be lost to her than just Hojo.
Her steps became more determined as her resolve grew. She had tonight and part of tomorrow morning to make some changes. She would go home and talk to her mom, really talk, find out what's been going on with her, Souta and grandpa too. She'd call up her friends and have a late night gab session with them. Yes, she could do it. Hojo might be lost to her, and her heart grieved at the thought, but what would happen if she managed to alienate everyone else as well.
She looked around her. Somehow she had found her way to the park. She knew this park; when she was younger this is where her father would take her when he was alive. A smile born of bittersweet remembrance graced her lips as she watched children on swings being pushed by a parent, mothers sitting on benches. She missed her father, but the memory of him didn't leave her feeling that hollow empty sadness any longer. It was blend of loving melancholy with which she remembered her father, an emotional elixir that made her heart swell with the remembered emotions only love can bring. He had been a loving father, and she had been devastated when he died. Stroke, the word an enemy as hated as Naraku, had stolen her father from her, but it hadn't succeeded in removing his memory from her heart.
She let her mind flick through the pages of her memory; she knew why she had come here. The first time she had been to this part was just after Souta was born. At first she had been excited at having a baby in the house, she was the older sister, and she had reveled in her newfound status. But soon the novelty had worn off as the reality of a baby and just how needy they can be set in. Her mother no longer had time to do things with just her. It seemed as if no one had time for her anymore. She remembered she had had a temper tantrum of sorts, she couldn't remember exactly what had brought it on, but her father had taken her here to this park.
Midnight eyes searched for the familiar park bench at the edge of the pond. Their special place her father had called it. Kagome had been so surprised that he didn't scold or lecture her at all as they sat here. No, he had bought her an ice-cream cone, and a bag of bread crumbs so she could feed the various birds that floated on the ponds surface. She looked forward to those times alone with her father. It was always just the two of them. She had taken that for granted too, that he would always be there. Even after he had gotten sick, weak as he had been, he still made the trip with her. Tears formed in her eyes then, as she sat back on the bench, her eyes looking out upon the water, but not seeing what was before them.
She blinked them away. Those tears were long done away with, and she was already indulging in enough self pity for one day. The day of his funeral she had come here alone to sit and remember. Here was where she had made peace with his death, and here she would find peace once more for her heart which now mourned yet another loss. Hojo was lost to her. She only wished she had more pleasant memories of him, something more than just a few fleeting moments of dreams mostly forgotten; just the essence of what could have been that remained within her heart.
"Is this seat taken?" Surprised midnight eyes locked with warm brown ones, the light reflecting off the golden flecks in his eyes. He had followed her. That could be the only explanation for his being here. This park was out of his way. It was blocks away from his home, and even further from his mother's shop where he spent some of his afternoons. Was there hope? She searched his eyes trying to discern his feelings. Apology, his eyes were full of it and she could only wonder why. As far as she was concerned he had nothing to be sorry for. But she had much to.
"No." She managed to whisper through the confused emotions that were beginning to overwhelm her.
"Mind if I sit down?" His voice was nervous, unsure. Kagome was once again angry at herself she should be more welcoming. She could not waste the chance that fate had given her. If she had learned anything at all, was that it was not too often were you given another chance. This was hers, and it may be her last one.
"Oh, yes...no...I mean please sit." She said as smiled up at him with what she hoped was at the very least friendly affection. He smiled back at her as he took the seat beside her on the bench.
As he sat down, Kagome had averted her eyes from his to hide her confused agitation. She wanted to say something. But she could not find the words to give life to her emotions, to finally say what she wanted so badly to tell him. But she was momentarily granted a reprieve from her internal search at the sound of his voice.
"Kagome, I...uh, I wanted to apologize for all those umm weird gifts that I gave to you all the time...its just well your grandpa...I should have known, every time I saw you....well you never looked sick...in fact you looked fine..." His voice was nervous, apologetic even, and she knew he was trying to tell her why she hadn't seen him all week. He was embarrassed.
"Is that why you've been avoiding me all week?" Her question brought a smile to his lips. He should have known she would see through him. She always did.
"Hai...I've been avoiding you. I just didn't...well...honestly I didn't know how to approach you. The gifts gave me a reason to be near you...I know it wasn't the most suave way for a guy to sweep a girl off her feet, but I really just wanted to meet you..."
With that declaration he had her full attention and she turned her midnight eyes on him. "You did?" He saw the light flicker to life in their midnight depths when she asked that question. The hope held in their depths lent itself to his heart giving him courage. "Why didn't you just talk to me?"
"You always seemed so far away, so distracted. I didn't know how to approach you. Sometimes even when I was with you, you seemed so far away, I didn't know what to say to make you come back to me." She wilted at his honest answer. The words she had planned to say died on the tip of her tongue as he continued, "At first I thought it was just me, that I had imagined it. Always in the back of my mind I wondered who you thought about, who it was who held your thoughts. But I knew I was just being silly, you never were with anyone else..."
Kagome could barely keep her seat at his speech. She lowered her eyes as she heard her voice interrupt him, "I'm sorry Hojo, but there was someone else. It's difficult to explain..."
"Kagome," his voice was gentle, reassuring and surprisingly devoid of hurt, "your mother told me about this boy... Inuyasha. She told me you were helping him out with a problem of his. I understand."
"No, you don't." Kagome said guiltily as she shook her head softly as if doing so would arrange her thoughts into coherent sentences. "I thought I was in love with him for a time...he didn't feel the same about me...well he does...but it isn't that kind of love...there was nothing romantic between the two of us...but for a while..."
"For a while you wanted there to be." He finished for her. "I know. You wouldn't have been so sad all the time if there had been something between the two of you."
Momentarily she was rendered speechless. But then something inside her compelled her to speak; she had to make him understand it wasn't that way. Not anymore, her feelings were vastly different than what they had been.
"Yes, but that was before I realized what I was really feeling. You see, he and I had become very close friends, mostly because we've been through very uh....traumatic things together, and I confused that closeness for something more than it was."
She stopped herself there. Her heart urged her to say what had almost slipped out, "He's not who I want, he's not who I need..." her mind and logic stopped her then. She had hurt him enough already. The memory of disappointed brown eyes flickered into her mind. She knew what she must do.
Her heart begged her not to. This was her chance, she shouldn't throw it away. She knew if he walked away from her tonight, she may have lost the only chance she would ever have with him. But that compassionate part of her, that cried for him, and his feelings that she knew she had bruised by her inattentive selfishness gave her mind the strength to say the next words.
"Hojo, I think you should start seeing other people. I like you, I really like you, you'll never know how much. But I don't think you should wait for me anymore. It's not fair to you."
She was surprised at her own composure as she spoke those words. She expected him to just get up and leave. What could he say to what she had just said? Only her heart hoped that he would stay.
"I see." He said as he looked down at his hands. She hadn't heard his reply, if she had she wouldn't have said what she had. She was becoming distant again. He had held her attention for a brief moment and he wanted desperately to get it back again. He was losing her and he would not let that happen, he had waited so long for her, he had held on all these years knowing that there had been someone else. He was not going to let go now when no one stood in his way. There was no one else. There was only him.
Emboldened by those thoughts he lifted his eyes to hers then. Brown met midnight. In those stormy depths he saw all he needed to know. He couldn't leave her now that she finally understood that it was him that she had loved all along. No he would stay. He hadn't waited all this time to be with her to be dismissed by an act of selfless pity for his feelings. He'd known what he felt for her, and that would never change.
Her eyes were held fast within his own. Her heart beat furiously in her chest, filled with hope at the look of tenderness she had once only seen in her dreams. Now it was real, this was real. His voice deeper than before, foreign, but yet strangely familiar as he spoke; its melodic tones soothed and stoked the emotions within her, caressed her very soul with his simple words. "Kagome I will wait an eternity to be with you. If you want me to go all you have to do is tell me you don't want me, tell me honestly that you don't want to be with me. Tell me that you hate and despise me. But until you do, I'll wait for you. Nothing can stop me from that."
"Why?" The syllable was almost inaudible. Her voice strangled within her throat from the happy convulsions of her heart. The fluttering within her stomach, the ringing in her ears, all reminded her that this was no dream manufactured by her imagination. This was real; so very, very heart achingly wonderfully real.
"Because there is no one else like you, and I doubt there ever will be." His voice was filled with such certainty, such tender conviction she could not help the joyous tears that welled up within her eyes. Her heart knew she did not deserve such praise from him.
But it accepted it anyway as a single tear ran down her cheek.
He brushed her tear away and allowed his hand to linger there softly cupping her cheek. A gentle finger traced the contour of her cheek. She closed her eyes to better experience the novel sensation. Her mind whirled at alarming speed trying to commit every nuance of it into memory. This had to be another dream, this couldn't possibly be real. But it was her heart whispered. She opened her eyes to make sure it was.
Again midnight locked with brown, she marveled at the way the golden flecks glittered hypnotically in the depths of his eyes. The love she saw in them was real, the intensity and depth of it took her breath away. His face was close. His lips were but a breath from hers. For a moment she thought he would kiss her. She wanted him too. She knew his lips would be tender and firm, yet gentle and sweet against hers. She had dreamt of this so often.
He pulled back slightly then. Why? Her mind raced to find an answer, her heart beat furiously in her chest in disappointment. What had she done wrong? Had she misinterpreted what he had said?
Brown eyes looked into midnight ones and filled with silent understanding and apology. He saw the confusion in her eyes and knew he would have to explain himself.
He ran his thumb against her bottom lip. She didn't know how long he had dreamt of being with her like this. Of wanting to see that look in her eyes for him, and yet he knew now wasn't the time. There were demons that still plagued her that she needed to put to rest. But he would be there when she did. He would wait forever if it meant that he would have her in his arms, and all they had before them was the future and all the promise that it held.
"Kagome," his voice was tender as he spoke, "no matter how much I'd like to, I know there are things that you still must face. When you put your demons to rest I'll be here. I can only trust that you'll come back to me. If you don't then I know whatever happened was for the best. I don't want to do anything that might give you regrets or stop you from doing whatever you need to do."
She looked at him then, wondering what she had ever done to deserve such unswerving devotion, such faith. How undeservingly blessed she felt for accepting it. She knew what she must do. Her voice a whisper, filled with love, as every part of her being filled with an overwhelming need to let him know that she would never leave him. "I'll come back to you."
"I know you will." He said gently as he leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. For a moment, he held her close to him. For a moment all the world made sense. And then just as suddenly as he came, he got up and began to walk away. He turned to look at her again and gave her a smile which she returned.
Hojo had given her a gift; a real moment to hold onto. No longer were her feelings for him part of a dream, forgotten with each morning. No longer was this just a hope of her subconscious, an illusion created by the secret longings of her heart, no it was real, so beautifully real. Another silent tear rolled down her cheek. She did not brush it away. Instead she reveled in the feel of it upon her cheek. It too was real. She smiled to herself then.
She had come here to mourn the loss of what never would be, but instead found the promise of what could be. He had given her a reason to come back, a reason to want to be in this time. He was her future ... her destiny. She knew that now. She had been fighting for a future for everyone but her. Now she had one and she would not let it go so easily.
Tonight she would savor this moment. Tomorrow she would return to the past and deal with the problems that awaited her there.
Inuyasha sat in the shaded branches of a tree that overlooked the well. His heart still troubled as he sniffed the air. Kagome's scent had all but faded from the area, but there were still whispers of it carried on the breeze. He debated on whether or not just to jump through the well to see her. But he thought better of it. She had asked him to stay, because she would be at school and had some important tests this week. How could he go against her wishes after she had already done so much for him? No, he would just have to sit here and wait, the one thing he hated more than anything, because his thoughts would encroach on him as they had these past few days.
The sky had begun its transformation from day to night, the disappearing sun setting off a spectacular display brilliant reds and oranges across the sky as it sank out of sight. The beauty of it was lost on the hanyou in the tree. The setting sun meant that Kagome would not come today. That meant another night alone with his thoughts. Another night trying to ignore guilt that gnawed away inside him. Another day of not knowing what she believed.
He sighed, and decided he would spend the night in the tree. He told himself it was because Kagome might come back at dawn. He knew that was a lie, but it was better than admitting to himself that he had treated Miroku, Sango, Shippo, Kaede and especially Rin badly. He had lost his temper and he wanted to take it all back.
He had meant to apologize to them all, well except for the imp, when he returned from the village. But there had been no sullen looks, no request for an apology. It was as if they'd all forgotten. Since then not a single one of them had mentioned his brother. Their kindness towards him only seemed to make the guilt worse. He wanted to apologize. He knew he should despite the fact that there seemed to be no need for it. And he was grateful for their easy forgiveness as it let him keep the anger he felt towards his brother from consuming him all over again.
Sango had been the first to offer him this silent solace. But then he hadn't expected her to make a big show of emotion over the whole incident. She was like him in many ways, a fierce warrior who kept her feelings in check. Occasionally she would lose control of those tightly held emotions, but then the moment would be over, forgotten.
He was thankful that it was she who had accompanied him to the village. There were no sullen searching glances, no probing questions trying to untangle the mystery of his soul. She did not try to force or cajole him into looking into the depths of his battered heart and pick at the scars until the hurt was fresh and raw all over again. No, she had offered and given him silent camaraderie. The incident had been put behind them. Committed to memory, but forgotten.
The children, he had thought they would be the most vocal of the group. Strangely when he returned it was as if their whole attitude towards him had changed. Both of them looked at him with some emotion that he was at a loss to define. It wasn't quite pity nor was it quite sympathy. It was almost as if they thought they knew something about him. But there was no smugness to the look and he found it oddly disconcerting. But they had kept their distance from him. And he was grateful for that small favor.
Even Miroku had seemed to have granted him absolution for his inexcusable tirade. The monk however had not desisted in his belief that Sesshomaru had been trying to protect him. Now that he was rational and in control of his emotions Inuyasha knew that Miroku was not trying to take Sesshomaru's side on this. No, whatever reason the monk believed this Inuyasha knew Miroku only had his best interest at heart. Since meeting up with him and Sango later that afternoon, Miroku had kept silent about his beliefs. Inuyasha could not but be grateful that despite how badly he had treated him. Miroku may not fully trust him, but the monk respected him enough to honor his wishes.
The old woman, Kaede, it did not surprise him that she seemed to put it behind her so easily. After all she had forgiven him for killing her sister. She had even once stood up to Kikyo on his behalf. Finding ready acceptance in her was something he had almost always come to expect. She was always forgiving, always trusting... In some ways she was like Kagome.
His gaze drifted to the well. Kagome...what did she believe? That was the only thing he didn't know, and it troubled him to think that there was a chance she believed Miroku's version. After all she had been the first one to welcome Sesshomaru into the group. She even treated him like an old friend. He had watched them talking in the clearing that day, wondering how she could be so easy and open with the bastard. And he couldn't understand why. Sometimes she was just too trusting.
"She trusted you." The little voice inside him whispered. He tried to ignore those three simple words. But the truth in them was more powerful than any argument he could have thought of to battle them. She had trusted him when no one else in the world would have. What scared him more was that he realized he trusted her too. ..implicitly... What if she believed as Miroku did? Could he still trust in her? Could he believe too?
He was surprised to find he did not know the answer. He would deal with that tomorrow when she returned. No sense in working himself up over something he wasn't sure of.
Revised, edited, reposted 10/12/04
Author's Notes: Currently I am in the process of revising, editing and reposting this fic. If you find any errors (ie. spelling, word misuse, plot gaps, etc.) please let me know either by email (which can be found in my bio) or by leaving a review. All comments and help are greatly appreciated. Special thanks to thebigW for pointing many of these out to me.
