Chapter Four || Why did I decide to name chapters aka Gaining Insight
It took Booth two minutes of standing in her living room before fully processing the conversation and deciding to make his way to her bedroom. He knocked twice before letting himself in seeing her laying on her back staring at the ceiling with her arms crossed. "Bones." She looked so sad and it broke his heart as he gently sat at the end of the bed.
"It's fine Booth, I understand that athropologistcally speaking the male hormones tend to be the reasoning behind a lot of decisions instead of the logical part of the brain. In the shock of Hodgins and Angela not getting married and our intimate hug regarding my father, both you and I were not in the correct headspace when theoretically left at the altar." She sat up and looked at him, tears in her eyes, causing him to move closer to her but stopping when she turned away from him.
"So when we were in the position of those that were to get married, perhaps my own female hormones acted in asking you to marry me and your male hormones reacted as most would. It's quite fascinating when I think about it, that we became an anomaly that I've always loved to study. However, while I have had my own doubts and many of conversations in my mind I never saw it as a mistake."
A mistake, the words again hit him like a brick and he mentally kicked himself for saying it. "Bones, I didn't mean it that way." Booth said softly trying to explain it but really he didn't have the answers. He hadn't figured out what all of this meant yet. All he knew was that spending thirty-six hours with her just the two of them had been the best hours of his life.
"I suppose I meant it as, that's not how marriage is supposed to happen you know?" Of course she didn't but he continued anyways. "Marriage happens after two people have been in a relationship for a long time and love and trust each other and it seems like a logical step. To decide to commit to each other on paper and to the world to be together forever."
He looked at her unsure if he had dug himself into a bigger hole or not and was surprised to find her looking at him again. "So when I said it was a mistake to get married, I guess I just meant that it wasn't how I imagined getting married." Booth realized that his breakdown still defined his words as a mistake and sighed ducking his head.
"Marriage is an obscene archival notion promoting the ownership of a woman by a man." She said softly unable to quite find her words or her voice. "However, by your definition I can see parallels between your words and our life together. We have been partners for years who trust each other, we've almost became more than just partners when we first met and as Angela has put it we have been dancing around each other since we met. By your definition except for being in a romantic relationship we actually took a logical step in our partnership by getting married. The only - the only thing missing is the feeling of love. Which is just brain chemicals reacting with each other but a valid feeling that I suppose comes when you trust someone with your life. As I do with you."
She took a breath and shrugged as she played with the tie of her rope. "I suppose what I am saying is that rationally speaking the idea of marriage doesn't make sense to me but being with you does." Shaking her head she felt frustrated and even more confused than before.
"You once told me there was a line that shouldn't be crossed. Do you still feel that way? Is that why you said it was a mistake?" Temperance asked finally looking at Booth to try and grasp his thoughts, but as usual, she had no idea how to read him.
"It wasn't a mistake." Booth finally stated in a soft tone that she almost didn't recognize as his voice. "There is a line but it's not about about whether or not it should be crossed but the consequences of it being crossed. Neither of us thought about the consequences."
Moving towards him on the bed, she took his hand and looked at him with questions in her eyes. "But it wasn't a mistake?" She questioned again feeling somewhat relieved amongst her confusion when he shook his head.
"Bones, nothing I have ever done with you has been a mistake. This isn't going to be the start of it. We just have to figure out what to do next. I don't know what to do next." It wasn't like Booth to let his guard down and not be one step ahead of things, neither of them were prone to not having a plan. She figured there was a first for everything, and they were definitely going through many firsts together recently.
"We -" She paused as she gathered her thoughts but stopped when she had nothing to say. "We don't tell people and take the time we need to figure out what we want?" Booth said continuing her sentence. "We go back to our lives just as they were despite making a leap into a romantic relationship and see what makes sense to us." He suggested and while she had no idea what that meant for them she agreed.
