AN: Welcome back, dear readers! I have the pleasure to announce to you all that since last the last chapter, Checkmate has passed 100k total views! A massive thank you to all of you who have shown interest in this hobby of mine I love so much. Never have I received this much support from so many different people for anything I've done, so thank you all again, and I hope you'll continue to support me in the future – even with my terrible update schedule.
There's also another announcement I'd like to make right now. A lot of you have left reviews for this story of mine, some simple, some more lengthy, and many with questions in them. Questions, that I have wanted to answer, but haven't really had a good way of doing so – until now. Many of my readers here probably won't know it, but I also have an account on Quotev, where I also post all of my stories. I recently found out that Quotev has a little feature known as the "Journal", where users can write about… stuff, I guess. From now on, I will be using the journal on Quotev to talk about my stories, and address the many questions I receive through reviews. A link to my Quotev profile can be found in my profile here (though I have suspicions that the link might not work, as it doesn't seem to function properly for me, but you should still be able to get to my profile by removing the space in the link), so you guys can go and have a look at my journal entries, and possibly even comment on them, to get answers to some of the questions you all might have.
This AN is a bit lengthy, but that is all I have to say for now. Let's get this next chapter underway – we're in the double digits now!
Chapter 10 – Troubled Pasts
"Hikigaya. Do you… have a moment?"
I lifted my gaze towards the source of the voice as I put my books away, raising an eyebrow at the surprising face that greeted me. Well, that is the last person I expected to want to speak with me. Though, I suppose I should have anticipated it.
"...What do you want, Hayama?" I asked from the blonde in turn, and he glanced around the classroom briefly before returning his gaze to me with a small smile. Class had just ended, so people were funnelling out of the classroom for various reasons while they had the chance, though just as many stayed behind, including most of Hayama's clique – Yui seemed to be the only missing. As I was looking in their direction, I could see Tobe looking at Hayama standing next to me, and my eyes briefly met those of Miura as she also gazed towards us. I know Miura told her clique today that we're… on friendly terms, now, so this more than likely has something to do with that. We don't know if he suspects anything, but according to Miura and Ebina, he has definitely been a bit more on edge due to the rumour Ebina fabricated.
"I wanted to speak with you about something. Privately, if possible." Hayama said to me, his voice lower than before as his eyes flicked towards the door. "Come. I'll buy you a drink." I kept my gaze locked with Hayama's for a few silent seconds. I doubt he'll be so insistent that I won't be able to refuse, but I also don't think he'd give up just because I refused once. Well, it all depends on what exactly he wants to talk about, and there's only one way to find that out.
"...I won't say no to a free drink." I replied as I stood up, and I saw Hayama relax for a moment. "Lead the way, then." Hayama gave me a nod, then began to make his way out of the classroom, and I followed after him. Just before exiting, I looked towards Miura and her clique again, and the blonde girl pointed a finger at her phone, which was currently situated on her desk. Is she… telling me to check my phone? I'm not a mind reader, so I can't tell for sure, but… I got it, Miura.
As we left the classroom, my Heightened Loner Hearing picked up some murmuring from inside, and as we walked past a group of girls in the hallway, I felt their gazes boring into my back and even heard one of them squealing. I'm going to make a wild guess and say that they are "Ebina's people"… This definitely won't help Hayama in dispersing the rumour she planted. I glanced at Hayama's face, and our eyes met for a brief moment as a pained smile flashed across his face. ...And he seems to be fully aware of that. Kind of makes me feel bad for him. I usually don't really care what other people think of me, but I hope this doesn't lead to any weird rumours about us... It would be a pain if the reason the girls of Soubu finally noticed me was because they think there's something going on between Hayama and I. Shuddering, I pushed away my thoughts and felt a vibration from my pocket. Taking my phone out, I could see a new message from Miura in the Line group I had been added to yesterday, and, after stealing another glance at Hayama, I opened the group chat and read the new message.
"Hayato just took Hikio out of the classroom to speak with him. Hikio, I don't think I need to tell you this, but be careful with what you say. I told everyone today that I had become friends with you because of Hina and Yui, but I don't know how much of it he believed. He questioned us all about the rumour earlier, so you're probably next."
I replied with a short "Got it", before putting my phone on silent mode and returning it to my pocket, catching Hayama looking back at me as we still walked down the hallway. Wait, haven't we passed the vending machine already? Don't tell me he's taking me to some secluded portion of the school so he can dispose of me?
"Something urgent?" Hayama casually asked and returned his gaze forward so I couldn't see his expression.
"Just my sister Komachi." I replied briefly, lying as naturally as I breathed, and Hayama nodded in reply. "Where are we going, by the way? I thought there was a vending machine closer to the classroom." I asked after a few seconds of silence, and Hayama glanced at me briefly again.
"There is, but like I said, I want to speak with you privately." As he finished, a few girls passed by us again, their talking turning into hushed whispering behind us, and Hayama let out a small sigh. And here I thought girls like Ebina were the minority… Truly terrifying.
Neither of us said anything more, and we shortly arrived at our destination – a short, unremarkable corridor with a vending machine and a door to some sort of storage room. Huh, this is new. I thought I knew the locations of all of Soubu's loner spots, but I seem to have missed this one. It isn't as secluded as many of the other ones, but it has better accessibility due to that. I'd give it… an eight-point-five out of ten on the Loner Spot Evaluation scale. I'll need to keep this place in mind. Hayama reached into his pocket for some change and ordered two drinks from the vending machine, then handed one of them to me – a can of MAX coffee.
"...You could have asked me what I wanted beforehand." I said as I cracked the can open, while Hayama moved to lean on the wall opposite to me.
"I figured you'd be happy with MAX, since it seems to be all you drink." Hayama replied with a slight smile and opened his own can.
"So the king of Soubu high pays enough attention to someone lowly like me to know what my favourite drink is? I'm flattered, truly." I said and took my first sip, while Hayama smiled wryly and took a sip of his own drink as well. "In any case, what is it that you wanted to talk about? I'd prefer not being late for the next period." When Hayama lowered the can from his hands, any traces of the previous smile were gone, his expression now deadly serious as he looked me in the eye. I'm quite confident in my own poker face, but the control Hayama has over his expressions is scary… It really is as if he's simply donning and doffing different masks…
"I won't waste any time, then. You must have heard about the new… rumour that has been circulating ever since yesterday. The one that… pleases Hina and others like her." I gave the blonde a nod in reply. Here we go. "It is.. quite troublesome, to say the least. But… it seems to have conveniently covered up the previous rumour I told your club about last week." Hayama silently gazed at me, his expression unmoving.
"...What are you getting at, exactly?" I asked and took a sip of my drink. Hayama is smart, so it's no surprise he saw the correlation between this rumour and the previous one. He shouldn't know anything that would connect me to it, however.
"I'm asking whether you had a hand in fabricating it. Like the rumour I told you about before, this one is also obviously false. It was your idea to cover the previous one up with another false rumour, one that was harmful to someone else, in order to drive away attention from it. Wasn't that the case?"
"Correct. And you decided that you didn't want to go with my plan, and instead would tackle the problem by yourself. You didn't make a request, and the rumour didn't affect me, so what motive would I have for doing anything about it? I don't know where this new rumour came from, but it certainly didn't start from me." I replied in turn. Technically, it isn't a lie, as I didn't start the rumour, nor would I have had any reason or way to do so – it was all Ebina's doing. "How do you think I would have even gone about spreading it? It's not like people would listen to me, they'd be more likely to think I'm trying to defame you or something."
"...Fair enough. You understand why I am suspicious, don't you?" I nodded and took another sip of MAX. "So you have nothing to do with this new rumour?" Hayama's gaze was firmly fixated on me, as if he was trying to pry the truth from me with his eyes, but I remained calm.
"None. Like I said, I have no incentive for starting up a rumour like this, and no way of actually spreading one either. Who knows, maybe someone jealous of you heard the previous rumour and got the idea for this one. Or then it's just a natural rumour that started up because of something someone saw you do." I replied with a shrug, and Hayama looked down, as if chewing on my words. I doubt all of his suspicions will be erased – it's as he said, things feel too convenient – but this should hopefully divert that suspicion away from me.
"Perhaps you are right, Hikigaya." Hayama said after a small while of silence, lifting his gaze to meet mine again. "Moving on, another thing I wanted to speak to you about was Yumiko. I was… surprised, to say the least, when I heard you two had become friends. When… exactly did you two become that close?" Hayama kept his gaze glued to mine and his expression and tone of voice neutral as he spoke. This is where I have to be careful. Miura said to him that we'd become friendlier due to Ebina and Yuigahama already being closer to me than most people, but I didn't hear much of their conversation in class... All I have to do is speak the truth vaguely enough and hope for the best.
"...I wouldn't go so far as to use the word 'friend' so freely, but… Miura seems to be quite insistent on calling us that. Well, I guess we do know each other better now, at the very least. As for when… Well, Miura came to the Service Club last week, and then through Ebina and Yuigahama, we kind of got to properly know each other. I also happened to meet her outside of school when she was out with Ebina, and… that's about it." I explained and took a sip of MAX, then continued as I lowered the can from my lips. "Once our mutual… acquaintances formed the bridge between us, we were able to talk to each other properly for the first time. You could say I was surprised as well – Miura turned out to be a lot more than what my initial preconceptions had made her out to be." Hayama stayed motionless throughout my explanation, his gaze now starting to make me feel uncomfortable. I know we're talking to each other, but if you could stop staring at me like that for five seconds, I would appreciate it. If this is the intimidation tactic of the 'normie' species, it's a damn good one.
"And you two getting to properly know each other caused you to become friends?" Hayama asked, his voice still neutral, but noticeably lower than before. ...Miura doesn't truly know Hayama, but maybe the opposite is true as well? Well, whatever he's trying to get out of me here, he won't get it.
"Like I said, calling us friends is a bit much, I feel, but I can't deny that I am closer to Miura than I was before. We just simply didn't know each other well enough, and didn't get along due to the assumptions we had made about one another – but now that has changed. That's all there is to it. Or, what, am I not allowed to be close to her?" I crossed my arms and lifted an eyebrow at Hayama as I looked at him accusingly. Hayama could have been fearful of losing his easiest way of holding off the girls of Soubu High – I wouldn't know what he truly was thinking behind that mask-like expression of his – but I felt that would happen eventually regardless of whether I was involved or not, given Miura's plans. I highly doubt she'd let him manipulate her so freely again after all that's happened.
"No, I… was just surprised to hear you two getting along." Hayama said after a long silence, then smiled at me. "Yumiko is quite the social butterfly, for having managed to befriend even you, Hikigaya. I hope we'll all continue to get along together." Hayama lifted his drink to his lips again and took a sip. Has he put the mask back on..? Hayama's sudden return to his usual, friendly attitude could signify that he had gotten what he wanted and was now ready to move on in the conversation, but even after straining one of my 108 skills – People Reading – to its limits, I wasn't able to discern what his intentions behind his statement were. It could possibly be an indirect way of telling me to stay out of the business within his clique… Hmm… I doubt he'll give me a direct answer, but… Perhaps being direct myself is the best option right now.
"...Why do you keep up this… facade, Hayama?" Momentarily, the blonde's eyes widened slightly, as if he hadn't expected the question, but his surprise didn't last long. "You have friends, but instead of being honest with them, you wear a mask like Yukinoshita Haruno does. But… why?" Hayama seemed to tense up at the mention of Haruno, his grip on his drink tightening ever so slightly.
"..." Hayama stared at me in silence for multiple seconds, before he closed his eyes and spoke in a low tone. "...Do not bring her into this. We are not the same." Hayama opened his eyes again and glared at me. Oooh… He didn't like that. Come to think of it, I don't think Hayama actually gets along well with Haruno at all. Hayama didn't speak any further, so I continued instead.
"Be that as it may, it doesn't answer my question. You've shown what you can really be like to me, so why keep up the act around everyone else? I doubt your friends would despise you just for that." I said, keeping eye contact with Hayama. Silence ensued for what felt like an eternity as we kept our gazes locked, until Hayama let out a sigh and moved his gaze to inspect the can in his hands.
"Things are not always so simple, Hikigaya." Hayama said and looked to me again briefly. "We're worlds apart, you and I, and the same goes for me and them, too." He returned his gaze to his can, taking a quick sip before looking up at the ceiling, his words seemingly directed at no-one in particular. 'Them'? His clique, I presume? "I've offered them what I can, made it so they can reminisce about their high school years in the future. But this was never meant to last." Hayama's gaze returned to me, an almost self-deprecating smile appearing on his face. "You fancy yourself an expert on the cruelness of the world, Hikigaya, but you have no idea what the world really is like. There are things that you cannot change, no matter how hard you try. It is a waste of time and energy to try and oppose them. They say we are the products of our own actions, but I don't think that's quite true. I don't mean to say that everything we do is predetermined by some greater force or something, but… Everyone has something in their lives that pushes them in a certain direction, whether they know it or not." Hayama's gaze dropped again, and his voice became low with it. "Or whether they like it or not." Hayama stared at his can for a few seconds, then took a large swig, draining whatever was left of the drink inside, before looking at me again, his face now back to his usual neutral smile. "We'd best hurry back. You did say you didn't want to be late for next period, right?"
Hayama stood still for a moment, but didn't stay long enough to wait for my answer and instead walked away from me and the vending machine. I followed him with my gaze until he turned the corner and began to walk down the hallway back towards the classroom, when I couldn't see him any more.
…
What the heck was with the delivery of that? Is he trying to act cool?
…
Well, it was kinda cool.
I let out a sigh and began to down the remnants of my own drink as well. Still, what Hayama said… He didn't give me a direct answer, but he told me more than I expected.
Hayama hadn't told me any specifics, but is was clear that whatever had happened in the past that caused him to "don the mask" hadn't been his own choice. Or, more likely, it was his choice, but a reluctant one. Some outside force – perhaps his family, Yukinoshita Haruno, or both combined – had caused him to start closing himself off from others, while still keeping up appearances in order to not end up a loner. His words had been a little condescending, but there was clearly something that was gnawing at him in the background, something that had made him the way he is now, and made him believe staying like that was the best course of action.
Could Hayama himself be the victim of manipulation?
I find myself doubting that. Hayama is smart, so I would think he wouldn't fall for something like that. His words also suggested that whatever it is that is "pushing" him, he is aware of it. No, it is more likely that he simply cannot go against that thing, be it his family, Haruno, or something else. Like he said, it is useless to fight against the things you cannot change – in other words, Hayama has tried that, and failed, so he's given up. But, if Hayama beginning to wear the mask wasn't something he agreed with initially...
...It might be possible for Miura and the others to convince him to doff it.
Even if that were the case, however… If my deductions are correct, there's something even bigger at play here. Something – or more likely, someone – who would not want that to happen. I looked towards where Hayama had gone, silently going over everything he had said to me once more. Did Hayama tell me everything on purpose? He was being vague with the details, but he must know that I would be able to figure things out by reading between the lines. It could have also been a warning not to meddle in his affairs, as it is hopeless to change things, but since he doesn't know of Miura's plans or my involvement in them, it doesn't make sense that he'd warn me about something like that. Hayama's words had given me some crucial insight into things – whether he had intended that himself or not – but it also awoke even more questions. One thing definitely is for certain. I doubt Hayama will tell me anything more than what he already did, so if I want to have any chance of getting the answers…
...I'll have to turn to Yukinoshita Haruno.
I shuddered at the thought, then shook my head to clear my thoughts. Well, it's not like I need to find out about Hayama's past, unless Miura wants to go forward with trying to change him. Yukinoshita Haruno is even more enigmatic than he is. She might just as well help me and tell me everything she knows, or then only throw more riddles in my direction. Checking the time quickly, I shook my can of MAX to check its contents, then began to down the last of the sweet, heavenly liquid within as I started to make my way back towards the classroom. Just as I turned the corner, however, I felt myself colliding with something, and almost dropped my can.
"Oof." I took a step back and coughed, nearly choking on my drink, and once I had managed to prevent my premature death, I focused my gaze on whatever it was that I had bumped into, my initial glare quickly turning to surprise.
"Ah… S-Senpai." The honey-coloured eyes of none other than Isshiki Iroha looked up at me as the girl held her head, likely due to me bumping into her.
"...Isshiki?" What is she doing here? First-years don't tend to come to this wing of the school... Wait, did she… hear our conversation? "How… long have you been here?" I asked and narrowed my eyes at the girl. Hayama must have seen her as he left…
"Eh? I was… I just got here when I bumped into you, Senpai." Isshiki replied, but I wasn't entirely buying her words. "Wait, did you perhaps ambush me here so you could get the chance for physical contact with me? If this is an indirect confession, I'm sorry but I'm not ready for something like that right now, so I apologize again." Isshiki then continued rapid-fire style and gave me a quick bow. So it seems she's back to how she used to be… Something's definitely off, though. A first-year student shouldn't be here, unless there was something specific they wanted to do.
"...Did you see Hayama just now?" I asked as Isshiki lifted her head and gestured towards the hallway behind her, prompting Isshiki to glance back briefly.
"I… Yes, we passed each other. He looked a little tense, what were you two talking about?" Isshiki tilted her head in question. So… she did eavesdrop, then?
"Were you eavesdropping on us, Isshiki?" The girl's eyes widened, as if she only just realized what she'd said, then shook her head defensively.
"N-no, I wasn't! I just saw Hayama-senpai walking away from here, and now you've appeared as well. It makes sense that you'd have spoken, right? Or are you saying otherwise?" Isshiki turned the question back on me. Well, she does have a point, but I'm still not sold on her just happening to be here right at this moment.
"Would you believe me if I said we just happened to come to the same vending machine for some drinks?" I pointed a finger at the nearly-empty can of MAX in my hands, while Isshiki raised an eyebrow lazily, her expression giving me the answer to my question. "Haah… What we spoke about has nothing to do with you, Isshiki." Though I still suspect she must have heard at least some of it… But for what purpose did she come here in the first place? She must have followed us, but which one of us was she looking for? "Anyway, I'll be heading back, now. The next period is about to start, so you should return to your classroom as well." I said and began to move past Isshiki, stopping briefly as I stood next to her. "Oh, right. Hiratsuka-sensei was looking for you yesterday. Said she had something for the Student Council, but you were absent from their meeting." Isshiki's eyes widened again, and I saw her hands gripping onto her sleeves, then relaxing again.
"Ah, yes… I got Yui-senpai's message about it. There was… something I had to do yesterday." Isshiki replied with a sheepish smile, and I gave her a quick nod in reply, then turned away, about to walk off when I felt a sudden tug on my sleeve. Turning my head back, I saw Isshiki looking down at the floor, her hand gripping on my sleeve tightly. "...Senpai." Isshiki's voice was quiet, and her sudden change in mood made me unable to walk away from her.
"...What is it?" I asked, and Isshiki slowly raised her gaze again. Her expression was neutral, but as she opened her mouth, there was a slight change, and I was reminded of what had happened on Friday. So whatever caused her to act that way is still affecting her..? Isshiki was taking a long while to continue, so I simply braced myself for whatever she would say next.
"I..." Isshiki finally spoke again, but trailed off, before she took a deep breath and looked at me with a determined expression. "I haven't given up yet, Senpai." Isshiki then spoke out in a much clearer tone as she looked me directly in the eye. Eh? On… what? "So..." Isshiki shifted from holding onto my sleeve and instead grabbed my arm, pulling me down to eye level with her as she suddenly leaned closer to my ear. "...You better be ready for it, Senpai! And… Help out Hayama-senpai, as well." As Isshiki whispered in my ear, I felt my cheeks heating up as her breath hit me, but her words activated the logical side of my brain, overcoming the feeling of embarrassment. So she did hear us, then… "I don't know what exactly is going on, but Hayama-senpai hasn't looked like that ever before. So… please." Isshiki moved so she was looking directly at me, then let go of my arm. She kept her gaze locked onto mine for a couple of seconds, then smiled and pulled away. "I'll head back, now. See you later, Senpai!" Isshiki gave me a wave, then dashed off down the hallway. Help Hayama, huh..?
I stood still and watched as Isshiki's form became smaller, when suddenly I felt a chill go through me. Turning back, all I saw was the empty junction in the hallway, and the short corridor with the vending machine, also empty. Did I… see some movement around the corner, just then..? Well, it was probably just a random student walking by. That chill, though… If there's a draft, whoever did the last inspection on this school needs to have their status as an employee re-evaluated. Only the best quality will be acceptable for Chiba and its residents! Turning back to face frontwards, I shook the can still in my hand, then drained the rest of its contents down my throat as I began to make my way back towards the classroom, Isshiki's words floating around in my mind.
Isshiki had definitely been eavesdropping on mine and Hayama's conversation. Though, it was likely that wasn't her intention, and she just happened to overhear us. But, she was definitely here for a purpose, and judging by what she had said, that was to speak with me. I wonder what she meant with all that, though… I thought her appearance now would have something to do with what happened on Friday, but… "I haven't given up yet"… On Hayama, perhaps? Well, I already knew that, though… The other thing she said, however…
That might be trickier.
I had absolutely zero incentive to "help" Hayama whatsoever, unless he made a request. He must have told me the things he did on purpose, but I doubt he'd want my help for something so personal – if my deductions are correct, he doesn't want any help, having given on up… something, already. Besides, I have very little information to actually help, and I can safely assume that Hayama won't be telling me anything more, or be any clearer on things. Still, knowing that this will likely tie in with what Miura is attempting, and her request… I probably won't be able to attain peace of mind, now that I know there's something bigger going on on Hayama's side.
I let out a sigh as I walked down the hallway, the classroom now in sight. Quickly taking a note of the time, I took a small detour to throw my empty can into the trash before returning the classroom. Well, I can think of all of this together the others – I'll definitely need to speak to Miura about this. As I entered, I scanned the classroom, my gaze landing on Miura's clique, currently in the middle of conversation. Miura's eyes immediately went to me, while Hayama seemed to not notice me, though I suspected that was simple him pretending. I gave Miura a small nod, then walked over to my seat, hearing the teacher entering the classroom just behind me.
"Right, settle down, everyone. Class is starting, so get back to your seats and take out your textbooks." The teacher said with a clap of his hands to silence everyone. In my peripheral vision, I saw Miura looking in my direction, then shifting her gaze to Hayama, before she obliged to the teacher's request. I'll just have to send a message to the group after class. Miura said she'd be careful when around Hayama, so hopefully she'll know not to make it too obvious that I'm the one contacting her. Well, it's no secret any more that we're on friendly terms, but the subject of my message would likely not make Hayama happy.
I stole a quick glance at the blonde and let my gaze linger on him for a few moments as he took out his own study material. There... was another thing he said that caught my attention…
"You fancy yourself an expert on the cruelness of the world, Hikigaya, but you have no idea what the world really is like."
Remembering Hayama's words, I felt my hand balling up into a fist as I looked down at my own desk. ...Don't talk like you know me, Hayama. Just because you've been hurt by the world doesn't mean you can disregard someone else's experiences. I don't know what Hayama has gone through, but I won't belittle that just because I "fancy myself an expert on the cruelness of the world", like he put it. In fact, where as previously I felt nothing but distaste for him, now I can somewhat sympathize with him. Still, as Hayama said, the two of us are worlds apart: the things we've experienced that have made us the way we are couldn't be more different. The environments we live in are completely different, so the things that have hurt us are different as well. Well, I don't actually know whether something in the past has hurt Hayama or not, but whatever it was that caused him to become the way he is now, it wasn't something good. I covertly turned my gaze towards Hayama again.
I may not understand what is so "cruel" about the world Hayama lives in, but the same works the other way around as well – even with whatever Hayama has faced himself, there is no way he would understand everything I've had to endure.
I don't know which is worse, his disgusting pity from before, or this new condescending attitude towards my experiences, but one thing is for certain. Even if his speech to me was a "cry for help" of some sort…
...I won't be the one to answer it.
That… That sly little…
I felt my hand balling up into a fist as I looked at the scene unfolding before me. It was taking all of my willpower to prevent myself from running at the pair I was observing and forcefully separating the girl I was glaring at from the one person I didn't take kindly to her being with, to whom she was currently leaning dangerously close to. Dangerous for her, that is. Luckily, the pair's close proximity didn't last for long, and the short girl dashed off into the distance, leaving the black-haired boy alone in the hallway. Good. I wouldn't have wanted to resort to anything unpleasant while Hachi can see… It might give him the wrong impression. However, what she said just beforehand… I narrowed my eyes as I looked down the hallway, just about making out the distant form of the girl. She hasn't "given up"? A very interesting and peculiar choice of words, Isshiki-san. Depending on what youcould have been referring to…
...I might have to make you give up.
Noticing that Hachi was about to turn his head, I quickly ducked behind the corner to conceal myself. Being caught eavesdropping here wouldn't be the best outcome. Though, I suppose I didn't really manage to hear much at all from the conversation between Hachi and Hayama-kun, all due to Isshiki-san…
As soon as I had noticed the message Miura had sent to the Line group about Hayama taking Hachi away, I started to make my way to Hachi's classroom, hoping I could listen in on what Hayama was going to talk to him about. Right now, my main focus was on eliminating the threat posed by Miura and Isshiki, but knowing Hayama and his attitude towards Hachi, I didn't want him stirring up any trouble. As I had been looking for the two of them, however, I saw Isshiki skulking about, and – with her presence arousing my suspicion – I followed her covertly to find her eavesdropping on the pair I had initially looked for. Unfortunately, I couldn't listen in on Hayama's and Hachi's conversation without making my presence known to Isshiki, so I had to instead observe the situation from afar, meaning I didn't really hear anything about what they had discussed. At the very least, I'm sure Hachi will tell me what they spoke about if I asked him… Or he might even disclose the details in our Line group. More importantly, however… I peeked around the corner to see Hachi now walking back towards his classroom.
This proved Isshiki is a bigger danger than I believed before.
Mine and Hachi's future together was practically decided, but that didn't mean there weren't obstacles in our path. Currently, I didn't consider Yuigahama a threat, and yesterday I had – hopefully – gotten Miura to back off as well (though I was still in the observation phase with her – if she acted in a manner that went against what I requested of her, I would need to act again), but Isshiki was still the "wild card" of the deck. I knew she was clearly smitten with my Hachi, but I didn't understand why she chose to hide it behind her "chasing after Hayama" act, and her plans were completely obscure to me. But, the way I saw it, if she was willing to waste time acting with him, she clearly didn't care about Hachi that much at all. Still, if I make the assumption that her declaration just now was related to this matter… she must be at least somewhat serious about it – and that meant I needed make sure Isshiki knows her place. I don't know what's going on in her head, but she has made the mistake of deluding herself into thinking she has any chances with my Hachi… Having to observe both Miura-sand and Isshiki-san might get a little difficult, though, and I can't really ask anyone for help…
"Hm? Is that you, Yukinoshita-san?" A sudden voice pulled me out of my thoughts, and I looked towards it to see a male teacher looking at me curiously "The next period is about to start, you should head back to your class."
"Yes, of course. I was just about to return, no need to worry." I replied to the teacher, and he nodded to me as he walked past. Things are beginning to escalate… I fear soon I won't be able to stop all of these vultures circling around my Hachi. Which means… I glanced back towards the hallway where Isshiki had ran off to.
...I'll need to start taking action.
"Right, that'll be it for afternoon homeroom. Club activities will be starting shortly, so make sure you're not late. Class dismissed."
As soon as the teacher finished, everyone started their preparations to leave, chatter erupting out from the various groups. Like everyone else, I began to pack away my things, but didn't finish before I saw Miss Hiratsuka approaching – and I didn't have to guess who she was going for, or for what reason. Here we go again, then.
"Miura! You ready to go yet?" Miss Hiratsuka asked as she stopped in front of my desk, the chatting within our clique quieting. I can't run from it forever...
"Ah, just a moment, Hiratsuka-sensei." The teacher nodded to me in reply, then pointed towards the classroom door with her thumb.
"I'll be waiting outside, then." I gave Miss Hiratsuka a nod in reply, and she turned away, making her way out of the classroom, while I turned back to my clique, briefly glancing in the direction of Hikio, who I knew was definitely observing the situation as he packed away his own things. Maybe after this… I'll be ready to tell him what I tried to say on Sunday.
"Sorry guys, I like, promised this to Hiratsuka-sensei last week, so… I'll be in contact with you after we're done, okay?" I said to Hina and Yui, the latter of whom smiled brightly at me in return.
"Yeah, no worries, Yumiko! We can go to that cafe we talked about after I finish my club today." Yui replied cheerily, and I nodded to her.
"I have some other things going on today, so I won't be able to come there, but I'll talk with you later, Yumiko." Hina said with a slight smile, giving me a knowing look. Hina… deserves to know as well. As do the others. It'll be fine, I just need to be strong. "I'll be heading home, then. Good luck with your soccer practice, Tobecchi." The normally most boisterous member of our clique, who had been quiet so far, seemed to jump at the mention of his name as Hina turned her glasses-framed gaze to him. I'd wished Tobe could act a little better, but it's understandable why he's like this. At least Hayato hasn't caught on, yet.
"Ah, yeah, thanks." Tobe replied, and Hina smiled at him, before she stood up from her seat. Yes… It makes sense that Tobe would be a little 'shaken' after everything we told him yesterday. I was an emotional mess when I realized everything, so Tobe is doing well when compared to my reaction.
On Monday, when Hina and I visited the Service Club, we planned out what we would tell to Tobe about our plans and the truth behind Hayato, and how we could do so, but we weren't quite sure on how to get him to be away from Hayato. We figured our only chances were if we met with him outside of school, but even then, with none of us really knowing what Tobe was up to when not with the rest of us, things seemed difficult. However, come the next day, fortune seemed to smile on us.
After school yesterday, Hikio had informed us about what he and Hayato had talked about, but more importantly, Tobe had been called by his father, who had asked him to help fill in for an employee at his uncle's restaurant. Tobe had complied to the urgent and sudden request, which meant he had to skip out on going to club – giving us just the opportunity we had been looking for. Tobe hadn't talked much about his uncle's restaurant (Although I suspected he might have done at some point, but none of us had really paid any special attention to it, and thus forgotten any details), but we were able to find out its location from Tobe before he left. With Hayato busy with his club, we had the opportunity to speak with Tobe without interference, so Hina and I had made our way to the restaurant to make full use of it.
Tobe's uncle owned a family restaurant in Hanamigawa, so we had to take the train there, and its location also explained why we hadn't ever visited – or even stumbled across – it before, even if Tobe had spoken of it. During the train ride, we spoke with Hikio, Yui and Yukinoshita about the revelations we had gotten about Hayato, but the only conclusion we were able to come to was the one Hikio had suggested – turning to the older Yukinoshita sibling. I didn't know much about her, but if she was anything like her younger sister, I wasn't sure if I wanted to cooperate with her, given the events that transpired between the two of us on Monday. Recalling her words had made my blood boil, but I had to keep my calm. At that moment, Tobe was more important.
When we finally arrived at the restaurant, Tobe was surprised to see us, but seemed happy that we'd decided to come and eat there, ignorant to the true reason Hina and I had come there. We had waited for Tobe to finish his work, learning a bit more about the restaurant, and Tobe's family, from him as we ate. As we already knew, the restaurant was owned by Tobe's uncle – his father's brother – and Tobe often worked there part-time. His uncle had even promised him a job there after he graduated, if he didn't have anywhere else to go, which made his future plans clearer than mine.
When Tobe eventually finished, we sat down with him and – simply put – told him everything, told him the truth. We knew it would be difficult to make Tobe understand, so we had tried to explain things in the simplest manner possible. First, we explained to him the nature of our clique, our friendships, and what would happen after we graduated. We told him of Hayato's "mask" and how he had been deceiving us, and when it seemed like Tobe was utterly confused, I told him about his rejection of me, how I had awoken to all this, when previously I had been blind to Hayato's manipulation. Hina also admitted to the "scheming" she had done in the background when Tobe had confessed to her, how back then, she thought keeping to the status quo would be for the best, even when she knew how it would all end. Hina, Yui and I had admitted to each other that we had been keeping things hidden for the sake of the status quo, and while we hadn't fully opened up to each other yet (myself being a prime example of this), we were getting there, and we told all of that to Tobe as well. When we were finally done, Tobe remained silent for a long while as he processed everything. His first words that broke the silence still remained prominently in my mind.
"I'm not sure if I quite… understand everything, but… I don't want us all to separate, so… What can we do prevent that?"
I remember nearly jumping on Tobe to hug him at that moment, but managed to hold myself back. I didn't break down as I had when first talking to Hina and Yui – thanks to the former being with me the whole time – but knowing Tobe would help us made me feel relieved. While Tobe didn't grasp everything we had told him, he knew the most important things: Hayato had been keeping things from us and had used us, and that if we didn't do something soon, our friend group would break apart at graduation. And to prevent that, we needed to get everyone in the clique to open up to each other, and to convince Hayato to do the same. However, considering what Hikio had told us about his private conversation with Hayato earlier that day, we weren't sure how to proceed with that.
We spoke with Tobe for some time afterwards, and he realized that he didn't know Hayato as well as he had previously thought, and even started to see some of the oddities about him Hina and I had already seen. To Tobe, Hayato was his best friend, so the realization that the person he knew and looked up to was nothing but a mask hit him hard. He regained his resolve quickly, though, and told us he wanted to help with what Hina and I were trying to accomplish. When we finally parted with Tobe, we told him that we needed to keep our plans to ourselves until we knew what to do regarding Hayato, given the new developments Hikio had told us about.
As we saw today, however, Tobe hadn't quite gotten over the shock of learning the truth about Hayato. I know for sure Hayato saw that Tobe wasn't quite himself, but he didn't seem to be suspicious of anything yet.
Then again, I also knew Hayato was not that easily readable.
"Yumiko?" A sudden voice pulled me out of my thoughts, and I looked to its source to see Hayato looking at me. "Hiratsuka-sensei was waiting for you, right?" I blinked once, then looked around the classroom. Ah, most people have left already… Well, looking at the time, I didn't space out for too long.
"Sorry, I spaced out a little. I'll talk to you guys later." I replied, and Hayato nodded at me in return. Hayato… What Hikio told us yesterday changes a lot of things… I didn't know why Hayato is the way he is before, and couldn't understand why, but now… If this wasn't his own choice, I may have been a bit too harsh on him.
Slinging my bag over my shoulder, I began to move out of the classroom, clearing my head in preparation for what was to come. Before I exited, I looked back one more time, my gaze landing on Hikio, and I stopped once I saw the other person currently speaking with him. Is that… Kawasaki? Was she on friendly terms with Hikio..? I watched as the pair conversed, unfortunately unable to hear what they were speaking about. Kawasaki seemed to shift awkwardly as she spoke, as if she was embarrassed, while Hikio wore his usual deadpan expression. Quickly though, Kawasaki seemed to relax, and I even momentarily saw the briefest smile on Hikio's face. I had no idea those two even knew each other… Well, they are classmates, of course, but with the way they both are, I didn't think they'd be friends… Or perhaps precisely because they are both outliers, they are able to get along? As I looked at the pair, I felt my grip on my bag tightening, while a feeling similar to the one I had felt when I had seen Orimoto close to Hikio welled up inside me. I am definitely not the only girl Hikio has managed to attract… And without him even noticing. If I am to act upon my feelings for him…
...I'll need to beat the competition I have.
And the most prominent rival I have is Yukinoshita and her… lunacy.
I shook my head to clear my thoughts again, then turned away and walked out of the classroom. Focus on what's right here now, Yumiko. Yukinoshita is something you can't deal with at this moment. Looking to my left, I was greeted by Miss Hiratsuka, leaning against the wall next to the door.
"You ready to go?" I nodded to Miss Hiratsuka, and she began to walk down the hallway. "Let's head to my office, then."
I followed after Miss Hiratsuka in silence, keeping my gaze low as my thoughts wandered all over. This was nothing new or out of the ordinary, as I have had many of these… private talks with Miss Hiratsuka pretty much ever since I started to go to school here in Soubu, but even so, every single time felt like the first time. Initially we had them monthly, but over time the intervals between each one started to lengthen. The last time I had spoken with her like this was after summer holiday last year, so it had been months since then – way before I started to notice things were off about Hayato and my clique. So many things have happened, so much changed since our last meeting… Especially recently. And like previously, I had almost forgotten about everything right up until Hiratsuka-sensei reminded me again. I lifted my gaze to look at Miss Hiratsuka's back as she walked in front of me, a sheaf of papers under her arm and both hands in the pockets of her jacket. Still, I keep coming back instead of shutting these things away. I know she means well, and wants to help me, more than just as a part of her job as a guidance counsellor, but up until now… I recalled all the times I had met with Miss Hiratsuka in the past, all the times she had helped me, and came to a simple conclusion.
I've been a massive idiot.
Every time Miss Hiratsuka offered her help, I brushed it aside. I was stubborn, thinking things would get better if I ignored them, but more than that, I've repeatedly been rude to her, when all she wanted to do was help me. Like Hikio said last week… He saw me as an arrogant bitch. Who is to say he was the only one to think that way? I always knew others didn't like me, but just assumed it was because I was close to Hayato… Only with Hikio's blunt honestly did I finally open my eyes. Ugh, I'll need to apologize to Hiratsuka-sensei… And maybe…
Maybe I'll accept the help she's been offering me.
I felt my hands balling up into fists and my chest tightening, and I had to take a deep breath to calm myself as the memories resurfaced. Calm down, Yumiko. If… If you're gonna break down… At least wait until we get to her office.
Thankfully, we soon found ourselves at Miss Hiratsuka's office, and she let me inside, closing the door behind her, leaving the two of us alone. Miss Hiratsuka gestured to the chair situated in front of her desk, while she herself moved to sit in her own seat behind it. I left my things on the clothes rack by the door, then sat down as Miss Hiratsuka cleared her table.
"So, we meet again, Miura." Miss Hiratsuka began once we'd both settled down, taking out a pen and some familiar sheets of paper from one of her desk's drawers. "We haven't talked like this in a while, have we? Not counting last Friday, of course." She then continued with a small smile, looking me right in the eyes.
"Yes, I guess… It's been a while." I replied. Maybe… it will be easier to talk about everything with this… 'new mindset'…
"There's been a lot going on, definitely, so there hasn't really been an ample time until now. And, things have been going smoothly, from what I know..." Miss Hiratsuka trailed off and paused for a moment, then continued when I didn't say anything. "...So I guess there hasn't really been as big of a need for us to meet. But… I can tell things are… just as they were last time. Well, perhaps not exactly, I know some things have changed, but… The situation at home is still the same, right?" Here it is. I swallowed down my negative feelings and nodded to Miss Hiratsuka. "...You're still avoiding meeting them, then?"
"...As much as possible, yes. I spend time with my… friends, and come home late. I know… I know they don't like it, but they don't say anything against me, and the less I see of them..." ...The less I am reminded of everything. Miss Hiratsuka nodded to me, likely knowing exactly how I was going to continue my sentence.
"I see. Your parents have been… uncooperative when I've attempted to reach out in the past, so… I do think the change has to come from you. But, I won't push you to do something you're not comfortable with, Miura. Taking small steps at a time is perfectly fine, and considering their… hopes towards you, as long as you keep your grades at their current level, things should be fine. Now, I know you don't like it when we talk about your family – if they can even be called that – so I'll be moving on." I felt the throbbing in my chest ease somewhat as Miss Hiratsuka smiled at me. I really have been an idiot all this time… She's been helping me so much, and I didn't even realize it. "We spoke a little about it on Friday, but… How about things in your friend group? I… am aware that there has been something going on, but… Are you willing to tell me more now?" I met the teacher's eyes for a brief moment, then looked down again as I contemplated her question. Could she help us? In truth… not really. This is something we have to deal with ourselves, but… It's not going to do any harm.
"I… I'm scared." Miss Hiratsuka raised an eyebrow in question, her expression turning to one of compassion. "I'm scared of losing them, Hiratsuka-sensei. Our final year is going to start soon, and… With the things I've learned recently… I'm scared we'll break apart and I'll be… left alone." I felt my nails digging into the skin of my palms as I took in a shaky breath, then looked back up at Miss Hiratsuka. "If things continue the way they are with us right now… We won't last. Our bonds… they're too fragile." Will she understand?
"..." Miss Hiratsuka silently looked back at me, then closed her eyes for a moment. "Yes, considering your past before Soubu, that is understandable… Ah, sorry about that. What… exactly do you mean about your… bonds? Are things… not going well inside the clique?" I… should just tell her everything.
"It's all… because of Hayato. He's… He's not being honest with the rest of us. Never has been. Did you… know that? That he acts around everyone, walking around with a mask on his face?" Miss Hiratsuka's eyes widened slightly, then her brows furrowed.
"A mask… I see, Haruno… It makes sense now… Sorry, just thinking out loud, please continue." Haruno? Isn't that… Yukinoshita's older sister? Right, she was a student here, so Hiratsuka-sensei must know her...I could almost hear things clicking into place in my head, but complied to the teacher's request.
"Right. Hayato… He's been lying to us the whole time. About himself. He brought us all together, but he never intended for our so-called 'friendships' to last." He admitted it to Hikio yesterday. "All this time, he's kept up the status quo, because if anything in our clique changed, we would break apart, because we never became proper friends in the first place. I… I was manipulated by him to believe everything was fine, but now… I've seen things for what they truly are, with help from Hikio. And it makes me afraid of losing… the only people I have. That's what's changed, and what I'm trying to change, so we don't drift apart after graduation, so I'm not… left alone." I had to swallow back tears as memories of middle school assaulted my mind. Memories, that I had time and time again wanted to forget, but they kept coming back to haunt me. "...I never want to be alone again, Hiratsuka-sensei. So knowing that's what will happen if I don't do something… knowing that what I thought was friendship was not..." I suddenly felt a hand on my shoulder, and looked up to see Miss Hiratsuka leaning over her desk, looking at me with compassion.
"...You don't need to say anything more, Miura. I know. I know all of it." Miss Hiratsuka squeezed my shoulder reassuringly, and I nodded to her as she continued to softly stroke my shoulder, the two of us staying quiet for a long while. ...Even during my talks with Hiratsuka-sensei, I rarely got too emotional… Previously it was simply the memories, but now… I know the threat is very real. "So, in summary… Hayama is a fraudster and your friendships are on the verge of collapsing. Now, I don't mean to sound like I'm belittling your situation, but… You kids these days take friendship way too seriously and blow things way out of proportion. I know this affects you personally because of your… experiences, but… The solution isn't as complicated as you might be thinking." Miss Hiratsuka smiled at me, then moved back to sit in her chair. "You said you're trying to change things, but what exactly are you trying to change and how?" What… am I trying to change?
"The… bonds we have with each other in our clique are… shallow. We aren't truly open or honest with each other, and keep to the stagnating status quo, either consciously or unconsciously. We don't know each other deeply, and keep our true feelings locked away, going with the majority's – or Hayato's – wishes instead of voicing our own. I want… everyone to stop doing all that, and open up to each other. That way… we can talk freely, and become true friends, so we won't be separated when we graduate." I replied after a brief moment of thought, and saw Miss Hiratsuka crossing her arms under her chest. "That's what I'm trying to change, to get everyone to be honest with each other, even if that honesty hurts. Because… That's what being someone's friend means… I think." Miss Hiratsuka closed her eyes, contemplating on my words for a few seconds, before a smile of amusement appeared on her face.
"You're on the right track, at least. I've already given a certain someone some words about hurting others, so I'll give you the short version." Miss Hiratsuka leaned forward and looked me in the eyes, keeping the smile on her face. "You hurt other people just by existing whether you know it or not, or even if you aren't alive any more. The important part is realizing that you hurt others, and accepting that, because that means you care about those people. You say you want to get everyone in your clique to be honest, even if it hurts – and trust me, honesty does hurt – and that's good, but you're thinking about things in a much more convoluted way than is necessary. Friendship isn't complicated. you just have to be yourself, and let the other party do the same – a form of mutualism. I know it might be hard for you to open up, Miura, but… when you do, you'll be able to see who your true friends are, who's going to stick with you, because they'll be able to support you more than I ever will. Then you just have to do the same for them." I… see… But…
"...How can I be sure they'll want to support me? I mean, all this time… We've all been slaves to the status quo… I do still… want to tell them, and I want to go through with all this, and I want to believe in them, but..." I brought my hands close to my heart, uneasiness beginning to coalesce within it. What if… my troubles are too much for Hina and the others? And Hikio has been helping me so far, but…
"I don't think you need to worry about that, Miura." I met Miss Hiratsuka's gaze again as she smiled kindly at me. "If all of your friends really disliked you that much, they wouldn't have bothered to 'act' around you all this time – if they did, they'd have to be professional actors, and they get paid for doing that kind of stuff. I've been watching the lot of you for the past year, and while I never noticed this… shallowness you speak of, there is something I did see in the interactions between you all, something that made me happy, knowing that you had managed to get such a wonderful group of friends. So, taking that into account, either everyone in your clique is secretly a world-class actor..." Miss Hiratsuka leaned closer again and pointed a finger at me, gently poking my forehead with it. "...Or you have nothing to worry about regarding you wanting to open up to them." Looking at her expression and hearing her words, I felt a smile appearing on my face as a wave of relief washed over me. It's reassuring to hear that from her… Hiratsuka-sensei is similar to Hikio in that sense.
"...Thanks, Sensei. I… I just couldn't help but be scared… Thank you, again. I… I needed to hear that." Miss Hiratsuka nodded to me, leaning back in her chair. I'm… still unsure about Hayato, though…
"Don't mention it. And, like I said, it's understandable you'd feel that way, but you shouldn't worry too much. If you've decided to take the step forwards and do this despite your fears, that just shows how strong you are as a person, Miura. And you shouldn't let anyone tell you otherwise, not your parents, nor anyone at this school – and especially not that little voice in your head, because surprisingly often, even that voice is wrong. Take it from someone who has listened to that voice far too often back in her own school days." Miss Hiratsuka gave me a wry smile. Hikio said practically the same thing to me… How are these two so similar? They're both so… caring.
"I'll keep that in mind." I replied after Miss Hiratsuka didn't continue, and she nodded to me in return. I guess… I could ask her about Yukinoshita's sister… Maybe Hiratsuka-sensei will be able to shed some light on her and Hayato… "You… mentioned a name when I told you about Hayato… Haruno, was it? That's… Yukinoshita's sister, right?" I asked, and Miss Hiratsuka let out a sigh.
"Yep, Yukinoshita Haruno. Yukino's older sister, eldest daughter of the Yukinoshita family, and quite possible the most pain-in-the-ass student I've ever had, though Hikigaya is trying to hard to challenge her for that title. Still, Haruno isn't all bad, though some of the things she does are… questionable. I don't always approve of the way she goes about doing things either, but… You could say we're friends." Miss Hiratsuka said, her gaze directed off into the distance, as if she were reminiscing about something. "But, you'll be more interested to hear about her relation to Hayama, right?" I nodded in reply, and Miss Hiratsuka's expression turned more serious. "Well, for starters, their families are real close. I don't know much about either family, as I haven't interacted with them too much, but I know Hayama's father is a lawyer who works for the Yukinoshitas. Haruno has told me stories of how she used to babysit Hayama and Yukino as kids, so their history together has some deep roots. Apart from that, Haruno hasn't really told me anything about him, and I haven't asked. I've always seen Hayama as a good kid – he's almost like a male Haruno, just much less of a troublemaker, but you… said that he wears a mask in pubic, didn't you?" Miss Hiratsuka raised an eyebrow, her expression telling me she expected something more than just a nod from me.
"Yes, I… started to see that something was like, off about the way Hayato was acting some time ago, but… It was only thanks to Hikio that I was finally able to see that the Hayato I knew was just a persona. I… don't know why he hides himself from us, but he seems very adamant about keeping the mask on." Miss Hiratsuka furrowed her brows at my explanation, then closed her eyes momentarily, before speaking in a lower tone.
"Haruno also keeps up a facade in public, and there are very few people outside of her family that are aware of it. For her, it is almost a necessity, as she has to play the part of the Yukinoshita heir at every given occasion, but she has used it to her advantage before, for more or less malicious reasons. But for Hayama to be like her..? Unless there's something weird going on in the Hayama family I don't know about, I can't think of many reasons why he would do something like that." Miss Hiratsuka mused. Yukinoshita did tell us that something happened in Middle School to change him, but she wasn't certain if that was what caused Hayato to start keeping up a facade or not. We compared her story to what Hikio found out yesterday, and we're certain there's a connection, but… We still don't know what actually happened. "Well, then there is the obvious connection to Haruno. The two are childhood friends, after all, so it isn't too far-fetched of an idea that she could be behind this… I know you told this to me because of things within your clique, but… I have to thank you for bringing this to my attention, Miura. If what you say about Hayama is true, he probably won't tell me anything even if I asked, but I can't just ignore this. I'll need to speak with him privately, and question Haruno about her involvement as well." Miss Hiratsuka took out a notebook from one of the desk drawers, then began to write something down in it.
"If… You do question Yukinoshita's sister… Could you, like, tell me what she says, if anything?" Miss Hiratsuka lifted her gaze and met my eyes again, raising an eyebrow. "It's just that… I don't know why Hayato is doing all this, but if possible… I'd like him to open up to us all as well. Hikio thinks its near-impossible, but… I want to at least try. Understanding him even the tiniest bit more will help with that, I'm sure." Miss Hiratsuka smiled at me as she closed her notebook, then moved it to the side.
"Of course, Miura. Well, I won't disclose any information that could be considered classified, but if there's anything I learn that can help you, I'll do it. You have a good thing going with your friends, even if up until now it hasn't been… genuine, and I don't want to see you lose it." I nodded to Miss Hiratsuka in reply. This… turned out to be better than expected… It's alleviated a lot of my worries. I feel like… I can face my past better now, and open up about it to my friends. "Speaking of friends… You mentioned him multiple times already, and I did notice it myself, but… You've gotten to be real friendly with Hikigaya, have you not?" Momentarily, I felt myself tensing up, then heat rose to my cheeks, before I quickly composed myself.
"W-well, yes. Is there… something odd about that?" I asked in turn and began to twirl a strand of my hair around my index finger. It's no surprise that Hiratsuka-sensei would notice it, we did stop hiding our friendship this week, after all.
"What isn't odd about it is my question." Miss Hiratsuka said with a small chuckle. "I was surprised to see you two acting so friendly, and initially thought I was dreaming when I saw you two speaking freely with each other, without Yuigahama or someone else initiating the conversation first. What spurred it on? I'm curious." Miss Hiratsuka leaned forwards, resting her head on her hands as she looked me in the eyes.
"We… got to like, know each other better and… that was about it. Hikio has also been helping me so much recently with my clique and stuff, it's… I don't even know. He turned out to be so much more than I had imagined." I said, feeling an involuntary smile growing on my face as I recalled the past week together with Hikio. "Hikio has… done more for me in a week than anyone else has ever done." And I love him for it. Gosh, it's still hard to believe, sometimes…
"Heh, that's my Hikigaya. And I bet he hasn't asked for any compensation either, nor does he admit that the two of you are friends, am I right?" I nodded to Miss Hiratsuka with a smile, and she leaned back in her seat again, looking up at the ceiling. "For how much he goes on about not caring about others, he might be the most altruistic person I know…" She's not wrong, there… "...I would have hoped the lessons I've given him have stuck with him, but he definitely needs someone to be there and remind him of them from time to time." Miss Hiratsuka met my eyes with her own briefly, and I felt my cheeks heating up again and had to look away. Someone to… be there for him… Suddenly, I was reminded of the things Yukinoshita had said to me on Monday, and my mood turned sour again. Yukinoshita…
She believes that she alone can be there for Hikio. In her mind, she's already claimed him, but… That's not how love works. She doesn't even know what Hikio thinks of her – in her delusions, he loves her, but she doesn't know that.
Did Yukinoshita even understand Hikio?
Did she have any idea what he has had to go through?
Well, it wasn't like I knew exactly what Hikio has experienced either, but my own experiences are more than a good indicator. If Hikio has been hurt at least a fraction of how much I've been hurt… Painful memories flooded back into my mind, but the negative feelings associated with them were overwhelmed with my anger at Yukinoshita. Hiratsuka-sensei said that friendship was mutualism, being honest with one another, and helping one another. So then, what is the next step from friendship?
Sharing your pains and troubles with one another.
That's… it!
Yukinoshita was wrong. It wasn't her who was meant to be with Hikio – it was me.
We've both been hurt in the past, and we can help each other in healing the wounds left behind – how perfect of a matchup is that? That settles it, then. Yukinoshita, be ready. Because I'm going to show you…
"...Miura?" Miss Hiratsuka's voice suddenly pulled me out of my thoughts, and I looked to the other side of the desk to meet her worried gaze. "You went quiet for a bit there… Is everything okay?" Ah… I got carried away with my thoughts…
"...Sorry, I was thinking about… Hikio, and… stuff." I instantly felt embarrassment at what I had said, and Miss Hiratsuka seemed to smile wryly. Yukinoshita makes me feel so… strongly about things. Never before with Hayato did I feel anything remotely like this…
"Well, it is good to see you have your mind on things other than the usual depressing stuff we end up talking about. You're on a good track here, Miura. Keep it up." Miss Hiratsuka said with a smile, then glanced over at the clock on the wall. "Now, we still have some time, so let's continue, shall we? We diverted from the original reasoning for this meeting slightly, and there are still things I want to talk about." Right, of course.
I nodded to Miss Hiratsuka and cleared my mind, but kept holding onto the thought of Hikio, knowing that he could give me the strength I needed.
AN: I'm finishing this at around midnight, when I have an exam tomorrow, but I've kept you all waiting for far too long, as usual. I'm very happy with how this chapter turned out, though, and have plenty of plans for the next one. I'm hoping I'll be able to squeeze one more chapter out before 2021, but with my plans of starting another story project, we'll see if I can keep to that. If I don't manage to get an update out before January, I guess I'll see you guys next year! And don't be afraid to leave more questions, as I will be answering any I can over on Quotev!
Until the next chapter, I bid you all farewell, and cheerio!
